RE: need some help with my man (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: need some help with my man (11/2/2012 8:32:42 PM)

When my daughter was in Turkey three years ago, the teacher who took the kids to Turkey, allowed everyone to have breaks in between the group tours. My daughter 16 at the time. So my daughter wanted to go out to the markets but no one else did, so she went alone, learned how to bargain and even took a shot of some kind of alcohol that the vendors would give to people who came to his market space, to welcome them in. My daughter said she loved it and everyone was extremely friendly to her. She said she had more trouble being a girl, in Greece and France than in Turkey. She hates both Greece and France now because of that.




CelticPrince -> RE: need some help with my man (11/2/2012 8:37:21 PM)

quote:

hi..
ok.. i need some help.. and i dont need to hear i should leave this man and all this .. cus i do know this is my option..

we are engaged .. he is turkish, and we live in turkey.. he is dominant of nature.... but only in our daylie life.. like do this and do that .
if i refuse, he dont get angry.. so he is not dominant in that way .. only by words.. he is no way dom in bed .. or anywhere else he could get some..

he sais no to blowjobs and wants sex 1 or 2 times every week...
he dont like it if i beg for it or offer it..

and i have never told him i am sub ... i have told him i like it .. hard and .. ye .. i have told him a little here and there, but never the whole story ..

i find it soooo scary to sit down and tell him this.. im scared he will find me .. freaky..

so please... how can i spill the beans without scaring the man off??


sinful,

He is a Turk.....thus you cannot....figure your own options.

CP




littlewonder -> RE: need some help with my man (11/2/2012 8:40:47 PM)

Why can't she talk to a Turk? Is that a new law I have not heard of yet?





Aswad -> RE: need some help with my man (11/2/2012 9:21:19 PM)

It's an old law come back, littlewonder, one of the oldest. Used to be we called it segregation and the like. For a time, it went off the books and was called "prejudice", "bigotry" and the like. Now, it's back and called cultural conservativism, I hear. Same shit, new wrapper.

IWYW,
— Aswad.




littlewonder -> RE: need some help with my man (11/2/2012 9:32:51 PM)

thanks for the head's up.





DuchessDawna -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 6:28:33 AM)

Have you spoke with your fiance about his past sexual experiences? It sounds to me that he might have had a bad sexual experience with a woman or women in general? Perhaps he is gay.......and is only performing the act out of kindness for you.





mnottertail -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 6:39:57 AM)

Well, at this point we are quietly waiting for the next scheduled 'hose me down' night, and seeing what occurs I think.




theRose4U -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 6:48:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DuchessDawna

Have you spoke with your fiance about his past sexual experiences? It sounds to me that he might have had a bad sexual experience with a woman or women in general? Perhaps he is gay.......and is only performing the act out of kindness for you.

My vote is no experience, like she's his first or second. Super religious conservative in a country that's pretty conservative anyway. Gay is entirely an option & front of the pack for possibles, running neck & neck with "sex is dirty so enjoying it is bad & doing it for pleasure is sick". Nothing like religious self loathing to ruin good sex & make kink damn near impossible.




sinfulneeds -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 7:36:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DuchessDawna

Have you spoke with your fiance about his past sexual experiences? It sounds to me that he might have had a bad sexual experience with a woman or women in general? Perhaps he is gay.......and is only performing the act out of kindness for you.




he dont speak anout that at all... i know he was hurt by his ex .. but he never say anything about the sex hes had with other girls ... i told him one time i really believed he was a virgin ... hehe that didnt impress him much ,





Aswad -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 8:23:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Nothing like religious self loathing to ruin good sex & make kink damn near impossible.


And nothing like antireligious loathing to ruin a good post and make it damn near impossible to remember that the person one is talking about is an atheist.

IWYW,
— Aswad.




sinfulneeds -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 9:28:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Nothing like religious self loathing to ruin good sex & make kink damn near impossible.


And nothing like antireligious loathing to ruin a good post and make it damn near impossible to remember that the person one is talking about is an atheist.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



takk.




LonDom61 -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 10:25:43 AM)

Hi folks.

This has little to do with the OP. But an issue has been opened on the thread. I contributed to it. This addresses a reasonable question to me regarding it. And is, I hope, the last entry I will make on this off-topic subject.

Aswad: You asked for a credible source for my assertion about stoning being legal until about 10 years ago. It is very reasonable to request a source and consider how credible that source is.

I cannot vouch for my source. I put 20 minutes into the search, 10 into writing my reply. That is insufficient to check multiple sources & viewpoints, double check sources, achieve synthesis. But plenty of time to allow to research a single post made here.

= = =

So...now more time invested. In the interests of fairness.

I also checked Ask.com. No date of formally outlawing stoning jumped out at me.

