RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (Full Version)

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mummyman321 -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 10:27:17 AM)

I agree with Hibbie, they are a waste of time. I am only interested in people who can treat me as an equal until such time something else is agreed to.



forcedsensuality -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 10:44:52 AM)

Fair enough.
It's so easy to get mad at multiple rudeness.

Am curious to know what you think of the unequal bargaining positions idea though ?
Supply and demand, more subs than dommes ?
And initial negotiating, neutral ? Or bargaining from a dominant position ?



Alecta -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 10:50:34 AM)

I disagree.

The guy responded to a profile that had "all these rules" for her "pigs-on-two-legs kingdom", so obviously that turned his crank and he's pissed now only because she wouldn't give him the time of day. How's it more her fault than his? She didn't hide how she wants to play the BDSM interaction, he simply wasn't on the same page enough for her to be interested. So what?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 11:06:52 AM)

Alecta, I do agree with you there, when the rules of engagement are laid out, follow them or not. At least the woman was consistent.

I am not on the other side except to check CMail and update my journal, but I do read the profile that pop up on my feed. Not much there of interest. A whole lot of men saying what they like kink wise, and not offering much else.

When I was looking, I was looking for another PERSON. Even if our relationship was to be a little slap and tickle every other week, I was interested in other humans with lives and interests. Very few men offer that. Just a fact. For me, a woman not interested in someone's wallet, and not looking for help around the house, there needs to be more.

I am a dominant woman, but not in a dominant position to anyone until it's been agreed upon. Not everyone is that way, and not all men are looking for the kind of woman I am. That's why it's important to say up front what you need, and not waste time with what you don't.



forcedsensuality -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 11:07:02 AM)

Alecta,

There were no rules in her profile about how to address her.

I stuck to her other rules, pretty much giving her all the info she wanted
(and these requirements seemed reasonable enough)

so she ignored what i had included, the stuff she said she wanted.

But this "how i wish to be addressed" was all the reply i got.
Then she ignored my reasonably-toned follow up inquiries.

I finally pointed out that i thought this was a bit unreasonable.
But she ignored (unread) seven messages before blocking me.

I've seen a friend's rejection letters from publishers. They are much more polite and helpful and somewhat encouraging, even if they are standard letter responses.

I enjoy being rude to people but only if they've been awfully rude to me first and so I'm a little bit justified .. i hadn't got to being rude with this person yet .. still trying to be reasonable..

People that change the rules all the time scare me, .. arbitrary, unpredictable, no rhyme or reason, not sexy

(oh well, just one example, but it could have been fun on Judge Judy)



forcedsensuality -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 11:14:21 AM)

Oh btw, is Judge Judy around this forum at all,
she's consistent, a bit mean sometimes ..

now if she was a British male judge, she'd be out the back subbing it public school British Vice

I could submit to Judge Judy, she's interesting, rhyme & reason,
but i couldn't be a party to one of her cases, too humiliating,
if you see me in her court in the deadbeat role, please ask Judy to apply the death penalty.



Alecta -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 11:32:11 AM)

It's easier to go out on the limb and guess that she's into the whole Female Supremacy movement thing and explain from there.
Female Supremacy is its own subculture, like leather or Gor. It already comes with a set of defined rules on what and how everyone is expected to act towards each other depending on status and such. Rules posted on the profiles of those who openly subscribe to these subcultures are addendum and indicate their preferences, they do not include every single little rule in the compendium. It is generally safe to assume that even though the standard rules are not explicitly listed, they are expected of the right person, since this indicates they understand the subculture.

Thing is, if you had something to say that she might have been interested in, she would most likely have overlooked the breach in protocol or at least corrected you with instructions as opposed to "this is wrong, don't contact me again". Chances are there were all kinds of "wrong for her" in your communications, she just didn't want to discuss them.

How does publishers' rejection letters come into this? lol Publishers reject the work, not the author. They are delicate and polite because maybe someday you will come back with something they could be interested in and they don't want to have already salted the earth. Sorry, in this instance she is rejecting you the person, not the "work", and she doesn't care if you come back.

Maybe you don't realise, seven messages after she's indicated she doesn't want to hear from you would probably be considered harassment by Judge Judy :p



LaTigresse -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 11:53:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

People who have all those rules for saying hello are idiots. Why waste time on them?


Indeed.



PeonForHer -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 11:54:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

People who have all those rules for saying hello are idiots. Why waste time on them?


Yep, peabrain.

Either that or a bait-and-switcher. Usually, these will just stop writing the minute they realise that you're the wrong type for an attempted pocket-emptying. Occasionally, though, they like to try to get you to believe that the basic problem is your not meeting the required stratospherically high standards set by them - ultra-Dommes that they are.



