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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/2/2013 11:37:05 AM

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Since the only definition I know for "wife" is "husband sans penis," I have to say that I don't understand how a male wife can exist.

Defining "wife" in terms of stereotypical gender roles, especially if they come out of the 1950's, seems ridiculous and a bit offensive to me. Am I the only one who feels this way?

< Message edited by Baroana -- 3/2/2013 11:39:37 AM >

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/2/2013 1:55:30 PM

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I guess you have a point, but I figured. I figure, if I can get comfortable with having a slave, I can certainly wrap my head around having a man, in a woman of the 50s role, in a consenting relationship. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 3/2/2013 1:56:22 PM >

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/3/2013 9:33:50 PM

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I really like the idea of a male wife, I like to have a sub that likes to cook and clean for me, give massages, and pamper me after a long day... Hmmmmmm sounds good to me.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/4/2013 8:28:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Since the only definition I know for "wife" is "husband sans penis," I have to say that I don't understand how a male wife can exist.

Defining "wife" in terms of stereotypical gender roles, especially if they come out of the 1950's, seems ridiculous and a bit offensive to me. Am I the only one who feels this way?

The whole idea of "male wives" is not new in BDSM. It's an old concept. So why are you questioning how it can exist? A pony is a small member of the horse family, yet that doesn't stop BDSM'ers from considering themselves to be ponies. When did we become so literal?

As far as something seeming "offensive", well isn't that the nature of BDSM? Most vanilla folks are offended by just about all aspects of it. From scat to humiliation to polyamory to sadism, BDSM is full of opportunities for people to be offended. As an African-American, I could easily be offended by race play, or by the idea of "slavery". But I'm not.

I'm not saying that your feelings are wrong. But I am surprised to hear the issues that you expressed coming from.....you. I'd expect to hear them from a newbie.

BTW, I hope you don't receive this as an attack, because it's definitely not. But the content of your message sounds odd coming from you. I hope that makes sense.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/4/2013 10:29:52 AM

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I can actually see where she is coming from. There's been no problem with the terms 'house husband' or 'stay at home Dad' for some time. As soon as the term 'wife' is thrown in there, it does imply some form of femininity, which can make some folks prickle at the term.

Even in My poly home, I would never label clip as a 'male wife'.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/4/2013 11:49:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Since the only definition I know for "wife" is "husband sans penis," I have to say that I don't understand how a male wife can exist.

Defining "wife" in terms of stereotypical gender roles, especially if they come out of the 1950's, seems ridiculous and a bit offensive to me. Am I the only one who feels this way?

The whole idea of "male wives" is not new in BDSM. It's an old concept. So why are you questioning how it can exist? A pony is a small member of the horse family, yet that doesn't stop BDSM'ers from considering themselves to be ponies. When did we become so literal?

As far as something seeming "offensive", well isn't that the nature of BDSM? Most vanilla folks are offended by just about all aspects of it. From scat to humiliation to polyamory to sadism, BDSM is full of opportunities for people to be offended. As an African-American, I could easily be offended by race play, or by the idea of "slavery". But I'm not.

I'm not saying that your feelings are wrong. But I am surprised to hear the issues that you expressed coming from.....you. I'd expect to hear them from a newbie.

BTW, I hope you don't receive this as an attack, because it's definitely not. But the content of your message sounds odd coming from you. I hope that makes sense.

I think the offense, at least what I find troubling, is the idea that somehow the person who is doing all the house stuff, the 'wifely duties', is doing 'woman's work' and it is demeaning. Like I wrote in my prior post, I have run into the male wife thing before, and what they want to play out is the 1950's housewife image, of a wife as this simple minded person baking cookies, dusting and so forth. It isn't the name or the concept, ie that they love the idea of pampering their M, taking care of the household stuff, making her life easier that is what is offensive, it is quite honestly how they see women that bothers me, or what housework means or what it means to be a 'wife'.....Akasha wrote of someone making their life easier, making her life easier, taking care of things, doing all these things she doesn't have time for with her career outside the home, that is a partner making her life easier, not Lucy Ricardo as the dimwit 1950's housewife whose big tragedy was yellow waxy buildup or something.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/4/2013 11:27:25 PM

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i think the main purpose of this should be making Her life easier, taking care of things, doing all these things She doesn't have time for with her career outside the home, that is a partner making her life easier.

Modalities could vary.

(in reply to njlauren)

RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/5/2013 1:27:44 AM

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I think most of us into this "male wife" thing, do think of it that way; having a partner/submissive that lives to make our lives simpler/easier. It is the idea of my one cooks, cleans, and puts out to my specifications, whether he works or not outside of the home, that is fun, desirable, and a turn on. I don't believe women were dimwitted in the 50s at all, or saw their names on pots, pans, or the kitchen. It was simply the way things were, and the expectations, however unreasonable, were just that. I don't glorify anything that is done to undermine any other human being, especially without his/her consent. However, this is about our less than conventional likes, and all about consenting adult relationships.

