RE: Maintenance Discipline (Full Version)

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Asherscorp1 -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/27/2012 6:17:41 AM)

Brilliant. I can see exactly why this works for you and I'm glad you figured it out to the benefit of both involved. Well done.




Killerangel -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/27/2012 9:13:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wisdomseeker

Wow, I didn't expect so many replies, thanks a ton. I should have explained what I meant by maintenance discipline though. Whereas before discipline was on a case by case basis, now in addition to that she gets the hell spanked out of her every two days whether she did anything or not. Before she would go anywhere from a few days to a week or more between spankings, so now that she knows she doesn't have to act out to get one then she doesn't.
Stay cool folks.


It would have been nice to have this information up front although I have to say that people seemed to have nailed down what the maintenance discipline was. Just as a general rule, if you're talking about something and leave things out, people will fill in the gaps.

Yeah, dude, you're not getting it. Spanking the hell out of her is what flips her buttons so she gets what she wants. I would wager if you ever stop paying attention to her in other ways you'll find the brattiness start to surface again too. She's got your number big time. You're both getting what you want, great, heres the thing which other people are trying to tell you too. It seems to work to give her what she wants which also makes you happy...but it's not discipline. You're not addressing the behavior problems guy. It IS like giving her a big old handful of candy every other day. It's not taking care of her issues though, and you calling it something other than what it is causes further cloudiness. You do honestly seem to believe that you're in control and have addressed the situation.

Let me try to explain it differently, we tried the candy thing, I'm not sure you're getting it. So there's a teen who wants to drive the family car and throws a fit because Mom/Dad says he can't. The teen whines, wastes their time by interrupting constantly to complain more, and finally breaks some dishes. The parents shrug and say "We don't know what to do, we can't live with our son whining, getting in our way, and making messes, we'll give him the use of the car." Just to make sure he stays happy, they give him the car every other day. Son and parents are both happy, they've solved the problem....right? Sure, but son has learned that to get what he wants he whines, gets in the way and breaks dishes. When another situation comes up where he wants something different or he decides every other day with the car isn't cutting it, he follows what he has learned will get his parents to give him what he wants.

Does that make sense to you? It's an illusion that you are controlling her. You gave her exactly what she wanted. Here's the thing though go ahead and disregard all of this if you are happy and love how things are. I'm no one to tell you how to run your relationship. If the two of you are blissfully happy with how this functions then great. If you don't mind giving her exactly what she wants for the rest of your time together or pay a price...great! Carry on. I seriously have no problems with what works for the two of you but see it for what it is.

Let me blow your mind further. Maintenance discipline might actually work as discipline on someone like me, I detest making my partner unhappy and would cringe at pulling the stuff your girl does. I don't like physical punishment. In my case, it would be discipline...not candy or the use of a car. It would be you doing something I didn't like to change my behavior.

Here's another thing, she seems to need it, you - not so much although I could be wrong. What happens the first time you miss a discipline appt where you give Missy exactly what she wants? Oh, darn, look at her being a brat again. There she goes. Do you honestly want to live in a situation where you have to fill a role as regular as clockwork so your fully adult woman doesn't go off the rails? What you have described as how she behaves...utterly unacceptable. That is not normal adult behavior. So you do not have the luxury my friend of ever missing a maintenance spanking or you might have some consequences. I'd not want to live that way, but that's just me. What happens when you're on a trip, do you come home to find the house in a shambles because she's been 'bad'? How about if you're sick for a while? Or just sick and tired of spanking her? Because you never addressed the underlying problem, you have a situation that hinges on an external modifier....not an internal one. So you have to keep performing or risk your system falling apart at some point when life throws you a curve ball.




ultimatedomme -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/28/2012 5:49:33 AM)

I love the term maintenance discipline for how absurd it sounds both in name and in practice. Straight up, shouldn't the idea of discipline in this sense be something a submissive would rather want to avoid? If he or she ain't trying to avoid it, it ain't discipline.

"Hey (pet name for sub inserted here), I know you haven't broke any rules or anything like that, but i'm going to discipline you anyway to like you know, teach you to remember your place and all sorts of other nonsense."

C'mon man.





pghays04 -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/28/2012 8:36:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ultimatedomme

I love the term maintenance discipline for how absurd it sounds both in name and in practice. Straight up, shouldn't the idea of discipline in this sense be something a submissive would rather want to avoid? If he or she ain't trying to avoid it, it ain't discipline.

"Hey (pet name for sub inserted here), I know you haven't broke any rules or anything like that, but i'm going to discipline you anyway to like you know, teach you to remember your place and all sorts of other nonsense."

