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Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/29/2011 7:35:16 AM   
MissValerie77


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		I have noticed there seems to be a lot of confusion with the true definition of a "Switch". I have been a Switch for 17 years now. Hopefully....this clears some things up.

When it comes to defining any role, all roles have strong physical and psychological characteristics to them. With that said...here we go.

I understand the full role of the dominant and the full role of the submissive. I understand both of these roles on all levels...physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. If I am in a dominant mood, I will pick that role and play it out fully for that session. Nowhere in that session will there be a submissive trait in me. I will lead, I will take control and stay in control. I will give the submissive what they want and need within their limits.

I never mix dominant and submissive roles into the same session. That would create confusion for the other person/people involved. You need a solid state and to follow through with that to the fullest. I take whatever role I am in seriously and do not deviate from it at all. The next session, I will change roles if I want or if it is needed. When I change roles, I do everything that goes with that role. I act, react, behave, and think accordingly. I take the submissive role just as seriously.

A switch can be any sexuality at all. Straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transexual, and so on. A true switch has the full set of dominant and submissive qualities, knowledge, mannerisms, understandings, feelings, and ways of thinking inside of them to where they can bring them both out at any given point and time. However, a good switch should pick one role at a time to play until that particular session is completely finished. A session could last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours to weeks or more, depending on the people involved and what they agreed on. A bad switch will confuse you and interchange the roles too quickly and when the change is not really wanted or agreed upon. For people to fully engage in and enjoy a fantasy, they need to believe it is real. The only way they can believe it is real is if there is solid stability and it is made clear what everyone's role is and what is expected of them before the fantasy begins. You don't want a washed out fantasy taking place. This is not enjoyable for the dominant or the submissive and neither would get what they wanted and needed on all levels out of the wish-washiness.

There are fake switches out there that call themselves a switch simply because they do not know who they are or what they want just yet. They are not bad people. They are just people discovering themselves and the world of kink. I don't recommend going to these kinds of people though if you're looking for a true switch. In fact, I wish they wouldn't call themselves "Switches" at all. It makes a bad name for us true switches. Sometimes though....their options from which to pick are limited. They can be forced to pick dom, sub, or switch. Therein lies the problem. They don't know so they select "Switch". A polite person will put that disclaimer in their profile though that they are not a true switch...that they chose it because they're new to things.

The only way you will know a true "Switch" is like getting to know anyone else. Talking to them and interacting with them really well will tell you what you want to know. A true switch can show you they mean business within 5 minutes in person. Within 5 minutes, they should be able to show you they can have total control and then they can can give you full control.

If you would like a list of "Switch" traits, here they are:
  • Takes control and gives control
  • Has a commanding presence and has a quiet, passive presence
  • Is serious, Is relaxed
  • Punishes, Takes punishment well
  • Uses authoritative words, Uses meek words
  • Walks tall and strong, Walks gracefully and lowly
  • Gives orders, Takes orders
  • Leads, Follows
  • Rough, Gentle
  • Fixed when need be, Adaptable when need be
  • Wants, needs, and takes power....Wants and needs to give power away
  • Takes responsibility, Wants to be free from responsibility
  • Strict, Lax
  • Talks, Listens
Some other additional traits you would want in a "Switch" that not all switches have, but should have are:
  • Respectful
  • Clean
  • Intelligent
  • Understanding
  • Sane
  • Careful
  • Detailed
Hopefully this helped those of you who are utterly confused with exactly what a "Switch" is. Of course...the only way to really know is to experience one for yourself.~



< Message edited by MissValerie77 -- 12/29/2011 7:48:52 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/29/2011 8:47:14 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissValerie77


There are fake switches out there that call themselves a switch simply because they do not know who they are or what they want just yet. They are not bad people. They are just people discovering themselves and the world of kink. I don't recommend going to these kinds of people though if you're looking for a true switch. In fact, I wish they wouldn't call themselves "Switches" at all. It makes a bad name for us true switches. Sometimes though....their options from which to pick are limited. They can be forced to pick dom, sub, or switch. Therein lies the problem. They don't know so they select "Switch". A polite person will put that disclaimer in their profile though that they are not a true switch...that they chose it because they're new to things.