Even today, most women work, than come home to take care of the home, the little ones, the laundry, and the husband (if they have one). Some do it happily, and fortunately many have a choice about it nowadays. In my relationship, the submissive would happily choose to do just that; be my male wife. What may sound/look fun or sexy to me, may very well turn off, or be distasteful to other folks, but that is what makes the world go round. I actually want a male wife, with minimum, or at least not overt feminization, as that wouldn't fit in my life anytime soon.
Different strokes... M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 3/5/2013 2:00:26 AM >

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/5/2013 6:40:41 AM

xssve

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I've been a single father for over Ten years now, and while I can change a diaper, do all the cooking and cleaning, yelling and nurturing, I would probably make a lousy wife - give me any shit and I'm reaching for the rolling pin - or at least the Pizza peel, if your reflexes are not that good.

Just my Two cents, apropos of nothing, since I'm just looking to train a replacement - turns out a ready made family is no more attractive to most women than it is to most men.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/5/2013 11:14:44 PM

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i thank Y/you all for Y/your valuable comments.

Now please share Y/your views should the 'Name adoption' be compulsory? or it should be optional?

'Name Adoption' means when man changes his maiden name to married name. i.e Taking the Family name of the Woman.

In my opinion is should be optional. But i think most Women would go for it.

Please share Y/your opinions.

Thanks.

(in reply to xssve)

RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/6/2013 9:49:24 AM

SomethingCatchy

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By law here in the United States of America anyone can change his or her name to anything they like. No one needs to take a married name, and if people who are married feel like taking a totally different name, that's legally possible.

I like my civil and natural born rights to stay the same. Suggesting that anything be compulsory is a good way for me to start reaching for my gun and my bible (if I had one).

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/6/2013 3:58:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
Just my Two cents, apropos of nothing, since I'm just looking to train a replacement - turns out a ready made family is no more attractive to most women than it is to most men.

I'm calling bullshit on this one!! Now submissive and willing to move to godforsaken NM and ok with kids is a whole different thing.
I keep finding "do it all dads" that have forgotten what compromise & adjustment & common ground are all about. There is a big difference in a partner & the chick that has to give up everything to help carry your (universal you) load.

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(in reply to xssve)

RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/6/2013 4:08:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Since the only definition I know for "wife" is "husband sans penis," I have to say that I don't understand how a male wife can exist.

Defining "wife" in terms of stereotypical gender roles, especially if they come out of the 1950's, seems ridiculous and a bit offensive to me. Am I the only one who feels this way?

The whole idea of "male wives" is not new in BDSM. It's an old concept. So why are you questioning how it can exist? A pony is a small member of the horse family, yet that doesn't stop BDSM'ers from considering themselves to be ponies. When did we become so literal?

As far as something seeming "offensive", well isn't that the nature of BDSM? Most vanilla folks are offended by just about all aspects of it. From scat to humiliation to polyamory to sadism, BDSM is full of opportunities for people to be offended. As an African-American, I could easily be offended by race play, or by the idea of "slavery". But I'm not.

I'm not saying that your feelings are wrong. But I am surprised to hear the issues that you expressed coming from.....you. I'd expect to hear them from a newbie.

BTW, I hope you don't receive this as an attack, because it's definitely not. But the content of your message sounds odd coming from you. I hope that makes sense.

I think the offense, at least what I find troubling, is the idea that somehow the person who is doing all the house stuff, the 'wifely duties', is doing 'woman's work' and it is demeaning. Like I wrote in my prior post, I have run into the male wife thing before, and what they want to play out is the 1950's housewife image, of a wife as this simple minded person baking cookies, dusting and so forth. It isn't the name or the concept, ie that they love the idea of pampering their M, taking care of the household stuff, making her life easier that is what is offensive, it is quite honestly how they see women that bothers me, or what housework means or what it means to be a 'wife'

Yes.

(in reply to njlauren)

RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/6/2013 6:20:02 PM

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Have you gotten any responses to your profile or from the women you have approached? What has the feedback been?

The pictures in your profile are a hoot.

Here' my view: Women don't find men doing menial chores sexy or attractive. They find men with special talents or a good personality attractive. They will be more attracted to a man with competence in the world than someone devoted to the domestic arts.

I also think a woman would be skeptical of your profile b/c it does not really say much about you as an individual, its more just a BDSM role-play statement with implied inexperience behind it. (At age 31, no less.)

------

Lastly, with your profile (established six years ago on CM) and you being the hunter for such a position, you should know better than the responders if a F wants a male wife. What is your assessment? Your primary experience will be more informative than our theories.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/6/2013 6:23:30 PM >

(in reply to slave4females)

RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/7/2013 11:42:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I can actually see where she is coming from. There's been no problem with the terms 'house husband' or 'stay at home Dad' for some time. As soon as the term 'wife' is thrown in there, it does imply some form of femininity, which can make some folks prickle at the term.

