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Two Switches - 12/22/2012 3:33:05 AM

mystikmoonshine

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Joined: 11/26/2012
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Granted I've only been with one other but has anyone else had a good relationship (so to speak) with another switch. With me it never seemed like our desires matched up...we either both wanted to dom or sub sometimes. I would be interested in experiences.
~MM

RE: Two Switches - 12/22/2012 3:49:00 AM

Posts: 6562
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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Welcome to the discussion side, mystik.

I've said this before, but I'll say it again: I believe switches can be roughly placed into one of two categories, those who switch with another switch, and those who don't.

I'm one of those who doesn't switch with another switch. My relationships are based on a dominance hierarchy, and since I am far more dominant than most people, many people could (potentially) be my submissive. It took me 30 years to find someone capable of dominating me in a good way.

Now, I have known switch couples who switch back and forth all the time in what seems to be an effortless way. So, I know that does exist and people can be very happy with that type of relationship. It's just not me.

As with all things BDSM, you have to take the time to discover who you are and find your own way with this. There is no right and wrong way of being a switch, there's your way.

Best, CP

_____________________________

(in reply to mystikmoonshine)

RE: Two Switches - 12/22/2012 6:44:06 PM

PrincessDonna11

Posts: 289
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I find it extremly hard to believe there is such a thing as a "switch" Ive never wanted to play to live two lives at once......maybe someone can enlighten me....

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: Two Switches - 12/23/2012 10:45:17 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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What an extremely ignorant statement. That's like saying you don't believe vegetarians exist, b/c you have always had a desire to eat meat.

You know, I'd really *like* to be a vegetarian, b/c it would be healthy for me. I strive to eat a minimal amount of red meat. But there are times where nothing but a 12 oz ribeye will do it for me. I'm a carnivore, so even though I've attempted to train myself not to be, it's what I am.

I'm also a switch. I've been one my entire life, since long before I had a clue what the word meant. I am dominant to most people, sub to a rare and special man.

If by some slim chance you'd like to educate yourself, a search of the word switch and my nick will bring up some threads.

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(in reply to PrincessDonna11)

RE: Two Switches - 12/23/2012 8:50:26 PM

mystikmoonshine

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Joined: 11/26/2012
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Thank you ChatteParfaitt for your words, I at one time found myself in one of those almost effortlessly relationship, but alot of the time we'd bicker over who was in charge ( it was me of course ), I was just wondering if anyone else had any experiences that differed. As for PrincessDonna11. it's not two lives it's two sides to the same. A woman be a mother to her child, a wife to her husband, but she won't for the most part be the same woman to both ( unless her husband likes to get his diaper changed too ). For me I liked the freedom to be able change my mind...do I need to be spanked do I need to punish someone? Plus it was always great to say "Now dear you know I can handle this why can't you..."
~Mystikmoonshine

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: Two Switches - 12/24/2012 1:20:15 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

My main sub is a switch, and we've been making it work for over a year. Sometimes, I want him to tie me up and do naughty things to me, and other times, it's me doing the tying. Us switches are like everyone else...nothing complicated about it.

All it takes is open communication...and lots 'o' lube.

(in reply to mystikmoonshine)

RE: Two Switches - 12/24/2012 10:19:43 PM

mystikmoonshine

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Joined: 11/26/2012
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Yes lots of lube LOL

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: Two Switches - 12/29/2012 2:52:07 PM

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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

While my male partner and I both identify as dominants, we do switch exclusively with each other. I think that we are so similarly suited dominance-wise that we are the only people we can trust to dominate us. Its been working for nearly a year for us as well.

(in reply to mystikmoonshine)

RE: Two Switches - 12/29/2012 2:59:55 PM

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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TY for this post, I love hearing about successful 'switching.'

Not so much for my own self, it's just nice when people break the proscribed BDSM 'rules.'

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(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

RE: Two Switches - 12/29/2012 3:22:04 PM

Posts: 1834
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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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Its really just a matter of finding the right person for you. And we've found it helpful to have an established protocol in place...from respecting the headspace the other might be feeling at the moment as indicative of the role they would like to take on that time, to collars, to even having special dominant and submissive names that we both selected for each other. Not only is it a great release, but its also a great way to become a stronger dominant because I know what the things I do and the way I conduct myself feels.

Ill be honest, I used to look down my nose at switches too. Y'all were confused, didnt know what was up from down, blah, blah, blah. It really isnt living two lives. Its the ability to experience two sides of the same life.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: Two Switches - 12/29/2012 8:39:59 PM

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I've never meshed well with the kind of switch that identifies as such because he or she "switches, depending on the person." No judgment against that sort, but it hasn't worked with me. However, some of the best times I've ever had were with another switch that also understood one side can service top.

