Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 12:38:22 PM)


Of course, the answer is obviously, "well, both, of course."

Phrasing my question specifically to male subs but happy to hear all points of view:

When you consider how erotic/exciting/arousing a sadistic, dominant woman is to you, is the fact that she's sadistic -- or, for example, "She gets turned on by trampling," or "She is very aroused by spanking," or "She gets hot when she inflicts cbt" - is THIS arousing to you?

Or, is it that she simply enjoys doing these things to YOU. And, truth be told, she probably wouldn't want to do it otherwise?

Akasha



Fornica -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 1:11:30 PM)

I'm curious to hear the responses to this one.
My gut feeling would be the "you" not just "in general", but my dynamic is relationship based, so it's coloured by such.



AAkasha -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 1:49:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

I'm curious to hear the responses to this one.
My gut feeling would be the "you" not just "in general", but my dynamic is relationship based, so it's coloured by such.


I am too, but I think I am having a hard time wording the actual question as it is in my head, so let me try to clarify.

Male subs: Are you more aroused/excited by a woman because you know she is both capable and ENJOYS sadistic acts and that is the way she is wired and it gets her off -- or, are you aroused by the realization that a woman enjoys doing these things to YOU.

I still don't think I am quite getting it but let me think more about it.
Akasha



vincentML -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 1:55:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

I'm curious to hear the responses to this one.
My gut feeling would be the "you" not just "in general", but my dynamic is relationship based, so it's coloured by such.


I am too, but I think I am having a hard time wording the actual question as it is in my head, so let me try to clarify.

Male subs: Are you more aroused/excited by a woman because you know she is both capable and ENJOYS sadistic acts and that is the way she is wired and it gets her off -- or, are you aroused by the realization that a woman enjoys doing these things to YOU.

I still don't think I am quite getting it but let me think more about it.
Akasha


The first would be more authentic and therefore more arousing i think. And also more dangerous [:)]



sodsta -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 2:06:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are you more aroused/excited by a woman because you know she is both capable and ENJOYS sadistic acts and that is the way she is wired and it gets her off -- or, are you aroused by the realization that a woman enjoys doing these things to YOU.


Both. I think I would worry that she was only doing it for my benefit if she didn't already have some sadistic tendencies and desires. So yeah, I would like it if she was naturally sadistically wired in that way, but by the same token... if I am suffering for her, I want her to enjoy the fact that it's *ME*. I wouldn't want to feel just like some random, faceless body that could easily be replaced with any number of others. I would want to feel like I was being valued and desired personally, and that her sadism was as a result of her desire for *me*. So... yeah... both... wouldn't want one without the other, really.

- Kye



Reform -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 2:09:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Male subs: Are you more aroused/excited by a woman because you know she is both capable and ENJOYS sadistic acts and that is the way she is wired and it gets her off -- or, are you aroused by the realization that a woman enjoys doing these things to YOU.
Akasha


I'm flipping the genders here so I can answer.

I am attracted to dominant, sadistic males. I find it really hot that they are 'that way' regardless of whether they are doing anything to me. Were I aroused at the thought of him doing something to me, that would imply that I have begun some kind of relation with a man before being attracted to him. I am also in a relationship, so I may find someone hot or appealing, but it has nothing to do with what he and I have done together (which would be nothing).

On the other hand, if someone not normally 'my type' expressed interest in harming me, it would increase the chances of my becoming attracted to them, but is not the sole contributor. Hopefully this makes some sense.



lthrpup -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 2:30:21 PM)

Definitely more excited by a woman who has a sadistic nature. I like to think any suffering I do is for her pleasure at least as much or more than it is for mine. The idea of a woman who embraces the idea that it is right for her to cause pain in willing victims is a turn on. I have a hard time conjuring up an image of a woman who was only sadistic toward me but not in general. I expect either she was aware and perhaps practiced it before me or she would continue it after me if I had the honor of inspiring her latent sadism or introducing her to it in the first place.



littlewonder -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 2:34:04 PM)

not a malesub, not into Dommes but as for a femslave towards a Dom, it's not that he's sadistic that turns me on, it's the fact that he can and will do those things to me because he holds that power, because he gets turned on by that power and control over me. He doesn't even have to touch me at all for me to be turned on by that.




Clickofheels -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 4:49:21 PM)

I am a Domme, however not a Sadist. And although I certainly don't begrudge those of you who are, I achieve the greatest share of my gratification through the use of various forms of sensual deprivation, and therein I feel the Control.

I believe littlewonder defined my relationships quite well when she said "it's not that he's sadistic that turns me on, it's the fact that he can and will do those things to me because he holds that power, because he gets turned on by that power and control over me. He doesn't even have to touch me at all for me to be turned on by that."

Regards,
Ms Click



DesFIP -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 4:54:45 PM)

Like littlewonder, it's the power and control that do it for me. And we're only very mildly into pain. But when he wants to do something, then it's important that he gets off on it, and that he gets off on doing it to me.



Higuysitsme -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 5:08:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are you more aroused/excited by a woman because you know she is both capable and ENJOYS sadistic acts and that is the way she is wired and it gets her off -- or, are you aroused by the realization that a woman enjoys doing these things to YOU.


Both. I think I would worry that she was only doing it for my benefit if she didn't already have some sadistic tendencies and desires. So yeah, I would like it if she was naturally sadistically wired in that way, but by the same token... if I am suffering for her, I want her to enjoy the fact that it's *ME*. I wouldn't want to feel just like some random, faceless body that could easily be replaced with any number of others. I would want to feel like I was being valued and desired personally, and that her sadism was as a result of her desire for *me*. So... yeah... both... wouldn't want one without the other, really.

