Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me?

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Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 12:27:12 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/11/2012
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I'm just wondering why I seem to be having trouble finding a mistress that is near me and under 30 years old that isn't asking for my cash. I get that some dom girls are all about the money, but I would think some of them are interested in the sexual side as opposed to the financial side.

Also, are there any young (30 or younger) dom women in the seattle area that would be interested in meeting with me and just talking about the lifestyle and showing me some of the ropes?

Thanks!!

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 12:45:05 AM

Posts: 5159
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From: Montana
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You live a short distance from the Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle with 1000s of members but you can't find a Domme online in 2 whole days of looking!!!! I know many young people want instant gratification, but 2 days?

Try the CSPC. They have something going on every day. When you are a sub guy and want to meet dominant ladies you go to the places where dominant ladies hang out, in other words the CSPC. There are also munches in your area. Google is your friend in finding the right places to be.

If you are looking for just sex that is okay. However, you should know that most dominant ladies are looking for a relationship, not just a sex buddy. Sex buddies are a dime a dozen for women. Just so you know it will take you longer to find a sex based partner. Also, there are many more male submissives than female dominants so you'll have to really wow some lady to get her attention.

Also, the FAQs were carefully written to help new people. You really should read the FAQs in the Ask A Mistress forum.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 12:51:32 AM

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I've looked up the CSPC before but I couldn't find anything that said I could just go there without getting a paid membership (which I cannot afford). Also, I'm just more comfortable meeting people online then I am going somewhere like the CSPC on my own, and not knowing anyone there. I'm not looking for a sex friend as much as a real relationship, but I also get sick of reading all the girls profiles that say they want my cash. Plus, while I've only been on this site for 2 days, I've been on alt.com for at least a year, and I've even tried posting on craigslist before with no success yet.

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 12:57:11 AM

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Joined: 1/25/2011
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1 save up your money
2 leave your house
3 take time(more than 2 days) & look for a relationship first(women have plenty of choices for fuck buddies but they are iso relationships)

_____________________________

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http://findomme.blogspot.com
http://blackmailfetish.blogspot.com
www.twitter.com/fetisheden

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 1:01:21 AM

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just saying: what little money I do make goes straight to the gas tank and to food, hence why I can't afford a membership at a place like the CSPC.

Now maybe part of the issue for me is that me (and many in my generation) are used to instant gratification thanks to the internet (searching wikipedia vs looking in an encyclopedia)

Plus, I get extremely shy around girls if I want to have any kind of relationship other then basic friendship with them.

(in reply to fetisheden)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 1:40:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wraithkelso

Now maybe part of the issue for me is that me (and many in my generation) are used to instant gratification thanks to the internet (searching wikipedia vs looking in an encyclopedia)

Fuck me, didn't you just hit the nail on the head. Now, c'mon... be the exception, play the long game. Fight your shyness and get out and meet face to face. You can do it.

Then you can be the exception that proves the rule that your generation is by and large the most decadent, entitled, and feckless to walk the planet.

Seriously... your generation is so shit, that you'll only have to be a little bit better to really stand out. Go for it.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 1:45:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: wraithkelso

Now maybe part of the issue for me is that me (and many in my generation) are used to instant gratification thanks to the internet (searching wikipedia vs looking in an encyclopedia)

Fuck me, didn't you just hit the nail on the head. Now, c'mon... be the exception, play the long game. Fight your shyness and get out and meet face to face. You can do it.

Then you can be the exception that proves the rule that your generation is by and large the most decadent, entitled, and feckless to walk the planet.

Seriously... your generation is so shit, that you'll only have to be a little bit better to really stand out. Go for it.

Well I know part of it for me is that I fear asking a girl out because every time I have in the past either I found out she was taken, a lesbian, or not interested. That does a lot to lower one's self esteem... I mean, for crying out loud, I only know 2 guys that graduated with me apart from myself that are still virgins, 1 chooses to be and the other is highly religious, but I have less luck getting a date then either of them... But I also fear that I will become the next "40 year old virgin" lol

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 2:06:15 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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ok, I have never understood why asking a girl (or guy for that matter) out and being turned down because they were taken or lesbian(or gay) should be an ego bruiser?

although, presumably, if you are interested enough in the person to ask them out in the first place you should have known if they were taken...

_____________________________

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 4:20:05 AM

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Forget about meeting Dominant women for the moment and just meet the local kinksters. There are several munches in the area:

WHACK is a munch meeting at Nikki's Bella Marina in Bellingham. Next meeting is on March 17.

The Renton Munch meets at A Terrible Beauty on March 24. 201 Williams Ave South, Renton, WA, 98057.

The New Eastside Munch meets at the Panera in Redmond: Redmond Way (#973), 17262 Redmond Way, on March 15.

