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RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/8/2012 9:01:05 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Bitch ;)


Greeeeeeeeeeeedz, you spelled it wrong! It's 'b i t h'!!
(Sorry Mods, back to the topic at hand.)

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/8/2012 9:05:10 PM   
fetisheden


Posts: 274
Joined: 1/25/2011
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this is why i stopped posting on most forums. not really a place to discuss anything. if you do not agree with an opinion, you get deleted, so i save my time & just keep my thoughts to myself...


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

I get yellow messages almost every day. I have decided to just stay otta the welcome section. I dont welcome them. Not a single one. (well maybe a select few)

I think what bugs me, is that quite a few of these new folks invite us to view their profile, but we are not allowed to discuss what we are invited to view, or ask them questions about it here on the forums, even though this is where it was brought up and brought to the groups attention.

Some of them even ask ... why isnt this working? Now we're discouraged to respond honestly. I dont quite get it.



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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 6:05:40 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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While I've received a deluge of gold letters since December, IIRC, none of them have been for Introductions.

I've been reporting more posts and was concerned that this is a sign of passive aggression, so am glad to see this:

quote:

Original: ModTwentyOne

Actually, no, if they violate TOS then we have to pull their post and your post telling them they're violating. It would be better to report the post so that we may deal with just the one post.


quote:

Original: JanahX

I think what bugs me, is that quite a few of these new folks invite us to view their profile, but we are not allowed to discuss what we are invited to view, or ask them questions about it here on the forums, even though this is where it was brought up and brought to the groups attention.


I often give solicited and unsolicited profile critiques but am very careful to make it constructive and to include something welcoming. I've never been spanked for this.

I come into Intros with the mindset that noobs get the benefit of the doubt and that I need to be welcoming.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 6:18:22 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
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Thanks but no thanks. Teaching and consulting about business principles keeps me busy and I enjoy it. Will leave that job to the seniors that want to make extra cash and get out of the house. Most of them I have seen do a really good job.

I agree we are all here for different reasons, as we all see in the introductions posted here. I am not sure why that would change the nature of the area designated by the forums to greet new people. When someone comes in that others determine is a troll, or whatever, then the example being shown is not a good one for new people. They will sometimes believe that this is the type of behavior or use throughout the forums, or be afraid to post anything for fear of being sniped. This is based on perception of course, as many of us see each other post in other areas using many different "tones" depending on the topic, and whom we may be responding to.

In this section though, I feel it is in all of our best interest to welcome new folks and guide them into the forums. While many may think everyone should be current on netiquette and everything else, the fact is that some are actually new to forums. They may make honest mistakes, they may not be sure how to approach things. I just do not want to see the sincere ones get trampled while everyone is rushing to pound on what has been determined to be a troll. I believe we may sometimes run off those, with some guidance, would be good contributors to the forums.

YMMV


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourdarkdesire

Each of us are individuals, therefore, our reasons for being here are independent from anyone else. And time changes things. My reasons for being here are different than they were five years ago. Heck they are different than they were five weeks ago.......

And Orion, my local Wal-Mart has a opening for a greeter, it you are interested. I think you would be really good at it!



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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 6:19:03 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


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Tough read MDA, but farkin hilarious and right to the point. 

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RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 6:20:30 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Original: stellauk

After receiving my first ever gold warning for criticizing the way a new user, who was breaking TOS with genital nudity and stigmatizing a sizeable minority of other users who remain within TOS I felt that I had to make a stand.


Hi Stella,

I remember this asshole and your heartfelt response.

I've had success with reporting posts using - "Violates TOS - [insert clause from http://www.collarchat.com/tos.asp]" or "Violates Section Guidelines [insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others]."

I think your response to the asshole would have been more effective if you'd posted it elsewhere, where it could remain, because it couldn't be allowed to stay in the thread in Intros.

I really appreciate the perspective of the transgender people and their partners here, as I don't know that I know any and certainly none who openly talk about their experiences.

Best,

KK

(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 6:37:22 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya

I try to behave, but I swear when they come in here disrespecting any group of people, (usually female subs), then it really gets to me. I will try harder. sigh.


I'm more in agreement with this to be honest - coming back. I signed up here for the opportunity to locate, interact and possibly meet with like-minded people.


But how do we treat those that are not like minded?

quote:


What I didn't sign up for is to be stigmatized, harrassed, or involved non-consensually in someone's juvenile online fantasies and headgames played out for the purpose of their own online gratification.


The new posters did not sign up for it either, and some of them get trampled in the process when they are not as you described above.

quote:


This is an internet message board it's a public space on a privately owned website with very clearly defined Terms of Service spelled out to which everyone agrees to abide by before setting up a profile and being allowed to make use of the generous facilities provided.


