How does one find a disciplinarian?

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How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 5:42:59 PM

aladyineed

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I have finally admitted to myself that I have a serious issue with procrastination and I am in need of help to break me of this weak habit. Is it possible to find someone in ones area through search?

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 5:49:35 PM

OsideGirl

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Fet life is better for finding groups in your area.

That said, if you can't manage to change it, finding someone to beat your ass won't be able to do it either.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 6:14:33 PM

smartsub10

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I know a life coach who does a remarkable job helping people change bad, non-productive habits. You do have to pay a fee for this service, however.

He doesn't spank, though.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 6:16:24 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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Google.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 6:22:29 PM

angelikaJ

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You could find yourself a professional organiser and work on time management... and then find someone to spank you recreationally.

You can do role-play if that turns you on.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 6:43:35 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

That said, if you can't manage to change it, finding someone to beat your ass won't be able to do it either.

That's not necessarily true. People can get motivation from all sorts of different sources. Including a life coach, a life changing event, a therapist or... a disciplinarian.

The problem with the later option versus the earlier options is that it's hard to find a disciplinarian... precisely because you need to find somebody who is willing to do for free (because it's fun for them) what other people charge for. And there don't seem to be a lot D-types who actually enjoy this type of relationship. Most consider it work instead of fun, and are therefore not willing to do it at all.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 7:38:03 PM

ARIES83

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Welcome, you've taken the first step and thats
realising you have a problem, the next is to type
the following searches into google.

- procrastination remedy
- how to deal with procrastination
- I need help with procrastination
- how to beat procrastination

or if you find all that to boreing or hard, you can
always go watch TV...

The only reason I can think you are asking in the
ask a Master section is that you want a Master to
somehow take control of you and stop you from
being lazy...

Good luck.

-ARIES

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 7:55:41 PM

DarkSteven

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Pm sent.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 8:39:15 PM

DesFIP

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It's not uncommon for procrastination to come from perfectionism. If I can't do it perfectly, I can't do it at all.

My ex's line for this was "good enough for government work" meaning it doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be done good enough to work. You can always fix it later if you need to.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 9:06:13 PM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's not uncommon for procrastination to come from perfectionism. If I can't do it perfectly, I can't do it at all.

My ex's line for this was "good enough for government work" meaning it doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be done good enough to work. You can always fix it later if you need to.

I have had friends that were chronic procrastinators,
I now have zero tolerance, I hate seeing people
wasting their life, the only one that can help you is
you imo.
Read this OP> [ Read Me Now Lazy! ]

-ARIES

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 10:48:44 PM

littlewonder

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I procrastinate when I know it's going to be a tough or long, tedious job. I put it off until the last minute, I mean down to the wire. But I still get it done. When I had to take a writing class last semester I always put off writing until the day and hour it was due and yet I'd still get no lower than a 90%. I would always think that it was crap and land me at least a C. Master says it's because I go to a community college...not very high standards. haha. He's probably correct.

Anyway, Master usually helps me with stuff I procrastinate on when it's important enough that it has to be done. He doesn't keep nagging at me about it. He just will give me a consequence for not having it done in time. So there's usually not just the consequence of what will happen for not having it done by whoever needs it but also by him so it ends up a double whammy.

But there are the small things I do that with as well and I don't push myself like I need to because to me they are small stuff that just won't matter, like me not showing up at a party or something when it's not mandatory or filling out a form that is optional but will give me better chances at something or other. I just become lazy. Eventually it all catches up though and piles up till all those small problems become one large problem. That's the time that I just have to motivate myself and remind myself that I'm an adult, not a child anymore and the more time I sit around thinking about doing it, the faster I could have just had it done and moved on.

So my solution for you is not to put this all on a dom but to be an adult and just get it done with. Why think about it any longer than you have to? It's a waste of quality time that is precious.