Munches are simply vanilla meetings of kinky people at restaurants. Dress normally and be prepared to meet people. No asking out, no turndowns. If you meet someone you like, you'll just exchange usernames and perhaps phone numbers.

Go forth and have fun!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 5:39:48 AM

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Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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1. If you seek a relationship rather than just sex with someone, reflect that in your profile. Your profile basically states you are looking for someone for regular meetings could be interpreted as sex/play meetings.
2. The CSPC has events that do not require membership, however, they do charge a fee. These events are geared toward new people who are uncomfortable attending events alone.
3. Sorry if you have no money to spend on fees. Having no money will also make it very difficult to date. You may have to wait until you have a better job before you seek out someone.
4. As Steven has said, attend a munch. You don't have to order a thing to eat so munches are cheap. You can even contact the munch group in advance and meet someone before the munch so that when you go you will have a "buddy".
5. If you are still too shy to attend a munch or an event, then what do you expect us to do for you? If you want it bad enough you will overcome your shyness as I have and others have done. If you don't want it bad enough you will remain on the outside, wishing and hoping you were inside.
6. If you don't want to become a 40 year old virgin eventually you will actually have to learn to ask girls out on dates. Some dates take little money. You could ask a girl out to go to the park and fly a kite or something like that. By the way, I know a 45 year old virgin. Strange as it may sound he uses the same identical excuses as you use. When he did ask a girl out she was taken, a lesbian, or they were just not interested in someone who showed so little personality.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 6:05:13 AM

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Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

1. If you seek a relationship rather than just sex with someone, reflect that in your profile. Your profile basically states you are looking for someone for regular meetings could be interpreted as sex/play meetings.
2. The CSPC has events that do not require membership, however, they do charge a fee. These events are geared toward new people who are uncomfortable attending events alone.
3. Sorry if you have no money to spend on fees. Having no money will also make it very difficult to date. You may have to wait until you have a better job before you seek out someone.
4. As Steven has said, attend a munch. You don't have to order a thing to eat so munches are cheap. You can even contact the munch group in advance and meet someone before the munch so that when you go you will have a "buddy".
5. If you are still too shy to attend a munch or an event, then what do you expect us to do for you? If you want it bad enough you will overcome your shyness as I have and others have done. If you don't want it bad enough you will remain on the outside, wishing and hoping you were inside.
6. If you don't want to become a 40 year old virgin eventually you will actually have to learn to ask girls out on dates. Some dates take little money. You could ask a girl out to go to the park and fly a kite or something like that. By the way, I know a 45 year old virgin. Strange as it may sound he uses the same identical excuses as you use. When he did ask a girl out she was taken, a lesbian, or they were just not interested in someone who showed so little personality.

This just saved me a lot of typing.

You came to ask about something and then proceeded to give out excuses. There isn't some magical solution that's going to drop a woman in your lap, it's one of those things that you have to work for. If you are handicapping yourself from working for it, then it's probably not going to happen, there isn't much we can do for you here. To go to point B from point A generally means getting up and moving there in some fashion, you can't escape that. Saying you prefer certain things is fine, then accept where it's getting you or stand up and change things.

Women are hard to get online, on an adult site there are tons more guys, its a fact of life. Dommes are the least populated category in BDSM, and young Dominant women are especially sought after. Stand out or remain empty handed. This is why real life events are being encouraged, the ratio is better.

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 6:56:23 AM

GirlLooking4Sub

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Joined: 3/10/2012
Status: offline

I'd say that if you're too shy to ask, then you ain't going to get. Sure you'll get rejected that's a fact of life. Deal with it, move on, ask again.

being out in the world is the only way to improve your confidence. Stop trying to date, just make friends, get comfortable.

Also get out and make money! get something about you that is outside of this stuff. Get a life, it makes girls much more likely to respond when you chase...

(in reply to Killerangel)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 10:06:17 AM

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Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I was just thinking about something and am curious. To do anything on alt you need to have a membership and that membership is going to cost more than joining the CSPC. Yet you have no money to go to CSPC. If you had a free membership with alt, well, that is about as worthless as tits on a boar. For free alt doesn't let you do much.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 10:27:23 AM

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Joined: 3/11/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I was just thinking about something and am curious. To do anything on alt you need to have a membership and that membership is going to cost more than joining the CSPC. Yet you have no money to go to CSPC. If you had a free membership with alt, well, that is about as worthless as tits on a boar. For free alt doesn't let you do much.

