RE: Mental health of a sub

RE: Mental health of a sub (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: Mental health of a sub (6/7/2006 3:51:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: melnkolybabydoll In my experience, professionals (therapists, and such) do not differentiate between inter- and co-dependency. They tend to categorize them as one and the same. They then try to convince you that what you have is unhealthy, when in fact it is the very glue which holds you together as a couple. Sadly, we bought into this philosophy for a while. i'm certain there are professionals whose opinions don't match the widely-accepted norm. i just haven't found them, yet. Thank you for sharing with me that there is a separation of the two. Now i can feel "perfectly normal"[;)]. Interesting that has not been my experience at all. In fact, those in the know tend to have an greater appreciation of the difference of inter- and co-dependency. They have an understanding of where the whole concept of co-dependence orginated from and how it has evolved into the world of "self-help" psychology that has further spin the perception of what it is. There has been alot of books and thoughts expressed on the concept of Codependency, largely in the pop psychology realm. However, little actual research has been conducted on the various view points on this concept and it's validity. It is indeed a concept that resides strongly within popular/layman psychology, but the scientific research is largely not their to back up alot of what is theorized. Partly, because a clear definition of Codependency doesn't actually exist and any comparable research needs to come from a common foundation block. What research does exist must consider the particular definition of Co-dependency that is being used. Otherwise it's like comparing apples to turnips.

MistressTheaZ -> RE: Mental health of a sub (6/7/2006 3:55:20 PM)
Good points, trippingdaisy. I agree that within the foundation of shared trust, open communication most definitely must be present, regardless of the relationship type. With the ability to be vulnerable to one's partner and share all of themselves, there is opportunity for both healing and growth...healthy and very positive regardless of any issues knocking about emotionally or otherwise. However, isn't this the Catch 22 though? It's most often the deeply-rooted emotional issues, IMO, that make one unable to trust, unable to allow oneself to be vulnerable, unable to express oneself freely, unable to feel whole and valued? In these limitations, it's only further complicated by pain shielding frequently long-buried points of origin of those triggers. If anyone here has ever stepped on a 'land mine' trigger and blew off a spectacularly unexpected emotional reaction, you'll know what I mean. ~Thea

denika -> RE: Mental health of a sub (6/7/2006 4:07:38 PM)
The lines for communication and responsibility tend to get blurred at the best of times. I totally agree with you , it is both parties responsabilities to pass on information in regards to mental health no matter what the dynamic. I'm still working on who I am, a masochist: most definatly and a bottom and submissive, I know that not all bottoms are submissive and not all submissives are masochists. No one thing truly defines me and it can be a struggle to sort out where I fit in since I don't have a structured M/s or even D/s relationship, Rules help but I feel silly at times giving them to myself s. I have no idea where this need/desire came from. I did have a bit of a weird childhood but nothing traumatic. My parents never spanked me, to be told I had disapointed them was more devistating that a slap. I got along well with them. I do have strong memories of playing chase style games and loving it when ever I got 'captured' by the other side. If they only knew how much I woohoo tie me to that tree baby! S I have an incredibly stressful job and I find that when I can submit, when I can push my busy thoughts away I feel more grounded and connected with the things that matter most in life. Some forms (most actually s) of play help me release stress and pent up frustrations. I'm healthier emotionaly now than when I pent up my feelings and they ended up popping up at odd moments.. Rob appreciates the fact I don't have nearly as many nightmares, he never really appraciated waking up with me screaming in his ear. I did feel better after tho s Normal is an abstract word, we are all normal to our own parameters. I think some people would think we are all crazy for some of our desires but deep dwon I have the feeling that those yelling the loudest and pointing the finger the most have some of their own 'kink' to hide s Shakespear said it best "Me thinks he doth protest too much" denika

MaggieDoll -> RE: Mental health of a sub (6/7/2006 6:42:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dustyn Now for a slightly harder question... Is the dominant responsible for the mental health of the submissive is she was already broken when the relationship began, especially when the dominant didn't know this to begin with? Personally, I say yes and no, and the strength of either answer is dependant on the situation. But that's just me... I met my domme (who is a switch and slave to Sir Stephen) because she'd gone through similar things.. sometimes sharing similar problems in the past helps a relationship... it would certainly be difficult for me to have a dom who couldn't understand my issues... Sir Stephen helped Mistress Jennifer get through very similar issues as I have, which makes us a really wonderful triad... but I could certainly understand if there were doms who wouldn't feel comfortable dealing with me... people in the lifestyle are just as diverse as anybody else.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Mental health of a sub (6/7/2006 8:22:10 PM)
It sounds to me like you think there is something wrong, that you feel your self esteem/confidence being damaged by the relationship you are in. If this is true, then nothing you will read on these replies matters. If it makes you worry about your future, your emotional health, then you need to make a change and find a relationship that makes you feel empowered, makes you feel comfortable, secure and where you can have confidence in who you are and that you are cherished for being you. This may or may not be a D/s relationship. There are healthy and unhealthy relationships no matter what the dynamic, so don't feel like what you have now is what EVERY D/s relationship is like. If this doesn't fit, you can and will find something that satisfies you. I didn't have an abusive childhood, am very close to my parents, and open with everything except the EXTENT of my submissiveness (that will come with time), yet I still am very wholely submissive when it comes to a romantic relationship. I feel that it lets me be who I have been in my mind and soul for a long time now, it's shown me that these things I wanted to do and have done to me, and the way I perceived the 'perfect' relationship to be weren't just crazy or twisted ideas...they just varied from the status quo and it took up until very recently for me to see that this wasn't just a small underground culture, but a pretty expansive lifestyle of more than just kinky sex and role playing. For me, a vanilla relationship would be what would potentially ruin me emotionally and ravage my confidence and self esteem.

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