But IMO, they're different concepts. A "house husband" or a "stay at home dad" isn't the same as the concept of a male wife. When the concept of male wife is used, it is typically about more than just the fact that the wife works and the husband stays at home. Frankly, the "stay at home dad" is becoming a sadly common thing in today's economy. Unfortunately, it's often not by choice, but rather because dad got laid off from his job, and the wife's is now the only income coming into the household. That has nothing to do with the "male wife" concept.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Even in My poly home, I would never label clip as a 'male wife'.

That's may be because Clip is your male sub/slave, but not your "male wife". I can't say for certain (only you would know), but perhaps the "male wife" concept is not a part of your dynamic.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/7/2013 11:54:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
I think most of us into this "male wife" thing, do think of it that way; having a partner/submissive that lives to make our lives simpler/easier. It is the idea of my one cooks, cleans, and puts out to my specifications, whether he works or not outside of the home, that is fun, desirable, and a turn on.

I agree. That is how I see the concept of a "male wife". It's not about the classical "wife" role being demeaning. It's rather about flipping the script and exchanging power. In those classic households, the male really held the dominant position (which is why the term "1950's household" is used to describe so many D/s or M/s relationships). My version of a male wife simply switches the power dynamic. The woman now holds the power, and the "male wife" is responsible for the housework, chores, taking care of the children, and catering to the woman and making her life easier.

quote:

Even today, most women work, then come home to take care of the home, the little ones, the laundry, and the husband (if they have one). Some do it happily, and fortunately many have a choice about it nowadays. In my relationship, the submissive would happily choose to do just that; be my male wife. What may sound/look fun or sexy to me, may very well turn off, or be distasteful to other folks, but that is what makes the world go round. I actually want a male wife.......

Exactly. The concept is not for everyone. But I even knew one couple where the man (the "male wife") changed his last name to hers once they got married. She kept her maiden name, and he assumed that maiden name. After all, the "wife" typically assumes their spouse's last name.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/8/2013 2:06:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
That's may be because Clip is your male sub/slave, but not your "male wife". I can't say for certain (only you would know), but perhaps the "male wife" concept is not a part of your dynamic.

You're on the money there. Both paragraphs, really, but this was the part that I thought would encourage additional discussion.

Yes, clip is a slave and pretty much has the duties in the household that a 'male wife' would take on. In addition, he has the duties that some folks would see as the traditional 'slave' duties in a leather household. That is probably an odd way of putting it, but I'm talking about the stuff like leather care, equipment upkeep, etc, that some folks out there don't necessarily include in their dynamics.

Where the difference lies, I think, would be the way that people have their household structures. For monogamous folks, where there is one relationship and it is female led, I can certainly see why some might warm to the term 'male wife'. If your s-type becomes your spouse and does take on those duties in the household that are more typically done by women, that's probably an accurate description. Even in a female led household that is poly were both s-types or vanilla are seen as spouses, I can totally get one being called husband and one being called wife.

Our household is set up a little differently. I have a primary and a secondary relationship. That means that I don't consider them both "spouses". Without that equality in relationship status to Me, clip is neither a male wife or a second husband.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/8/2013 7:22:21 AM

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Fast Reply: You know, while there are ways to look at this concept that might offend some folks, I just can't seem to get too riled up about it. My Lady often says that I am the "best wife ever". We don't make too large a deal out of it, and while I have pearls and dresses, I have never combined the two of them with a vacuum to recreate myself in June Cleaver's image. I have however, drilled holes in concrete with a hammer drill wearing a mini dress and a thong...does that count? :P

I do a lot of things that are in the "traditional" role of a female homemaker. I try to not let it go to my head, nor read too much into it.

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RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/8/2013 7:58:32 AM

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Loe how if the woman is the breadwinner she is going to be "pretty demanding and also very busy." Would love to try to get that by saying the male was the breadwinner. Not that I wouldn't LOVE to be in that position.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I had it for a long time, about ten years. My husband now has a job, sort of, that he fell into, and it's a bit of an adjustment for both of us, but the change of pace is refreshing. We'll see we like it for the long term.

I can tell you that if you want a woman who is the breadwinner type, she has to be successful enough to support both of you, so she's going to be pretty demanding and also very busy. That means less fantasy probably, and more reality. It doesn't mean you get to just be feminized and enjoy a fantasy life, but actually keep life in order and be extremely proactive and show a tremendous amount of initiative.

If you are the type that really likes to be micormanaged or told what to do, that's probably not going to work. She won't have time for that. You have to know what to do on your own and not need a ton of direction. I think a lot of submissive men who want to be a housewife idealize the thought that they have constant attention or direction when in reality they are expected to have a lot of self direction and motivation. And cannot be NEEDY!!

It's not that glamorous!

Akasha

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: does Anyone seek a male wife?? - 3/8/2013 12:17:51 PM

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There are plenty of vanilla as can be couples out there that would be offended as hell at the suggestion that the husband is presumably the powerful one in a marriage. Honestly, fuck anyone who doesn't get why that's offensive or who "doesn't see what the big deal is."

< Message edited by Baroana -- 3/8/2013 12:18:41 PM >

(in reply to Whippedboy)

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