How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play?

How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Dominant female: It's a failure were he not to reach orgasm

2% (3)

Dominant female: He is not allowed an orgasm (unless I say so).

12% (15)

Dominant male: It's a failure were she not to reach orgasm

23% (28)

Dominant male: She is not allowed an orgasm (unless I say so).

14% (17)

Submissive female: It's a failure were I not to reach orgasm

8% (10)

Submissive female: It's OK if I do not reach orgasmic delight.

17% (21)

Submissive male: It's a failure were I not to reach orgasm

3% (4)

Submissive male: It's OK if I do not reach orgasmic delight.

16% (20)

Total Votes : 118

(last vote on : 9/7/2016 12:57:41 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

pompeii -> How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 4:51:02 PM)
Assuming the Top/Dom/Domme/Domina is "in charge", how important is the submissive partner's orgasm in your D/s play? In another thread, someone asked whether the Domme typically grants the submissive male an orgasm, in a Domme-led play time. I was astounded by some of the replies - and wrote that I'd consider myself an abject failure were the submissive female NOT to reach orgasmic delight under my control (hell, that's more than half the fun for me!). Yet, clearly, there were Dommes who regard strict chastity as an integral part of the D/s game, and, according to that thread, they don't desire, expect, nor attempt to provide direct orgasmic stimuli for the submissive under their control. Therefore, I must ask ... Would YOU consider a D/s play session a failure if your partner did NOT achieve orgasm?

OsideGirl -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 4:57:10 PM)
The category doesn't really fit, so I didn't check it. If I didn't not achieve orgasm, I'd be okay with that.....he would view it as a failure. He takes great pride in reducing me to a sweaty, blubbering, drooling mess.

lovethyself -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 5:03:43 PM)
There seems to be more than one question posed here. To answer your Thread question, as a sub, if He doesn't want me to orgasm during our play, that is His choice, and perfectly acceptable to me. I wouldn't view it as a failure at all. To answer the question in your post, if my partner (my Dom) did not achieve orgasm where that was the goal, then yes, I would view it as a failure. There wasn't really an option in the poll for me. I'm a submissive female, and I only view it as a failure when we don't achieve what we are aiming for. As a personal aside, He is more aligned with you in that He seems to take great joy in giving me orgasms. [:D][:)]

subinsilicon -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 5:12:19 PM)
I can't imagine an hour with a Domina without me cumming but apparently most of the Dommes I am meeting certainly can!

peppermint -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 5:21:37 PM)
Our D/s play does not focus on sex so none of your answers apply to us.

kiwisub12 -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 5:58:55 PM)
My late dom delighted in reducing me to subspace - usually with a cane. And for me, any attempt to make me orgasm decreased the sensations. I didn't want sexual play with my S/m play. ON the other hand, my sweetie tires me out regularly, without visiting subspace. Its the difference in play between the two men. One focused on pain play for his sexual gratification, and my enjoyment. My sweetie is a whole lot of fun and we end up with orgasms, not subspace - which is ultimately more satisfying for the two of us.

Level -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 6:20:31 PM)
It's important, because she's important, but it doesn't have to be a ratio of 1:1. No one is going to keep score.

sexyred1 -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 6:46:29 PM)
I only know in my experience, it is important for me to have orgasms and apparently it has been important for every Dom I have ever been intimate with for me to have orgasms. For me, this is my sexuality.

LadyPact -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:23:51 PM)
Your question completely skips the fact that not all D/s play is sexual in nature.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:28:24 PM)
Depends if that was the goal or not.

searching4mysir -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:38:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Your question completely skips the fact that not all D/s play is sexual in nature. The thing is, he based his question on a particular "sub's" view that he should be able to get his dick wet (or at least cum) if he is going to submit.

LadyPact -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:42:37 PM)
Yeah. I saw the thread the question was based on. Oddly enough a D and an s can have lots of interactions that don't include orgasms.

