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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/2/2012 11:56:20 AM

littlewonder

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quote:

but when she sees what she wants, she asks for it. Often, shes doesn't get it and is disappointed. What to do?

Here's what I do....don't have expectations. If I ask for something and I don't get it I'm not disappointed because I never expected it in the first place.

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Post #: 41

RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/2/2012 3:13:13 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Since our divorce I have been very wary of anything that looks like it is leading to marriage.

I was married for 18 years and am completely uninterested in doing it again. Not because it was a bad marriage or divorce, but I just no longer feel the need.

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Post #: 42

RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/2/2012 5:18:44 PM

tng

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Joined: 6/28/2007
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I love freely and openly, I mean why not, its a temporary affliction so just enjoy it, it will pass before too long. And if it's a crash & burn, oh well, the pain is also temporary. You have to keep in mind just what love is and isn't. Its a natural condition induced by chemicals in your brain intended to draw you to a person to keep you together for 5-7 years to improve the odds of any offspring surviving.What it isn't is anything spiritual or special, effectively its a drug -- and I am quite happily addicted to it, so I welcome any fix I can get.

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/2/2012 7:20:39 PM

joshspet1980

Posts: 63
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From: Texas originally but live in Washington
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I used to be way too trusting with my heart and when I fell for them I fell hard. But, now after years of abusive relationships I question every little thing and I don't trust myself anymore.

I am struggling with this right now. My current relationship has been my best friend for six years. But, still, I don't always trust. I trust him a lot more than I have anyone in years, but I still get those nagging little doubts in my mind.

I have taken it as slow as possible with him, but lately he's been admitting to doing things that wasn't himself when we were friends because he didn't think I'd want to be with him as more than a friend. He thought he'd always be the one I ran to when my other relationships didn't work out. He tried to replace me in his mind and push his feelings aside and it didn't work.

Now all that stuff is coming up to make me wonder. I don't want to go down a hurtful path again either. I don't know whether to trust that he was really that stuck on me and had that bad of insecurities or if he's just saying that as a ploy. Because, I've heard it all in the past. To the point where it's hard for me to believe the "lines." Even if they are spoken out of truth, it's hard for me to tell that they are the truth.

I have a lot of growing and a lot of issues to deal with in this department. Let me know what you do to get through them yourself? Cause I would be interested to know. I just made a journal post about this sort of thing.

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Post #: 44

RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/3/2012 9:07:45 AM

kalikshama

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JP - I wouldn't worry too much about what he used to do. What he does now that he's with you is more important. Check to see that his actions are matching his words.

For example, if he claimed that he only spent hours and hours online previously to distract himself from you that's interesting, but what he is doing these days is more important.

M and I have an open relationship so I don't care what he's doing online because he doesn't let it interfere with our time and our plans.

However, if I were in a monogamous relationship and saw that M was spending a lot of time on OKCupid for example, that would piss me off. Ya, the tests are fun. Test this!

Sticking with the hypothetical, if you find yourself spending a lot of time checking up after him, the relationship is probably doomed, perhaps due to your insecurity, perhaps due to his "internet addiction."

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/3/2012 9:48:51 AM

joshspet1980

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From: Texas originally but live in Washington
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Well, he's not really addicted to it now. This was all done in the past when we were just friends. But, I am shocked that he was so good at being fake. I don't check up on him. I don't have to. He tells me everything and I don't even ask. I do trust him, but it's my old insecurities that interfere with my happiness. I just never know how to trust myself again. What can I say I'm a total mess and he'd probably do well to move on, but he's insistent that I'm the one for him and always have been and that he's got tons of insecurities too. Him insecurities? I keep going yeah right. How could he have insecurities. lol

But, anyways, I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. One of these days I really have to quit playing the old tapes in my head.

_____________________________

"I love Jesus, my horse, then it's between you and the dog." "Yeah, Cowboy Up!"

"Gotta love G.R.I.T.S (Girls Raised In The South)"

#1 Reason A Horse is Better than a Man-Wouldn't you rather have the whole horse instead of just the horse's a**.

