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Too informal language - 1/1/2013 2:02:15 PM   
submaleslaveuk


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Manchester UK
Status: offline 		Hi All,

Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy.

What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest.

Many thanks
Darren
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 2:16:40 PM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		I don't know if it's a common thought but it doesn't appeal to Me.

Until such a time that I consider someone My submissive then there are no protocols in place and to expect it from a complete stranger, to Me, is silly. It smacks of those who are caught up in the fantasy of it all. In reality we are people first. You aren't engaging the Domme, you are engaging the person. Without a baseline commonality the rest is pointless. If someone is putting up barriers on getting to know them as a person then really, how good of a Domme can they be? Unless, of course, you are speaking of Pro or Fin. That's a whole 'nother ballpark that I have no idea about.

I would much rather an easy going, fun, engaging, and entertaining person than someone who was putting on a fake front.

Be yourself. It's more likely to get you what you seek. Could you really suppress your natural personality? Why would you even want to?

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 2:43:16 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I actually prefer to talk normally with someone when Im getting to know them. As far as Im concerned, there is no dynamic in place during "getting to know you" talks. I guess maybe my dominance is just not threatened if someone comes at me in a friendly and informal manner. I personally dont feel disrespected at all. Back in the beginning when I first started out, yeah...I was all for formality and proper protocol. But at this point in my life, its one of those things that is just not a big deal to me personally.

You cant go wrong with being yourself. Its who you are and though these two dominant women you spoke with didnt like it, NOT everyone out there feels the same way. Be true to yourself and let the women see you as you really are, not some facade of what you think they want to see.

(in reply to xLaChienne)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 2:46:27 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Obviously, the answer to the OP's question is going to be "it depends."

It depends on the woman, of course, but it also depends on exactly how you're approaching. Are you friendly in the sense that you greet her by her screen name, introduce yourself, and make some polite, non-kinky conversation? Or are we talking about "hey, babe, I just wanna say ur a total hottie, wanna get it on?" There is such a thing as "too familiar," whether on the internet or in person. However, we all have different personal boundaries. What seems fine to me might be too familiar with someone else and vice versa.

When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Treat her as you would treat someone you met at a business networking event until you have a better idea of where her boundaries lie.

_____________________________

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(in reply to xLaChienne)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 3:24:41 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk

Hi All,

Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy.

What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest.

Many thanks
Darren



Yes and no, both.

You don't have to be stilted or submit immediately, no. But you shouldn't be too familiar either. Remember to treat her like you would a new business partner or a woman you met at a formal event: be friendly but respectful.

Do be conversational and nice, don't be overly familiar.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 3:27:06 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Oh, also, for us to help you out on this it would be good to post an example of one of these messages that are getting that kind of response. We can judge better if they are being difficult or you're actually not coming off well.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 3:35:09 PM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Oh, also, for us to help you out on this it would be good to post an example of one of these messages that are getting that kind of response. We can judge better if they are being difficult or you're actually not coming off well.



Absolutely, I agree. Give us an example.

I really just read friendly but too informal would be using language in which suggests a familiarity that doesn't exist and that could be very off putting.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 3:45:46 PM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		In the beginning I cringe at "too informal" we are not friends we are strangers..if you are trying to introduce your self say some things that make you interesting as a human being,things you like to do in the vanilla world, and things you have experienced as a sub, that does give us a foundation to start with and let the relaxed,informal come when or after meeting.

(in reply to xLaChienne)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 4:43:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk
I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language,

Are you saying, "Hey baby, you're hottt!" ???

It sounds as though you are doing some version of that to me. I've never had a woman of any sort tell me to back off when I asked how her dog was doing today. My bet is that they want you to knock off being too sexually friendly, not too platonically friendly.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 6:01:53 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Are you saying, "Hey baby, you're hottt!" ??? It sounds as though you are doing some version of that to me. I've never had a woman of any sort tell me to back off when I asked how her dog was doing today. My bet is that they want you to knock off being too sexually friendly, not too platonically friendly.


I'd absolutely agree - so long as we're talking here of a femdom who's aiming for a partnership. But, sad to say, before I knew how to spot them, I got used to bait 'n' switchers telling me to cut out the informality as part of the 'instant dommieness' tactic that these often use.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Too informal language - 1/1/2013 6:55:53 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline 		I prefer polite, informal conversation before anything else. I don't want someone to approach me with the 'hey babe, you're hot!' and if I respond it's never more than a message of thanks and then I move on. I also don't want someone to approach me as though they're already mine, because I don't dominate strangers.

