RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side"

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/15/2012 9:55:15 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

one of the many that flooded my box after election day:

"GO OBAMA HUH???? Awesome if you ask me!!!! What's on your mind tonight? Like to chat on Yahoo or message here at all?"

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/17/2012 11:10:21 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

Boy, did this dude ever miss the boat!

good looking dom male tall ,in very good physical shape , clean, professional and very discreet. respect all limits

seeking a sub female preferably in good physical shape experienced or novice to learn and explore respect your limits.beginners welcome

Not only does my profile indicate I'm not currently looking, it also indicates that when I am looking, I seek someone within a 100 miles radius of DFW airport (he's 1,568 miles away), and a sub (he's a dom).

When they say people don't read profiles. they aren't kidding!

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 11/17/2012 11:11:47 AM >

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/17/2012 5:17:01 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

Today's funny one:

we should meet

No explanation offered, no reason why. We both possess a pulse, one is sub and the other dom. I guess that's all the compatibility we need. Cool; I didn't know it was that easy!

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/17/2012 5:31:30 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14415
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I got:

"Sorry you were busy the day I was down there"

Ummm...dude...I've never talked to you and I'm married, which means that to you I'm always busy.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/17/2012 5:49:51 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

i got that exact message the other day...thought i was going nuts for a moment!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/17/2012 5:59:22 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14415
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Okay, so that just makes it weirder. Does he not remember who he talked to?

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/17/2012 6:03:15 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

who knows. i'm betting it's just a line he uses to get women to respond.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/18/2012 11:27:24 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14415
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I added a picture of Master to my profile.

Some guy emailed me: Why do you have a picture of Bill Goldberg on your profile?

Me: That's my Master.

Him: You expect me to believe that Bill Goldberg is your Master?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/18/2012 1:05:15 PM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

Today's winner from the "lying sack of crap" pool!

Hello, Sir. I read your profile and I really like what you had to say. I would love to chat more and get to know you, if you are interested. Thank you for your time.

"Wow," I thought to myself, "someone who actually read my profile, is articulate, and is polite. Did I just win the lottery?"

Nope...guess not.

About 6 or 7 emails back and forth later, during which we talked about ourselves, our interests, shared a few laughs at the expense of a mutually-despised series of books about sparkly vampires, and this happened. I had mentioned that my partner read the first of the series of horrid literary homicides about sparkly vampires and I got the following in response:

Wait! You have a fucking boyfriend? Dude, fuck you! You cheating sack of shit! I can't believe you would fucking lie to people and claim to be single. What, having one hole to fuck isn't enough for you, you have to lie to submissives so you can get in their ass to? Thought I found an actual decent Dom on this piece of shit site...nope, just another game-playing faggot whose ego is bigger than his balls. Fuck you, shithead!

When I tried to point out that he obviously lied about reading my profile, since I clearly state that I am poly and have a primary partner, I realized I was blocked.

Gee...what a charmer!

_____________________________

The greatest gift a person can give is the gift of their willing submission. It is a gift more precious than gold and more fragile than glass. It is my responsibility to make sure that, every day, I am worthy of that gift.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/18/2012 1:06:52 PM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I added a picture of Master to my profile.

Some guy emailed me: Why do you have a picture of Bill Goldberg on your profile?

Me: That's my Master.

Him: You expect me to believe that Bill Goldberg is your Master?

Maybe you should change your SN to "BGoldbergsGirl" now.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/18/2012 10:39:33 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

This one from a guy young enough to be my son:

Serve me, obey my commands, do as I wish and your dreams will be fulfilled. I am looking for a LTR, yes an actual relationship where we can grow together. To physically bind you in ropes and chains will symbolize your binding to my heart while I give you the sweet sting of pleasure you've always wanted. I respect all boundries but will push them as well.

My reply:

That would be the day hell freezes over, my dear. I suggest you actually read profiles and send your intro letters to someone who might appreciate them. Not only am I not submissive, I am not looking at this time. And when I am looking, it is for someone 40+.

(in reply to MstSebastian)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/19/2012 10:07:54 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
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Those "masterly" messages from guys whose mothers are younger than me just kill me.
Not to derail the thread here, but this morning I got a message that brightened my Monday from a man on the east coast:
"You sound lovely. Too bad we're a continent apart!"
So I propose an amendment to this thread to include terrific messages that stood out for us.

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/19/2012 11:04:23 PM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
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I just got a message from someone, using a sock account, who was trying to troll me. He sent me a long message asserting his "I am man, hear me roar" Alpha-male status...which was just painfully amusing. He ended by calling me a "flaming fruit loop."

haha! I love it when guys like that think they are being clever.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/20/2012 10:21:10 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
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Interesting how much time and effort he invested in drafting that message to you! I think he has a crush.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to MstSebastian)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/20/2012 10:27:08 AM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Interesting how much time and effort he invested in drafting that message to you! I think he has a crush.

Maybe he does. It's been my experience that the guys who go out of their way to overtly assert their masculinity and heterosexuality usually have something they are hiding.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/20/2012 10:34:23 AM

QueenDelicia1

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2012
From: Chicago, IL, US o' A
Status: offline

The first message I ever received on CollarMe when I joined, some days ago: "Cunt."

I want that obviously copied and pasted contract from pages ago where the guy from Cairo promised you can opt out of session at any time after death...

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For pics, session rates, and to read my oh so epic writings, visit: http://www.queendelicia.com/

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/21/2012 6:45:47 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Her. Are you online pig?
Me. Do you take it up the shitter on the first date?

Her would you like to?
Me. Naaaah

< Message edited by Ninebelowzero -- 11/21/2012 6:50:09 AM >

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/21/2012 10:46:02 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
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just had a message from a 'slave' in America

Hello Miss, I want to be your slave and please you, serve you. Can you please spare some time to chat with me?

i tell him to read profiles and respect what is there. he said he did read my profile but wanted to know if i could use him on cam or in ms. so i message him back with;

if that is what i wanted i'd ask for it. but i state under no circumstances do i want anything from anyone. stop wasting other people's time. it's down right disrespectful!
if i did want a slave in any shape or form, why the hell would i choose one who can't follow very simple instructions.

his reply has earnt him being reported for threatening/vulgar language, and i blocked him. i really do wonder how these guys can think anyone would take them seriously as slaves when they can't even show respect for a request that is very clearly written.

needles

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/21/2012 5:06:58 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

The latest batch of winners:

Goddess are you now available? May I please worship at your feet goddess? I am new to Tx. I feel lost and empty without a collar around my neck and a higher purpose. Can I please have a chance? It's not about sex for me only servitude and obedience. Thank you slave xxxxx

He evidently wasn't gone very long. I remember getting a message from him a few months ago, in which he stated that he lived in Dallas. Hardly new to Texas.

Next gem:

Him: Hi, I know you're not looking right now. But do you have any Domme friends you could recommend me to?

Me: Of course not! Why would I recommend someone I don't know from Adam to a friend?

Him: But I'm really a great guy!

Me: I'm sure you think you are. Bye now.

(in reply to needlesandpins)

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 11/23/2012 10:06:48 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

A certain Dom that we all know and love "reporting" me for having chicken breasts instead of turkey yesterday for dinner. Brought a smile to my face.

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

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