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Post #: 46

RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/3/2012 9:54:12 AM

joshspet1980

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From: Texas originally but live in Washington
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Oh PS: Kalikshama, You made such a wonderful point that really helped me. Oh thank you thank you thank you! Where you said

quote:

For example, if he claimed that he only spent hours and hours online previously to distract himself from you that's interesting, but what he is doing these days is more important.

Oh my gosh, it was after I read your post the second time after I replied that it hit me! He spends hours and hours talking to me now! In the past yeah we were friends and we chatted online and I would sit in his room and watch him play Star Trek games and it always seemed he was ignoring me.

But now, he calls me on his every break and at his lunches and when he gets home. We talk for hours every night before we go to bed and when we get online it's together. It's amazing how we surf the net together from miles away. I give him links he gives me links and we chat away on the IM. We never had that before. Sure we talked about random stuff but it's different now.

Thank you for pointing that out to me. What's different about how he acts now from before. I've known him six years and I've never seen him walk around with a silly grin. He always looked sad and depressed. And his mom says she's never seen him sappy in her entire life and it's new to her and she's been teasing him about it. Wow, that explains a lot. He really was hurting. Maybe he really did have insecurities. And now that I am finally with him, he's free.

_____________________________

"I love Jesus, my horse, then it's between you and the dog." "Yeah, Cowboy Up!"

"Gotta love G.R.I.T.S (Girls Raised In The South)"

#1 Reason A Horse is Better than a Man-Wouldn't you rather have the whole horse instead of just the horse's a**.

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Post #: 47

RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/3/2012 12:32:40 PM

LunaM

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Joined: 3/3/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: joshspet1980

Oh PS: Kalikshama, You made such a wonderful point that really helped me. Oh thank you thank you thank you! Where you said
quote:

For example, if he claimed that he only spent hours and hours online previously to distract himself from you that's interesting, but what he is doing these days is more important.

Oh my gosh, it was after I read your post the second time after I replied that it hit me! He spends hours and hours talking to me now! In the past yeah we were friends and we chatted online and I would sit in his room and watch him play Star Trek games and it always seemed he was ignoring me.

But now, he calls me on his every break and at his lunches and when he gets home. We talk for hours every night before we go to bed and when we get online it's together. It's amazing how we surf the net together from miles away. I give him links he gives me links and we chat away on the IM. We never had that before. Sure we talked about random stuff but it's different now.

Thank you for pointing that out to me. What's different about how he acts now from before. I've known him six years and I've never seen him walk around with a silly grin. He always looked sad and depressed. And his mom says she's never seen him sappy in her entire life and it's new to her and she's been teasing him about it. Wow, that explains a lot. He really was hurting. Maybe he really did have insecurities. And now that I am finally with him, he's free.

I had trust issues and it was put to me this way. Either you trust someone or you don't. Do you want to spend your time worrying about what could happen with him or do you want to enjoy the time you have and cherish it?

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~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/3/2012 4:41:05 PM

LPslittleclip

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for my heart i am very cautious with it and only expose it to few but when i do it is a very deep set attatchment and very difficult to remove for i love with a intensity and devotion

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/3/2012 5:46:11 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaM

quote:

ORIGINAL: joshspet1980

Oh PS: Kalikshama, You made such a wonderful point that really helped me. Oh thank you thank you thank you! Where you said
quote:

For example, if he claimed that he only spent hours and hours online previously to distract himself from you that's interesting, but what he is doing these days is more important.

Oh my gosh, it was after I read your post the second time after I replied that it hit me! He spends hours and hours talking to me now! In the past yeah we were friends and we chatted online and I would sit in his room and watch him play Star Trek games and it always seemed he was ignoring me.

But now, he calls me on his every break and at his lunches and when he gets home. We talk for hours every night before we go to bed and when we get online it's together. It's amazing how we surf the net together from miles away. I give him links he gives me links and we chat away on the IM. We never had that before. Sure we talked about random stuff but it's different now.

Thank you for pointing that out to me. What's different about how he acts now from before. I've known him six years and I've never seen him walk around with a silly grin. He always looked sad and depressed. And his mom says she's never seen him sappy in her entire life and it's new to her and she's been teasing him about it. Wow, that explains a lot. He really was hurting. Maybe he really did have insecurities. And now that I am finally with him, he's free.

