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What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:14:36 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
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My submissive told me yesterday that she enjoys humiliation, but she was very shy with specifics as she likes me to figure out what humiliation means to her. It is a kind of game we play together, with various subjects.

After several failed guesses (having no experience in this area myself.) I come to the submissives/slaves and anyone else who has real life information or experience, to ask:

What humiliates you in just the right way to drive you over the edge with lust, desire, submission or passion???

Please be specific...I can be kinda dense sometimes.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:21:00 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Whats going to humiliate one submissive wont for another. It is really going to depend on her personality, her perspective, her upbringing, her life experiences and how she has processed certain things.

I could be asked to do lots of things that would make lots of peoples hair curl and I wouldnt even blink an eye, yet Master just saying "thats enough" to me in front of anyone else would be enough to humiliate me.

So basically you have to get to know her to be successful in your endeavour.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:40:36 PM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I am not motivated by this kink as i was when I was younger, but there are different types of humiliation

there is verbal humiliation... talking to her in a way that is degrading in some form. If this is her kink you may be able to find out by saying humiliating things to her while you are being sexual.

Objectification humiliation is similar to verbal, but you are treating the submissive as an object to be used

physical humiliation can be things such as making the submissive do things that degrade them such as serve as furniture, treated like an animal, not allowed to sleep with you and this sort of thing.

If I were you I would start with calling her names such as "slut" "whore" "bitch" and then slowly try the others and see what your sub responds to.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/6/2006 3:41:27 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:43:22 PM

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Joined: 4/29/2006
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Jali, thank you for your reply. I do agree with the points you made, what you said about your Master was one of the things I mentioned to her, but I think she is thinking more about sexually humiliating things. I do know her well, considering the short time we have known each other, but humiliating someone is something I have been trained all my life not to do, so it kinda baffles me.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:46:08 PM

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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Some "milder" forms of humiliation might include crawling, name calling (which some like and some don't), body writing, to name a few. Hope that helps. And as the others who have posted have already indicated, humiliation is extremely subjective.

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:50:31 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morpheus07
After several failed guesses (having no experience in this area myself.) I come to the submissives/slaves and anyone else who has real life information or experience, to ask:

What humiliates you in just the right way to drive you over the edge with lust, desire, submission or passion???

Unfortunately she really did give you the best answer out there.

However, you CAN make her stop playing the game and just tell you outright. That itself might be part of the humiliation for her- exposing her own ideas.

What is humiliating to me is when someone can just into myself and flick me to whatever they want just like turning on a lightswitch- and making sure I KNOW that they can do it at their will.

It's not the act- it's the knowledge of intent.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:51:03 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If I were you I would start with calling her names such as "slut" "whore" "bitch" and then slowly try the others and see what your sub responds to.

Thank you Julia, I do this and much more already during play and it arouses her greatly. Oddly I have always done those things even with vanilla partners and never considered it humiliation, just kinky.

I guess when I think of humiliation, I think of calling someone stupid or ridiculing them in public, which is humiliating to anyone. But, I am looking for what people in the lifestyle consider good humiliation which is lifestyle related only, not personally degrading, if that makes any sense to anyone.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 3:59:08 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Unfortunately she really did give you the best answer out there.

However, you CAN make her stop playing the game and just tell you outright. That itself might be part of the humiliation for her- exposing her own ideas.

What is humiliating to me is when someone can just into myself and flick me to whatever they want just like turning on a lightswitch- and making sure I KNOW that they can do it at their will.

It's not the act- it's the knowledge of intent.

LA, thank you for your response, but who were you speaking of in your first line? And when I tire of the game, I do what you suggest. But I do love the game as much as she, as I thrive on figuring her out. My inability to figure this one out is due mostly to my inexperience with the subject and complete lack of understanding as to what "humiliation" means within a loving, committed, lifestyle based relationship. thanks for your help.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:02:25 PM

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morpheus07

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If I were you I would start with calling her names such as "slut" "whore" "bitch" and then slowly try the others and see what your sub responds to.

