RE: two worlds of trust (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/9/2006 10:51:22 PM)

The funny thing is this, when I first started posting here there was a lady whom  the whole board wanted to lynch for being a married sub... I stood up for her... Why? She wasnt asking people what they thought of her situation, she was asking those that had a similar situation to tell her their experiences. You, on the other hand sskitten sought to justify your choices.

You do what you need to do, and your right, perhaps I am judging, but only because your posts challenged us all to judge you. The other lady asked for experiences, you asked for validation... big diff. No one with any sort of values concerning the truth is going to think you know how to be truthful, least of all to yourself, you have already deceived yourself into thinking your lies are better than the truth of who you are.

I say it like I see it, and I am not backing down.. those who live in denial live a life without growth.

One of my best friends in the whole world lived what you are. I love her anyways, I stayed up at night with her, listened to her. I think the world of this person. I trust her implicitly, but I never backed down on what my opinion was of what she was doing and how it was harming her. It didnt mean I didnt love her and respect her for the wonderful person she is (and believe me, she is a wonderful giving person thru and thru). She was evolved enough to know that growth comes the hard way, and that in order to grow more she had to be honest. I cannot tell you the amount of courage THAT takes... many people responding to you have pointed this out to you, yet you chose my post because they are actually harder on you than I am... I am guessing that because I have never commited the same sin as you that makes me an easier target. I have been cheated on.. I can tell you how much it sucks to have a brand new baby in your arms and some strange woman calling your house for your husband. It hurts like hell, especially the lies.. trying to make you feel like you are crazy when you question them.

I am older and wiser now, I know the world isnt back and white... there is redemption in the world. I hope you find it.. it is a lot easier to start a thread in order to get the responses you knew this one would engender than it is to face your own self in the mirrror and take inventory of that person... I would rather be judgmental than live with what you live with on a daily basis.. flame me if you must, it is a lot easier I guess than dealing with your own issues... Good luck to you and your whole family.. I really wish you the best, and hope all ends well.



Wolfie648 -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/9/2006 11:43:26 PM)

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Done deal. Squirm all you want it's over in my books.

So either
a) you ('a person' for the PC lol) wanted out or
b) you ('a person' for the PC lol) were testing the limits
c) I do have limits to my imagination but the morals guide

Z) neither is acceptable (IMO).

D (owner of j).



sharainks -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 4:37:47 AM)

The OP doesn't seem to realize that there are still conservative judges who would grant a non cheating spouse custody of the children over granting it to the cheater.  If hubby finds out and gets vindictive you could wind up without the very thing that you say keeps you in the marriage. 

Eventually those who cheat get found out.  Are you willing to deal with the repercussions when it happens?



slavegarnet -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:14:52 AM)

I used to tell myself all this - two different worlds, doing it to protect the other, yadda yadda.... The guy I was cheating with was also cheating on his wife to be with me... he was going to leave her for me, etc..... and I later found out there were two or three other girls that he was saying that to at the same time.
 
Quite frankly, he was a coward, and so was I. Too much of a coward to actually tell the man I "loved" what I fewlt, what I was doing.
 
If you love someone, really love them, and they love you, they deserve your honesty. If you don't love him, then stop being so cruel, and let him go. Break his heart. Just make it a clean break so he actually has a chance to heal and go on and find someone who will be honest and faithful to him.



champagnewishes -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:18:01 AM)

Your latest post speaks volumns....so sad little girl that you found yourself in a grown up world.  Yeah, its cute....real cute.

Damn i feel sorry for the husband.



champagnewishes -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:21:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegarnet

If you love someone, really love them, and they love you, they deserve your honesty. If you don't love him, then stop being so cruel, and let him go. Break his heart. Just make it a clean break so he actually has a chance to heal and go on and find someone who will be honest and faithful to him.


It's called being an adult and handling life as one.  I don't think the OP knows how and is content to play cute little games at the expense of those who trust her....



feastie -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:26:32 AM)

She's complaining that no one, save Bosco, has addressed her "real" purpose of her post.  That she can be trustworthy in her relationship with her dominant.  The fact of the matter is, he's no different than you are, because he's taking what belongs to another man.  There is no honor in that.  The fact that you're honest with each other, for the moment, doesn't make you honest people.

Once a cheater, always a cheater is not necessarily true.  But the only way you can make it untrue, in your case, is to either stop cheating on your husband or to come clean with him and end the marriage.  Only then, can you not be considered a cheater.  Monogamy with a lover outside your marriage isn't exactly monogamy, is it?



