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Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 3:13:57 AM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
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Hello everyone : )

Since joining the site I have been approached by quite a few subs/slaves that have inquired about my cost for sessions or asked me how much it would cost for different things. Since the only other kink sites I've been on thus far have been findom specific I'd love to get an opinion from subs/slaves who weren't specifically looking for a fin Domme. Do you assume that because someone identifies themselves as a financial Domme that they will do anything for money? Or that you pay per session? I ask this because my understanding is that pro domme's have a specific price per session and findom is much different. To me, financial domination is a deeper level or servitude, usually long term and not just during a session but it's more of a lifestyle I suppose. I know some pro domme's are also financial domme's but not all. So I guess my question is do you lump them together or view them separately? Thank you in advance for the input!

Post #: 1

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 3:26:38 AM

Alecta

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Joined: 1/19/2010
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Most people don't actually understand what a FinDomme is nor a what a ProDomme does. Mostly, especially those new to the internet scene, they think it's all interchangeable terms for kinky online whores. On the whole, it's not worth the trouble fighting with them about it since those who are loudest about it are those who think they should get everything in life for free anyway, if not be cooed and fawned over like some rare exotic prize.

Chin up, conduct yourself with class and dignity, focus on getting the attention of the kind of subs you want and forget about the rest.

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 2

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 3:58:14 AM

ThePrincessKali

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Alecta, thanks for your input : )

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 3

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 4:40:15 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Do you assume that because someone identifies themselves as a financial Domme that they will do anything for money? Or that you pay per session? I ask this because my understanding is that pro domme's have a specific price per session and findom is much different. To me, financial domination is a deeper level or servitude, usually long term and not just during a session but it's more of a lifestyle I suppose. I know some pro domme's are also financial domme's but not all. So I guess my question is do you lump them together or view them separately?

Kali, you actually asked 3 questions.

The third question, for me, cannot be answered without explaining the difference, which is what D has done.

quote:

So I guess my question is do you lump them together or view them separately?

I do not lump them together. I would explain why, but you dont want to know that.

quote:

Do you assume that because someone identifies themselves as a financial Domme that they will do anything for money?

As far as doing anything for money.... no. In my opinion, they will do as little as possible for that money.

quote:

Or that you pay per session?

I know findommes who withhold sessions until the "tributes" are paid. How is that different?

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(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 4

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 6:03:15 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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-fast reply-

First off, Kali, you asked for opinions and you got them. Granted, Deviantly's opinions were not very flattering, but that's the risk you take on a public message board.

Now I don't know any findommes or pros in the flesh, so I'm going only off my online interactions.

The impression I get is that prodommes learn a lot of physical skills and invest money into equipment and play spaces, build up reputations and meet clients face to face. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on negotiation and professional boundaries, and a lot of their profiles are dedicated to this. It comes across as a job to me. There's a clear exchange of money for services.

Findommes don't seem to meet in person, so there's no call for expensive equipment or physical skills. I don't know about reputation. Their profiles seem to be mostly abusive language and demands for money. In many cases the profiles state explicitly that the submissive will receive nothing in return. It's hard for me to understand what the submissive gets from it.

Now I can understand someone having a fetish for having money taken from them. I can see that. But I don't understand the appeal when it comes with nothing else. My husband has control of the money, and that works for us, but there's lots of other stuff going on in the relationship. I can understand wanting to buy someone gifts, but I would have to be invested in them as a person. I can understand enjoying the humiliation of forking over your cash to another person, but there has to seem to be a reason to do so. I can also imagine women who get off on taking money, but the impression a lot of findommes leave me with is that they like free stuff without having to work for it, not that they are getting a sexual thrill. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I've personally not come across any.

OP - can I ask you some questions? Would you be willing to tell me honestly how many subs you have at any one time? How long do they stick around for? How much do you get from each person, and what do you give them in return? How does it feel for you? How do you make yourself stand out from all the other women out there also eager to accept money and gifts - I notice you don't even have a photo of yourself, does that not hold you back?