Thank you Julia, I do this and much more already during play and it arouses her greatly. Oddly I have always done those things even with vanilla partners and never considered it humiliation, just kinky.

I guess when I think of humiliation, I think of calling someone stupid or ridiculing them in public, which is humiliating to anyone. But, I am looking for what people in the lifestyle consider good humiliation which is lifestyle related only, not personally degrading, if that makes any sense to anyone.

What I have done if I have a submissive who desires humiliation but is not sure what type, is to try different things. Some like the name calling, others like to have things done to them in public like having me unbutton their blouse or tell them to go inot the bathroom at a bar and remove their bra or panties. others like to be objectified and used just as an object for me to spank or tie with rope and then told how I will let them be used by others. To me it has to do a lot with the mental aspects of D/s and BDSM. Use your mind to get to their mind. Try different things and see what happens with her. Good luck!!

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:08:13 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Some "milder" forms of humiliation might include crawling, name calling (which some like and some don't), body writing, to name a few. Hope that helps. And as the others who have posted have already indicated, humiliation is extremely subjective.

Thank you for your help, all of the things you listed I have guessed or actually do. I read your profile and noticed that humiliation is one of your loves, for you what does it best?

And hello from a fellow Christian.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:16:26 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What I have done if I have a submissive who desires humiliation but is not sure what type, is to try different things. Some like the name calling, others like to have things done to them in public like having me unbutton their blouse or tell them to go into the bathroom at a bar and remove their bra or panties. others like to be objectified and used just as an object for me to spank or tie with rope and then told how I will let them be used by others. To me it has to do a lot with the mental aspects of D/s and BDSM. Use your mind to get to their mind. Try different things and see what happens with her. Good luck!!

Thank you my friend, all very good ideas, and I agree completely that the mind is a terrible thing to waste!

We do many of the things you mention, and she loves them all...she is a very naughty slut! I guess my problem is that i don't see any of those things as humiliating...Of course I am the one directing and doing, not being done to.

I think the only thing I need is a shift in my own perception of what humiliation is within the lifestyle, as I have a huge imagination filled with many, many ideas. Thanks again.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to wild1cfl)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:18:36 PM

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Humiliation/mortification is personally not my thing. It is (in the true sense of the word) basically a feeling that by depriving oneself you will be brought spiritually to a higher level.

I am thinking that she just wants you to ravage her - have your way with her - play out your fantasties on her...

Just my two cents.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:25:24 PM

Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline

You've already gotten some good answers ... but it's a big subject & I doubt if any of us will get it all. What is "good" is what she (& you) enjoy.

Obviously "humiliation play" runs the gamut from feeling self-conscious, through embarrassment & humiliation, all the way through to degradation (I know I've missed a few significant graduated words between.)

And, as has been said ... what is humiliating in a good way is totally dependant upon how she was brought up & past experiences. Often related to what she was taught was 'dirty.' OR, less frequently, it can be related to a Hx of abuse or rape.

AND, you can key off of the personalities of her parents ... if Dad was very verbally abusive, that might be a key. If she got OTK spankings, or corner time, that might be her thing. It might be merely a privacy thing ... don't let her close the bathroom door. And, of course, she might be all the way into GS (and if she won't tell you ... you can try it in the shower (start by peeing on her chest or back ... you can progress from there if she likes it) .... OR ... when she's on the toilet, go in and say you've gotta pee ... but say you are in a hurry & don't let her get up ... just spread her legs ... and you can pee between her legs ... and "accidentally" on her clit. I had 2 subs who liked that ... and ... it's not as though it's hard to clean up. (It is understood that you do NOT have a urinary tract infection!)

My 1st "little girl" (38 yrs old) relished humiliation ... and the 1st day she was brought to me, I had her get up on the table & strip. It was at a private BdSm party, and everyone else remained clothed except for doing their scenes. From then on, whenever she visited, I required her to remain nude ... but her humiliation soon was extinguished and within 2 months I couldn't get the wench to put clothes on :-) So don't do it so much that you take away the fun of it!

