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Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 10:50:12 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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It is spring, and it appears the birds and bee’s be flyin; which inspires a question in my mind. It has to do with Pro Dommes.

I know there are many different flavors of Pro Dommes. Some are the proverbial chicks with whips, etc, etc.

Yet in my experience, there is also a unique subset. Dominant Ladies that have deep skills, intense interest and sometimes, even a reputation in the community. So they could be described as both Lifestyle and Professional. It is this subset that inspires my question.

Do Pro Dommes really keep an iron clad separation between clients and personal slaves? Or, do they ever actually take a “client” as a personal, after trying them out as a client? If they do not take clients as “personals”; how do they keep the iron clad separation over time? Surely, some clients must be attractive.

Please share and feel free to add any thoughts or experiences.

Post #: 1

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 11:43:54 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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I know a pro who ended up married to one of her clients, so at least one does.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 2

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 11:50:57 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

What an odd question coming from you!

I am still pals with some of my former clients. Some I was able to introduce to the local scene, or even get their spouses into the game. I never took any personal subs from the client pool, because none of them really appealed to me from that perspective. (The one exception was married...oh well, better luck next life!)

I know that some pro doms use payment as a filter of sincerity, but if i dont feel the connection, no amount of money is going to create it. Also, my clients came to me with what THEY wanted. Pro domination is about fantasy fulfillment. There was actual D/s interaction with some clients, but mostly it was about them, and what they were paying top dollar to get. Not too many men who are happy with that scenario are going to transition into the world where it's about Little Me.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 3

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 12:57:05 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

What Hibby said.

Maybe also for some pro dommes (it was like that for me), it was a way of living out your sadism and desire for BDSM without bringing it home, because for a while I had a partner who simply wasn't into it. Due to it being a business transaction, there would always be that border, no conflict with my existing relationship... Since it wasn't really an income (usually was only available 1 day per week and I think I spend most of it on fetish clothes and toys) so I could afford to be very picky about who I saw and that we meshed well, I found some great friendships I still have. In the end I found a guy I was more compatible with and gave up that one day a week because I had most of what I wanted at home. The most difficult bit was actually finding the guys I was close to a replacement domme.

I do know some pro dommes who have met their partners in the dungeon as clients, but your really have to be clear about the fact that once you make the transition from client to personal, it's all about her, 100% - not a lot of guys can take that!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 4

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 1:39:34 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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Lady H and Lady C:

Thank You for Your comments. Honestly, i really appreciate them. So far i have made note of: the connection (same as always

) .... use of money as a filter; but also the attitudinal differences between the "cash" transaction and a "personal" interaction.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What an odd question coming from you!

LOL perhaps on the surface. Until You realize i am ALWAYS impressed by Women who are accomplished, and have created a high profile for themselves in some walk of life. Whether Business, Professional .. or even Pro Domme.

Doubly so, when the Lady approaches me.

Perhaps, what is throwing me, is the differences in the getting to know one another expectations and approaches.

But for now ...

Please share all thoughts! I am honestly curious ...

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 5

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 1:53:49 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I don't know how to put this delicately so I'm just blunt, because there was money involved, it created a moral barrier about how far you can go, anything crossing the lines to a "more intimate" relationship would have felt like I wasn't providing a BDSM experience but selling my body, it might sound fucked up but it worked for me. I could get my BDSM kicks but still remain faithful to the guy I was with (I guess others would disagree but I always lived my life for me and not for others). Does that make sense? In a way it made me immune to the sexual attractions of the people I was sessioning with (and I just dig masochists...) and outside of a session we could be friends.

Now given your situation, yes, women get attracted to guys, pro dommes too, so if she approaches you (and it's not just a plot for client retention) GO FOR IT! I thought you were talking about booking sessions in the hope of finding a personal relationship, which hardly ever works.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 6

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 1:56:27 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

It is spring, and it appears the birds and bee’s be flyin; which inspires a question in my mind. It has to do with Pro Dommes.

I know there are many different flavors of Pro Dommes. Some are the proverbial chicks with whips, etc, etc.

Yet in my experience, there is also a unique subset. Dominant Ladies that have deep skills, intense interest and sometimes, even a reputation in the community. So they could be described as both Lifestyle and Professional. It is this subset that inspires my question.

Do Pro Dommes really keep an iron clad separation between clients and personal slaves? Or, do they ever actually take a “client” as a personal, after trying them out as a client? If they do not take clients as “personals”; how do they keep the iron clad separation over time? Surely, some clients must be attractive.

Please share and feel free to add any thoughts or experiences.

I've always kept them separate, but am technically open to someone exceptional moving into the personal realm... basically the same as for any of my work relationships, be they vanilla or not.