C'mon man.



ultimatedomme, Read your P/profile and J/journal. Acid enemas, never thought of that one. Great stuff.
More on thread though, scheduled play time (at least for the sub) is being incorrectly labeled maintenance discipline. Maintenance discipline would really be things like enforcing protocols, such as being addressed as Sir, Mistress, Master, etc. This discipline is to maintain the dynamic of the relationship, hence maintenance discipline, a practice that makes sense to me.




hellionsLight -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/28/2012 9:23:57 AM)

Alright, glad it worked for you :)

Master doesn't really discipline me just because. I don't want to resent him -I want to look up to him, and do what he says because I want to, not because I have to.

I am still learning that - I want to, but my inner 'I don't need him to tell me what to do!' is still there. It's a personal thing, not really having to do with him.

I wouldn't work in my relationship.




crazyml -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 2:46:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wisdomseeker
Because of this she just escalated her misbehavior until the next day while I was working she jimmied the door open, sauntered in, unplugged my pc and ran off. This made me livid beyond livid and it took all I had not to go past my own rules when disciplining her.



What the fuck? She respects you so little that she's willing to potentially fuck up something you're working on to get attention?

Oh god that must be humiliating.




OsideGirl -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 7:27:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
This discipline is to maintain the dynamic of the relationship, hence maintenance discipline, a practice that makes sense to me.

The dynamic in this case is that she controls the dynamic by throwing temper tantrums until she gets what she wants.




Rochsub2009 -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 7:42:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wisdomseeker
Because of this she just escalated her misbehavior until the next day while I was working she jimmied the door open, sauntered in, unplugged my pc and ran off. This made me livid beyond livid and it took all I had not to go past my own rules when disciplining her.



What the fuck? She respects you so little that she's willing to potentially fuck up something you're working on to get attention?



That's what I was thinking. I don't know what he was working on, but what if it had been a big presentation for his boss that was due in the morning? Or what if it was the final edit on a book that he had been writing? She could have made him lose something important.

Breaking into a locked room was bad enough, but unplugging a computer that could have had important (and unsaved) work on it is just inexcusable. I really don't understand why this guy hasn't kicked her out of his house permanently. I guess acting like a disobedient child is a quality that he likes in his subs. He probably finds his subs at Brats-R-Us.




VioletViolence -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 10:26:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

It would have been nice to have this information up front although I have to say that people seemed to have nailed down what the maintenance discipline was. Just as a general rule, if you're talking about something and leave things out, people will fill in the gaps.

Yeah, dude, you're not getting it. Spanking the hell out of her is what flips her buttons so she gets what she wants. I would wager if you ever stop paying attention to her in other ways you'll find the brattiness start to surface again too. She's got your number big time. You're both getting what you want, great, heres the thing which other people are trying to tell you too. It seems to work to give her what she wants which also makes you happy...but it's not discipline. You're not addressing the behavior problems guy. It IS like giving her a big old handful of candy every other day. It's not taking care of her issues though, and you calling it something other than what it is causes further cloudiness. You do honestly seem to believe that you're in control and have addressed the situation.

Let me try to explain it differently, we tried the candy thing, I'm not sure you're getting it. So there's a teen who wants to drive the family car and throws a fit because Mom/Dad says he can't. The teen whines, wastes their time by interrupting constantly to complain more, and finally breaks some dishes. The parents shrug and say "We don't know what to do, we can't live with our son whining, getting in our way, and making messes, we'll give him the use of the car." Just to make sure he stays happy, they give him the car every other day. Son and parents are both happy, they've solved the problem....right? Sure, but son has learned that to get what he wants he whines, gets in the way and breaks dishes. When another situation comes up where he wants something different or he decides every other day with the car isn't cutting it, he follows what he has learned will get his parents to give him what he wants.

Does that make sense to you? It's an illusion that you are controlling her. You gave her exactly what she wanted. Here's the thing though go ahead and disregard all of this if you are happy and love how things are. I'm no one to tell you how to run your relationship. If the two of you are blissfully happy with how this functions then great. If you don't mind giving her exactly what she wants for the rest of your time together or pay a price...great! Carry on. I seriously have no problems with what works for the two of you but see it for what it is.

Let me blow your mind further. Maintenance discipline might actually work as discipline on someone like me, I detest making my partner unhappy and would cringe at pulling the stuff your girl does. I don't like physical punishment. In my case, it would be discipline...not candy or the use of a car. It would be you doing something I didn't like to change my behavior.