Cilicia -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:46:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Oddly enough a D and an s can have lots of interactions that don't include orgasms. I guess everyone is different, but, to me, D/s play is simply sex by a different name. So, of course, it's not 1:1, nor is it absolute, but most of the time, both orgasm, or it's not D/s play anymore. (to me). I don't know what it would be to me if both didn't get off, but, I guess I'm learning that, to some people, D/s play has nothing to do with sex. To me, they're indistinguishable from each other. But, it seems that's just me.

LadyPact -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:50:29 PM)
I live with My s-type. When I tell him to shovel snow, there's no orgasm in it for him. It's just snow. Life doesn't revolve around sex.

AddamsFamily -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 7:58:28 PM)
It's not just you that sees D/s as something akin to foreplay. As you noticed for some D/s is tied to sensuality and sex and to some it isn't. For me, when I play with casual partners, I don't even want to see their bits. If I have a close relationship with someone, I absolutely want them to experience a wide range of sensual pleasures and their orgasms are important to me. Then there is everything in between.

searching4mysir -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 8:03:18 PM)
quote: I don't know what it would be to me if both didn't get off I don't get off from cleaning the bathroom or doing his laundry, but that is still D/s. I don't particularly get off really on spankings either (I'm a wuss), but they please him so over the knee I go.

pompeii -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 8:08:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AddamsFamily for some D/s is tied to sensuality and sex and to some it isn't. I had never even thought of ANY fetish play as NOT being sexual. Not in a million years would it have popped into my mind. Wow. Amazing, that I learn this, so late in the game. Interesting. Very interesting.

LadyPact -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 8:28:06 PM)
Well, if the purpose of engaging in D/s is about cheating on your wife or some crap, I could get why the logical conclusion would be about orgasms. I'm more of the frame of the new poster with the screen name of AddamsFamily. I play casually all of the time and sex isn't the goal. It's about the enjoyment of the play for the sake of play, itself. The giving and receiving of sensations isn't necessarily a means to get to something else.

pompeii -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 8:37:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I could get why the logical conclusion would be about orgasms. To me, the logical conclusion of any D/s activity isn't necessarily ABOUT orgasm, any more than sex is "about" orgasm; but, hell, if BOTH partners didn't cum just about the same number of times that they do with straight vanilla sex, I would have thought something is being done terribly wrongly. My epiphany is that, only now, do I know better. I truthfully admit it is a total shocker to me that D/s endeavors are NOT a sexual activity for some people. Wow. Just wow. Words escape me with this new found revelation. This will go a looooooooooooong way in explaining a LOT of things that had me confused, over the years. I'm still shaking my head with this realization of how some people treat kink.

LadyPact -> RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? (3/19/2013 8:53:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii To me, the logical conclusion of any D/s activity isn't necessarily ABOUT orgasm, any more than sex is "about" orgasm; but, hell, if BOTH partners didn't cum just about the same number of times that they do with straight vanilla sex, I would have thought something is being done terribly wrongly. My epiphany is that, only now, do I know better. I truthfully admit it is a total shocker to me that D/s endeavors are NOT a sexual activity for some people. Wow. Just wow. Words escape me with this new found revelation. This will go a looooooooooooong way in explaining a LOT of things that had me confused, over the years. I'm still shaking my head with this realization of how some people treat kink. I'm actually the pitiful one to try to explain this. I have to preface this statement with the admission that I'm not a big rope bondage person. With that said, even I can understand what rope bondage is to some people. It's not necessarily sex. It's art. The precision of the work in creating this thing of beauty. Look at the magnificence of some bondage pics. Every detail is about creating this vision. The subject having every strand placed just so and in the making can allow themselves freedom in that bondage. Every meticulous detail to transform the rope and the bottom into one to replicate the vision in the mind. No different than any other kind of art. That's not necessarily about getting hard or wet. The goal is completely different. It's about creating that finished product and achieving the mind space that goes with it. Somebody who is better at rope bondage is going to come along and do a better job than I just did with that.

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