If you're making conversation, are being polite and seem genuinely interested in more than a fap session or her appearance, you should be okay.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 12:05:31 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk

Hi All,

Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy.

What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest.

Many thanks
Darren


My experience is women on this forum just want you to be yourself. When I approach dommes here, I don't do it much differently than if I were approaching someone on a vanilla site like match or POF. I just tell them about myself, or sometimes tell a funny story about something that happened that day, and steer clear of kink. Does everyone like my style? Of course not -- you'll never please everybody in the world. But most seem to. And personally I am more drawn to women who want to interact as people first, and don't get hung up on artificial stuff like i/I.

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 12:31:30 AM   
saundrakitty


Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk

Hi All,

Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy.

What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest.

Many thanks
Darren

OP: I also prefer when approached that a sub is himself and expresses his interest in getting to know me as a person and at first does not even mention kink at all until we get to know about each other first before we even ever discuss any thing about kink or hard limits. But if you come across in an overly friendly way that is begging them to talk to you- that is not the way to get a Domme to notice you. I like knowing about the persons ability to communicate openly and honesty with me to help me decide if they are worth answering their letters back. I don't like the ones that come begging for me to talk to them or so informal that it losses all form of proper use of English, and shows a lack of though. We want to see that you have a brain and will use it- well maybe the Pro or Fin Dommes could care less as all they are after is you're pocket book.

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 4:46:51 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		OP, I prefer someone be themselves. We aren't in a power exchange. I want to see that you have the ability and inclination to hold a conversation and express yourself in a productive manner. I want to see that you read my profile, that you looked at my interests, hell that you did more than simply look at the pictures.

BTW... the comment that pro and fin don't care that you have a brain b/c all they want is your pocket book is ignorant and flat out wrong but eh...

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
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(in reply to saundrakitty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 5:04:12 AM   
WomanlyWiles


Posts: 166
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		On the flipside, I just had a message which said 'Bows to Mistress'. I've had a prospective sub get annoyed with me for asking him to use my first name rather than an honorific, 'because if he wanted that he'd join a vanilla dating site'.

So, somewhere between 'hey, your hott wanna chat' and 'I fall to my knees and worship you, oh Great One' is fine.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 5:13:23 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fast reply

I think a good rule of thumb is talk to them like you would speak to a (potential) friend in front of your grandmother.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to WomanlyWiles)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 5:13:26 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: xLaChienne

I don't know if it's a common thought but it doesn't appeal to Me.

Until such a time that I consider someone My submissive then there are no protocols in place and to expect it from a complete stranger, to Me, is silly. It smacks of those who are caught up in the fantasy of it all. In reality we are people first. You aren't engaging the Domme, you are engaging the person. Without a baseline commonality the rest is pointless. If someone is putting up barriers on getting to know them as a person then really, how good of a Domme can they be? Unless, of course, you are speaking of Pro or Fin. That's a whole 'nother ballpark that I have no idea about.

I would much rather an easy going, fun, engaging, and entertaining person than someone who was putting on a fake front.

Be yourself. It's more likely to get you what you seek. Could you really suppress your natural personality? Why would you even want to?


For me, one of the most difficult aspect of the getting to know a male sub is teaching him that I really don't like the use of honorifics UNLESS AND UNTIL I demand that.

I am not high protocol, and rarely require a title except during play when I get the whim, OR if the sub is having issues hearing what I am saying, and needs a sharp tug on his proverbial leash.

_____________________________



(in reply to xLaChienne)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 9:22:58 AM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

I confess that this has always been a dilema for me. I have been upbraided for being too 'casual;' AND, for being too submissive.

The form I use is what I was taught at the zenith of my tech school education. I stay vanilla in my correspondence unless otherwise directed. For instance, I capitalize the first person pronoun but not the second person pronoun. If I am directed in any way, I obey. And, of course, I apologize profusely!

Babe, honey, and bitch are not words I use in normal conversation. So, I use that as a rule of thumb in correspondence also. If I would not say it to her face; I do not e-mail it either.

One caveate: I sometmes address friends as Buzzard Bait and/or Scuzz Buckets. Women in general, and dominant women in particular, seem to object to thes forms of greetings. I know what you guys are thinking... It surprized me too!...

Well the snow has finally arrived; and, I am champing at the bit to get going.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Too informal language - 1/2/2013 5:34:28 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger


I confess that this has always been a dilema for me. I have been upbraided for being too 'casual;' AND, for being too submissive.



Do what feels right to you. If you consistently get the same feedback, consider changing something. If you get occasional and conflicting feedback, shrug. If you try to please everyone, you often end up pleasing no one.

(in reply to SnowRanger)
Profile   Post #: 19
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