A lot of subs also like the objectification of a clinical examination ... esp if they were raised in a repressed home & then subjected to a gyn exam at an early age ... they can fixate on that. Just putting her into the position of a gyn exam (w/ a patient gown over her knees so she can't even see you doing it), putting on gloves & fingering her vagina, clit & anus would be close enough for a start. If she likes that, she'd probably also be big on fisting eventually. Related to that ... enemata are clinical, objectifying and humiliating to have done for most ... just limit the volume to a small one & don't do it too frequently (enema abuse can lead to atonic megacolon ... you don't want that).

If she's oral, perhaps she'd enjoy "body worship" or "foot worship" ... give her an order to that effect after a shower ... if she's hardcore, she'll prefer it before a shower ... but start out easy.

If she's shy & likes to stay well-covered, she'd probably be humiliated by being commanded to masturbate in front of you.

Lots of ways my previous subs/slaves have enjoyed humiliation ... and I've lots more experiences ... but these are some easy ways to get started.

Play safely

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:31:12 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morpheus07

My submissive told me yesterday that she enjoys humiliation, but she was very shy with specifics as she likes me to figure out what humiliation means to her. It is a kind of game we play together, with various subjects.

After several failed guesses (having no experience in this area myself.) I come to the submissives/slaves and anyone else who has real life information or experience, to ask:

What humiliates you in just the right way to drive you over the edge with lust, desire, submission or passion???

Please be specific...I can be kinda dense sometimes.

Okay here is a link.... www.frugaldomme.com this site has almost everything.
I know you can find some awesome humiliation things...hell I found a whole booklet just about on there.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:35:45 PM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

i have conversations regarding humiliation all the time. i find the word humiliation has a negative connotation so when asked if i find something humiliating and i LIKE it, then it is not humiliating, right?
Well, no ... it is considered humiliating by many so it is therefore humiliation.
i think it is easier to determine what is humiliation if it is broken down into other categories.
i enjoy it when Master lifts my shirt in public ... i see that as more exhibitionism than humiliation.
i enjoy Master talking about me as if i were not there ... that's more objectification.
i think the only thing Master has ever done that i would truly consider humiliation and only because i can find no other category for it (i did soooooooo LIKE it) was when He grabbed my collar in the middle of a store and pulled me along by it.

i read the post about going into a bathroom to remove underwear ... how is it humiliating if no one else knows?
Master has had me go into a public restroom, insert a butt plug and then do my shopping and walk home. i enjoyed it and it demonstrated His control and seemed to be service to me but not humiliation ... and not because i enjoyed it but because no one else knew.

i do find that telling Master what i enjoy was difficult for many reasons. i don't want these things done because i like them ... i want them done TO me, not FOR me.

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:38:50 PM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

my tastes in humiliation tend to be more extreme, toilet play (non-oral scat, piss play) as well as some other things that are illegal to mention. i tend to be a huge exhibitionist and also into objectification as well. So that is why i listed more "mild" forms of humiliation.

(in reply to Morpheus07)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:41:19 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ADomDoc

You've already gotten some good answers ... but it's a big subject & I doubt if any of us will get it all. What is "good" is what she (& you) enjoy.

Obviously "humiliation play" runs the gamut from feeling self-conscious, through embarrassment & humiliation, all the way through to degradation (I know I've missed a few significant graduated words between.)

And, as has been said ... what is humiliating in a good way is totally dependant upon how she was brought up & past experiences. Often related to what she was taught was 'dirty.' OR, less frequently, it can be related to a Hx of abuse or rape.