Yes, everyone including the regular posters as well:

"As the description for this section states, this is a forum for the welcoming and introduction of Collarme.com forum subscribers. At this time, we would like to remind all new members to please familiarize themselves with our forum guidelines posted here. All members are welcome to join in the conversation here regardless of experience or interest.

Subjects which are unacceptable regardless of circumstance include, but are not limited to - minors included in sexual acts, bestiality, incest, necrophilia, snuff and criminal activities. Any other questions of acceptability will be determined based on the content of the post. Keep the discussions civil and mature, and do not insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others.

There is an Off Topic Discussion category elsewhere on this board if you wish to bring up subjects other than those intended here.

Have fun!"

http://www.collarchat.com/m_13130/tm.htm

quote:


This is not a chatroom, it is not a bordello, it is a message board and like it or not when you write a post you are writing to an audience and I feel that basic common decency and civility is not too much to ask of anyone.


I agree completely! Now find where everyone agrees on what common civility is often the issue.

quote:


Now I'm aware that this might be a difficult enough concept for the few members of Middle America who come to this site and regard it as a dating site for kinky sex to grasp, but this is also actually an international site with members many of whom just don't have a comparable set of freedoms. Maybe it would require attendance at Equality Parades in Eastern Europe with religious zealots throwing stones at you in moral outrage or being whacked by police batons to get the message across.


If you do a search on "BDSM Dating" Collarme comes up in the top 10, so while it may not offocially say it, it either has meta tags on it or enough people have come to it via that type of search for it to be regarded as such by many. This is where the intent of each user may be different.

quote:


After receiving my first ever gold warning for criticizing the way a new user, who was breaking TOS with genital nudity and stigmatizing a sizeable minority of other users who remain within TOS I felt that I had to make a stand.


Why? I believe it is part of the guidelines and such that the Mods have that power, not us the members. We agreed to it when we joined. I can understand wanting to express opinions, but we all agreed to do it in compliance with the TOS, guidelines and direction of the Mods.

quote:


I am not here to argue the reason or 'policy' behind that gold message, but accept it as coming from the site owners. However the message is very clear in that as I'm not part of middle America and do not represent a social group with large revenue earning potential for the site I am a minority, a second class CollarMe user.


Wow. I have enjoyed reading many of your posts, and not sure what happened, or what would make you reach that conclusion. As a business, I would advise the site to make sure that regular contributors know that they are the "meat" of the forums.

quote:


But then again I prefer to remain positiive. I came here with no expectations and no feelings of entitlement, I don't especially feel that I have a reputation to maintain or to win any popularity contests. I've been here a few years and have made some very special and enduring friendships and I'm very sorry, when I see friends or people on this site being objectified, stigmatized to sexualized I will always make a stand.


I applaud this up to a point. I used to myself, try and straighten things out long ago, and got gold letters. I was told then that if I used the "report" feature it would get sent to the mods and they would take care of it as soon as they could. Since then, that is what I do when I want to make a stand. I may also make comment, but I keep in mind the guidelines and TOS. There have been some times I have pushed it, and gotten that gold letter, but I accepted it as I was in the wrong.

quote:


This is part of my nature and perhaps a reason why my friendships are enduring and fulfilling.


Probably so, it seems to be a common trait in those that are straight forward and appreciate the no BS type of friendships.

quote:


The fact that I'm here doesn't mean that people have to like me. I would rather they figure that out for themselves. It's really no skin off my nose either way, I'm no better than nor inferior to any other user on these boards.


Stella again you write some great thoughts. I must say that while I may agree with most of what I have seen you post, the other portions have always provoked thought in me, which I find is a good thing.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 6:56:54 AM   
JanahX


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Joined: 8/21/2010
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I think I am more directing my comments to those who write things such as: ATTENTION ALL CUNTS: I am MasterJackMeOff and all women are here to worship me and suck my cock. Women are here on planet earth to serve men for sexual and domestic purposes.

I dont feel very welcoming towards these types of people, nor should I be. I believe that if we are not allowed to ask questions to these people, or discuss their profile even though we are invited to, then there should just be a flat rule for everyone (and not just some people) that you are only allowed to say welcome & some kind of Mary Poppins greeting. (Shit- this is sunnybrook farm right?)

I think most regular posters here can discern between new people that are here to really say hello, and those who come here just to piss everyone off.

As I said, I will not be welcoming anyone anymore, I dont understand the concept of not being able to at least ASK THEM WHY, they are acting like an obnoxious twit, when they are so blatently doing it in our face and have a free pass in doing so - because they have a golden sheild of being "new."