DaddysEmber -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:35:27 AM)

i do believe that we must stand up for what we want and be who we are in front of the world. what holds you back in a relationship you do not grow in? where do you really want to go in life? will you be happy in 5 years to never completely give yourself to either? these things anyone who cheats in this fashion has to ask themselves. i believe that someone who trusts us has the right to know and this has been a huge problem with my relationship now because he believes that he has the right to select out things i dont need to know. that is hard for me and as his sub i am not sure i like having that right taken from me.

reverse the sit. and ask yourself would i want the chance to know my husband is cheating and through that move on with a more meaningful life.

Namaste
ember



darkinshadows -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:44:40 AM)

quote:

I have read all the previous post, some of which like so many have gotten to be here on cm are so politically correct i want to scream. I.E.; her pain and your pain are different, everybody has different values and that’s ok, nobody has the right to judge others, we have our reasons, etc.....on and on.

You really need to get off the PC crap - I don't apologise for saying that because you are making a complete mockery of what is PC(like it needs it already).
 
The fact is YOU are the one being PC.  Do you have any idea what being politically correct means?  You live in the USA... your fundamental politics dictates that marital affairs are cheating.  So saying that a cheater is always a cheater IS being politically correct.  It is an insidious flaw.  Deal with it.
 
Peace and Rapture



darkinshadows -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:46:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

Your latest post speaks volumns....so sad little girl that you found yourself in a grown up world.  Yeah, its cute....real cute.

Damn i feel sorry for the husband.


I understand the irony of her last post - why can't you?  In fact - you just upheld it.
 
Peace and Rapture



darkinshadows -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 5:51:03 AM)

*hitting the fast reply....*
 
Once a cheater - always a cheater.  Damn right that is true.  But not in the way many might view it.
I had blonde hair once.  Not doing it again - crap I looked like shit.  Does that mean, once a blonde, always a blonde?  Yes... but it DOESNT mean I will go blonde again.  Past is past - happened, and you will always be that 'label' - but the cheating happened and for many - it is now the past.  TDW admits He did in the past.  Doesn't mean He will do so again, but still means He will always be one.  People say that statement like its supposed to sting.  It doesn't - its just a fact.
 
Peace and Love



NINASHARP -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:04:49 AM)

A fast reply not to anyone in particular.

I was once married to a vanilla man and tried to bring my desires into my relationship. Long story short, it didn't work and I left the marriage, with children in tow. What was pounded into my head from the very beginning of my self discoveries was bdsm was to be safe, sane and consensual.

This is not how I see two worlds of trust. First off,  there is no consent on the partner being betrayed. It wouldn't be cheating or infidelty if everyone involved consented.  Second, I would question whether it was safe to go out and get sexual with someone, even if you use the protection in exchanging bodily fluids, a person with medical expertise should know that there are some diseases that pass with other types of fluids, like tears, sweat, and saliva, so subjecting the unknowning partner to your discretions is hardly safe unless that person consents to it. Giving the first two problems described, how would this ever be described as sane?

Just my opinion.
Nina



darkinshadows -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:13:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

A fast reply not to anyone in particular.

I was once married to a vanilla man and tried to bring my desires into my relationship. Long story short, it didn't work and I left the marriage, with children in tow. What was pounded into my head from the very beginning of my self discoveries was bdsm was to be safe, sane and consensual.

This is not how I see two worlds of trust. First off,  there is no consent on the partner being betrayed. It wouldn't be cheating or infidelty if everyone involved consented.  Second, I would question whether it was safe to go out and get sexual with someone, even if you use the protection in exchanging bodily fluids, a person with medical expertise should know that there are some diseases that pass with other types of fluids, like tears, sweat, and saliva, so subjecting the unknowning partner to your discretions is hardly safe unless that person consents to it. Giving the first two problems described, how would this ever be described as sane?

Just my opinion.
Nina

And yet another example of the misuse of the concept of SSC.... and people wonder why BDSM gets such a bad rap?
 
Peace and Rapture



sharainks -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:13:58 AM)

I don't think that saying what one believes is necessarily being politically correct, nor is it a flaw.  Yes maritial cheating is primarily held to be wrong in this country.  That someone believes it themselves is not necessarily PC but simply their view.
 