This is just ridiculous. What an arrogant woman you are


quote:


The only way you will know a true "Switch" is like getting to know anyone else. Talking to them and interacting with them really well will tell you what you want to know. A true switch can show you they mean business within 5 minutes in person. Within 5 minutes, they should be able to show you they can have total control and then they can can give you full control.



Wow, in five minutes they can totally control you and totally submit to you. So is that 2 and a half minutes of dominating you and 2 and a half minutes of submitting to you? Carry an egg timer by any chance?


quote:


If you would like a list of "Switch" traits, here they are:
  • Takes control and gives control
  • Has a commanding presence and has a quiet, passive presence
  • Is serious, Is relaxed
  • Punishes, Takes punishment well
  • Uses authoritative words, Uses meek words
  • Walks tall and strong, Walks gracefully and lowly
  • Gives orders, Takes orders
  • Leads, Follows
  • Rough, Gentle
  • Fixed when need be, Adaptable when need be
  • Wants, needs, and takes power....Wants and needs to give power away
  • Takes responsibility, Wants to be free from responsibility
  • Strict, Lax
  • Talks, Listens
Some other additional traits you would want in a "Switch" that not all switches have, but should have are:
  • Respectful
  • Clean
  • Intelligent
  • Understanding
  • Sane
  • Careful
  • Detailed
Hopefully this helped those of you who are utterly confused with exactly what a "Switch" is. Of course...the only way to really know is to experience one for yourself.~




Oops you forgot to add none submissive sadistic masochists into your menu. You know, those that don't submit but take pain and those that don't dominate but give pain. That sort of switch doesn't lead or follow, give orders or take orders or are they now 'real' switches either?

You only have your version of switch and your version of 'real'

(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/29/2011 10:46:09 AM   
RexCorvus


Posts: 84
Joined: 11/27/2011
Status: offline 		You're probably going to catch some grief because your post reads like you're presenting the One True Way to be a switch, as opposed to your opinion or even what it means for you to call yourself a switch. A lot of what you say people are going to not agree with, which is no big deal if that's how things work for you but will raise hackles if they think you're saying that anyone who doesn't define switch like you do is wrong. Could be I'm mis-reading your intent, but if so I probably won't be the only one. So buckle up, the ride may get bumpy. (I promise I'll be nice, though).
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissValerie77
I never mix dominant and submissive roles into the same session.

Some switches do, though. There's at least one person who posts here who literally fights for control with their partner in the bedroom - whoever wins gets to be dom, the other is sub. (In my opinion that's a game where everybody wins). I've had some sessions where I was sub for awhile, then overthrew the domme and turned the tables on her. For me there's a certain added excitement to forcing submission from someone that just a little while earlier was humiliating and abusing you. I realize that dynamic wouldn't work for everyone, and typically I don't switch roles within the same session, but sometimes it's awesome.
quote:


A true switch has the full set of dominant and submissive qualities, knowledge, mannerisms, understandings, feelings, and ways of thinking inside of them to where they can bring them both out at any given point and time.

Again, you're going to catch heat for using the word "true" like that. Some switches are as you describe, but some most certainly aren't. There are people that like being submissive 90% of the time, and only have a few of the "full set" of dominant qualities. But occasionally they do enjoy being in charge. Maybe they don't like beating a sub until they cry, but do enjoy the occasional scene where they get to be bossy. While I agree that it's not cool to switch roles on someone if that's not what they're expecting, that doesn't make them bad switches because they like doing it.
quote:


There are fake switches out there that call themselves a switch simply because they do not know who they are or what they want just yet. They are not bad people. They are just people discovering themselves and the world of kink. I don't recommend going to these kinds of people though if you're looking for a true switch. In fact, I wish they wouldn't call themselves "Switches" at all. It makes a bad name for us true switches.