I'd really, seriously like to know the truth in all of this, because I see way more findommes here that I see people looking for that arrangement and I always wonder how you make it work. I'm not interested in the official 'I'm so special all the puny worms can't wait to give me money' which is part of the act - I'd like to see the human side.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 5

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 10:40:51 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali
So I guess my question is do you lump them together or view them separately? Thank you in advance for the input!

I'm not a sub. That being said, what I read here makes me think of them both in the same category... that of "business transaction". The moment money becomes an integral part of anything I'd be tempted to put it in that category. In simplistic terms, if person A is providing something to person B in exchange for money then it's all the same to me.

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(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 6

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 10:41:20 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I have put my opinion in bold below.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

Hello everyone : ) - Hello!

Since joining the site I have been approached by quite a few subs/slaves that have inquired about my cost for sessions or asked me how much it would cost for different things. - I'm assuming these are males who identify as subs/slaves? This tends to be a male thing - we ladies can get what we want for free, and can usually pick and choose from a wide range of possible tops/dominants.

Since the only other kink sites I've been on thus far have been findom specific I'd love to get an opinion from subs/slaves who weren't specifically looking for a fin Domme. Do you assume that because someone identifies themselves as a financial Domme that they will do anything for money? Or that you pay per session? - on this site we are inundated with 'findommes' who think the way to make money is to post a duckface pic with the middle finger extended and call all potential 'clients' worms and losers. These people expect something for nothing, or damn near nothing. A couple of badly spelled insulting messages and they want tribute.
I only know of one 'real' finDomme and I know she actually offers a service. This (as far as I can gather) involves her spending time on the telephone with her client using a premium rate number. She also gets 'tributes' from these clients, but she works hard for her money. She needs to be aware of her clients' kinks and uses them in each session. If she doesn't, then the client is unlikely to come back. This is business after all - if you don't provide what the customer wants, they'll find someone else who will. She is paid per session (through the premium rate number and the tribute). However, from what I can see on this site, she is very much in the minority.

I ask this because my understanding is that pro domme's have a specific price per session and findom is much different. - I also know more than a few proDommes. Their service is very different to that of the findomme. Firstly, they are serving a different kink set. Guys who go to findommes get off on the money thing. Guys who go to proDommes are more into the physical acts - they want a real life woman there to do whatever it is that they want. Just like the quality findomme, a proDomme caters to their customers' needs.

To me, financial domination is a deeper level or servitude, usually long term and not just during a session but it's more of a lifestyle I suppose. - I would disagree with this. Financial domination is a kink like any other. It's only deeper and longer term if there is some kind of emotional investment between the sub/slave and the Domme, just like any other D/s or M/s relationship. The difference is, if it's kept on a purely kink level and is being used to make money, I can't see it as a 'real' relationship, at least in terms of D/s or M/s. It's more of a top/bottom set-up. Each is getting what they want out of the kink, but it doesn't have much more depth than that.

I know some pro domme's are also financial domme's but not all. So I guess my question is do you lump them together or view them separately? - I see them as very different businesses. Both serve a kink, it's simply the kinks that are different. But both are top/bottom scenarios where the bottom ultimately calls the shots.

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Post #: 7

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 10:41:35 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Could you answer any of my questions Titaniya? I'm burning with curiosity and no one seems to talk about this stuff.

I'll paste them again so you don't need to reread my long post:

Would you be willing to tell me honestly how many subs you have at any one time? How long do they stick around for? How much do you get from each person, and what do you give them in return? How does it feel for you? How do you make yourself stand out from all the other women out there also eager to accept money and gifts - I notice you don't even have a photo of yourself, does that not hold you back?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Titaniya)

Post #: 8

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 12:29:00 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
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JeffBC, thank you that was the type of answer I was looking for.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 9

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 12:51:03 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't put them in the same category. While I understand that the crafting and execution of financial kink can be a skill, the topping skills required as a professional dominant to be FAR more extensive. With this in mind, and because I have known those who identify as either one, or both as the case may be, I'm very familiar with the fact that neither makes a person "willing to do anything for money."