< Message edited by JanahX -- 2/9/2012 7:07:36 AM >


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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 7:25:29 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I think I am more directing my comments to those who write things such as: ATTENTION ALL CUNTS: I am MasterJackMeOff and all women are here to worship me and suck my cock. Women are here on planet earth to serve men for sexual and domestic purposes.


How about responding, "How's that approach working for you? If you'd like some suggestions, please let us know."

I get to secretly express my contempt for that attitude yet remain welcoming.

quote:

I think most regular posters here can discern between new people that are here to really say hello, and those who come here just to piss everyone off.


I don't think the obnoxious noobs are here to piss others off; I think they are clueless and thus need to be enlightened, but in such a way as to remain welcoming.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 9:01:58 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
are we reading the same forums?

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 9:10:51 AM   
sincelo


Posts: 122
Joined: 12/30/2011
Status: offline
The profile that you are referring to was was not obnoxious, in your face JanahX. It was just not what you were about. Many have protocols that you many not be into but that does not mean he was rude or obnoxious about them.


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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 9:11:42 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
Your troll is my clueless noob - to be a troll, one must have intent and I think these people genuinely believe their wanktastic intro is ok.












< Message edited by kalikshama -- 2/9/2012 9:14:38 AM >

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 12:00:50 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Your troll is my clueless noob - to be a troll, one must have intent and I think these people genuinely believe their wanktastic intro is ok.













True. The difference lies in the reaction. When someone says, "Hey, you're being rude" we seem to get one of two responses. It's either an effort to amend the behavior or it's a "fuck you". When we get to "fuck you", I'm no longer concerned about being welcoming to a noob.


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 7:34:49 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
LMAO ... the ONE I was referring to? WHICH ONE?

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/9/2012 11:28:02 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
I've kind of got two here, but I didn't want to double post.

Hi, Janah.  I know you said "which one" but I'm going to take a stab in the dark.  The last "one" that went way too far was a one sentence introduction that went on for eight pages.  That person didn't ask for a review on their profile.  If I remember right, they had said check their profile and offered a chat invite if people were interested.  Those really are two different things. 

Just a thought though.  If a person does go to look at someone's profile on the other side, and it turns out that it really is that bad, why not just tell them in mail?  I can't speak to anyone's intentions, but in certain cases, it almost seems like public humiliation is the goal.  Pretty often, it's about some rather miniscule BS.


quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk
I'm more in agreement with this to be honest - coming back. I signed up here for the opportunity to locate, interact and possibly meet with like-minded people.

I realize Orion got some of this and some of his message I happen to agree with.  

That's cool, as long as you realize that's not what everybody is doing here.  More often or not, this bit turns into "the other person's reason isn't as valid as My reason".  Generally used for a) pro/fin dommes shouldn't be here, b) people already in relationships shouldn't be here, or c) tops/bottoms shouldn't be here.


quote:

What I didn't sign up for is to be stigmatized, harrassed, or involved non-consensually in someone's juvenile online fantasies and headgames played out for the purpose of their own online gratification.

You're right.  You didn't but that's not what's happening here.  Someone writing their introduction hasn't done any of those things to you.  If it is their fantasy, posting an introduction thread is a heck of a lot different than contacting you by mail.  It's the exactl same reason that I stay out of the Creative Writing section 99% of the time.  I'm far more interested in the reality of how other people engage in BDSM than I am about the stuff that gets made up.

quote:

This is an internet message board it's a public space on a privately owned website with very clearly defined Terms of Service spelled out to which everyone agrees to abide by before setting up a profile and being allowed to make use of the generous facilities provided.

Exactly true.  Funny how some want to say "except for what I'm doing".  The guideline for this section is pretty clear.

quote:

This is not a chatroom, it is not a bordello, it is a message board and like it or not when you write a post you are writing to an audience and I feel that basic common decency and civility is not too much to ask of anyone.

Fair enough.  Go back and see how many first introduction posts are actually offensive.  Not the profile.  Not the follow up after some responses have come in.  Just the original post.  Let Me know how high the percentage is that it lacks of common decency.  I'll grant you that it's not zero but it's sure not what people try to claim it to be.

quote:

Now I'm aware that this might be a difficult enough concept for the few members of Middle America who come to this site and regard it as a dating site for kinky sex to grasp, but this is also actually an international site with members many of whom just don't have a comparable set of freedoms. Maybe it would require attendance at Equality Parades in Eastern Europe with religious zealots throwing stones at you in moral outrage or being whacked by police batons to get the message across.