How do I keep things separate? It's not hard. Are some clients attractive and/or interesting in ways? Yes. But it's like asking a doctor if they hook up with patients... or lawyers date their clients... it's a working relationship and it is wise to (in the majority of cases) keep business and personal life separate.

I simply don't think of my clients as potential partners, just as I never considered customers in any of my other jobs as potential dates. It is work, it is a place for professional behavior and interaction, not personal.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 7

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 1:57:42 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I would never charge for anything that i considered to be on a personal level. If liked someone that well, i invited him to a public party to see how he behaved.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 8

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 2:01:03 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I would never charge for anything that i considered to be on a personal level. If liked someone that well, i invited him to a public party to see how he behaved.

Exactly, dungeon time was dungeon time and outside was outside. With some I ended up hanging out an awful lot. I met a few where I could have imagined something more, but then usually one of us was involved, so the timing was never right. It just made it easier to compartmentalize...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 2:26:08 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

because there was money involved, it created a moral barrier about how far you can go, anything crossing the lines to a "more intimate" relationship would have felt like I wasn't providing a BDSM experience but selling my body,

LC, Your comment is starting to get into the realm of what I am looking for; and why I started the thread ....

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I would never charge for anything that i considered to be on a personal level. If liked someone that well, i invited him to a public party to see how he behaved.

LH, This is what throws me .... twice, this week (spring, i guess,

) ... i have been approached ... but BOTH times it was ... pay for an extended dungeon session for evaluation ... BEFORE W/we can interact on a personal level.

And one of them has a high enough profile, that i would Hope She was NOT bait and switching ...

But it was SO different ... i am not confident there was any real interest either ...

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/29/2012 3:12:24 PM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 10

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 2:31:03 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I've always kept them separate, but am technically open to someone exceptional moving into the personal realm... basically the same as for any of my work relationships, be they vanilla or not.

This may sound rather ... dumb ... but i am curious, what might make someone exceptional? And how would You handle it if you thought someone was?

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 11

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 3:26:34 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Do Pro Dommes really keep an iron clad separation between clients and personal slaves? Or, do they ever actually take a “client” as a personal, after trying them out as a client?

Without any personal experience whatosever I still think it's safe to say that it doesn't happen nearly as often as a client imagines it might.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 12

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 4:17:59 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

seekingOwnertoo,

quote:

twice, this week (spring, i guess, ) ... i have been approached ... but BOTH times it was ... pay for an extended dungeon session for evaluation ... BEFORE W/we can interact on a personal level.

Note bold, highlighted text above. People who approach as you've described aren't likely looking for a personal relationship and if they are, this is a giant red flag that their modus operandi includes coercion and usury. Ignore and delete. Don't let the spring season cloud good judgment.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 4/29/2012 4:27:28 PM >

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 13

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 4:20:18 PM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

Most of the pro dommes I know are not lifestyle... this is a specialized skill set they use in a professional way. The one lifestyle dominant who does take private clients keeps things completely seperate. As far as I know she has never fished in her own private client list One alot of them are not her type and two she doesnt mess with her money.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 14

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 6:48:30 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I've always kept them separate, but am technically open to someone exceptional moving into the personal realm... basically the same as for any of my work relationships, be they vanilla or not.

This may sound rather ... dumb ... but i am curious, what might make someone exceptional? And how would You handle it if you thought someone was?

Simply that we cliqued in a way that made me interested in them on a personal level. I can't be more specific than that. Perhaps their sense of humor and way of speaking was just perfect to me, maybe they served from an angle of submission that would suit exactly what I was seeking privately at that point, maybe we shared important points of view that made me think of them romantically or sexually... there's no set thing. Just something that made me feel, "I want this to go another direction".

How I would handle it would vary. Do I feel *he* also feels like taking it personal? Do I feel that, regardless of my interest, that it's truly the right time and place? I would only move forward with such a thing if I'd already gotten clear messages from him that he would be willing to take it personal -but had NEVER stressed such to me. Then I would simply let him know I was considering taking it there and ask if he wanted to try it. If so, I'd either continue as we were and add his service to me outside sessions but with it as an understood financial service he was now giving, or I'd just ask him to coffee to discuss taking things completely away from the work setting and his only serving me possibly with or without financial service involved. Or some other variant. It would depend on how we connected and what I wanted out of him. In all cases, there would need to be a thorough talk about what I expected as a personal mistress and have a trial period to see if we suited at all personally, as we may not.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 15

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 7:18:12 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

It's late on Sunday, and I don't know I will be one here again in the next day or two. So before this thread fades away ... I am going to throw out a theory I have ....

One of the Lady's who contacted me this week ... is an "Old GRANDE DOMME" ... published in BDSM circles ... and also known to present at various functions.