The other difference, in My opinion, booking a session with a pro yields a specific result. A service is rendered. Pay for the beating/humiliation/put your cup of tea here, that is what the client gets as agreed for the exchange.

That deeper level nonsense doesn't even play into it for Me. That's one of those 'My kink (or My execution of such kink) is better than yours' fields. Also, considering that I know pros that have kept clients ten years or more, the longevity thing doesn't apply.

As for the offers that you are getting, don't put that much stock into it. You are currently in the "new meat" category around this joint. That means you are getting the avalanche of all kinds of shit on the other side by a lot of folks who cast a line to every new chick in the place. You'll still get them after that first sixty days is over, but it won't be in the numbers that you do now.

ETA - You might be quite interested in this thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4224292/tm.htm

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/3/2012 12:53:39 PM >

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(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 10

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 1:14:50 PM

ThePrincessKali

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Joined: 9/19/2012
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Athena, I am happy to answer your questions. I usually have 2, maybe three subs at a time. Everything else varies. In RT I had a sub stick around for a little over a year. But ill answer your questions in regards to online since I think thats what you are referring to. On average I'd say maybe 3-4 months. The amount varies dramatically depending on what type of relationship the sub or slave is seeking. Some want to be a slave and owned full time, I've only had one of these in the past bc he wanted more attention than I could give so I had to cut his chains, so to speak. We spoke over the phone everyday and I he tributed about 500/month with occasional gifts. With subs usually I ask about 100/week although some want to give more. In return we talk over the phone or on cam. If they have a specific fetish I'm comfortable with I incorperate it. But usually we dont cam right away, its more of a privledge thats earned. I've found many subs who have a findom fetish often have a foot or heel fetish so if on cam I obviously show my heels. Also my subs usually want to see me with what they purchased, as ive found many (not all but many) prefer purchasing from a wishlist rather than just giving money. So I'll photos wearing or holding whatever they purchased and send it to them. I personally am not into extreme degradation so I'm not telling them to put their head in a toilet, but some domme's do. I get a high feeling when I see something from my wishlist was purchased or I receive a tribute. I suppose the money aspect isn't sexual it's more like feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning and I feel downright giddy. The actual domination of taking control of something so personal is more of a sexual thrill for me. So I guess the domination is sexual but the gifts just make me happy if that makes sense. I think I stand out becaus I don't really follow the "you're such a puny worm" approach as you say lol. I am kind and appreciative and I suppose it's more of a worship thing. My subs pay tribute because they see me as a Goddess and superior. What woman doesn't want to feel that way? Lol. Sometimes I am more demanding or mistress-like because that's usually what subs want is to be humiliated but I personally don't like to take that too far. As for not having a photo, I will send one privately to subs via email I just prefer discretion I suppose. I find I get so many messages because of my heels. I've never had anyone message me immediately asking for a photo of my face so if it holds me back I don't know. I'm sure potential subs see my profile with no pic and keep looking but they don't contact me so I can't say for sure. Whew, that was long lol. Athena I hope I answered your questions.

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 11

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 1:44:50 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Yes it does answer my questions, thank you. It sounds like you are offering domination in exchange for the tributes which is more than some people seem to offer so I can see why that might appeal.

What sort of age range are these subs? I only wonder because I know I wouldn't have that kind of money after the bills are paid.
Other than someone needing more time than you can provide, have you turned someone down for other reasons?

