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RE: hubby doesnt play - 10/2/2012 9:04:13 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

Of course he freaked on you. It doesn't sound like you guys dealt with the first incident properly, and you basically treated him like a disposable chew toy when right after that you asked to play outside of the marriage. Nobody deserves that. Have you apologised properly??

You're young, you intend to stay together, there is time. There is also many different flavours of BDSM to experiment with. Do you love him enough to put his needs first? Because what he really needs right now is for you to put yourself aside and reassure him that he is not a failure and you are not going to replace him just because of one bad night, and that you love him for reasons outside of the kinky stuff and would be willing to leave it behind for him--- and if the above isn't true then put your big girl pants on and break it off clean and quick like a bandaid before you hurt him even further.

Afterwards when he feels better about himself and secure in your relationship again, then you can revisit what went wrong and other experiments.

(in reply to motormouth2016)

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RE: hubby doesnt play - 10/3/2012 5:17:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

First stop nagging him. Let it rest for three to six months without you bringing it up.
Second are you submissive or are you just a kinky bottom? Do you want him to be able to tell you if you can go shopping, how much can you spend, if you can go out with friends, and if so whom etc? Because submissives hand over the authority and decision making in their relationships. If you aren't interested in doing that, don't describe yourself to him as submissive or you'll confuse him worse.

Third, in about six months, come out naked, drape yourself over his knee, ask him to spank you. He'll give you about three light taps. Do not criticize him about it not being hard enough. Be grateful. Straddle his knee and start rubbing yourself on him. Beg to suck his cock. Beg him to fuck you. Then spend the next couple of weeks telling him and showing him: how hot this made you, how hot you are now just thinking about it, and please could he do it again soon and next time longer and harder. If you are always appreciative you will connect hot sex with topping you in his mind. But it will take him about six months minimum before he feels comfortable doing this.

For the last twenty two years, he's learned every day that hitting a woman is bad. You're expecting him to rewire everything he's ever learned overnight and that isn't possible. Give positive reinforcement and allow him to take the time he needs to become comfortable with this.

And start submitting. Don't argue over everything. If he decides you have to buy chocolate chip ice cream every week whereas you like to try new flavors each time you go shopping, but him the chocolate chip.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Alecta)

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Post #: 22