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What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:15:50 PM

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Now that I have no more feelings for this person, I have come face to face with the possibility of a new dilemma. Several times this year she has said that she would be where I am on or around Nov. 15 because of something related to a business she works for. From what she told me about her life there is nothing I could really see she would be in my city for, but this is one of a few things that came up over and over again so I feel that this has a good chance of being a truth. I had some serious thoughts about waiting to see if she did contact me to meet up but then I stopped thinking like an idiot and thought as a human.

Since I don't feel anything for her anymore I want to know how to handle myself if she contacts me trying to meet with me? and what should I do if for some reason she is really telling the truth about being here and happen to cross paths?

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:17:32 PM

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Say, "No, thank you."

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(in reply to YourWyoToy)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:19:18 PM

absolutchocolat

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if you two are exes, why does she feel the need to alert you when she comes to your area? unless you two are somewhat chummy, it strikes me as a bit odd.

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:32:29 PM

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I guess i should say that I decided to end the relationship, but she has not gotten it completely, and that we were planning on having our first rt face to face meeting when she was going to come through. So she might still think that we are go for the meeting.

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:43:53 PM

absolutchocolat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourWyoToy

I guess i should say that I decided to end the relationship, but she has not gotten it completely, and that we were planning on having our first rt face to face meeting when she was going to come through. So she might still think that we are go for the meeting.

correct me if i'm wrong, but it sounds like you don't want to meet with her in the first place. if that's the case, be frank and turn her down.

(in reply to YourWyoToy)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:47:17 PM

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I did want to before all the drama she put me through, now i don't want to. However because of my submissive nature I don't want to hurt her because it would make me feel bad.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 9:55:02 PM

absolutchocolat

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is she emotionally fragile or something? telling her "no" isn't mean. it's honest and you owe it to yourself to move on and allow her to do the same.

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 10:02:12 PM

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I truly wish I could do that, but every time I have thought of saying "no" I keep remembering a woman from my vanilla life that I rejected and she ultimately killed herself after a time. I know that this could be just a one time kind of thing, but the mistress I left and this other woman have shown some of the traits.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 10:16:37 PM

absolutchocolat

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regardless of what you're feeling, another person committing suicide is not your fault. i suggest you get some therapy to deal with the unresolved issues from your past.

if you're afraid that this woman is going to commit suicide, meeting with her wouldn't prevent it either way. you are not her therapist, and if she's got those kinds of issues, she needs more help than you can give her.

my advice is still the same -- you cannot live your life based on what someone *might* do.

(in reply to YourWyoToy)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 10:33:34 PM

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I don't typically condone lying, but if she really is under the impression that you two will still meet, you can just tell her that something came up if just saying no is really that difficult.

From the other thread you had posted about this Domme, it sounds like she was probably just telling you some far off date when she would meet you in order to make herself seem trustworthy while dropping hints that she needed cash. I'd be willing to bet that she's not going to contact you/be in your area.

< Message edited by AllisonWilder -- 11/13/2012 10:34:43 PM >

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 10:41:20 PM

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It all depends on if she contacts me and how she does it. I guess that it just made me blind when she first said something about being here that kept me staying loyal to her. I just wish that i could get all the time back that i spent waiting for her to talk with me.

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 10:51:38 PM

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It probably did you some good, honestly. It took that experience to help you grow and learn. (Yeah, it totally sucked, but now you'll know what to watch out for in the future.)

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 10:53:20 PM

absolutchocolat

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you can't do anything about the time lost, but you can prevent being taken for a ride in the future. the choice is yours.

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/13/2012 11:49:19 PM

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(fast reply)

So, ... I wasn't going to say anything ... because, really, it's not any of my business, but you brought this crap here seeking others input, so here is mine.

WTF is wrong with you, OP??

You have basically agreed to meet some woman at a far off date. She, by the sounds of it, will be travelling to meet with you. No matter if it is on business or not she is going out of her way to meet you. ... and you are here to seek absolution from us because you are about to be a complete dick due to your lack of internal fortitude. Really!?!? You want us to empathize with you??

Write the lady an email (or call her, or however you normally communicate with her) simply telling her that things have changed and that should she arrive in a far off land, at a far off date, that you're not interested in meeting with her. It's an easy thing to do and all it requires is a bit of integrity and a wireless connection.

"Don't be a dick, Dick!!" Xander Cage - XXX

Sincerely,
Wickad

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/14/2012 12:03:19 AM

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Ok Wickad, if things were different, i would have no problems meeting with her, but the other facts that were not in this post here but my other one is that we talked for some time, then she started asking me for money, when i refused she all but stopped communicating with me. I sent here several messages and have gotten just one rant back from her that she is having troubles paying for her bills and could use more money. So i was asking what I should do if she contacted me about this meeting date. I do feel horrible for having to say no to her but i just wanted to know what others thought about what she has done.

(in reply to Wickad)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/14/2012 12:26:19 AM

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Does she have your phone number? Know the address of where you live? If no to either of those then simply don't respond to her or go out of your way to meet her when she comes to your town.

If you have basically just decided to stop talking to her online and not told her you are no longer interested, then now would be the time. It's easy...email and say, "While I have enjoyed talking with you, I'm just not feeling the chemistry, but best of luck to you.". If you think she will still try to contact you, just delete and block.
Voila! Easy.

How is someone supposed to know you just are no longer interested in them if you don't tell them?

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(in reply to YourWyoToy)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/14/2012 12:36:12 AM

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She did at one point have my phone number because we talked on the phone. I don't really think anymore that she would ever try to contact me again because the last few messages I sent got almost no response, by almost no response i mean just one or two word responses that took no time to think about. I just now thought maybe she is trying to push me away so she doesn't have to deal with me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/14/2012 3:55:03 AM

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Of course she's trying to push you away. She's looking for someone stupid enough to send her money for nothing, and you're not it.

Good on you. (Good boundary!)

As far as meeting her, I wouldn't worry about that. I seriously doubt she will invest any time or effort in someone who hasn't already ponied up with some bucks. She doesn't sound the type.

HOWEVER, you have to firm up your boundaries in some other areas. Saying you're too sub to say no to someone is bull shit. Saying you're too nice to say no is bull shit. Saying no to something you don't want is being honest, pure and simple.

Also, you are worrying and obsessing about something that will most likely never happen. You know, most of the things people worry about never happen. Spending time on this is hugely counter-productive. Attempt to train yourself to spend less time worrying about things in your life, and more time enjoying your life.

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RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/14/2012 4:50:17 AM

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Why are you worried about a 'what if' situation? You broke it off. That means, if she has a business trip to your area, you are no longer a part of the scenario. She hasn't harassed you, messed with you, or any other thing. The fact that YOU want her to still WANT to see you is all in your head.

I'm betting the fifteenth is going to come and go and you won't hear from this person at all.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: What should happen with ex-Mistress. - 11/14/2012 5:12:08 AM

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OP, everyone has given you good advice.

I have no idea what the fifteenth is but to me it's very straight-foward and simple....
Just remove all traces of her from your life.
Delete phone numbers, email addresses, contact info, and block on websites.
Whether she is visiting or not is immaterial, just get on with your life and not bother with her.

Simples!

(in reply to LadyPact)

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