I had trust issues and it was put to me this way. Either you trust someone or you don't. Do you want to spend your time worrying about what could happen with him or do you want to enjoy the time you have and cherish it?

Well said, Luna. What is the point and purpose of not loving with a full and open heart? Of course, love lost, denied or unrequited can be deeply painful, but that is the price one must be willing to pay to enter and play well at The Fair! I say it is a risk well worth taking. Life is short, and none of us is promised our next breath.

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/5/2012 4:27:08 PM

LunaM

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Joined: 3/3/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaM

quote:

ORIGINAL: joshspet1980

Oh PS: Kalikshama, You made such a wonderful point that really helped me. Oh thank you thank you thank you! Where you said
quote:

For example, if he claimed that he only spent hours and hours online previously to distract himself from you that's interesting, but what he is doing these days is more important.

Oh my gosh, it was after I read your post the second time after I replied that it hit me! He spends hours and hours talking to me now! In the past yeah we were friends and we chatted online and I would sit in his room and watch him play Star Trek games and it always seemed he was ignoring me.

But now, he calls me on his every break and at his lunches and when he gets home. We talk for hours every night before we go to bed and when we get online it's together. It's amazing how we surf the net together from miles away. I give him links he gives me links and we chat away on the IM. We never had that before. Sure we talked about random stuff but it's different now.

Thank you for pointing that out to me. What's different about how he acts now from before. I've known him six years and I've never seen him walk around with a silly grin. He always looked sad and depressed. And his mom says she's never seen him sappy in her entire life and it's new to her and she's been teasing him about it. Wow, that explains a lot. He really was hurting. Maybe he really did have insecurities. And now that I am finally with him, he's free.

I had trust issues and it was put to me this way. Either you trust someone or you don't. Do you want to spend your time worrying about what could happen with him or do you want to enjoy the time you have and cherish it?

Well said, Luna. What is the point and purpose of not loving with a full and open heart? Of course, love lost, denied or unrequited can be deeply painful, but that is the price one must be willing to pay to enter and play well at The Fair! I say it is a risk well worth taking. Life is short, and none of us is promised our next breath.

Agreed Duskypearls!

_____________________________

~BloodRed's Slave~

~Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else~

~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/6/2012 10:58:14 AM

HorneyBetty76

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I haven't given my heart to that many guys, I tend to not let them go when I do. I stay in relationships that should have ended years bofore thinking I can make them work. Yes, it hurts when it is over. I don't know what to say? There is only so much you can do?

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/7/2012 1:58:31 AM

Greta75

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I could not fall inlove with someone I only knew online, without actually hanging out in real life to see if we fit.
But relationships are always hard when heart's thrown into it, and then it gets trampled on by the receiving person.

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/9/2012 10:00:17 AM

wholelyhis

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Women are inheriently screwed. It is their nature to "fall in love." Rest easy, it is not love, it is the idea of being in love. I think that it is common for women to associate sexual chemistry with love and the lack of it as not being in love. It's just what we do, we size- up potentials for falling in love. Not many interest me either and I've come to conclusion that it is because, as a woman, my heart is looking for more, but my brain knows that it ain't gonna happen here, and in the meantime... well what the hell. What I do know, at least about myself, it that I definitely have sexual proclivities that I am not going to do without, hence I look in the quiet corners to find something that will work for me. Will I find love? Who knows and I try not to think about it. We are not like men, who are attached to a huge, sometimes, piece of flesh that drives their entire being. ChatteParfaitt made me laugh, being attached to her pussy when she was young. Perhaps if women were driven as such then there would be a lot less heartache among women. I don't know. I do however, think that we should all start thinking with our pussies and find those who are going to give us the sexual satisfaction that we all deserve, and we all deserve it!

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RE: Do you lose your heart too easily - 4/15/2012 10:14:28 AM

msub4real

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Maybe because I am male but the pain of love never seemed like a separate part to avoid or mind feeling. It's just a part of the whole. To be close is to care and that includes caring about losing, so the potential is always present and when something hurts along those lines it comes from caring. Feelings don't go how I decide they will, they just happen and the good along with the bad. It can hurt so good, too.

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Post #: 55