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How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate?


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How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 2:42:49 AM   
SynopsisDefined


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/10/2012
Status: offline 		So I just joined this site because for some time I've been wanting a relationship with a switch female but I don't want my sexual desires to be dominated as well as being dominant to get out (I do have a reputation for being a 'leader' and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink. A lot rides on that reputation). Does anyone out there have any experience with keeping the fact that they are, in fact, a switch a secret from the rest of the world? If you do not, what would you recommend me do to find a partner and still keep things in the bedroom?
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 7:54:20 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		I'm confused. So, you want kinky sex and no one to find out?

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There is no spoon.


(in reply to SynopsisDefined)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 8:08:27 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		The key is to not tell people that you like it when women hit you. Consider talking about sports, or the most recent political goings-on, such that you aren't tempted to tell them about how you were forced to swallow your own cum the night before. Have you considered lying? I hear it's really big right now...

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They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to Fornica)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 8:11:11 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		lmfao...that made me lol so hard.


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There is no spoon.


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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 8:17:01 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		Pure gold post right there.



(in reply to Epytropos)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 8:39:28 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

The key is to not tell people that you like it when women hit you. Consider talking about sports, or the most recent political goings-on, such that you aren't tempted to tell them about how you were forced to swallow your own cum the night before. Have you considered lying? I hear it's really big right now...

its the ONLY Chance.
Finding a domme who is willing to go along with your desire to be "pure" is gonna make it even harder.
discretion is one thing and I can totally understand that, but you are NOT the only one in a relationship. As a Domme, I would not be happy with my "submissive" slapping my ass in public and tellin me to go fetch his buds a beer so he can pretend he doesnt like his balls getting wrapped in foot long candy and whipped after they go home.




_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Epytropos)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 8:45:06 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		hahahahahahahahahaha

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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 9:25:05 AM   
Clickofheels


Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline 		"I do have a reputation for being a "leader" and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink..."

(If he only knew how many males in very highly responsible, prominent positions are submissive behind closed doors....)

(in reply to Fornica)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 10:50:55 AM   
RexCorvus


Posts: 84
Joined: 11/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SynopsisDefined
So I just joined this site because for some time I've been wanting a relationship with a switch female but I don't want my sexual desires to be dominated as well as being dominant to get out (I do have a reputation for being a 'leader' and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink. A lot rides on that reputation).

So it's okay for people to know you love kink, but not that you'll let someone dominate you? I'm not judging you, I promise, but I'm having to work at not feeling slightly offended. You make it sound like being a switch, let alone a sub, is something to be ashamed of in a way that being dominant is not.
quote:


Does anyone out there have any experience with keeping the fact that they are, in fact, a switch a secret from the rest of the world?

Now I'm definitely a bit miffed. Seriously, the whole rest of the world must not know you're a switch? Look, I understand keeping your sex life private. I don't share with most people, including family and co-workers, that I'm poly and I love the kinky stuff. If you are just talking about having a blanket policy where you don't tell anyone what goes on in your bedroom, that seems quite reasonable. But to me this business of it being fine for people to know you're kinky, just not that you stoop to switching sometimes, feels wrong. Were I involved with someone who found it very important that everyone think she was totally Domme, and that switching with me was her dirty secret that I should never tell anyone, I'd be unhappy. I'm guessing most switches would not be thrilled by the thought that you were happy (even eager) to sub for them but also so disgusted by that desire you wanted to keep it a secret.

That being said, it could very well be that you can find some switch who'll be happy to abide by those requirements. For me that would be part of any discussion we had before entering a relationship. I'd recommend being humble in your request, though. Maybe something along the lines of "Look, I know this is kind of a stupid pride thing, but would you mind..." (That's taken from my own life, where my own foolish male pride has a couple of times had me make requests of my wife that I know weren't strictly rational).

Good luck in your search.

(in reply to SynopsisDefined)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/10/2012 11:01:20 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

"I do have a reputation for being a "leader" and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink..."

(If he only knew how many males in very highly responsible, prominent positions are submissive behind closed doors....)