I suspect She was on the level with me ... She just has a tough, street smart, no nonsense approach ... based on years of experience; as well as having lived as a somewhat High Profile Domme for many years.

After she first emailed me, I wrote her back ... she immediately replied, asking for my phone number ... than immediately called.

W/we talked for about 30 minutes ... then She extended the offer ...

Later I searched the Internet and discovered a LOT about her ... what I found on the Internet really verified what me She told me on the phone. I think she is legitimate.

Her approach though is totally different and unexpected, I guess because of Her unique life experience ..

Of course I will never know ... I looked at flights to Her city ... thought it through for 24 hours ... and wrote Her back, saying I had to decline because of distance.

And why was distance a problem? Only because she did not cultivate my intrigue for a couple of days ... she just tried to reel me in .. too fast ... and I had not yet ... fully bit on the bait ...

That is my theory .... and if I ever meet a Lady like Her again ... I am going to follow up and find out ... first hand.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 16

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 7:26:28 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

seekingOwnertoo,

quote:

twice, this week (spring, i guess, ) ... i have been approached ... but BOTH times it was ... pay for an extended dungeon session for evaluation ... BEFORE W/we can interact on a personal level.

Note bold, highlighted text above. People who approach as you've described aren't likely looking for a personal relationship and if they are, this is a giant red flag that their modus operandi includes coercion and usury. Ignore and delete. Don't let the spring season cloud good judgment.

I absolutely agree with this, I was under the impression it was an already existing relationship and she offered him to become a personal, though I do know some dommes who have recruited personals but due to a lot of time wasters said the first session has to be paid, it basically eliminates the "I want to be your cleaning slave" guys who basically don't want to clean but be dressed up and wave a duster, or the guys who break stuff on purpose to get "punished". But they usually put out there what they are looking for and what the conditions are. None of them would approach a guy with "Hey, you might become my personal if you pay for an extended session first" - that to me sounds very fishy.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 17

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 7:48:40 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I expect the full story at dinner!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 18

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 9:25:09 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

seekingOwnertoo,

quote:

I suspect She was on the level with me ... She just has a tough, street smart, no nonsense approach ... based on years of experience; as well as having lived as a somewhat High Profile Domme for many years. After she first emailed me, I wrote her back ... she immediately replied, asking for my phone number ... then immediately called. W/we talked for about 30 minutes ... then She extended the offer ...

What you have to ask yourself is whether this "years of experience" equates to someone with the personage and personal skills for the type of relationship you're trying to build.

I once had a few telephone conversations with a professional domme who was looking for a relationship. We talked simply as individuals (not as professional and client). The conversations were lovely, with both of us enjoying the natural ease and each other. She wanted to meet and added that I'd have to pay a $100 fee for the privilege. Her reasoning was this was her standard fee for meeting and she wouldn't drop this for anyone, even when meeting on a coffee date. I suggested (as an alternative) that I take her to dinner and pay for us both, explaining I'd feel used if I paid a meeting fee. She said dinner would be great, but I'd still have to pay the meeting fee. I replied "sorry, we cannot meet" and we ended the conversation a short while later.

My reasoning for stopping? The domme wasn't demonstrating dating and social skills necessary for us to get to know one another. And to think, the ungrateful wench failed to thank me for waiving my $500 meeting fee! I guess she didn't read the fine print in my profile. :-)

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 19

RE: Pro Domme and Lifestyle Domme - 4/29/2012 9:39:57 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

It is spring, and it appears the birds and bee’s be flyin; which inspires a question in my mind. It has to do with Pro Dommes.

I know there are many different flavors of Pro Dommes. Some are the proverbial chicks with whips, etc, etc.

Yet in my experience, there is also a unique subset. Dominant Ladies that have deep skills, intense interest and sometimes, even a reputation in the community. So they could be described as both Lifestyle and Professional. It is this subset that inspires my question.

Do Pro Dommes really keep an iron clad separation between clients and personal slaves? Or, do they ever actually take a “client” as a personal, after trying them out as a client? If they do not take clients as “personals”; how do they keep the iron clad separation over time? Surely, some clients must be attractive.

Please share and feel free to add any thoughts or experiences.

Sure there are are pro dommes who also have dominant personal relationships (and there are also pro dommes who are submissive in their personal realtionships). I have never been with a pro domme as a client, but I have dated a couple of pro dommes on a personal level.

As a broad generalization, most pro dommes don't transition paying customers in a private relationship. The domme doesn't want that, and many of the clients wouldn't want it. And my guess is it wouldn't be an easy transition, because the realtionship a paying client has with a domme is dramatically different than a personal relationship.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 20

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