People go looking for switches? Is there some kind of equivalent to the Pro Domme, the Pro Switch? Because that would be *awesome*! Seriously, I'm not a fan of trying to divide people into "real" and "fake" when it comes to their BDSM identity. It's a black hole of time suck that inevitably leads to name calling and hurt feelings. Some people call themselves switch for reasons I agree with. Others I don't, but I can't see how it's any of my business. Anyone who'd think less of me because some jack-wagon called themselves a switch is not someone I probably want to be involved with anyway.
quote:


The only way you will know a true "Switch" is like getting to know anyone else.

This is totally right.
quote:


Talking to them and interacting with them really well will tell you what you want to know. A true switch can show you they mean business within 5 minutes in person. Within 5 minutes, they should be able to show you they can have total control and then they can can give you full control.

I'm an exceptionally good liar. For 5 minutes I can convince most people of just about anything. I'd recommend taking a lot longer than 5 minutes to decide if someone's what you think of as a switch.

Not a big fan of the switch list, if only because I think you're too narrowly defining what dominant and submissive traits are. Yeah, some of your dom traits are more common among people that label themselves as such, but they're not universal nor are they always absent in submissives.

As for traits like Respectful, Clean, Intelligent, Sane, Careful - those to me sound like things I'd want in any partner. I don't care if you're dom, sub, switch, or completely vanilla, I'm not interested in being with someone who lacks these qualities.

(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/29/2011 10:48:21 AM   
Reform


Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissValerie77
A bad switch will confuse you and interchange the roles too quickly and when the change is not really wanted or agreed upon. For people to fully engage in and enjoy a fantasy, they need to believe it is real. The only way they can believe it is real is if there is solid stability and it is made clear what everyone's role is and what is expected of them before the fantasy begins.


There are many ways to switch, including switching mid-scene. Nothing is confusing about this when done in agreement with your play partner. Just because you don't do it, doesn't mean it makes a switch less "good" or "real." It seems to me that you're supporting the idea of a "true switch" just like those who perpetuate the idea of a "true dom" or "true sub." Those people are generally ignored as there is no one "true" way.

(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/29/2011 2:47:56 PM   
MissValerie77


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		RexCorvus-

It doesn't really bother me in any sense what people think one way or the other to my post. People will take things they way they want to and that's their right. It says way more about the people who are writing....than me....the person they are talking to. Turn up the "Heat". I love it hottt!!!

< Message edited by MissValerie77 -- 12/29/2011 2:48:46 PM >

(in reply to Reform)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 2:12:02 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		The problem is op, you write your post like you are the philosopher of switchiness. You are not. You are just another switch that has found your way suits you down to the ground.
Now the problem with what you say is, none of what you say includes me and I refuse to be tainted or accused of being fake just because it doesn't fit your idealism's.

I consider myself a switch with my other half and yet I am 100% dominant even when I am bottoming. I don't submit, not ever. Not even a tiny bit but I will bottom to take a hundred needles on my back or flesh hooks through my shoulders and I will bottom to take certain types sensation play. Nobody stands over the top of me saying, 'take it like a good little bitch' If they did I would just get up and say, 'this isn't working. You see, even when I am bottoming I am in full control of everything going on.

Do you understand my contradiction of your first post ? or do you still believe what you said is right for everyone?



(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 4:25:59 AM   
MissValerie77


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		I like the cute little ice cream cone icon they have here. Kind of a nice and new way  to say you're new here.  Funny emoticons too. Lol...a bit off topic I know...but oh well.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 9:39:36 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL Wow...

I don't care if you're new or not or how you like it hot... I still found this to be funny and sad. I will stick with the funny. Another expert telling people who is fake and just how its all done. There is nothing wrong with talking with confidence unless someone sees what your saying as utter bull shit. Then you may have few problems, but since you like it hot... I wish you had posted this in General.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to MissValerie77)
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RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 9:53:46 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		Thank goodness we've been schooled.
We actually try not to use the words "true" around here, cuz yanno, it implies your way is the right way...and that's just presumptuous and arrogant.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:26:31 PM   
MissValerie77


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		Fornica....

Actually....what is arrogant is for you and anyone else to presume that I'm arrogant just because I write a post that does not "sit well" with you. I speak freely and it bothers me not how many people don't like that or are offended by it or whatever....lol.

I'm open-minded enough that when I read other people's posts that I don't agree with in part or full, that I do not presume anything about them at all without really knowing the person.