I have gone back to look at the pages I scanned before. Here is what I found:

Yes, yes, there are laws on the books in Turkey saying stoning someone is illegal. But if one did stone someone to death prior to 2003 to defend the family honor that person would have received a reduced prison sentence for the murder. It wasn't until the summer of 2003 that the Turkish Parliament approved a slew of human rights laws, including one that abolished reduced prison terms for murders committed in the name of ''family honor.''

http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2011/02/throwing_stones_in_turkey.html


I admit that, in my quick scan, I mis-interpreted this. According to this source, stoning wasnèt illegal until 2003. It is merely that--yes, according to the blogger-- the government, when confronted with the fact of it, winked and said -well, lets give you a break on that one-.

Is the source credible. I canèt say. Itès a blog. No quality or bias control on blogs. I was doing a quick scan for info. I googled. I scanned about 10 pages on different sites. This seemed to most closely address the question.

What is the actual date it was made illegal. I donèt know. I am curious now. Will probably do some more looking. I do not promise to report it back here.

But, whether or not it is illegal, it happens. Not much in cities like Istanbul. Itès all or mostly Muslim to Muslim (unless, perhaps, the other adulterer was an infidel maybe.) But my previous quotes, with links, address how much it happens in Turkey TODAY.

According to the same blogger it is often covered up. Stoning itself==though not the death penalty for the same crimes==is often avoided by this means:

Since it is technically illegal in Turkey to kill women for dishonoring the family, women who do so are harassed and pressured into committing honor-suicide. Women who refuse to honor-kill themselves are subsequently stoned, burned, hanged, strangled, shot, stabbed or beaten to death. These murders, if they are reported at all, are ruled an accident or suicide. The police are often bribed (and encouraged by their government) to ignore crimes and hinder investigations. In this manner, Turkey is able to show itself as having the least honor-killings among nations with Muslim-majority populations.

same link as above


I chided Ull for blasting Rose. The above shows that I did not have sufficient reason to say to Ull that ONE of her assertions was false.

I think Ull made aspersions that should not be made at all. Enough was wrong with the rest of her claim that I still think she had insufficient basis to disagree, much less do so in such an insulting fashion.

I have now put another hour into this. That is all the time I am prepared to give this subject. I hope we can now go back to concentrating on the OP.




ResidentSadist -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 12:04:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Why can't she talk to a Turk? Is that a new law I have not heard of yet?


I can be as bad as any Turk. I blame it on my Armenian heritage. Just because she cannot understand that he IS dominant, and just because he won't submit to her desires and service her by being a "Dom" her way, when she wants, I'll bet my arm that when he says no . . . just like me, it fucking means no. He is from a patriarchal society that allows you to drill a hole through your wife's forearm and chain her to the house if she is legally convicted of breaking vows and running away. Women are chattle . . . why waste words on chattle when you meant what you said first time?






Aswad -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 12:20:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds

takk.


Ingen årsak, fru sinfulneeds. Og lykke til videre. [:)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: LonDom61


It's well established that different countries have different rules regarding what constitutes mitigating circumstances as regards murder. For instance, in Norway, there is a legal term that roughly translates as "righteous anger" that applies to "murder in the heat of passion" when the court considers the circumstances to be such that an average person might reasonably be provoked to murder, and that does reduce the sentence. For instance, if a guy rapes your daughter and you stumble onto him while he's doing it and kill him for it on the spot, that's not the same thing as killing him because he cussed at you.

Such sensibilities will differ between cultures, and both Jordan and Turkey (until 2003) are countries in which this was applied the same way. Turkey then changed the law to state that it would no longer be a mitigating circumstance if the reasons for being provoked were of the wrong sort, making a clear value judgment in the law that Muslim sensibilities are invalid, which is actually a violation of human rights done to avoid a different violation (human rights are not very consistent in the first place). Of course, I'm not condoning the reasons why people stone these women, but their foremost error is one of misattribution (e.g. blaming a woman because she got raped, rather than correctly attributing the blame to the rapist), and so I feel it is important not to commit misattribution errors of our own in criticizing this. Such criticisms are best delivered from a position of moral strength, free of the mistake one is criticizing.

And, yes, let's get back to the topic at hand.

I think Ron is spot on in saying we'll just have to wait a while and see what happens, now that the cat's out of the bag, so to speak.

IWYW,
— Aswad.




littlewonder -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 1:29:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Why can't she talk to a Turk? Is that a new law I have not heard of yet?


I can be as bad as any Turk. I blame it on my Armenian heritage. Just because she cannot understand that he IS dominant, and just because he won't submit to her desires and service her by being a "Dom" her way, when she wants, I'll bet my arm that when he says no . . . just like me, it fucking means no. He is from a patriarchal society that allows you to drill a hole through your wife's forearm and chain her to the house if she is legally convicted of breaking vows and running away. Women are chattle . . . why waste words on chattle when you meant what you said first time?





