RE: The decline of collarme

RE: The decline of collarme (Full Version)

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kalikshama -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 4:23:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida ...... I also think things are better than they were about a year ago, with the multiple personality briggade. It's an ebb and flow thing. Has that been a year ago already? The farewell thread was 1/13/11.

JeffBC -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 4:33:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub Of those that venture here and constantly complain that collarme is in decline are those just loosing too many arguments or finding the political climate is changing by some members leaving and others joining. In the old climate they were usually in the majority and had a false sense of superiority… some think they are geniuses and when challenged feel the less gifted will bow at their feet…lol. I personally like change and new people with new perspectives…even if I don’t agree with them. I get what you're saying with that. But that wasn't the sense I got when I read the moderation thread. It wasn't juvenile whining. But I didn't understand what it was either. I'm of like mind with the "seems fine to me" and "things change" crowd. But still, I thought I'd ask here and see if anything came of it.

MariaB -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 4:36:53 PM)
I think one thing in particular that has stood out to me more recently is the condescending tones or suspicious tongues used on 'vanilla members' posts. This has always been a bone of contention on this site but I think for me its more noticeable of late because a very large and popular English BDSM site is about to close its doors after many successful years and a lot of the members are drifting onto this site and these forums. Many of these people have been contributing to forums for years, just not on this site. Many of these people are popular and liked members of the UK and European BDSM community. They are people who will ensure these message boards will get bigger and better if only we give them a chance. From what I am witnessing, some of the regulars are chasing them away. Its not a case of being man enough to take the shit, its a case of liking the site or going off and trying another site, which is what I think most of them will do. There are too few people posting here and it often feels cliquey. How could we improve these boards? stop being so judgmental and presumptuous of new posting members.

tj444 -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 4:39:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation. well,... some posters that were posting when i first arrived and whose posts intellectually aroused me dont post anymore.. [&o] they tend to be conservative R types so its understandable, i guess.. They arent gonna change horses and neither are the Ds, so the whole political & economic debate thing is predictable and in that respect, rather boring.. and too, some that dont agree with them resort to insults so why should they bother? I cant say I blame them for finding better things to do with their time.. I dont post as much as I could due to certain posters wanting an online fight and who have almost online stalker tendencies & then if they fail to "win" or convert you they resort to insulting people (but in such a way to not be put on moderation).. I like a thoughtful but non-judgemental discussion, which is rather rare here imo.. So many times I have started to reply to a post only to say fuck it.. I dont need the agro of days of back and forth posting.. So I dont know if that is a decline,.. but imo it sure has gotten into a "rut".. but I find fet forums to be even more boring and dull.. I rarely go there.. I would rather read a book or do something else.. anything else.. jmo..

JeffBC -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 5:07:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB I think one thing in particular that has stood out to me more recently is the condescending tones or suspicious tongues used on 'vanilla members' posts. Agreed. Often times I think there is a "leaping to the worst possible conclusion" rather than asking "Did you really mean...?" And I agree also that I'd like to see those people settle here and find a warm welcome. One of the things that was fascinating to me when we moved to Canada was how vastly different "the scene" was here. I'd like those different viewpoints from more UK members. makes mental note to try harder on the confusing/suspicious newbie posts

JeffBC -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 5:10:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 I like a thoughtful but non-judgemental discussion, which is rather rare here imo.. So many times I have started to reply to a post only to say fuck it.. I dont need the agro of days of back and forth posting.. I agree. I see the social climate here more akin to a bar than a university study session. People aren't really here to learn or grow or enhance their viewpoints... not politically or BDSM-wise. I'm fine with that, there is a place in the world for "pub conversations" but I do lament the lack of more thoughtful dialog.

NuevaVida -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 5:24:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida ...... I also think things are better than they were about a year ago, with the multiple personality briggade. It's an ebb and flow thing. Has that been a year ago already? The farewell thread was 1/13/11. Holy crap, it really has been that long. I was thinking the fairwell was around June. Re: the condescending tones, etc. It's always been that way. I remember when I joined under a different name, in 2006, there was kind of a joke about being "initiated" - pretty much all newbies had to have thick skin, or they'd leave, and they'd be encouraged to do either. As I said originally, and littlewonder also said, it's an ebb and flow thing.

Kaliko -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 5:40:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC What has changed? This site was the only message board site I participated in regularly until recently when I joined Fet. I had thought that my lack of interest (my own ebb and flow) was specific to this site, but now I'm realizing that it's me. There are times I'm intensely interested, even if I don't post much, and there are times I don't look at the site for a week or so. So I'm entertaining a new theory that if I find CollarChat less than interesting, perhaps it's me and not CollarChat. But, if it is CollarChat, then I blame the bleaching of the boards. quote: Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things? Yes. It has to do with the moderation. But I didn't post on the other thread (I don't think) so I won't get up on my soapbox here about it. I've said it all before, anyway.