- Kye



Totally what she said!!



lizi -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 5:12:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

not a malesub, not into Dommes but as for a femslave towards a Dom, it's not that he's sadistic that turns me on, it's the fact that he can and will do those things to me because he holds that power, because he gets turned on by that power and control over me. He doesn't even have to touch me at all for me to be turned on by that.




Yes, I can agree with this too.



anam -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 7:17:15 PM)

Like lthrpup, I find it a great start to be in the presence of a woman who is sadistically wired, but I'm on the other side of the fence on this one. To me, the real mind-blowing, boundary bending attraction comes when I genuinely believe and somehow fold into the fact that things beyond my control (a wince, a look of fear despite an attempt to maintain confidence, some normal scrappy habit I've become accustomed to) catch her attention, or change her metabolism. I hadn't articulated this until Aakasha's post, but that's when I start to feel the mind-forged manacles locking... that feeling of being captured. It's a feedback loop, I guess, based on the fact that I know she's genuinely pursuing what she desires, but totally catalyzed by our chemistry. Not sure if that adds even a flicker of insight, but fun to ponder.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 7:22:03 PM)

For me, it isn't the act. It's the person.
It's the same for him. He has always said that he doesn't get hard from just beating someone. He gets hard from beating me.
I get wet not because I'm being hit hard. I get wet because it's him hurting me.



FrostedFlake -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/4/2012 7:50:38 PM)

I am having difficulty with the question as well. So I am just going to interpret it, my way. We will see how it goes.

In my view, that a lady has a sadistic sensuality is a prerequisite for her wanting to do any of that with me. I don't think there is anything about me that would, should, could instill such an interest in an otherwise unsuspecting Miss Adventure. And, quite differently from a Lady possessed of  a sadistic sensuality, I would expect that should I inspire Miss Adventure to oblige me so, it is not going to be the kind of thing she would enjoy much or perhaps at all. And in such a case, I would have no interest in it, myself.

Consider the idea of attaching several old shoes to an old fashioned ships wheel and attaching an electric motor to spin it. So now there are shoes going round and round. I am not the kind of guy to stand in front of it and say, "Ouch! This is great! Why didn't I think of this before?" Some guys might go for this, but they don't need you, or anyone. It doesn't improve things for me if I can convince (pay) a person with two X chromosomes to turn it on. For some other guys, that might make all the difference in the world. But not me. This bizarre contraption might, pardon, MIGHT begin to become interesting if I had built it at the request of a Nice Lady who wanted it because she thought the idea was fun.

At heart, and to answer the question I imagine was really intended, the thing about a Good Friend Of Mine twisting my nipples after making sure there is not a thing I can do to stop her that I find so very interesting is that she finds it interesting. Enjoyable. Titillating. Exciting. Thrilling. Erotic. If she doesn't then neither do I. But here is the catch-22. If she doesn't, find such naughtiness terribly exciting, then I am not terribly interested in her as a woman. Even though I do deeply enjoy the beauty that is Woman. And also enjoy the beauty that is Person. We can be friends, but not lovers.

It is a bit of a trap, you see. A trap that seems to be mysterious to many women who think of themselves as dominant.

I will leave it to others to decide if I was repeating myself.



kitkat105 -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/5/2012 2:10:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

not a malesub, not into Dommes but as for a femslave towards a Dom, it's not that he's sadistic that turns me on, it's the fact that he can and will do those things to me because he holds that power, because he gets turned on by that power and control over me. He doesn't even have to touch me at all for me to be turned on by that.




Yes, I can agree with this too.



Me three!



AtticPragmatic -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/5/2012 8:23:53 AM)

I have no use for sadistic people. I'm nice, the outside world is sadistic enough on a daily basis. When I go home, I want a nice partner, not more meanness, hurt, and disrespect.




kdsub -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/5/2012 8:44:11 AM)

Personally I would not want a woman being sadistic towards me to please me…that would defeat my needs. I would want her to be sadistic to please herself…If that answers your question.

Butch



FrostedFlake -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/5/2012 8:46:18 PM)

quote:

Personally I would not want a woman being sadistic towards me to please me…that would defeat my needs. I would want her to be sadistic to please herself…If that answers your question.

Butch


Can I change my answer?

Thanks Butch.



strongbottom88 -> RE: Is the allure that a person is sadistic, or sadistic toward you? (1/6/2012 5:17:56 PM)

At first I thought this was a simple question, but as I think about it, the question is surprisingly difficult to give a clear answer to. I would say that I do find sadism in a woman to be attractive regardlesss of whether or not it is directed at me. If I see a woman being sadistic (in bdsm terms - safe sane and consentually) to another man I find it attractive and sometimes arousing. The same thing is true if I see a woman being sadistic towards another woman so it is not about imagining myself in the role of the "victim" and it is an indpendent attraction to sadism in women.

At the same time, just as I do not find every woman attractive, I do not find sadism attractive in every woman.

Of course, when a woman I know and I'm attracted to is being sadistic towards me it is more intense by an exponential measure. This is not just because I'm having my masochistic urges fulfilled simultaneously, but it is because to be in that position we have likely developed a broader connection that allows for a deeper intimacy and intensity coupled with my more abstract attraction. There are also now potentially intense emotional trust and vulnerability aspects that provide a huge rush that can't exist with my base abstract attraction to sadism in a woman without the personal connection and wtihout the sadism being directed towards me.



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