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Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me - 3/18/2012 9:59:18 AM

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
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So we had a few private conversations before I gave out my Messenger username. Then after the how are you small talk, he says, "That's ok as we will start with the basics. A Dom's cam is something a sub is rewarded with during her training little one and will come near the end of Phase 1 little one. Stand up and let me look at you now."

I resisted because he would not show his face. I blocked him both from my messenger and on CM site.

Since I am new to this scene, what would you say is the best advice for my safety and finding the right dom for me? I think asking for references from other women would be in order, but then those could be faked also.

I might close out my account here because I also have been asked to beat myself with a hair brush handle after two cam sessions. I don't want to assume all doms are this cruel, but I don't want to do everything a dom asks me to do, especially if I'm not collared to the dom.

Maybe I'm on the right site. Just because I'm on the submissive side, and still exploring does not mean that I am wanting the hard core treatment. Maybe a regular vanilla dating site is for me where my profile suggests that I enjoy "adventure" and seeking a self-confidence man who enjoys a woman to please him. I wonder how I would compose that profile so a Dom would be able to catch that I am indeed seeking both vanilla and submission to my man. What is the term for that? Maybe I am straight while enjoying a few kinks thrown in.

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:15:16 AM

Posts: 240
Joined: 5/7/2011
Status: offline

Don't give up. Actual good Doms are out there. But you've got to wade through the wankers to find them.

I believe stats are something like 10 male 'doms' for every female sub here? Something like that. And a lot of those guys are just looking to get quick, kinky sex. The whole cam thing is, actually, a pretty good indicator. So is someone wanting you to perform acts outside your comfort zone.

ETA: Just because you're a sub, doesn't mean that any so called dom you exchange messages with has ANY RIGHT AT ALL to tell you what to do. When I was single, anyone, male or female who started in with all the 'kneel for me bitch' got deleted and blocked. Don't be at all afraid to tell some dickhead off for failing to treat you with respect.

< Message edited by mynxkat -- 3/18/2012 10:16:59 AM >

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:17:13 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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FR

A good, decent Dom doesn't try to make himself YOUR dom right away. He is interested in you as a person and not just as someone who can get him off. Be patient.

(in reply to mynxkat)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:17:23 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

While I've met several women here IRL, I met my best relationship-potential women on OKCupid, after I answered a bunch of kinky sex questions so the algorithm matched me with women who were nice people and twisted fucks.

EHarmony discriminates against kink. That site isn't worth your time, given what you are looking for.

That said, my question to you is: why on earth are you "camming" at all? Say you and I are writing back and forth because we met on Match. Do you think the natural next step would be for me to ask, "How about I buy you dinner?" or "How about I see you on webcam?"

If you prioritize the men who want to meet you in real life, in a public place, for an honest-to-normalness D-A-T-E, you will weed out the cyberdoms quickly.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:22:02 AM

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Joined: 5/7/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
That said, my question to you is: why on earth are you "camming" at all? Say you and I are writing back and forth because we met on Match. Do you think the natural next step would be for me to ask, "How about I buy you dinner?" or "How about I see you on webcam?"

If you prioritize the men who want to meet you in real life, in a public place, for an honest-to-normalness D-A-T-E, you will weed out the cyberdoms quickly.

Here my opinion differs just a bit. When I was single, face to face cams struck me as being a good idea. Not for cybersex or anything like that, just conversing and being able to actually see the reactions of the person I was conversing with. The camming was ALWAYS two way, and always fully clothed. But it only came after we'd exchanged enough emails to know that we had at least some basis for conversation.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:26:22 AM

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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This is how it went with the man who became my Dom/Master:

He sent me an email here and within that email he asked me some interesting (but NOT sexually provocative) questions. I answered those and asked some questions in return.

He wrote back and his response indicated to me that this was someone I really wanted to get to know.

We wrote back on CM with no chatting here, nor IM-ing elsewhere for several weeks and then one of us suggested lunch.

The first lunch led to a second lunch and a third.
(The rest of the story is in my sig-line.)

You don't have to go into directions you don't want to go in, but to avoid that it helps having what you want and what you are looking for somewhat defined; otherwise other people will try to define what you want for you.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:37:14 AM

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Look, for every man on this site that is an actual dom there are a zillion and one wankers.

some people are on this site for YEARS - and dont stumble across the compatible partner. Some are lucky enough to only be here for a few weeks or days and meet the person of their dreams.

Just keep doing your thing - youre going to make mistakes, everyone does. But just learn from them and dont let yourself get too jaded. If someone doesnt work out this time, dont hold that persons sins against the next. Theres ALWAYS a fresh new start. Hang in there.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:51:49 AM

Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline

Don't give up. Eventually there will be someone that attracts you, and you attract them.

_____________________________

Lights

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to JanahX)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:56:46 AM

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

I do have a few lines in my vanilla profile about looking for an "assertive" man and a more "traditional" relationship. I then say something like "If you have to think about what that means we are likely not compatible." Men usually get it. I would say it's worth a try. I've had luck on OK Cupid. A good number of them are also on CM, by the way. :)

I don't cam before meeting someone. I've learned my lesson. Real life chemistry can only be determined in real life.

