trouble getting off the ground (Full Version)

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misfittens -> trouble getting off the ground (1/31/2012 11:43:33 PM)

I have dabbled in Collarme over the past few years but never really tried to communicate before, until now. I have sent out some messages but am currently 0-8. I don't think I said anything weird or aggressive, and I used correct grammar and spoke like a regular human being. I tried to be friendly with the words I chose, I am not upset that I haven't gotten any replies, I understand why people might not want to. I posted in the introduce yourself forum and got a bunch of replies pretty quickly. Am I doing something wrong? Should I just stick to the message boards as opposed to directly messaging?



kjade -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (1/31/2012 11:51:53 PM)

Hmmm I don't know. Maybe you just aren't what they are looking for? Or they found someone and haven't updated their profile? I have met a couple of really cool people on here that I chat back and forth with. I could see if it was weird or aggressive, it may have been a factor as I don't even respond to those ones either : P I dunno what to tell you. The people I talk to are silly like me and we laugh a lot... Maybe lighten things up and show your goofy/personable side?



misfittens -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 12:07:45 AM)

I am positive I didn't say anything aggressive/weird, they all pretty much went "Hey I was browsing profiles and you seemed like a cool person to talk to, feel free to send me a message back, if not no worries." They weren't carbon copies of that, but that's pretty much the gist of what I have been sending.

any recommendations on how I could reflect my goofy/personable side?



kjade -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 12:14:30 AM)

I usually read their profile first and then comment on things that caught my eye, we have in common. I ask some questions, crack a few corny jokes. Just be you and don't be nervous. Plus I tend to write like a damn novel in a message. Lmao. If I get a one liner with little personality I either just say hi to be polite or don't respond. I usually only start conversating when I get an interesting and personable message. But that's just me. : )



misfittens -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 12:21:49 AM)

I guess I just find it hard to talk about myself, this is all so new so there is some anxiety. But thanks for the tips I'm sure that they will come in handy [:)]



hardcoresensual -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 12:47:19 AM)

maybe your not ready for CM..and thats not an insult or girl being disrespectful...start somewhere slower to learn how to communicate in this arena,,,if you have the desire and need it will develop.[sm=cute.gif][sm=cute.gif]



ProlificNeeds -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 4:36:50 AM)

OP:
Message boards are your friend. Nine times out of ten if the person isn't a forum browser/poster, they're here for god-knows-what on the other side. Have your conversations here, those who want to chat and like your thoughts will see your posts and learn more about you from them. Likewise, try chatting with people who post here as well, since they've proven already they like to talk!

Odds are better at striking up a conversation from the chatty crowd then the stranger dangers on the profiles side.



misfittens -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 6:13:42 AM)

Ok I understand, once again you guys have been really helpful, thank you! [:)]



Fornica -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 8:39:28 AM)

The people on "this" side are quite a different group than the people on "that" side. My advice? Stick to the message boards, make friends, get to know people.



Arturas -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 8:57:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

The people on "this" side are quite a different group than the people on "that" side. My advice? Stick to the message boards, make friends, get to know people.


I'm surprised at that answer because the OP is not trying to be chatty. She is trying to link up with someone, I would assume locally, and since the forums do not seem to be setup by geographic locations I raised my eyebrow at that post.

When I started on CM I linked up with several on the "other" side and never on "this side". After all, I was thinking, you want to link up with someone local not someone on the forum side half the country away, so I left the forums pretty much alone and used the opposite tack you suggest. The result is I had great results on the "other side".

But, that does not mean this is the only way. There may be many of you who only inhabit "this side" who have like results (especially in large cities?), so, lets see if the proof is in the pudding: Who of you connected with others face to face locally on lets say a continuous basis, at least weekly, using just the forums?




LadyHibiscus -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 9:00:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

The people on "this" side are quite a different group than the people on "that" side. My advice? Stick to the message boards, make friends, get to know people.


I'm surprised at that answer because the OP is not trying to be chatty. She is trying to link up with someone, I would assume locally, and since the forums do not seem to be setup by geographic locations I raised my eyebrow at that post.

