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RE: tributes and gender - 6/19/2006 9:44:15 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
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you took the words right out of my moouth

I have never ever seen a male Dom ask for money demand money in fact they dont even menchon it\
but like 90% of the fem Doms Iv seen here demand it.. it pisses me off
to me money should never figure into D/s

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RE: tributes and gender - 6/19/2006 9:49:35 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
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*fast reply*

I've seen a lot of profiles of "financial dommes" on other sites. Typically, they seem to be very young women, who, frankly, are working the system. There are a lot of do me male bottoms out there that figure if they pay the tribute, they're in and will get their kink met. These girls have figured out how to take advantage of them and the poor guy still doesn't get his kink met, even after emptying his wallet.

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RE: tributes and gender - 6/19/2006 11:34:42 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Many Men, myself included where raised to view the one who is paying, as the one in control. If I take a young lady out for the evening, she maybe the one sent to the bar to fetch the drinks, but I will have given her the money to buy them with. When I see a male dom (Yep, no caps there, not a typo!) getting his girl to run around paying for everything, I don't tend to see a Dom, I see a pathetic leach. Let them get on with it so long as I am not asked what I think of it!

Funny though, I don't have as much problem when it is a male sub paying for a FemDom, possibly another part of my upbringing in the Male being seen as the 'provider'

Raven,

I think you brought up a very salient point upon which I have spent a good deal of time pondering. The person who pays is ALWAYS in control. If a man pays a ProDomme, HE is the one calling the shots. HE is the one paying for specific services, consequently, HE is in control. Men typically pay to take women out to dinner, buy them flowers, etc, in traditional relationships because they want to be in control of the relationship. Remember they are the ones who buy the diamond engagement ring....lol. Isn't that a symbol of "buying" a woman?

If the woman pays to be with her Dom is it really any different? SHE becomes the one controlling the relationship whatever he calls himself. Without her support, he won't get what he needs: a roof over his head, food, etc. Consequently HE will cowtow to mold himself into the image of the dom that SHE is looking for.

It all boils down to: The person who pays controls. I'm with Jessica on this one. Keep it dutch or take turns paying and it all stays honest.

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RE: tributes and gender - 6/21/2006 2:53:46 PM

planomaid

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

Most women who ask for money for domination do it because it is an alternative to a regular job. I have friends (female) who have been pro-dommes, or who are currently pro-dommes. In many ways it IS a job (at least the good ones treat it as such). They spend a great deal of time keeping themselves looking good, they spend a great deal of money on toys and clothing (quality corsets, leather, rubber and toys are NOT cheap), and they are quite professional about their job. That being said, I think there are also a lot of women out there who just see it as easy money. I always wonder at the "pro" domme who demands money from male submissives, and tells them "your needs mean nothing to me. IF we do anything, we will do what I want to do..." or something to that effect. Clearly they are just milking (pardon the pun!) the system and do not deserve to be classified as a professional domme. I think it takes a great deal of work to be a true professional.

On the flip side, male doms hardly ever demand/expect money. Though often they expect the female submissive to "pay" for her session with him through sex. Male doms are often motivated by the potential for sex, and just as the female set, there are, unfortunately, large numbers of men who use bdsm as as excuse to have sex. Perhaps its part of the human condition...

Personally, whenever I ask a woman out, whether she be my domme or "just" my friend, I pay for dinner and such. Why? Not because she is a dominant! I do it because I was raised as a southern gentleman, so holding open doors, and buying dinner and the like are considered (gasp!) normal!!! Plus I just plain enjoy it. Not for any sort of control reasons. I've yet to meet a woman whom I could buy my way into her bed through a nice dinner and a movie or whatever. If that were the case, I would assume there was some sort of sliding scale, and a big mac with fries should get me at least a grope or tickle, right? :)

As to gifts, well, a true gift is given just because. There shouldn't be a reason why you do, other than the simple fact that it pleases you to do so, and that you expect the recipient to enjoy it as well. Use that philosphy and you won't go wrong - at least with the right kind of woman.

(in reply to enigmabrat)

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