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Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 6:57:28 PM

ChasePup

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What is your opinion on contracts between Master & submissive? I had one proposed to me that read like a business contract of a multi-national aquisition!

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 7:10:17 PM

Endivius

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I've never used one. I don't judge. If you feel more comfortable with one, knock yourself out.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 7:19:33 PM

littlewonder

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Had one used with me. Found it a waste of time. Don't have one with Master and we don't feel any need for one.

If you think it will work with you then go for it. If you don't then don't.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 7:39:52 PM

tj444

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For me,.. I think a co-habitation agreement is something i would want to have.. that way both people know what their rights and obligations are.. who pays for what, how much, etc etc.. other things expected from living together.. I have no intention of ever getting married (again) so that would be similar to a prenup.. doesnt have to be in blood tho.. red ink will do..

I expect my guy (when i find him) to put out at least 5 times per week and i want that stipulated in the agreement also..

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 7:58:45 PM

OsideGirl

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Some people love them. Some are indifferent. Some think they're down right silly.

I think in the beginning it's good to lay out expectations and negotiate. A contract is a good way to do that. (ie: what happens if I get pregnant?)

In the end, they're not enforcable and they're only as good as the people involved.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 8:01:10 PM

Killerangel

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They work really well for some - the type who revel in the concept of being held accountable. I think they're kind of oppressive and lack imagination. but the people who like them tend to like structure over imagination.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 8:11:43 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChasePup
What is your opinion on contracts between Master & submissive? I had one proposed to me that read like a business contract of a multi-national aquisition!

As I always say to this question, between Carol and I the "contract" would read, "Obey until you don't want to anymore". There's not much of a need to write it down. There are no complicated terms or conditions. I own her until she doesn't want me to own her anymore.

I have no opinion whatsoever on what might work well for other people.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 10:33:10 PM

NuevaVida

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I used to think they were silly.

But we just signed a contract between each other, a couple of days ago, three years into the relationship. It's more like a commitment document. It's not to smack each other over the head with, to hold each other accountable - it's more as a statement of what we're able to commit to each other, and outlines various aspects of our relationship and how they'll be handled. It also lists intentions for the future of our relationship.

Putting it all in writing and then signing it had a more formal touch to what is, for the most part, a loving and light-hearted relationship. But, we have found, at times certain commitments had been forgotten. Nothing malicious, nothing intentional, just life getting in the way and cluttering some focus.

So it's just a nice reference document of what we've committed to.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 11:01:03 PM

ResidentSadist

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I like the complex business style contracts with real details in them not "128 rules" that are all just outline different ways to suck a dick. I like the contract because it creates a written reminder of your goals, intentions and what each of you bring to the table, a covenant.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/12/2012 11:58:52 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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They don't do it for me, but I can see them being a useful tool in a new Dom/sub relationship, if only because it prompts people to put their cards on the table. I think being explicit about expectations upfront is always a good idea. They shouldn't be used as an alternative to ongoing communication though, because no contract is so thorough that it can account for all eventualities.

If I needed a contract to reassure me that he isn't going to cause me serious damage then he wouldn't be the right one for me. I don't really have regular 'duties' - I obey orders and when I see things that need doing I get them done before he has to ask, so our contract should be pretty short. And a lot of the 'slave contracts' you see knocking about are just unrealistic fantasies written in excrutiating detail. I was recently shown one which included the instruction that the slave would always be naked in the presence of her master, and when entering a room with him inside she was to kneel and assume a 'butt in the air' position for 'inspection' - every single time. Someone has not thought that through.

I guess you could argue my contract states 'love, honour and obey'.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 1:55:49 AM

RaspberryLemon

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Some choose to include contracts, some do not. Some find them essential, some find them useful, some have no opinion, and some find them ridiculous.

My Master and I have a contract. It's a living document (can be changed upon both of our agreement) that lays out the foundation of our dynamic, our responsibilities and rights to each other. Although it is certainly not a replacement for ongoing communication and management, we do find it to be useful. It is a nice reminder and layout of all our basic obligations, rights, and intentions and a written agreement (commitment) to uphold to these things. It was useful to talk it out together, write it out, and lay it all out in a manner that is comprehensive and easy to understand in a big-picture way that can be looked back upon and referenced in the future.