This is where the crap starts.  Considering that you currently reside in the UK, and the reputation that I have heard continually from those in the UK that this is largely considered a hook-up site, I don't think that's a leg to stand on.  Plenty of people do see it as such and it's probably going to keep being seen that way, especially by those who use it for that.  We're back to "your reason isn't as good as Mine" (because they want to hook up and you have other reasons). 

I'm calling crap on the stone throwing analogy, too.  If anything, that analogy works the other way around.  It's the regulars who have the rocks in this section.  Exactly which side of this do you see as being the offense and which side the defense here?

I would think you would be one of the people who would understand the most when people come here and vocalize a fantasy.  The above is precisely why I think that.  You don't have to be from Eastern Europe to feel that you can never express having a desire for kink.  It doesn't necessarily have to be a government that creates that mindset.

quote:

After receiving my first ever gold warning for criticizing the way a new user, who was breaking TOS with genital nudity and stigmatizing a sizeable minority of other users who remain within TOS I felt that I had to make a stand.

I've got a guess, but I could be entirely wrong.  If I'm right, with all due respect, you may have something to look at.  In fact, I'd have to say I'm somewhat surprised.

quote:

I am not here to argue the reason or 'policy' behind that gold message, but accept it as coming from the site owners. However the message is very clear in that as I'm not part of middle America and do not represent a social group with large revenue earning potential for the site I am a minority, a second class CollarMe user.

Now we're back to crap.  If you're feeling second class anything, that's on you.  The deal is that you should feel the same.  Exactly the same in the view of the site.  The person who writes the very next introduction here matters just as much as I do (or don't) as far as the site would be concerned.  Whatever number member I am of the 1,364,797 members there are here, I am exactly one.  The person who signs up five minutes ago is also exactly one.  No more.  No less.  Nobody's more important because of what they have put on the forums, use chat, or anything else.  You, I, and everybody else on the site count as exactly one.

quote:

But then again I prefer to remain positiive. I came here with no expectations and no feelings of entitlement, I don't especially feel that I have a reputation to maintain or to win any popularity contests. I've been here a few years and have made some very special and enduring friendships and I'm very sorry, when I see friends or people on this site being objectified, stigmatized to sexualized I will always make a stand.

Are you really sure that's what it is or is it something else?

quote:

This is part of my nature and perhaps a reason why my friendships are enduring and fulfilling.

You've got no basis for this other than your own opinion.  You're implying that people who aren't offended by the same things as you aren't having enduring and fulfilling at the same level as you.

quote:

The fact that I'm here doesn't mean that people have to like me. I would rather they figure that out for themselves. It's really no skin off my nose either way, I'm no better than nor inferior to any other user on these boards.

Exactly.  The question is are you seeing it that way?  I'm not so sure that you are. 

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 2/9/2012 11:37:28 PM >


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(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/10/2012 12:30:01 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Go back and see how many first introduction posts are actually offensive.


I saw the 'reminder' title and wondered what I forgot so opened the thread, read and found this and decided to do a spot test. I picked three random pages and read through each page (and found one post that was pretty funny and I actually responded to it) and in those 60 something posts there was exactly 'one' that was obviously trollish in nature. There were, however, 20 or so that were quite thoughtful and/or funny and a whole mess of them where I got a distinct nervous/giggle sort of vibe. Probably a combination of excitement and embarassment. Just my perception though.

On the other side of that coin, the only time I saw anything other than welcomes was the gang bang on the troll dude. Everyone else was absolutely afforded courtesy.

The thought going through my mind right now is we reap what we sow and if you're going to make a post that can generate a gold email, just make sure it's worth it to ya. Picking battles is usually a wise course of action and, of course, many of us (myself included) have a higher authority to whom we answer that far exceeds that of the mods. Sadistic Rat Bastid trumps mod rule in my universe but his standards are pretty high and in meeting those, I meet the standards here.. you know.. usually.



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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/10/2012 12:32:04 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Funny how some want to say "except for what I'm doing".


Grins. Oh c'mon LP-That's the American anthem nowadays. Don't be surprised :-)

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(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/10/2012 9:10:31 AM   
subsslutwanted


Posts: 66
Joined: 8/31/2011
Status: offline
Intelligence and foresight is just plain SEXY

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: *****REMINDER************REMINDER******* - 2/10/2012 9:11:23 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline
The entire debate is incredibly circular. (No, 21, I'm not suggesting the rules are up for debate, just sayin').
I mean, it's basically "I judge the way you judge"/"I don't like the way you respond/react to the way they act".
I'll respect the rules given. My personal opinion on how to react to ignorant/wanking/etc people is already known, so I'll eat it.

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Profile   Post #: 59
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