Even in the scenario when we both wanted to bottom, a little compromise would be needed. Sometimes it was bargaining or topping from the bottom. Sometimes it was just "fiiiine, but next time you owe me." When we both wanted to top, the physically stronger one would win. It's remarkable how effective being physically dominated encourages bottoming.

Whats important is knowing what, for each of you, determines which side of the leash you want. Similarly, how often each of you want to top. If you're both 95/5% bottom vs. top switches, you're almost always going to be two subs. I'm pretty 50-50. And even my topping is a little service inspired. My bottoming can get a little bratty if I'm not clearly put in my place. Somewhere in the penumbra, I find myself.

+2 for penumbra. +4 if you're keeping score at home and had to look it up.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

RE: Two Switches - 12/30/2012 3:32:58 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

+2 for penumbra. +4 if you're keeping score at home and had to look it up.

I want to play this game, what are the rules?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to BambiBoi)

RE: Two Switches - 12/30/2012 10:48:09 AM

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Joined: 3/23/2008
From: MD/DC/VA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

Even in the scenario when we both wanted to bottom, a little compromise would be needed. Sometimes it was bargaining or topping from the bottom. Sometimes it was just "fiiiine, but next time you owe me." When we both wanted to top, the physically stronger one would win. It's remarkable how effective being physically dominated encourages bottoming.

That can also make for fun times and some useful kinky randomness --- ie, if you're a switch and in a topping situation, you know that it's quite likely that you'll "get your due" when the roles are reversed. That happened to me a few times when I did something to my sigoth that came back to haunt me (in a good way) in a future scene. Even worse is when she'd let a few weeks or longer go by, and then once I wasn't in a position to argue, remind me of such-and-such while cackling in a sultry and dominating manner .. which at the time made for a more intense scene. Or, she'd drop subtle hints about 'payback' and 'long memories' in the days leading up to the scene to mess with my head. It was all good, though. ;)

(in reply to BambiBoi)

RE: Two Switches - 12/30/2012 12:16:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

+2 for penumbra. +4 if you're keeping score at home and had to look it up.

I want to play this game, what are the rules?

I've been arbitrarily awarding myself points for puns, quips, and vocabulary words that would make my 5th grade teachers cream. I'm not sure what to spend them on yet, but I have my eyes on those little plastic army men with the parachutes attached.

Aldorax, I call that exact notion "just desserts of sweet revenge."

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Two Switches - 12/30/2012 9:16:13 PM

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Joined: 9/11/2012
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Same Here I had a great relationship with a switch and We did just fine- and it in fact made both sides of me stronger. I have noticed that i am more focused and attentive when I am Dominating, and very submissive. To me I feel more complete and Honest with myself and its been great.

(in reply to BambiBoi)

RE: Two Switches - 2/12/2013 12:41:41 PM

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Joined: 2/4/2013
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i was recently in a relationship with another switch and it was great, our moods rarely clashed, if ever. as with any other relationship, be it vanila or kink, as long as everyone is honest and open it should work out fine

(in reply to saundrakitty)

RE: Two Switches - 2/13/2013 6:23:30 AM

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

While my male partner and I both identify as dominants, we do switch exclusively with each other. I think that we are so similarly suited dominance-wise that we are the only people we can trust to dominate us. Its been working for nearly a year for us as well.

Had this for almost 4 years once. The challenges & disagreements his employees termed lions mating, lots of growling, some snarling but you knew in the end we were solidly there for each other

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

RE: Two Switches - 2/16/2013 7:22:03 AM

Servicesrendered

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Joined: 2/15/2012
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After working both sides of this fence I realized that it all depends on who the two people are. I have been a Strong Dom to subs . On the other hand, I have been nothing but a sub to Dommes. In the best situation for me and my partner, we have both been switches who can read each other's needs and desires and mutually know when and how to switch roles. Feel free to contact me to discuss further and see how we might agree.

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: Two Switches - 2/16/2013 3:26:28 PM

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Joined: 6/10/2006
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i've been switching with the same person for 13 years with no problems . btw i love your fish story and as a lapdog agree with it .......lapdog252

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: Two Switches - 2/17/2013 3:02:38 PM

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Joined: 2/3/2013
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Im new here so dont get to upset when I say that I see a few confused people, lol..

Being a "switch"is a special thing....its just not in the bedroom , its life..

Everyday people look to me to provide protection and keep evil at bay and out of their lives even at times when I have to make the choice and walk a very fine line between good and evil. Everyday Im expected to be that guy, the alpha male that is there fix all the problems of life and keep my clients safe. I have to be that guy and there are women that I enteract with that want that kind of male.

BUT, there are times when I just want to let go and let someone else have control...its just that simple, I choose to let go and at times I feel energized when I just let go ...its almost like getting refueled to go back to the other side of my life..

So if I could find another "switch" to be in my life that understands both side would be almost dream like...

(in reply to lapdog252)

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