Here's another thing, she seems to need it, you - not so much although I could be wrong. What happens the first time you miss a discipline appt where you give Missy exactly what she wants? Oh, darn, look at her being a brat again. There she goes. Do you honestly want to live in a situation where you have to fill a role as regular as clockwork so your fully adult woman doesn't go off the rails? What you have described as how she behaves...utterly unacceptable. That is not normal adult behavior. So you do not have the luxury my friend of ever missing a maintenance spanking or you might have some consequences. I'd not want to live that way, but that's just me. What happens when you're on a trip, do you come home to find the house in a shambles because she's been 'bad'? How about if you're sick for a while? Or just sick and tired of spanking her? Because you never addressed the underlying problem, you have a situation that hinges on an external modifier....not an internal one. So you have to keep performing or risk your system falling apart at some point when life throws you a curve ball.


Ok, so, basically what's described here is *exactly* how my parents raised me. I was never actually "disciplined" (usually just sort of vaguely threatened with something terrible, followed by a mild "punishment" that just had me laughing behind my hands) and I always ended up getting exactly what I wanted. I turned into a right royal terror (after, to be truly honest, starting out as a pretty good, well behaved kid). This is not the way to go about instilling discipline, confidence and the ability to function in the world in someone you care about. Personally, I'm currently going through my psyche and undoing all the damage this sort of treatment did to me. Were my parents awful people? Lord no, they're wonderful and they were doing the best they could and what they felt was right, they're just over indulgent and let me run absolutely wild. So please OP, take it from someone who's been there, in the long run your sub will appreciate you standing your ground, setting rules and sticking to them much more than you catering to her every whim and indulging her bad behaviour.




MsSylverdawn -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 1:03:44 PM)

Here is my take..

She is getting her ass polished and loving it. and its like whoohoo if I dont bother him today tommorrow Im going to get my ass polished... but if I bother him today I mght get it polished today and tommorrow..


My take.. cage the bitch from 9 to 1 let her out from an hour the back int he cage from 2 to 4.. put the cage in the garage or some closet you can sound proof.. so you dont have to listen to her wail..

a week of being bored out of her mind.. no tv, no book no comics and no coloring books and crayons.. she will learn how to not get in the cage..

I call that maintenance discipline..

just my 2 cents..




Muttling -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 1:16:21 PM)

While I agree she was way out of line with her behavior, maintenance discipline or reminders as some call them are a good way to meet the submissive's needs in a serious Ds relationship. (Yes, subs have needs too.)

Maintenance discipline or reminders as they are also called is nothing new and are a part of many Ds relationships (including my own.) It's not so much of a punishment as it is a loving reminder of who's in charge and there is a closeness to it that many enjoy. A re-establishment of mood after a hard day or week of vanilla life.




MsSylverdawn -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 1:41:38 PM)

yes but if she equates spanking as a positive ..then she isnt getting it.. well she is getting what she wants.. find a way to disicipline without giving her positive re enforcment for negative behaviors.. spanking her if you wnat to when you want to because you want to.. not to tell her ok Im doing this so you will not run into my office and pull out my comptuer cord.. say you had been on a conference call for some multimillion dollar deal.. oh whoops just as you were saying oh yes Im ever so dependable blank NOT a FUCKING thing.. and you get back on line ooh sooo sorry Im an asshole my net just dropped me.. please..

girl needs her head fuckin examined .. not her ass polished..




OsideGirl -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 1:53:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn
ok Im doing this so you will not run into my office and pull out my comptuer cord.

Crux of the issue right here.




joshspet1980 -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/29/2012 4:13:39 PM)

Amen to that! I mean it does sound very, very childish and some of the responses in dealing with her sound as if they came from some parenting classes that I have attended.

Personally, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that I have to use my Parenting skills on to get past problems in the relationship. I admit I like being treated like Daddy's little girl sometimes by my Master, but not in the sense that he has to discipline me like a child or that I'm not mature enough to know when it's time to be Daddy's little and when it's not.

There are plenty of times when my Master is at work that I crave his attention or that I would love for him to stay up all night to talk to me on the phone when I crave his attention. But, I also am realistic about the fact that Master needs his sleep to be able to work at his job and provide a means of support for us and our family. I can't bother him at work and risk him loosing his job just to fulfill my needs. That ends up hurting us both and the relationship.




ClassAct2006 -> RE: Maintenance Discipline (3/1/2013 5:43:40 AM)

Would anyone really want to be with someone who would come into their office when they are working and pull out the computer cord so hours and hours of work,thousands of pounds might be lost? Ehat sort of low IQ waster does that kind of thing?

Also why would someone dom want someone who doesn't want to please them and wants in effect to be charge? He does exactly what she says.

Anyway if it works for them, fine.




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