That would be why I decided to look for a new site and came here. all I can find about the CSPC is showing its a costly membersip, is anyone here a member and want to tell me more about it then their site says (which really isn't much)

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 11:11:29 AM

Posts: 5159
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From: Montana
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Passport Program
Explore the Center with Fellow Members!
[/link][link=http://www.sexpositiveculture.org/component/mailto/?tmpl=component&link=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5zZXhwb3NpdGl2ZWN1bHR1cmUub3JnL21lbWJlcnNoaXAvcGFzc3BvcnQ%3D]

Schedule: First Fridays
When: 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Where: Main Space
Who: 18+
Cost: FREE
Next Passport Meeting Friday March 2nd!
The Passport program is like a “buddy system” for new members – as well as existing members who would like to get more out of the events they attend.
At several scheduled events each month, Passport gives you the opportunity to attend the Center with a small group of familiar faces: other members of the program, as well as Passport Guides on staff who will act as your hosts.
Each month starts with a Passport Meeting on the first Friday. This is a social gathering where Passport Guides introduce members to each other, so that you can start to form a new network. You can choose from the list of Passport events; much like booking a travel itinerary for your tour group.
At the next month's Passport Meeting, you can meet new members coming into the program and share your experience. You can also break off from the group at any time, and find your own fun.
If you don't make it to the first Friday Passport Meeting, you're still welcome to join the Passport group at any scheduled event. Just pay at the door and ask the staff to point out a Passport Guide — then come on over and introduce yourself!
The Passport program is available at no additional cost; just the normal cost of attending events. The Passport Meeting and some socials are available to non-members, but you’ll need to be a paid CSPC member to attend most events.

Most does not mean all. Apparently there ARE events which only require only a fee to get in, not a membership. Isn't it neat how you can find all kinds of information on the internet IF you look for it?? Yes, it does cost money but less than the alt membership.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 11:19:30 AM

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So...if $60 is too much for an annual membership, how are you going to afford to take a woman out on a date on a regular basis? You'd be hard pressed to treat for dinner and a movie for only $60.

Comparatively - how much do you spend monthly on your cell phone? Going out with your friends? On cigs? On beer? On porn mags? On movies?

I'm assuming that your relative lack of finances at this point in your life is because you're only working part time and your full time focus is with college - as it should be at your stage of life. Don't worry so much about kink....date, have fun, focus on setting yourself up for a bright, productive future. Exploring all this is a lifelong process if you're lucky...it won't and doesn't have to happen overnight.

< Message edited by SadisticMs2 -- 3/13/2012 11:20:41 AM >

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 11:24:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2

So...if $60 is too much for an annual membership, how are you going to afford to take a woman out on a date on a regular basis? You'd be hard pressed to treat for dinner and a movie for only $60.

Comparatively - how much do you spend monthly on your cell phone? Going out with your friends? On cigs? On beer? On porn mags? On movies?

I'm assuming that your relative lack of finances at this point in your life is because you're only working part time and your full time focus is with college - as it should be at your stage of life. Don't worry so much about kink....date, have fun, focus on setting yourself up for a bright, productive future. Exploring all this is a lifelong process if you're lucky...it won't and doesn't have to happen overnight.

actually i'm in a family plan for my phone which is costing me $10/month, my friends are cheap and don't go out, I don't smoke, or drink, i have a 1 year subscription to playboy for less then $20, and for movies, i use gift cards from x-mas/birthdays.

(in reply to SadisticMs2)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 11:27:58 AM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Well, if you are not going to school it sounds as if you could easily use a 2nd and 3rd job.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 11:57:32 AM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Come on you guys...we get this young fellow in here, he can spell, he can punctuate, he is not asking for wank material...and we greet him with "you don't make enough money"?!

Anyone remember how it was to be young and broke? At 20 I had no money either, but managed to date just fine - we just did things that did not require a lot of money.

Wraith,

So if you go over to Fetlife.com and do a search on your area - Bothell, Seattle, etc. You will find a vibrant and quite active community. There are munches and events within a stones throw of where you live - almost 11,000 people on Fet from the greater Seattle area, 25 groups (including a TNG group), multiple events...

For CM, you need to work on your profile. It needs to say more than "I'm submissive". You need to interest a female of the species. To do that, you need to be more than just your penis, your fetish, your desire. You need to be sane, interesting, engaging, confident and competent. Your initial posts show that you have all of these qualities, you just need to harness them.

You need to know what you bring to a relationship, what you offer to a Lady. The fact that you are looking for long-term is good.

It really isn't about money. It is about being someone that potential Ladies will want to get to know and engage with.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to wraithkelso)

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? - 3/13/2012 12:18:41 PM

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

Put your vanilla interests in your profile. When women see your profile at the first glance, just wanting to meet someone pertaining to being Domme is not enough. I want to know what makes you tick.

Also, don't be afraid to encourage older Dommes. You might be rejected but there are those who enjoy teaching the younger ones the ropes about BDSM.

DS offered quite a few places to attend. I recommend going to those.

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to OttersSwim)

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