This is exactly what I thought as well. When I was reading it and he said "no" he meant no. All of the above would seem to apply to him. This leads me to believe she's not really looking for him to dominate her, but more or less, to have kinky sex with her. If that's the case, she's most likely sol.




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 1:32:36 PM)

I think part of the cross-fire here regarding legalities of stoning etc is tourism and the tourist areas.

I used to work for a company fixing hospital computers and went to quite a few in muslim countries.
Anyone from the western world is welcomed in most places (including market places) - even in modern clothes - and they will tolerate that.
But, if you go off the beaten track and roam around where most tourists don't usually go, the attitude is often very very different.
Example: When I was in Abu Dhabi, I could go anywhere in shorts, T-shirt & sandals, with a girl on my arm, and we'd be safe as long as I stayed within the accepted 'tourist' areas. But I was warned by the locals (the hospital staff) not to stray into anywhere off the beaten track as my life was seriously in danger. What's more, I would 'disappear without a trace' and nobody would bat an eyelid - except maybe my UK boss. And bear in mind, women aren't allowed to work, be unescorted, or even drive a car over there.

The point being, all those that said they went on trips etc and were quite ok and found the locals friendly, that would be because they were in a tourist area and the locals want you to spend your money. You might find it very different if you went elsewhere - especially in a strong Kurdish neighbourhood and wasn't appropriately dressed/escorted etc.

Here in the UK, stoning has never been legal for centuries - if it ever was.
But that doesn't stop it happening or other nasty behaviour that would get you killed - as the latest court case has heard. Apparently, according to some muslim support group, these things happen quite a lot (despite it being strictly illegal here) and they get hundreds of calls every day from girls & women fearing for their lives because they have transgressed some idealogical Islamic (usually Sharia) law.
My friend recently went to Egypt last year and had a great time. None of the women on the tour bothered to respect local customs and they also enjoyed the hospitality of the locals, shops, markets etc. He actually hired a local guide to show him some of the not-so-touristy areas and even then he wasn't allowed to go into some places because the guide would not vouch for his safety.

So, the whole argument/comment as to whether stoning is legal or not or when it became illegal in any particular area/country is a pretty mute one.
These killings, whether by stoning or some other method, do happen in a lot of areas where there are Islamic followers all over the world.


To my mind, OP is probably still treated as a western 'tourist' even though she actually lives and works there as she isn't a 'native' or Muslim.
I also think she is living in a dream world and trying to act out her fantasy on a man that obviously isn't at all interested and won't talk about it.
She must talk it over with him - that is absolutely crucial. Maybe not in terms of what she wants him to do to/with her, but more along the lines of what trips her switches and gets her going in a general way without putting any pressure on him directly.
The main thing in any relationship is communication - and lots of it. If he freaks out or doesn't want to hear what she has to say, then it's time to bail out and get packing - exit stage left PDQ! If you can't communicate in an honest way, no relationship is going to last any decent length of time. And to even contemplate a marriage when you can't talk about something as fundamental as what is good for you sexually is utterly absurd and a disaster waiting to happen.

Just my 2 cents.







Aswad -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 4:10:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

So, the whole argument/comment as to whether stoning is legal or not or when it became illegal in any particular area/country is a pretty mute one.


Yeah, okay, so here's the part where you need to either start reading or stop writing:

The probability of a woman being murdered is higher in the USA than in Turkey.

For a man, it's even worse, to say nothing of the risk of accidents.

IWYW,
— Aswad.




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 4:34:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

So, the whole argument/comment as to whether stoning is legal or not or when it became illegal in any particular area/country is a pretty mute one.


Yeah, okay, so here's the part where you need to either start reading or stop writing:

The probability of a woman being murdered is higher in the USA than in Turkey.

For a man, it's even worse, to say nothing of the risk of accidents.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



But the murders in the USA aren't usually religious-based or performed by extremists of one particular faith - as was the point being made by several people concerning bringing up BDSM-type fetishes in a sexually repressed society in Turkey where the OP lives.

That was the whole argument about safety and stonings and the like.
It had nothing to do with murder rates in general and that's where you missed the centre of the comments concerning OP and her fiance/playmate.




Aswad -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 5:29:44 PM)

[sm=banghead.gif] The OP is married. To a non-muslim, probably an atheist. In a country that doesn't seem more repressed than the USA. None of the risk factors you mention are present. I would be far more worried about mentioning such a thing in West Virginia than Istanbul. What's so hard to get here?

IWYW,
— Aswad.




GreedyTop -> RE: need some help with my man (11/3/2012 9:49:44 PM)

Pssst, Aswad.. she's engaged, not yet married.,..

*hugs to you both*




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