To everyone....thanks for stopping by and writing. I'll continue reading your posts. ~

(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:31:31 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		If you think you have the one answer, you don't.


(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:39:25 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		mOST  people here laugh and scoff when people try to represent their believes by saying a "true anything does........" Because we;re all so different and we do things differently and to say a "true xxx does xxx" is inaccurate, because there's no one true way to be kinky, or a switch. or almost anything in life, really.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:42:41 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissValerie77

Fornica....

Actually....what is arrogant is for you and anyone else to presume that I'm arrogant just because I write a post that does not "sit well" with you. I speak freely and it bothers me not how many people don't like that or are offended by it or whatever....lol.

I'm open-minded enough that when I read other people's posts that I don't agree with in part or full, that I do not presume anything about them at all without really knowing the person.

To everyone....thanks for stopping by and writing. I'll continue reading your posts. ~



Hummm... so fair and open minded of you! However, wasn't it you that called people fake, implied when they might be bad by saying when they were good switches and gave the good switches a bad name and a good one could prove in five minutes they were serious? Didn't you just presume a few things and judge them?




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to MissValerie77)
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RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:45:17 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I'll mix it up in a "session" for a while till it was my turn I spanked him, and then in the same hour, when it was his turn to spank me I got spanked. it was a lot of fun, actually cause when it was my turn i asked the spanker if he minded me calling my bf, and he didn't mind so I called my bf, and he jacked off in my ear on the phone while I got spanked to bliss.


_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:48:21 PM   
MissValerie77


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		Lockit....

No...not if you read And understood that the way I meant it. Which you didn't. Anything can be twisted around though to however someone wants to perceive it and take it.



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:51:50 PM   
Arienos


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I'm open-minded enough that when I read other people's posts that I don't agree with in part or full, that I do not presume anything about them at all without really knowing the person.


First, I want my cute little ice cream cone back.

Valerie: I respect and in fact, find refreshing your stalwartness in conviction and what appears to be the unique ability to separate yourself from programmed thinking. You have every right to pursue either dominance or submission or both based upon your own values and belief of how they unfold.



< Message edited by Arienos -- 12/30/2011 12:57:39 PM >

(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:54:05 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Right. Of course I was wrong. You didn't mean fake switches... or any of that the way I took it. You had some special meaning that I couldn't understand, for which you won't explain now... which I couldn't understand in all the years I have been reading at a college level as well as understanding communications having been in the field I was in.

Okay... gotcha. My fault, you are misunderstood.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:57:37 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

quote:

I'm open-minded enough that when I read other people's posts that I don't agree with in part or full, that I do not presume anything about them at all without really knowing the person.


I respect and in fact, find refreshing your stalwartness in conviction and what appears to be the unique ability to separate yourself from programmed thinking. You have every right to pursue either dominance or submission or both based upon your own values and belief of how they unfold.


Sure she does... and she even has the right to share it. The line comes in when she says this is the way it is and others are fake if they do it any other way. I don't care how she thinks of anything or how she proceeds in her own life, but to call others fake and all she said... that I find problematic.




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Arienos)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 12:58:02 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

There are fake switches out there that call themselves a switch simply because they do not know who they are or what they want just yet. They are not bad people. They are just people discovering themselves and the world of kink. I don't recommend going to these kinds of people though if you're looking for a true switch. In fact, I wish they wouldn't call themselves "Switches" at all. It makes a bad name for us true switches. Sometimes though....their options from which to pick are limited. They can be forced to pick dom, sub, or switch. Therein lies the problem. They don't know so they select "Switch". A polite person will put that disclaimer in their profile though that they are not a true switch...that they chose it because they're new to things.


One switches fake is another switches fabulous.

Course, I aint a switch, so I could be wrong.

Naaaaaaa.......


_____________________________

yep

(in reply to MissValerie77)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Definition of "Switch" from a Switch - 12/30/2011 1:10:37 PM   
MissValerie77


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		Arienos...

*Gives up the cone* I tend to take off with things that taste really good.

Thank you for your support~

(in reply to Arienos)
Profile   Post #: 20
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