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Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 5:16:22 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

...or bottoming from the top.

I've noted several people whose profiles complain of this situation, wherein a person represents their interest one way in order to gain an entree and then appear suddenly to desire a turning of the tables.

Would anyone care to describe such an event in their personal experience and their reaction?

I'm curious whether it ever seemed a genuine thing, or whether it felt contrived.

* * *

No threads of interest lately, so thought I'd try one more. Hoping to avoid the lofty pronouncements, advice from sages and other hype, in search of intellectual give and take.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

Post #: 1

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 5:21:52 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I've tried to manipulate Master, which in a bdsm sense could be considered topping from the bottom, in an every day sense it just means I'm a woman.

Doesnt seem to work very well for me...damnit.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 2

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 5:36:35 PM

mastersayed

Posts: 119
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

I was kinda topped from the bottom (she told me about things that I can do to her in the bedroom) when I first met my slave cuz I didnt know anything about bdsm and she had some experience. I thought it was unhealthy though and I educated myself in record timing, I consumed every bit of knowledgeon the web, joined cm and read some books. Now I probably know more than her. I haven't been topped from the bottom since late March and I wont allow it, suggestions before we start a scene are fine though because I believe in communication with my slave, as long as I like them I usually do them.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 3

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 5:45:01 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mastersayed

I was kinda topped from the bottom (she told me about things that I can do to her in the bedroom) when I first met my slave cuz I didnt know anything about bdsm and she had some experience. I thought it was unhealthy though and I educated myself in record timing, I consumed every bit of knowledgeon the web, joined cm and read some books. Now I probably know more than her. I haven't been topped from the bottom since late March and I wont allow it, suggestions before we start a scene are fine though because I believe in communication with my slave, as long as I like them I usually do them.

I believe that "suggestions before we start the scene" is an excellent thing to exclude as not counting. Good point.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to mastersayed)

Post #: 4

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 6:21:33 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

Honestly I dont really bealve there is topping from the bottom
beacuse if the sub didnt try to give any incling what they needed or wanted
all they would be doing is lieng there makeing grunts as the Dom did waht they pleased

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 5

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 7:22:13 PM

BreakMeShakeMe

Posts: 339
Joined: 6/6/2006
Status: offline

I was sort of seeing someone a few weeks back... and noticed that I was able to actually top from the bottom...and it actually upset me. And voiced my opinion about it. He let it be known I didn't do anything that he didn't allow me to do... that he maintained control the whole time.. he just let me think I was.. to see if I knew I was...and how far I would try to go. It was the first time I ever actually took notice... I still get sick to my stomache when I think of it... and never want to experience it again... so I really watch my Ps & Qs... when submitting.

But as far as in my profile.... I don't think of it as topping from bottom... I think of it as just simply giving someone a small insight about who I am... if i'm able to top from the bottom.... then i'm with the wrong dom is how I see it.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do, Skill is knowing how to, Virtue is just doing it.

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 6

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 7:31:15 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I don't complain about it. I'm one that tops from the bottom, at least that's the closest thing to call it that seems to fit. I have no problem with whoever doesn't like it. It also doesn't bother me that I'm ignored by most. Since there is no real catagory for such as myself, I let it be known right from the beginning what I'm about. Although I'm not new to this, I've been studying the labeling here to get a better understanding, well try to anyway. I don't care to have a relationship with people who are new to the lifestyle. Even I might have to flame me then LOL. I would only partner with someone who's already been there, tried the things they were interested in and found what they liked, yet just want a different dynamic as to the whys and how come, of it. I make no appologies, excuses, complaints, or anything else.

~Big
___________________
ahhhh I see sounds

~Big

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 7

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 7:51:35 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Since all I call myself is a masochistic bottom, I go out of my way to make sure that I get what I want

Some don't like it, some don't care.
/shrug

As long as I am happy, that's what I care about.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 8

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 7:53:20 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

Since all I call myself is a masochistic bottom, I go out of my way to make sure that I get what I want

Some don't like it, some don't care.
/shrug

As long as I am happy, that's what I care about.

hehe I have to thank you for finnaly giveing me some sort of label to put on myself Tikkie

masachistic bottom
yeah that sounds about right to me

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 9

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 7:57:21 PM

zero69u2

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

what is topping from bottom ?
attempts by the sub to retain control and dictate to the dom/me what dominance is or is not okay, rather than experiencing genuine surrender and allowing trust to direct the scene.

This situation tended to be a reoccuring theme when i was less experienced then the sub. I was with. when she would bring up statements like my old master did this this way. and i like this and that sexually like my old master did it.

my response.. "I am not your old master. you either accept that or go back to your old master. No Comparisons.."
Lesson 1 in defeating topping from bottom. : Don't allow the Comparison..
Refuse to be molded. You can take the information in and communicate. but don't allow yourself to be remolded into something your not. Some Dom's techniques are more sadistic and not everyone has that style. If you feel uncomfortable with a certain scene situation. its probably not your fetish cup of tea. If this continues to be a reoccuring theme in your relationship.. it may become a situation where you need to break apart for awhile.. come back with a new resolve to be her master and not her topped from the bottom sex toy.

if you continue to allow the topping from bottom it gets worse. the next thing she's dictating the positions on the sex and your giving 12 hour cunnilingus sessions.. rather then having a well rounded sex life.