AND, you can key off of the personalities of her parents ... if Dad was very verbally abusive, that might be a key. If she got OTK spankings, or corner time, that might be her thing. It might be merely a privacy thing ... don't let her close the bathroom door. And, of course, she might be all the way into GS (and if she won't tell you ... you can try it in the shower (start by peeing on her chest or back ... you can progress from there if she likes it) .... OR ... when she's on the toilet, go in and say you've gotta pee ... but say you are in a hurry & don't let her get up ... just spread her legs ... and you can pee between her legs ... and "accidentally" on her clit. I had 2 subs who liked that ... and ... it's not as though it's hard to clean up. (It is understood that you do NOT have a urinary tract infection!)

My 1st "little girl" (38 yrs old) relished humiliation ... and the 1st day she was brought to me, I had her get up on the table & strip. It was at a private BdSm party, and everyone else remained clothed except for doing their scenes. From then on, whenever she visited, I required her to remain nude ... but her humiliation soon was extinguished and within 2 months I couldn't get the wench to put clothes on :-) So don't do it so much that you take away the fun of it!

A lot of subs also like the objectification of a clinical examination ... esp if they were raised in a repressed home & then subjected to a gyn exam at an early age ... they can fixate on that. Just putting her into the position of a gyn exam (w/ a patient gown over her knees so she can't even see you doing it), putting on gloves & fingering her vagina, clit & anus would be close enough for a start. If she likes that, she'd probably also be big on fisting eventually. Related to that ... enemata are clinical, objectifying and humiliating to have done for most ... just limit the volume to a small one & don't do it too frequently (enema abuse can lead to atonic megacolon ... you don't want that).

If she's oral, perhaps she'd enjoy "body worship" or "foot worship" ... give her an order to that effect after a shower ... if she's hardcore, she'll prefer it before a shower ... but start out easy.

If she's shy & likes to stay well-covered, she'd probably be humiliated by being commanded to masturbate in front of you.

Lots of ways my previous subs/slaves have enjoyed humiliation ... and I've lots more experiences ... but these are some easy ways to get started.

Play safely

Thank you so much for the wealth of good ideas, many of which I had never thought of, but they are all good.

What brought the subject up was a fantasy I outlined of her being used by a harsh Mistress in front of me, and being required to "make me proud" by doing whatever the Mistress required of her. She then whispered that she liked to be humiliated...and here we are....

I at once, began "guessing" what humiliation meant to her by outlining different scenarios within the first scenario.

The only positive response I received from my guesses was when I told her that if she didn't try her best and truly devote herself to the Mistresses pleasure, I would grab her by the hair and shove her face in the Mistresses ass. Upon hearing this, she came immediately....I took that as a yes...

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to ADomDoc)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:49:56 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

i do find that telling Master what i enjoy was difficult for many reasons. i don't want these things done because i like them ... i want them done TO me, not FOR me.

That one saying will probably have the most lasting effect on me and my relationships, thank you so much. I am fairly new to the whole "accepting myself as I am" thing. Which means accepting my natural Dominance and encouraging it in myself.

I have always previously had vanilla partners and usually they were not too keen on me behaving how I truly felt. Except in the bedroom, I have found that the vast majority of women I have dated prefer the man to take charge in that one area.

My love is beautifully submissive and extremely willing to be led, and I learn new things everyday from her and through her. She always tells me, "I just want you to be pleased with me."

How could a man not fall in love with that!

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to txpet)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 4:59:25 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

my tastes in humiliation tend to be more extreme, toilet play (non-oral scat, piss play) as well as some other things that are illegal to mention. i tend to be a huge exhibitionist and also into objectification as well. So that is why i listed more "mild" forms of humiliation.

Thank you, she is much into the extreme as well...or extreme from my personal experience. We do some bathroom play, as in me going to the bathroom with her and holding her lips open and wiping her, we do this in restaurants or the grocery store or whatever, she always blushes brightly and makes me so proud.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: What is good humiliation to you? - 6/6/2006 5:03:15 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Okay here is a link.... www.frugaldomme.com this site has almost everything.
I know you can find some awesome humiliation things...hell I found a whole booklet just about on there.

Thanks, am reading it now. Lots of good stuff here, will add to bookmarks. Peace.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

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