Now if you're just using this as an excuse to get beaten and it's some kind of role playing game you are throwing out as an innuendo in your post, then by all means, go and procrastinate. There are plenty of men and women on here who will be more than willing to play that game with you. Just make it clear in your profile and they will flock to you.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 10:54:13 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Des - that's a really good point - that's one of my problems. If I can't do something perfectly, it bogs me down, annd I procrastinate.
Ishtar is right that it may be difficult to find such a person, but it may not be impossible.
Still, until, you find that perfect person, you're going to have to get through on your own.
Find different tactics to motivate you - right now, I'm motivated by wanting to have friends over, so I'm in overdrive unpacking.

Finnd somethig that will work for you right ow, on your own.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 10:55:28 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

The only reason I can think you are asking in the
ask a Master section is that you want a Master to
somehow take control of you and stop you from
being lazy...

Procrastination is not at all the same things as being lazy (as your own link points out very directly and clearly BTW).
Laziness is a lack of luster or an unwillingness to do something. If a lazy person who is trying to avoid doing some is somehow made to do the task anyways, they will still be lazy. They will try to find ways to do as little work as possible, and to put in as minimal an effort as possible, while doing the task.

Somebody who procrastinates can also be lazy, but usually the two aren't paired at all. When somebody who procrastinates is finally pushed over the mental barrier they have to get started on a task, they usually throw all their effort at the task and are zealous and diligent about completing it. Sometimes even absurdly so, especially when procrastination is paired with perfectionism. The problem of a procrastinator isn't at all an unwillingness, or a lack of luster to complete the task; instead their problem is usually one of mental avoidance because they have some sort of cognitive issue with the task. The solution for somebody who procrastinates is not to learn a better work ethic, or to learn not to be lazy, but instead to learn to mentally deal with the blocks and barriers that keep them from getting started on a task in the first place. Once they get started, they seldom have problems to self-motivate themselves to complete a task at hand.

The fact that procrastination is a cognitive issue instead of one of lack of willingness or willpower, also makes that -depending on how deep and sever the issues are- a D-type may not at all be the best person to tackle them. Therapy and D/s should seldom be mixed, and even when they are, they should not be mixed due to the therapist and the D-type being the same person.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/8/2012 10:57:45 PM >

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/8/2012 11:03:00 PM

KaruSF

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procrastination is the result of a fear of failure, and becomes failure itself. It is not laziness at all, but more keyed to discipline.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 12:19:43 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I have had friends that were chronic procrastinators,
I now have zero tolerance, I hate seeing people
wasting their life, the only one that can help you is
you imo.
Read this OP> [ Read Me Now Lazy! ]

Oh and BTW, I thought you may be interested to know that one of the things your own link suggest as an option for dealing with procrastination is to assign another person to be in charge of assigning tasks and giving rewards for good behavior. A punishment structor isn't mentioned, because this is a vanilla link, but they specifically suggest that one of the options is to start trying to live to somebody else's expectations...

quote:

Do your work in a group and start being used to tell your colleagues what you did and what you did not do. Start having friends you care for - and then, begin to fulfill their expectations.

quote:

Assigning someone else to give out the rewards helps remove the temptation of taking the reward anyway. Of course they shouldn't be expected to provide the rewards - they should be unbribable, impartial people who effectively judge your efforts.
You should make a clear difference between the rewards and all the other things you receive (e.g. your meals at the cantina or watching the TV news). A good reward is something you enjoy and something you don't get every day. If the borderline blurs, a reward is no reward anymore; and so you tend to procrastinate even more because you get the "reward" anyway.

If you exercise a reward system strictly without cheating, there is a high chance that you'll be conquering your procrastination

Sounds like the vanilla version of a disciplinarian structure to me...

