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Intelligence? - 4/24/2012 10:56:54 AM   
chrisvirginslave


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would you be intimidated by someone with more intelligence than yourself or would it turn you on?
also what if you have a sub who is not at your mental level, would you use that to your advantage or be put off by it
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RE: Intelligence? - 4/24/2012 1:16:27 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


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I prefer partners with a high degree of intelligence. I won't be interested in anyone who is dull or vapid. My husband qualifies for membership in MENSA. Suffice it to say, I'm not intimidated by high intelligence. If someone happens to be more intelligent than I am, that's fine with me.

However, IQ test scores are not the be-all, end-all of what makes a good relationship. I've been involved with people who had a high IQ but were emotionally abusive assholes. I'd rather have a partner with a pleasant personality than a brainy douchecanoe.


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RE: Intelligence? - 4/24/2012 1:29:25 PM   
FrostedFlake


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More is better.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/24/2012 2:15:58 PM   
Ilayda


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I wouldn't want a submissive that I deem substantially less intelligent than me. That said, "intelligence" encompasses a lot of things beyond IQ, and I don't need them to be intelligent in the same way(s) I am.

I would not be put off by a submissive that is more intelligent than I in and of itself.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/24/2012 3:18:52 PM   
Alecta


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Intelligence needs to be tampered with the grace to wield it correctly and responsibly.
More is better, but it needs to be put to work for my benefit.
I enjoy the truly educated and well-read, but cannot stand those who know only to parrot other people's work.
I don't mind those who aren't that brilliant, as long as they are able to understand and follow my instructions.
However, the more intelligent the slave is, the more I expect of them and the less forgiving I am of their failings in attitude and judgement. After all, they should know better.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/24/2012 10:13:27 PM   
subbyinlosangele


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave

would you be intimidated by someone with more intelligence than yourself or would it turn you on?
also what if you have a sub who is not at your mental level, would you use that to your advantage or be put off by it



First, you should appreciate that the people who participant on a bulletin board like this are, on average, going to be more intelligent and articulate than the general BDSM population.

That said, for the most part, people tend to seek out others who are at a similar level of intelligence to themselves. Smart people want to be with smart people. Dumb people tend to want to be with dumb people.

That holds for anything of a substantive, long term nature. For a short-term quickie, people will sometimes be lenient on intelligence if the partner is hot enough.

For the most part, a smart person will quickly grow tire of using the lack of intelligence of someone else to their advantage, unless they are the sort that is using that lack of intelligence to drain money from the sub. Then that sort of person will keep going until the money is gone.


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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 12:31:27 AM   
TNDommeK


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I would have to agree with everyone on the "more is better" idea. I certainly would be turned off by a dumb ass.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 4:16:30 AM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
dumb ass.


That really is one of the more unfortunate of American expressions, thinking about it. An 'arse that cannot speak'. Personally, I prefer a woman whose arse generally makes little noise. However, this may be because I'm a Brit, therefore a little on the prim side.


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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 4:50:57 AM   
DarkSteven


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I'd like to respond to the original question, but it has a lot of big words in it.

Seriously, a much higher or lower intelligence will make for issues. A slightly higher or lower one won't.

But of all the reasons for incompatibility, that's not a big one.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 5:26:45 AM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbyinlosangele
First, you should appreciate that the people who participant on a bulletin board like this are, on average, going to be more intelligent and articulate than the general BDSM population.

I've seen no proof of this. Perhaps you could post some when you make categorical statements about subjects that are outside your personal experience?

See, for example, if I had to hazard a guess, I would say that the denizens of kinky message boards are: more verbal than average kinksters, more desirous of attention than average, tend to work from home/have long times alone on the job/are unemployed, are more likely to be single, and more likely to be female. In terms of intelligence relative to the average kinkster, I'd guess that it's about the same.

But I don't really know, and wouldn't ask someone to "appreciate" my opinion, because it might be bogus.

To respond to the OP: She has to be good at something I'm not. As long as she is smarter than I am in some capacity, we're good to go.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 5:34:20 AM   
PrincessDonna11


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Im sorry let me put my dictionary down long enough to respond lol I surely want a sub I know is capable of understanding my commands but more important understands their own submission. I want to be able to communicate far more then "Do you think it's going to rain?" but I have never asked during the face to face interview what someones I.Q. is. Shit I dont remember what mine is!

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 5:48:39 AM   
ResidentSadist


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I am not intimidated by an intellect greater than mine. I like big brains, big boobs and big butts. Intellect is an attractive feature.

I have a very hi IQ and only had one slave with an IQ higher than mine. I appreciate intellect and usually pick rather smart partners. I have also had very successful relationships with slaves of average intelligence, but they had a lot of common sense.



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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 6:30:42 AM   
Caius


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I should preface this by saying I'm not trying to tear down the question in general, as I think it's genuinely an interesting line of thought, but in a sense it's also a nonsensical one.  As someone with a deep background in cognitive science, I think I've gotten to the point that any time people begin trying to apply a metric to intelligence, in any context, I mentally prepare myself for this little caveat. The fact of the matter is, intelligence is not a linear spectrum; the human mind is capable of a vast array of different capabilities and human beings vary not so much in overall capability (afterall, baring impairment from disease, injury, or hindered development, we all have a fairly equal amount of neural hardware in the cognitive areas of the brain) as they do in how certain tasks are prioritized in their brains.  Further, there are some people with astonishing intelligence that often goes overlooked because they are not well-equipped at sharing the concepts that come so naturally to them.   All of which is an overblown way to say that there are many, many forms of intelligence, and values of one over another tend to be highly subjective.   The idea of an aggregate intelligence score, such as those provided by I.Q. tests, are not looked upon well by modern researchers and theorists of the mind, being holdovers from a much earlier era when much of the most dubious science of the mind was created (and owing their creation in no small part to racist and misogynist philosophies that they were originally often used to supposedly validate).