It is nice, in our opinion, to manifest this commitment in a formal sort of way--sort of like a written form of my collar, a physical symbol of our commitment and bond. It is special to us. Of course, it isn't legally binding. It isn't meant to be. But to us it is morally binding and that's all it has to be.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 5:03:33 AM

ProlificNeeds

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I don't need contracts, I do however like a list of expectations and requirements to meet, because I am not a mind reader, and sometimes I forget things, and most people are not the best verbal communicators.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 5:37:14 AM

amaidiamond

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Never used one - don't think it would work for me in all honesty - His expectations of me are very basic, "please him"

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 6:54:16 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

Some choose to include contracts, some do not. Some find them essential, some find them useful, some have no opinion, and some find them ridiculous.

My Master and I have a contract. It's a living document (can be changed upon both of our agreement) that lays out the foundation of our dynamic, our responsibilities and rights to each other. Although it is certainly not a replacement for ongoing communication and management, we do find it to be useful. It is a nice reminder and layout of all our basic obligations, rights, and intentions and a written agreement (commitment) to uphold to these things. It was useful to talk it out together, write it out, and lay it all out in a manner that is comprehensive and easy to understand in a big-picture way that can be looked back upon and referenced in the future.

It is nice, in our opinion, to manifest this commitment in a formal sort of way--sort of like a written form of my collar, a physical symbol of our commitment and bond. It is special to us. Of course, it isn't legally binding. It isn't meant to be. But to us it is morally binding and that's all it has to be.

This.

For us, the process of writing it together was really good for us. It took many hours over the course of several weeks, and gave us an opportunity to talk about anything and everything we would both like to see in the relationship, why we want it, and/or why some things needed to be tabled for later. We don't see it as a replacement for communication; quite the opposite, in fact. Nor do we see it as legally binding. It was a formal way of stating our commitments and intentions. We'll review it every 6 months, but either of us can talk about revising it at any time, which of course, will prompt further conversation.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 7:00:54 AM

RemoteUser

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I've used them before. They aren't a bad place to start when defining goals and establishing rules, but you may find as time wears on that they become redundant. Once you know each other well enough, the reminder isn't a necessity, although it may provide a level of comfort, not dissimilar to a marriage contract.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 7:08:43 AM

DesFIP

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Contracts protect both parties. Set out obligations by both. Anybody who writes a contract that's solely about what I have to do isn't someone I would commit to. Plus they need to be practical. So if it says you can never gain more than ten pounds, they better be sure they can see into the future and know I won't be put on any medication that has weight gain as a side effect.

They are of most use when the two of you sit down and write them together, talking everything out including the what ifs. Plus they must adapt to changing life circumstances.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/13/2012 10:33:55 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

What is your opinion on contracts between Master & submissive? I had one proposed to me that read like a business contract of a multi-national aquisition!

My opinion varies depending on when it is presented in the relationship. For example, if someone who barely knew me handed me one I'd laugh as I have no interest in a man who thinks women are fungible.

Some of the examples given above, however, seem perfectly reasonable.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 6/13/2012 10:35:03 AM >

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/15/2012 4:29:08 PM

AnimusRex

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There is, in the BDSM world, a certain fascination with structure and rules, simply for their own sake.

You see in the stories-O, Beauty, The Secretary, etc, where part of the erotic thrill is developed when something soe intimate and personal as sexual desire is confied within something so cold and detached as a contract or set of rules. Sort of like High Protocol, where the rituals have in themselves become fetishized.

YMMV, of course.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/18/2012 6:18:45 AM

TheRyan7

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Id have to say there more useless than a marriage certificate. In a roleplay I could see how it would be fun but whats the point if you can opt out of it at anytime. Its not like it could bind you under the law. Especially if its a slave contract cause well slavery is illegal in the U.S. I think.

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RE: Writ in blood...BDSM contracts - 6/18/2012 8:51:35 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRyan7

Id have to say there more useless than a marriage certificate.

A marriage certificate is a legally binding contract of partnership.

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