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 1:25:57 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I have had friends that were chronic procrastinators,
I now have zero tolerance, I hate seeing people
wasting their life, the only one that can help you is
you imo.
Read this OP> [ Read Me Now Lazy! ]

Oh and BTW, I thought you may be interested to know that one of the things your own link suggest as an option for dealing with procrastination is to assign another person to be in charge of assigning tasks and giving rewards for good behavior. A punishment structor isn't mentioned, because this is a vanilla link, but they specifically suggest that one of the options is to start trying to live to somebody else's expectations...

quote:

Do your work in a group and start being used to tell your colleagues what you did and what you did not do. Start having friends you care for - and then, begin to fulfill their expectations.

quote:

Assigning someone else to give out the rewards helps remove the temptation of taking the reward anyway. Of course they shouldn't be expected to provide the rewards - they should be unbribable, impartial people who effectively judge your efforts.
You should make a clear difference between the rewards and all the other things you receive (e.g. your meals at the cantina or watching the TV news). A good reward is something you enjoy and something you don't get every day. If the borderline blurs, a reward is no reward anymore; and so you tend to procrastinate even more because you get the "reward" anyway.

If you exercise a reward system strictly without cheating, there is a high chance that you'll be conquering your procrastination

Sounds like the vanilla version of a disciplinarian structure to me...

Belive me I've tried to help friends like this and I've
had really involved first hand experience with it but
my stance now is I won't empathise with it period.

Like I've said, I understand but I'm not getting involved,
even in discussing the problem, all the talk in the world
is ineffectual when dealing with cronic procrastination in
my opinion.
I said "Lazy" in the same way a personal trainer will
Goad and challenge someone to try to motivate.

-ARIES

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 6:41:45 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KaruSF

procrastination is the result of a fear of failure, and becomes failure itself. It is not laziness at all, but more keyed to discipline.

Is that right? Really? I know for me it's because the work is tedious, and I resent it. I"m not afraid of failing. I'm worried I'll torch the damn desk because filing paperwork is dull, dull, dull.

To the OP:

Yes, is the short answer. There are people who will help you. Not only are there professionals (as noted by other posters), but there are also those very interesting people I discovered. Friends. My friends help me.

"Hey, I need to go for a walk tonight. Anyone wanna go with me?" If no one comes, I'll wait until 11 p.m. and *blech* I HATE walking that late. I need the social interaction to make it interesting.

"Come over to my house for dinner. If you do, I'll clean my apartment." (This one is from one of my friends who hates cleaning the house... so we have dinner there weekly. It's ALWAYS tidy...

"Sunshine, if you don't do it, I'll be disappointed."

AAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 6:51:51 AM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aladyineed

I have finally admitted to myself that I have a serious issue with procrastination and I am in need of help to break me of this weak habit. Is it possible to find someone in ones area through search?

Hmm. I have my faults, for sure. In fact, procrastination is one of them. (That's what I'm doing right now, even.) But I would be uncomfortable presenting myself to a dominant as a submissive who needs fixing. I would suggest that you find alternative ways of dealing with your procrastination issues. It might just be a personality difference between us. I don't think I could rely on someone else to fix me without giving things a good go myself, first.

In my completely unprofessional opinion, I think that if someone has severe procrastination issues, that is much like having any other type of behavior or reaction that negatively affects your day-to-day activity. A relationship isn't the answer. Because what happens when that relationship ends?

That being said,...if that is really what you want, you don't have to do a search. Just put it in your profile and they will find you.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 7:07:06 AM

RemoteUser

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My girl and I are LD, and I help her with several things, including organization. I let her approach me on the topic so that she has an opportunity to work at whatever it is, first. Once I know what she needs we discuss options, and eventually the task(s) at hand get done.

Procrastination means you need help starting, not necessarily finishing, but the methodology is similar. Sometimes one or the other (or both, for daunting tasks) is required. You can find someone to do this, but what's in it for them? I get the satisfaction of helping my girl and feeling good in my role as Daddy. What does your helper get?

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 7:11:47 AM

Kana

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quote:

How does one find a disciplinarian?

I'll tell you tomorrow...

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