That being said, we all have our own concept of what constitutes a "practical" intelligence.   Personally, for the reasons above, I don't dwell on the question so much.  I've been with submissive women who would surely qualify as "brilliant" by most people's standards and others who wouldn't stand out.  I like both varieties, honestly, same as the fact that I like both calm and wild girls in their own way (or, as they present as subs, docile and feisty, respectively).  In my opinion, the thing you really have to be concerned about is not differences in intellect but rather your partner's perception of such.  Because while perceiving a top as more intelligent could cause healthy respect and a reinforcement of the D/s dynamic for some bottoms, in others it can lead to self doubt and an inferiority complex.   I'll also say that, in my experience, submissives who perceive themselves as intelligent will often be more likely to test boundaries, attempt to top from the bottom or otherwise manipulate; but I don't think that's controversial nor particularly unexpected.  Of course, luckily the prescribed response is the same whether she's a dullard or a genius - employ a sharp lesson that any submissive can remember. ;)


< Message edited by Caius -- 4/25/2012 7:17:11 AM >

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 8:15:33 AM   
MissStaryna


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I would say me and my sub/partner are intellectual equals and that's why we are compatable in all ways kinks and otherwise. I wouldn't want a huge difference in either direction.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 8:36:08 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Intelligence needs to be tampered with the grace to wield it correctly and responsibly.
More is better, but it needs to be put to work for my benefit.
I enjoy the truly educated and well-read, but cannot stand those who know only to parrot other people's work.
I don't mind those who aren't that brilliant, as long as they are able to understand and follow my instructions.
However, the more intelligent the slave is, the more I expect of them and the less forgiving I am of their failings in attitude and judgement. After all, they should know better.


This.

But I have to say.....IQ, MENSA...useless and meaningless to ME. I've got a guy that works for me, I am quite sure if tested, his IQ would be quite high, but his lack of common sense, his lack of ability to prioritize, his refusal to take personal responsibility for ANYTHING, gives me cause to find him dumber than a box of rocks most days. I've nearly bit my tongue off on more occasions than I could possibly count over the last eleven years. If I had to have him around, in my personal life, I would end up killing him in frustration.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 10:03:41 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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I really have a hard time with stupid people. I have an even harder time with BORING people.

The former love of my life never went to college, but is a tremendously intelligent and well read person. I *require* active intelligence, no matter what form it takes. I am fine with someone knowing lots of things that I don't know, it gives me the opportunity to learn new things and hear different opinions.

ETA: the education issue is ancillary to this. I have two master's degrees, and my "gift" to myself in five or ten years will be finally getting my doctorate. (I will at least write the book, now that I know what it will be). I've seen relationships destroyed from the inside when the person with less paper credentials felt threatened by the other's education. I have learned to filter for education, as well as brainpower. I know that all the degrees in the world don't make up for lack of common sense and character, but that costly piece of paper can be a fast track to "better than", even more than the big paycheck.

< Message edited by LadyHibiscus -- 4/25/2012 10:07:26 AM >


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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 10:44:29 AM   
Caius


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Yes, I have to agree also with what has been said here by others with regard to the fact that intelligence is contextualized with other mental traits which we don't necessarily consider intelligence in and of themselves but which may have a deep influence upon whether we consider a person as intelligent all the same.  Things like discipline,  character, the tempering effect of experience, knowledge acquired that allows them to better apply their innate gifts, their willingness to extend their minds to grapple with new ideas and tasks, ability to find common cause and compromise with others too mutual benefit, and so forth.   No aspect of the mind exists in isolation to the others, really.

< Message edited by Caius -- 4/25/2012 10:47:40 AM >

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 11:00:24 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I really have a hard time with stupid people. I have an even harder time with BORING people.

The former love of my life never went to college, but is a tremendously intelligent and well read person. I *require* active intelligence, no matter what form it takes. I am fine with someone knowing lots of things that I don't know, it gives me the opportunity to learn new things and hear different opinions.

ETA: the education issue is ancillary to this. I have two master's degrees, and my "gift" to myself in five or ten years will be finally getting my doctorate. (I will at least write the book, now that I know what it will be). I've seen relationships destroyed from the inside when the person with less paper credentials felt threatened by the other's education. I have learned to filter for education, as well as brainpower. I know that all the degrees in the world don't make up for lack of common sense and character, but that costly piece of paper can be a fast track to "better than", even more than the big paycheck.


I think that the paper will only affect a relationship that the people involved place such a high amount of importance on the paper. In my time on this planet the only people I've found that place any importance on a degree, outside of it's need in their chosen field (example: medical, attorney, etc.) are usually people that tend to be rather insecure in themselves as a human being and their worth outside of that degree.

I know that, when I am hiring, I pay no attention to whether or not a person has a degree. I pay attention to their work experience, how they carry themselves and whether or not I think they would be a good fit for the company over all. I am not hiring engineers, scientists or doctors. I can teach a person how to do just about anything we require, I cannot teach common sense.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/25/2012 11:01:07 AM >


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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 11:06:35 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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LOL! My mom never got to go to college and that was her personal glass ceiling at GM. "They're a college graduate" was always shorthand for "Can't find his/her ass with both hands".

It's only paper, but it sure does impress the clients. Whatever.

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RE: Intelligence? - 4/25/2012 11:32:52 AM   
Caius


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Well ladies, I'll be the first to support the notion that a degree, or any measure of formal education, is not always the most accurate indicator of actual knowledge or capability, but,  by the same token, many are nothing to sneeze at.  It varies widely of course, but there are plenty of degrees which clearly do not go to anyone who doesn't have their shit together on at least some level.

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