LadyConstanze -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 12:41:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: forcedsensuality


I messaged back, explained there'd been a misunderstanding, pointed out what she HAD asked for in her profile, tried to get a discussion going, .." how would you like me to communicate the" etc.

She ignored seven messages to that effect and then blocked me.




I would take that as a very clear sign that she wasn't interested in communicating with you...



Hillwilliam -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 1:01:18 PM)

I havent slogged thru this whole thread but I'll toss in 2 copper coins worth.

The Dommes that bug me are the ones who are in the classical "Ass up head down" position in their primary photo.

They then proceed to whine and stamp their feet in their writings about "wannabes who don't take them seriously".

Guess what princess? When you assume the "Bitch in Heat" position, you look a lot more like you want some available male to drop trou, grab a handfull of hair, put a big red handprint on that ass and do evil things to your girly parts than anything resembling obedience.

Take a look at your profile. If you don't look like you can command respect, you generally won't command respect.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 1:05:36 PM)

Oh, Hilly. You and your common sense!

Princess Hib



LadyConstanze -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 1:56:33 PM)

Hilly, does that mean I need to change my profile pic?



subbyinlosangele -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 3:06:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: forcedsensuality

Alecta,

There were no rules in her profile about how to address her.

I stuck to her other rules, pretty much giving her all the info she wanted
(and these requirements seemed reasonable enough)

so she ignored what i had included, the stuff she said she wanted.

But this "how i wish to be addressed" was all the reply i got.
Then she ignored my reasonably-toned follow up inquiries.

I finally pointed out that i thought this was a bit unreasonable.
But she ignored (unread) seven messages before blocking me.

I've seen a friend's rejection letters from publishers. They are much more polite and helpful and somewhat encouraging, even if they are standard letter responses.

I enjoy being rude to people but only if they've been awfully rude to me first and so I'm a little bit justified .. i hadn't got to being rude with this person yet .. still trying to be reasonable..

People that change the rules all the time scare me, .. arbitrary, unpredictable, no rhyme or reason, not sexy

(oh well, just one example, but it could have been fun on Judge Judy)



Look at it this way: You sent an unsolicited email to a domme. The domme wrote back and said she didn't like the email you wrote.

I don't know why you assume that one exchange means the woman is morally or ethically required to respond to subsequent emails or to engage in a conversation you if she doesn't wish to.

You, after all, were the one who sent unsolicited email after email after email after email after email after email after email to a woman who had not in anyway encouraged these efforts. I am not surprised she blocked you -- you were pestering her.

She doesn't owe you an explanation or formal rejection letter. She didn't owe you anything, and it's hubris on your part to think she did, just as it's hubris to declare categorize your missives as "reasonably toned." There is nothing reasonable about bombarding a stranger who has shown no interest in communicating with you with seven emails. Your whole account of the exchange reeks of a sense of self-entitlement. The only surprising to me is that she didn't block you sooner.



PeonForHer -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 3:31:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Hilly, does that mean I need to change my profile pic?


Your hair looks close-cropped in your avatar. Have you ever tried close-cropped hair? I mean, it's a bit of a sacrilege if you're a redhead, as you are, but I think it might work in your case.

(Superb. I know nothing about women's hairstyles, yet here I am advising a female who happens to be an ex fashion journalist. I'm on a roll tonight. [:D])



PeonForHer -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 3:48:44 PM)

I do think subbyinlosangele has a point about your hubris with this woman, forcedsensuality. I have a feeling your pride and assumptions about how people should behave got in the way of your realising what a dickhead she was at the outset. Just best not to waste your time or emotional energy in the future. :-)



LadyConstanze -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 5:49:06 PM)

Peon, I had a crew cut in my misguided youth, actually you haven't seen me in a while, hair shortest than it was in ages being just below the shoulders... LA hairstylists, what can I say, one should only trust gay men with one's hair...



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 5:51:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

People who have all those rules for saying hello are idiots. Why waste time on them?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I am a dominant woman, but not in a dominant position to anyone until it's been agreed upon. Not everyone is that way, and not all men are looking for the kind of woman I am. That's why it's important to say up front what you need, and not waste time with what you don't.

This. ^^^^ ALL of it.

NBMG



LadyHibiscus -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 5:53:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Peon, I had a crew cut in my misguided youth, actually you haven't seen me in a while, hair shortest than it was in ages being just below the shoulders... LA hairstylists, what can I say, one should only trust gay men with one's hair...


I've never had a man do my hair. The idea is faintly disturbing.



LadyConstanze -> RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? (5/11/2012 5:56:20 PM)

Really? The only times when women did my hair, I was so not happy... Like having waist long hair and hearing the scissors next to your ear as happened last December... I said a TRIM!!!!! Luckily it grows really fast, because I didn't like the comments that I look like a Mexican gangster...

Always been more than happy with gay hairdressers, for some odd reason they really like my hair and always suggest what suits me.



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