Most people have poor reactions to being lied to.  They carry that into others lying to someone.  Failure to be honest about an outside relationship is lying by omission.  I think the part I find troubling is that some seem to think its ok to pick and choose who they lie to.  If today one chooses to lie to their spouse what keeps them from choosing to lie to someone else tomorrow? When does Master's name or submissives name move to the top of the "I'll lie to them today" list?
 
 Its like the old joke about would you sleep with me for a million dollars?  She says yes, he says how about for $10 and her response is what do you think I am?  He says thats already been determined now we're haggling about price. 
 
 Same thing-its already been determined that the person will lie in a committed relationship. Now anyone else coming into the situation has to ask "if them, why not me"?
 
The fact is YOU are the one being PC.  Do you have any idea what being politically correct means?  You live in the USA... your fundamental politics dictates that marital affairs are cheating.  So saying that a cheater is always a cheater IS being politically correct.  It is an insidious flaw.  Deal with it.
 



Dustyn -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:17:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegarnet

If you love someone, really love them, and they love you, they deserve your honesty. If you don't love him, then stop being so cruel, and let him go. Break his heart. Just make it a clean break so he actually has a chance to heal and go on and find someone who will be honest and faithful to him.


It's called being an adult and handling life as one.  I don't think the OP knows how and is content to play cute little games at the expense of those who trust her....


I've known quite a few like this, and they usually howl like a kicked wolf when put in the same scenario, or when put into a scenario when they have no control over what happens... the B side of the record is rarely as enjoyable, but sometimes... just sometimes... some perspective is gained... or at least one would hope so...

I've said it before, and I will say it again... some people just have the morals of alley cats in heat... just have to throw a bucket of cold water on them.



NINASHARP -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:22:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

A fast reply not to anyone in particular.

I was once married to a vanilla man and tried to bring my desires into my relationship. Long story short, it didn't work and I left the marriage, with children in tow. What was pounded into my head from the very beginning of my self discoveries was bdsm was to be safe, sane and consensual.

This is not how I see two worlds of trust. First off,  there is no consent on the partner being betrayed. It wouldn't be cheating or infidelty if everyone involved consented.  Second, I would question whether it was safe to go out and get sexual with someone, even if you use the protection in exchanging bodily fluids, a person with medical expertise should know that there are some diseases that pass with other types of fluids, like tears, sweat, and saliva, so subjecting the unknowning partner to your discretions is hardly safe unless that person consents to it. Giving the first two problems described, how would this ever be described as sane?

Just my opinion.
Nina

And yet another example of the misuse of the concept of SSC.... and people wonder why BDSM gets such a bad rap?
 
Peace and Rapture



Excuse me, how is the concept of SSC being misused in my opinion? Enlighten me if you will please, or should I remain in the dark, Dark?



ScooterTrash -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:34:49 AM)

Looks like an oxymoron in my book. You are either trustworthy or not...I dare say in this case, with 50% of each, that the bad outweighs the good. Perhaps "once a cheater always a cheater" may not be something that can't be changed, but I would certainly think that the first step would be to change, not prolong or validate it.



darkinshadows -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:34:55 AM)

SSC isnt a catch all term -  This situation isn't what it was meant for.
One mans sane and safe is another mans insanity and unsafe.
I actually find it quite appalling to use the term for this kind of thread because it just makes the term less effective elsewhere.  But thats my ppov.
 
 
Peace and Rapture



enigmabrat -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:43:15 AM)

all you are doing is trying to justafy cheating wich is wrong
you cant calim to be trustworthy whe n your out and out lieng D/s and vinella arent 2 different worlds they exitst with in eachother and it isnt ok to lie or cheat in eather. you are eather marreid and faithfull or you get a devorse but dont shuvle us a load of crap to try and make yourself feel better about doing something so clearly wrong



darkinshadows -> RE: two worlds of trust (6/10/2006 6:49:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

all you are doing is trying to justafy cheating wich is wrong
you cant calim to be trustworthy whe n your out and out lieng D/s and vinella arent 2 different worlds they exitst with in eachother and it isnt ok to lie or cheat in eather. you are eather marreid and faithfull or you get a devorse but dont shuvle us a load of crap to try and make yourself feel better about doing something so clearly wrong

Everybody lies.  To the boss, spouse, parents...  Just not everyone admits it or even wants to admit it to themselves - which in itself is a lie.
So by that - no one is trustworthy.  Lies are lies - no lie is worse than another - just different.
 
Peace and Rapture



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