A huge proportion
God love em

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Clickofheels)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/11/2012 7:28:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not that all the comments aren't hysterical, but op, you're overthinking this. The Man and I show each other respect and consideration in public. If he gets up at a party, he'll ask me if I want a refill. If I'm closer to the bar, I'll do it. Nobody cares unless you make an issue of it.

People in a healthy relationship are kind to each other and polite around each others friends and families. If you meet someone who plans to call you bitch in front of your mother, then you've met the wrong person. None of us want anything other than to be with someone good who can be introduced without fear to everybody.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lucylastic)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/13/2012 11:29:01 AM   
doctorgrey


Posts: 373
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SynopsisDefined

So I just joined this site because for some time I've been wanting a relationship with a switch female but I don't want my sexual desires to be dominated as well as being dominant to get out (I do have a reputation for being a 'leader' and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink. A lot rides on that reputation). Does anyone out there have any experience with keeping the fact that they are, in fact, a switch a secret from the rest of the world? If you do not, what would you recommend me do to find a partner and still keep things in the bedroom?



I prescribe:
Not telling anyone.

That should do it.

and why worry so much about a 'dominant reputaion'?
sounds rather fragile.

Man-up, be yourself.

dg

(in reply to SynopsisDefined)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/13/2012 11:30:58 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline 		FR

FFS, You don't need to say anything to anyone. It's none of their business unless you make it their business. It isn't as if I wear a dog-collar to the office and shackles on my ankles on the subway. No one knows I'm a slave unless they need to know, and very few people need to know.

(in reply to doctorgrey)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 1/13/2012 4:42:03 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		I would share the information that you are switch on a need to know basis - so obviously with anyone you are planning to play with, regardless of what role each of you plans to take. And presumably, you are going to play with people who you trust, and I would assume that if you trust them enough to play, you would trust them with your identity.

Anyone else (friends, family, professional colleagues, random acquaintances, etc.) doesn't really need to know, do they??

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~ ftp

(in reply to searching4mysir)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 2/11/2012 6:13:30 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

The key is to not tell people that you like it when women hit you. Consider talking about sports, or the most recent political goings-on, such that you aren't tempted to tell them about how you were forced to swallow your own cum the night before. Have you considered lying? I hear it's really big right now...


Yes.

Backslap guys, then laugh when they deride and joke about gays, watch a lot of football and cheer for the local team, open a beer with a sawzall and swig it down fast, with another 12 lined up ready to go (and call anyone that can't keep up with you a pussy...in fact, call every guy you meet a pussy....that'll show 'em), wear cowboy boots and drive a big truck with 27 inch wheels and spinners, bitch slap the bouncer when he says "sorry....you're not on the list" then when he's down on the ground....piss in his mouth and take all the paper folding money people bribed him with to get in the place and say "thanks bub....drinks are expensive in here".

Try that for a month or so and I guarantee you, no one will ever suspect you like to be on the receiving end.

(in reply to Epytropos)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 2/12/2012 12:17:22 AM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		Stop having sex where you socialize, that might do it.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 2/13/2012 2:56:25 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I just do not understand why people are so concerned that others will find out about their sex lives if they don't confide in these people.

I have never once had anyone guess what I liked doing behind closed doors unless I explicity told them.

As for worrying about "tarnishing" your leadership qualifications, get over it. Plenty of leaders have all sorts of complicated sex lives and unless you make it known or are in public office or are a celebrity, I doubt anyone will think less of you as a leader.

The fact that you think being a leader is not aligned with being a switch or submissive, is inherently wrong.

(in reply to Endivius)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 2/13/2012 7:19:57 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5164
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		It would seem to me that you need to seek professionals for your dominant and submissive play times.  They will not ask for your name.  That will keep you anonymous.  Then you can date whomever you wish, never letting your date know that you are a switch. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to SynopsisDefined)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 2/20/2012 9:57:30 PM   
misfittens


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/29/2012
Status: offline 		it's a tough call for sure, my advice is to be selective and cautious about who you reveal your desires to, lying is most likely not the best way to go

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? - 2/20/2012 10:01:04 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Look dood .... Just get it over with. Go to the highest building in the middle of your town and scream at the top of your lungs all your kinks and fetishes and make sure you attach your full name, birthdate and social security number. Squelching something like this will eventually give you cancer.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to SynopsisDefined)
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