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Post #: 10

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 8:00:45 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe

He let it be known I didn't do anything that he didn't allow me to do... that he maintained control the whole time

Whatever?

(in reply to BreakMeShakeMe)

Post #: 11

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 8:23:23 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I don't really consider that I'm a sub or domme, just that I enjoy some things that are considered sub. I do expect to have the final say, in and out of the bedroom. I don't profess to be domme either, nor kinkster, bottom, top, vanilla, or anything else ya got here for a label. I do know that there are people out there that want someone exactly like me though <eg>
~Big

_______________________
ahhhh I see sounds

(in reply to zero69u2)

Post #: 12

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/14/2006 9:09:13 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

...or bottoming from the top.

I've noted several people whose profiles complain of this situation, wherein a person represents their interest one way in order to gain an entree and then appear suddenly to desire a turning of the tables.

Would anyone care to describe such an event in their personal experience and their reaction?

I'm curious whether it ever seemed a genuine thing, or whether it felt contrived.

* * *

No threads of interest lately, so thought I'd try one more. Hoping to avoid the lofty pronouncements, advice from sages and other hype, in search of intellectual give and take.

i have never delighted in topping from the bottom in a "scene". However, i certainly have caused Master frustration in daily life with my struggle to relinquish control. It's all part of learning to trust - at least for me. i got involved in this lifestyle late in life after many years of directing everything myself. So really letting go needs to become a habit, which takes practice and doesn't happen automatically.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 13

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/15/2006 4:49:35 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I'd never consider Topping from the bottom.

I just make helpful suggestions.

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 14

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/15/2006 6:22:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The problem only comes when the people involved are not all aware and happy with it.

And really, it's usually pretty easy to notice if they would take ten seconds to figure it out rather than just getting turned on and reacting. But that takes some modicum of self awareness.

I played with a new chick at a club one weekend a few months ago. She seemed nice enough, we did basic negotiations and settled for a nice flogging/sensual mix scene.

Every 30 seconds there was another issue/deman- she couldn't stand in the place I'd picked for the scene (after I'd asked her if it was a good place and she said yes), she couldn't be on her back, she could only get her breasts hit a certain way, she liked the way I hit this way but not that way...on and on.

I pushed the scene as shortly as I could and haven't played with her since. The problem wasn't so much her wanting a good scene for herself- it was the attitude, making it all about her, and trying to manipulate me without me being ok with it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 15

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/18/2006 7:28:44 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I don't blame you on that one LA

~Big

___________________
ahhhh I see sounds

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/18/2006 8:15:37 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

I do not know if this is too far off topic and I am sorry if it is, but as a submissive I have a huge problem if the dominant is wanting me to top from the bottom. Again negotiation before is fine and limits and safewords are critical, but I do not want to do a "secne" where I am being asked non stop questions like "Is this OK?", "Was that too something", "What would you like now?" and other things like that. It makes the scenes unbearable for me personally.

Again sorry if this was off topic.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Post #: 17

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/18/2006 8:58:07 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

Since all I call myself is a masochistic bottom, I go out of my way to make sure that I get what I want

Some don't like it, some don't care.
/shrug

As long as I am happy, that's what I care about.

The masochistic bottom says "hurt me, hurt me."

The sadist says "no" and wanders off to watch the Simpsons.

My first submissive did what I referred to as Topping from the bottom. I was fine with it, because I didnt know any better. She
would say "get the big flogger" or "use the vibrating butt plug" or
whatever.

Then I would start ignoring what she would ask for and doing other things. My post about the wartenburg wheel related to one of those; she was expecting to be heavily flogged that evening.

Surprise!

You know, it works for some people. It doesnt work for other
people. I personally figure if it works for them, go for it.

But one of the things I have learned about dealing with TFTB
types is to always keep a set of old, smelly gym socks in my
toy bag to "muffle" her demands if I start to find them annoying.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 18

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/18/2006 10:46:11 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

But one of the things I have learned about dealing with TFTB
types is to always keep a set of old, smelly gym socks in my
toy bag to "muffle" her demands if I start to find them annoying.

Sinergy

Makes note to self, never top from the bottom without a glass of water handy and some Listerine.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 19

RE: Topping From The Bottom... - 6/19/2006 5:50:18 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978
where I am being asked non stop questions like "Is this OK?", "Was that too something", "What would you like now?" and other things like that. It makes the scenes unbearable for me personally.

Again sorry if this was off topic.

Non-sytop questions is understandable, but I think, specially in the beginnings of a relationship AND the beginning of a new skill type, that checking in is very important.

Asking "Are you ok?" can be a pretty bad question to ask if you don't know the other person though. Asking "Do you need water?" "Are you feeling strained in any area?" "How much longer can you stay in this position?" and other very specific very focused questions are easier for the bottom to answer AND easier to control directly.

Asking questions like "what do you want now?" when you're IN a scene is usually not the best way to go unless you've played together a lot and are comfortable with that sort of banter within a scene.

But one should be willing to sacrifice a bit of floaty headspace and passive bottom laziness in return for a good scene overall and building of security so that they can go even further NEXT time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lisa1978)

Post #: 20

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