kdsub -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 5:49:15 PM)
quote: I agree. I see the social climate here more akin to a bar than a university study session. People aren't really here to learn or grow or enhance their viewpoints... not politically or BDSM-wise. I'm fine with that, there is a place in the world for "pub conversations" but I do lament the lack of more thoughtful dialog. Jeff I think you underestimate the power of conversation here and other sites of this type. I believe that very few people when in an argument or heated discussion will just all of a sudden say " Heh you are right I am wrong" But as with me, and I think others, after awhile when passion cools the force of logic even if opposed to our own can and on occasion will change minds. Butch

littlewonder -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 5:56:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 I like a thoughtful but non-judgemental discussion, which is rather rare here imo.. So many times I have started to reply to a post only to say fuck it.. I dont need the agro of days of back and forth posting.. I agree. I see the social climate here more akin to a bar than a university study session. People aren't really here to learn or grow or enhance their viewpoints... not politically or BDSM-wise. I'm fine with that, there is a place in the world for "pub conversations" but I do lament the lack of more thoughtful dialog. I admit I'm one of those people who see this site more like a pub conversation. If I want to talk to someone in a more university education session, then I tend to visit those types of forums that are lead by universities or forums that are dedicated to education. For example there is a forum I belong to that is run by a university and they have a forum about archaeology and science, two of my favorite topics to talk about and learn. The conversations usually get into actual digs and theses that have been written and those who are professionals in the field. I don't see this type of site as being dedicated to education. It's a singles/porn site and that's all it is as far as I'm concerned.

LadyPact -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 6:23:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation. What has changed? Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things? Part of that was Me. It's My position that I believe fewer threads regarding BDSM and/or authority dynamics are started now than there were three or four years ago. Some of our lifestyle boards often have spans of multiple days that don't see a new thread. This is absolutely the case on the Polyamorous and Ask A Mistress boards. I've heard the same in regard to the Gorean forum. The Upcoming Events board has very little on it as far as major events, which is a change from the frequency that used to happen. While it's easy enough to have a look through a few of the current threads to see just how many (or how few) new topics are posted per day, I'm not invested enough to page back through the years to see what the comparison would be from years ago. What changed? I'm a strong proponent that Fet is designed better for those who are looking to connect with their local kink community. Many of the people who used to be here are now there because it better suits their needs. You don't see people here anymore talking about getting together for SELF or DomCon because it's more effective to join the Fet group dedicated to whichever major event is happening. The more recognizable names that used to be on these boards, authors, presenters, organizers, etc are still active elsewhere. I agreed with many points of SD's last paragraph. Since this site does tend to lean toward the 101 aspects of kink, it isn't always the best forum for the more complicated aspects. The site has always been more focused on D/s or M/s rather than just topping and bottoming. The signal to noise ratio (educational aspects compared to things like fin domme and fake threads) isn't very high these days. The suggestions that I have for improvement are probably more closely tied to the discussion on the moderation thread.

poise -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 6:25:43 PM)
I've always made it a mission of mine to enjoy myself regardless of where I'm at, so even during the multiple personality debacle, and a few changes of the guards. I somehow managed to tune it all out and focus on the enjoyment part of being here. I have noticed lately though, that it's taking much more effort on my part, and I've even started disliking many of my responses. I'm not sure what that's all about. Perhaps I'm flowing when I ought to be ebbing, or vice versa. I wouldn't say it's a fault of the site however, as it is still attracting many users, some of which have been a positive addition to the message boards.

LadyPact -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 6:29:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB This has always been a bone of contention on this site but I think for me its more noticeable of late because a very large and popular English BDSM site is about to close its doors after many successful years and a lot of the members are drifting onto this site and these forums. I read this and I immediately hoped you weren't referring to Informed Consent. I've always heard such good things about IC from people not based in the United States.

ARIES83 -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 6:47:45 PM)
Well in regards to the Gor forum atleast, I did suggest to the Admin that a search in google for "gorean forum" doesn't even have collarchat as a result, and that the tech guys should do some tweaking to atleast make this place show up easily for people searching for it... There may be a similar solution if a keyword search for poly forum ect had collarchat show up in google easily. -Aries

heartcream -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 9:22:32 PM)
CM does feel different to me. It is so much more boring to me these past months, couple of years. Probably because the most of the most interesting posters are gone.

Aynne88 -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 10:08:25 PM)
Domi and Jefff are sorely missed by me.

sexyred1 -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 10:16:59 PM)
I think it is a two fold thing: 1. The boards have become somewhat boring and people that I loved reading are gone 2. As has been said, the ebb and flow of one's personal life influences participation.

Duskypearls -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 10:40:23 PM)
I have only been here for a year, but have seen a great decline. I rarely write posts or respond to threads anymore, as there is simply too much anger, rigidity, instigating, fighting, judgement, misjudgement, impatience, close-mindedness, insults and deliberate circle-jerking going on in the last few months. There is too little kindness, understanding or authentic inquiry or communication, which I find disheartening. I no longer feel it is safe here to share an opinion, so I've resigned myself to merely posting funny pics and other such stuff. It is just not worth the stress and grief to me. I intensely dislike the recent restrictive requirement that threads stay so on bloody topic. I like to see the ebb and flow, and the different directions conversations will organically go, just as they do in real life. If fact, I believe this veritably breathes life into threads. I would much prefer this chokehold end entirely, or that each individual be allowed to determine how on or off topic they are comfortable with having their thread be.

Nakhla -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/26/2012 11:06:33 PM)
I don't know if I count as a "regular" as I'm a somewhat intermittent poster here, but I've been active here on and off since 2007 and watched the boards for a few years prior. I've found it's had it's episodic troll-fests of fifty-page fury, it's swamp of similar sorts of new folk, and various and a sundry other types, but all in all stayed much the same with a rotating cast of regulars. If I can say I've seen any change these past two years, it seems both more mellow, and a little more quiet. I think the BDSM scene has kept on expanding and expanding and there are just more options, even online.

TheHeretic -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/27/2012 12:09:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 Domi and Jefff are sorely missed by me. Ditto.

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