I can understand why people might want to buy presents from a wishlist instead of giving money. Do you find yourself inundated with crotchless underwear and things of that nature? I mean, my actual amazon wishlist is mostly books and kitchenware; I'm guessing people are more interested in buying you sexual stuff since that's what excites them? I ask because I remember someone round here a while ago mentioning that some men are so wrapped up in their exact fantasy they are only interested in sending slutty underwear and not things the domme actually wants, thus defeating the point somewhat. Does that happen to you? Do you have to keep your wishlist kinky to keep interest?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 12

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 2:50:50 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline

Athena,

The age range varies. Usually the younger subs will tribute once or twice and then move on to another Domme and are usually in their 20s. The older subs are, in my experience, are the ones who stick around longer are usually 35 and up. I've turned subs down for a variety of reason. The main one is usually I can tell they're fake or seeking more of a one time experience. I frequently get asked how much a cam session with me is, hence my posting this in the first place so I'll turn subs for that. Or if they don't seem very submissive or make demands up front. In this case it's pretty much my way or the highway lol. Another reason is lack of respect. I expect good manners. On another site I had a photo of me with most of my face cropped out in a form fitting top and I got emails from "subs" telling me how they liked my tits and how they wanted me to slide their credit card between them or something. That is not a financial submissive and that is extremely disrespectful so I guess lack of respect is another big reason I turn potential subs down. And in terms of my wishlist it's not anything sexual. I had a sub ask me to put a pair of nylons up once but that was it. Most of the stuff is regular clothes, shoes, cosmetics, handbags, and I think currently bedding because I need a new bed set lol. I've never had a sub try to buy anything from an erotic site or anything. And yes I do incorporate some domination but its more subtle I guess.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 13

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 2:59:58 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

Athena,

The age range varies. Usually the younger subs will tribute once or twice and then move on to another Domme and are usually in their 20s. The older subs are, in my experience, are the ones who stick around longer are usually 35 and up. I've turned subs down for a variety of reason. The main one is usually I can tell they're fake or seeking more of a one time experience. I frequently get asked how much a cam session with me is, hence my posting this in the first place so I'll turn subs for that. Or if they don't seem very submissive or make demands up front. In this case it's pretty much my way or the highway lol. Another reason is lack of respect. I expect good manners. On another site I had a photo of me with most of my face cropped out in a form fitting top and I got emails from "subs" telling me how they liked my tits and how they wanted me to slide their credit card between them or something. That is not a financial submissive and that is extremely disrespectful so I guess lack of respect is another big reason I turn potential subs down. And in terms of my wishlist it's not anything sexual. I had a sub ask me to put a pair of nylons up once but that was it. Most of the stuff is regular clothes, shoes, cosmetics, handbags, and I think currently bedding because I need a new bed set lol. I've never had a sub try to buy anything from an erotic site or anything. And yes I do incorporate some domination but its more subtle I guess.

Clothes, cosmetics, handbags and bedding are all still uniquely female and will be close to your body. :) Try a blender, toaster, camping gear or something not gender specific. I'm just curious if it would be as successful. In my experience, subs do like to send things that they can eroticize to some degree, and if they are not erotic items, they usually are feminine.

Of course, once a relationship is in place, a man with genuine interest will send a gift of any kind and get joy from it.

Now a clever financial femdom could eroticize a blender, though. She could say she was going to have parties with her girlfriends and use the blender to make all her juicy cocktails and margaritas and would think of him every time she did, and send pictures of her sipping her first freshly made drink, her pretty red lips sucking tightly around the straw as a thank you. Something like that.

Camping gear or a toaster might be harder. :)

Akasha

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(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 14

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 3:35:37 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline

Aakasha, love the name btw makes me think of Queen of the Damned, I specifically choose gender specific items because so many subs are fearful that fin dommes are men trying to scam them. And once a new sub sees my wishlist I think they are more comfortable since its all feminine stuff. In your analogy of the blender I'm not sure it'd work for me lol. Only because more times than not, my subs want to pick a gift themselves. Sometimes they want to be told what to buy but I've had more who made their own choice and then told me why after. For example I had a pair of heels with spikes on them, a Kat Von D fragrance, amongst other things and after seeing a couple photos of me and getting an idea of my style my sub purchased those two items because he could "invision me in them or with them best." So I don't usually seduce them into buying something specific, I have a variety of items and it's usually left up to them.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 15

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 5:13:21 PM

Titaniya

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Could you answer any of my questions Titaniya? I'm burning with curiosity and no one seems to talk about this stuff.