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 10:57:57 AM

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mynxkat
Here my opinion differs just a bit. When I was single, face to face cams struck me as being a good idea. Not for cybersex or anything like that, just conversing and being able to actually see the reactions of the person I was conversing with. The camming was ALWAYS two way, and always fully clothed. But it only came after we'd exchanged enough emails to know that we had at least some basis for conversation.

Yeah, I think webcams can be a good way to get to know somebody and make sure each other is who they claim to be and so forth. Especially if they're far away and just getting some coffee or whatever wouldn't be convenient. But I wouldn't do anything sexual with someone over cam unless I was already in a real-life relationship with them.

(in reply to mynxkat)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 11:29:17 AM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu
Yeah, I think webcams can be a good way to get to know somebody and make sure each other is who they claim to be and so forth. Especially if they're far away and just getting some coffee or whatever wouldn't be convenient. But I wouldn't do anything sexual with someone over cam unless I was already in a real-life relationship with them.

This.

The webcam part, in and of itself, is no big deal. It's just a communication medium, nothing more. It's the content of the message that is, apparently, troubling to the OP. It would be troubling to me too.

OP: I agree with searching4mysir (sans the judgemental parts). For me, one exercises control AFTER actual trust and respect is developed, not before. Apparently, the same is true for you also. Just chalk it up to incompatibility and move on... as you did. My own experience is that you'll know if you're on the right site or not simply by paying attention to your own reactions. If you don't think so leave. If it was the right site... or partially right... you'll come back.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to graceadieu)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 11:49:53 AM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

re: references.

they're only as good as how much you trust the person who give them. Would you trust a reference from someone's ex? Why would someone give you references from someone who DOESN'T have something good to say about them? Not saying all references are bad, but really, unless you know the person speaking up for the guy why should you trust what they say?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 12:05:58 PM

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Joined: 4/21/2010
Status: offline

.... and for every woman there is on this site there's a million n one wankers too *chuckles ... works both ways

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 12:10:15 PM

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

All of you are so awesome! I love getting different perspectives and then choose my way. I have pondered about how I want to approach this issue and I think I have come up with some great ideas thanks to all of your accumulative replies.

You will most likely see me be back, since I'm new to to CM and will have further questions (even though under my pic shows I've been a member since 2005). Was told that is most likely due to someone else having my username previously. I've only been here a couple of months :)

C-yas..........

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 12:35:17 PM

Posts: 14415
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Personally, I never cammed. I have more than one picture of the same person. That should be sufficient proof that I am who I say I am.

Part two, I never discussed sexual specifics or would have allowed someone to get to the point of the hairbrush incident. My sex life details were reserved for someone that I thought might actually get to the point of having sex. I kept to getting to know you type conversations.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 12:56:54 PM

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl

You will most likely see me be back, since I'm new to to CM and will have further questions (even though under my pic shows I've been a member since 2005). Was told that is most likely due to someone else having my username previously. I've only been here a couple of months :)

C-yas..........

You could fix that easily by doing a new profile: copying the text of your current one and adding a number or letter after the name.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 1:53:40 PM

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl

You will most likely see me be back, since I'm new to to CM and will have further questions (even though under my pic shows I've been a member since 2005). Was told that is most likely due to someone else having my username previously. I've only been here a couple of months :)

C-yas..........

You could fix that easily by doing a new profile: copying the text of your current one and adding a number or letter after the name.

Well, I have not even created a profile here on collarchat, so there is nothing to copy. I did go to My Profile but it won't let me edit anything. And even if I were to add a number behind my name, would that change in collarme.com? And also even here, would I see all my responses that I like to refer back to? Sorry, but I don't know how to do this, and afraid to lose all of you wonderful people's posts.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 1:57:25 PM

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
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@ OsideGirl

Very good advice! Thank you for replying. I have this feeling that some of you are here on the message board to really help people out, and for that I am grateful :)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 2:02:46 PM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

Well, you might want to consider the security aspects. So if the system is tying together your credentials with someone else's, then you have to wonder how much access that other account has to YOUR private messages and mails. Honestly, if it was CM admins who gave you that answer it's an awful answer.... almost delinquent in terms of any sense of responsibility on their part. So, my advice is:

If it was admins who said that:
Erase this account. Create a totally new account with a totally new name and totally new password. If you have private cmail that you want to keep, cut & paste it into a word document or somesuch before you do all this. Insofar as forum posts, they are eternal. You won't "lose" any of it.

If it helps you any, I used to have a different nick. I changed it. People figured out immediately who I was... largely because I have the same profile photo as I used to and I helpfully included the old nick in my signature. Overall, the change in account name hasn't hurt me at all. Although I wish I could keep the ice cream cone. I kind of liked having that back again since I still self-identify as vanilla.

If it was just some random joe who told you:
Get a real admin to really figure out what is really going on.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to oregongirl)

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 2:03:54 PM

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

FR~

The internet is full of wankers, don't let them use you for wanking.

(in reply to oregongirl)

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