When I started on CM I linked up with several on the "other" side and never on "this side". After all, I was thinking, you want to link up with someone local not someone on the forum side half the country away, so I left the forums pretty much alone and used the opposite tack you suggest. The result is I had great results on the "other side".

But, that does not mean this is the only way. There may be many of you who only inhabit "this side" who have like results, so, lets see if the proof is in the pudding: Who have all of you connected with others face to face locally on lets say a continuous basis, at least weekly, using just the forums?




I don't see my best friends on a weekly basis. But I did meet my last submissive here, and many realtime friends.



DesFIP -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 9:00:52 AM)

Males outnumber females by a lot. Have you sought out your local community? Your profile says upstate NY. If near Albany, try the Albany Power Exchange. If closer to Utica, there's a Central NY group (can't remember name). Google BDSM and your nearest city and go to a munch to meet people.



xXLithiumXx -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 9:05:46 AM)

The last sub I had was from here. I kept her for 9-10 months...I moved across state to be closer to her.

I met her on the other side, and she proved to be a lunatic.

I have many friends from here that I email regularly, but because of where I live, the likelihood of actually meeting anyone close by is slim. Because I have children the likelihood of traveling to them, or moving them to me, is slim.

Not impossible, just slim.



amaidiamond -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 9:07:58 AM)

I guess it depends what you are looking for..

If you want conversation, chatter etc then feel free to drop me a message, I'm always happy to shoot the breeze.

Also, sounds weird but have you checked your messages have been read? sometimes people don't log in for days at a time...



Fornica -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 10:47:06 AM)

Did she say that somewhere?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

The people on "this" side are quite a different group than the people on "that" side. My advice? Stick to the message boards, make friends, get to know people.


I'm surprised at that answer because the OP is not trying to be chatty. She is trying to link up with someone






misfittens -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 1:59:28 PM)

I know of the different groups in upstate NY, the one you are thinking of the Syracuse D/S society, I currently am not in NY I am going to school in VT which if there is a scene I have yet to discover it, I have kept my eyes peeled and have searched on the internet, I found an article about a group not far from me, but the link to their site is dead so I am assuming they are defunct. I would rather meet people face to face but my efforts to find that have been futile. Good advice though I do thank you.



misfittens -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 2:06:55 PM)

I did check to see if they had been opened, most of them have. But once again I understand why people may not be interested in talking. However I'm staying positive!



ModTwentyOne -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 3:29:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

But, that does not mean this is the only way. There may be many of you who only inhabit "this side" who have like results (especially in large cities?), so, lets see if the proof is in the pudding: Who of you connected with others face to face locally on lets say a continuous basis, at least weekly, using just the forums?




Please stick to the topic at hand. Start another thread if you wish to discuss your topic.




DarkSteven -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 4:18:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: misfittens

I am positive I didn't say anything aggressive/weird, they all pretty much went "Hey I was browsing profiles and you seemed like a cool person to talk to, feel free to send me a message back, if not no worries." They weren't carbon copies of that, but that's pretty much the gist of what I have been sending.

any recommendations on how I could reflect my goofy/personable side?


First off, you have sent out 8 messages.  That's not a lot.  I expect maybe a 5% reply rate on unsolicited messages.

Second, your message sounds generic, like you send it to everyone.  No mention of WHY they seem cool.  Was it their ladybug tattoo?  Was it a picture of an interesting flower?  Was it the fact that you both are into massage and Christianity?



DesFIP -> RE: trouble getting off the ground (2/1/2012 7:43:34 PM)

I have to say, I wouldn't respond to such an email.
I've written people to say I love the  picture they have and could they tell me more about it. I've always gotten a response. I've written people to ask them about something alluded to on the forums that I didn't want to hijack the thread to ask about. I've always gotten a response. I don't write people saying nothing and expect a response.

I understand that you feel uncomfortable talking about yourself, but when you write someone and don't say anything that can be responded to, you're expecting them to carry both halves of the conversation. I bet if you talk to someone at a party and they don't carry their part of the conversation that you excuse yourself pretty fast and find someone more pleasant to talk to. Same here.



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