I'll paste them again so you don't need to reread my long post:

Would you be willing to tell me honestly how many subs you have at any one time? How long do they stick around for? How much do you get from each person, and what do you give them in return? How does it feel for you? How do you make yourself stand out from all the other women out there also eager to accept money and gifts - I notice you don't even have a photo of yourself, does that not hold you back?

I saw your questions after I wrote my longer post and didn't answer because the short answer is that I've never had a submissive (financial or otherwise). I have two relationships, so I'm not actively seeking out any new partners and haven't been since realizing I'm attracted to the fetish. I'm sorta a newbie to kink in general, so it's that way with most of 'em for me.

I went over the power high in my longer post... the idea of it is arousing in a similar way that the idea of someone kneeling before me is arousing. It's a power trip.

I don't try to make myself stand out, since I'm not actively looking. I have a short little paragraph about it on my otherwise general profile and potential submissives message me based on that.

My photo is of me, and I'm 100% willing to cam verify without a bribe. ;)

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 16

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 5:47:53 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Would you be willing to tell me honestly how many subs you have at any one time? How long do they stick around for? How much do you get from each person, and what do you give them in return? How does it feel for you? How do you make yourself stand out from all the other women out there also eager to accept money and gifts - I notice you don't even have a photo of yourself, does that not hold you back?

My acquaintance the FinDomme (and now that i've had some sleep and normal day work I see how hollow this sounds lol) had two Fin subs during the time I knew her. They were both in their late 30s to early 40s (we were 17/18) and everything was offline. They were not allowed to talk to her on the phone. She scheduled them to meet her at least once a month and if they wanted to see her outside of what she wanted, they had to stalk her down and she'd ignore them. The two were aware of and pit in competition with one another. Whenever she wanted to go shopping or wanted something, she'd call one of them and tell them she wanted to go shopping and when to pick her up and they would show up and do exactly that for her and whoever she had with her (and for a while it as me). As the amount of money tallied up during the trip she would get noticeably more aroused and giddy, which was why she used to take me with as the recipient of her amorous affections and to keep her from going home with one of those men. The trip always ends with us being dropped off near public transit and my taking her home so they didn't know where she lived. I knew her for a year and I presume that when we drifted apart, she found some other girl to continue the same with.

Once a month they would put money into her account and she would call them to go for a dinner date with each when she saw that the amount was in. They were expected to impress her whether with choice of restaurant or whatever they brought, and if she were unhappy with it she would just leave. I never got invited to those and I don't know if she "put out" then, although she'd often talk about where they went and what they had etc. She could have ran a food blog lol

I have no idea how she met those men. My best guess was some kind of "sugardaddy hookup" thing. She tried to get me one that summer, but I chickened out.

My own subs, back in the day, were boys that I met and then discovered or bullied submissive traits into. I tried to do what she did with her FinSubs with one guy for a little while but it just didn't gel for me *shrug* the tally numbers made me worry rather than turn me on. In the back of my mind I expected the guy paying to get increasingly more aggressive the higher the tally was and I wasn't ready to put out. Not that I would have minded, mine was in my age range and cute-ish, but I didn't like him enough that way. And then when it was with a boy I was actually seeing and sleeping with, I just felt bad for his wallet. To this day, I see that as one of my great personal failures lol

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 17

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 8:51:10 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I put them in the same category...they're paying you for a service. As a findomme if you don't accept their money then you are not giving them what they want....humiliation and domination. If you're a prodomme, they are paying you for the service to act out the script that they want from you.

Not much difference if you ask me. You're offering a service. As a findomme you're servicing them just in a tiny bit of a different way.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 18

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/3/2012 11:06:36 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

This has been enlightening, thanks for those who answered my questions.

Titaniya - sorry I didn't mean to suggest the photo wasn't you, that was about the OP's foot picture

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to yourdarkdesire)

Post #: 19

RE: Pro Domme vs Financial Domme - 10/4/2012 8:54:42 AM

Titaniya

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/9/2012
Status: offline

I know. I was hoping my joke-tone made it through text. Apparently not. xD

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 20

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