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RE: Youth versus experience - 3/31/2013 3:01:57 PM

vield

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Some people are going to have open minds about a potential partner's intelligence, education level, experience level, age, ethnic background, political opinions, religious believes, height, weight, body configuration, gender, and sexual preferences. Others may have fetishes or preferences of their own towards or away from any of these categories.

It is very unlikely one will "change" a potential partner, if something they need is a hard limit for you, or the other way around.

The good thing is that there really are many folks who appreciate many of these things differently, so someone reasonably open minded usually can find potential partners.

I know that some people like inexperienced people because they hope to find someone who can not challenge them intellectually. These folks are often very surprised to find out that education level often has nothing to do with a person's intellect!

I personally find bright people to be attractive!

Experience comes with age, but I think intelligence is genetic!

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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to Uniquesweets)

RE: Youth versus experience - 3/31/2013 8:39:18 PM

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No number of years of experience is going to tell you what your new dominant wants on his ham sandwich or what he wants in his coffee or on what side of the bed he prefers to sleep.

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(in reply to Uniquesweets)

RE: Youth versus experience - 3/31/2013 9:34:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Uniquesweets
I don't see why my age would limit me.
I can go into a bar but can't drink. Thats fine, I don't need to be focusing on drinking
And "partying" just that desire to plesse my master.
My parents are M/S . They fully understand and relocations is not a concern.
I prefer experience because I am not experienced why im hoping for an older dom

Age doesn't limit you in my eyes but your experience level as a slave who already had a Master counts a lot. however, a lack of experience can be compensated for to some degree by abundant enthusiasm.

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RE: Youth versus experience - 4/1/2013 12:13:34 AM

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Yeah. That's what I tell the young gals that hit on me. I tells 'em, "Y'all go git sum 'spirience. Then come see me." Yeah. THAT's what I tells 'em.

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RE: Youth versus experience - 4/2/2013 5:30:17 AM

kai38

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For me, the main worry about "experience" (in a sub) is about not knowing when to put your foot down for yourself, being clear about where the relationship goes and setting limits (unless you're the extreme total surrender kind).
Frankly, I'll be more worried (I think) about the dom not having experience. When I started, I had issues with rope, gags, fingering, collars, blindfolds, corsets, cuffs, chains - you name it and I had some problems with it (if not, it just means I haven't been exposed to it yet). Still have some of those problems now.
I like to believe that when you meet the right person, you'll know it somewhere inside (whether its at chest level, stomach level or below the waist I leave to you). Maybe that's why I haven't met the right person yet

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RE: Youth versus experience - 4/2/2013 7:29:19 AM

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I'm surprise that's your experience. Because in my experience, I think most doms, at least where I'm located prefer inexperience subs, as they like it that they get to set all the rules however they want, and the sub wouldn't know better. It's like a clean swipe of a mind to mess with. Your lack of experience and exposure will mean that, they get to paint you their version of what being a submissive should be and hope you will subscribe to that version.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 4/2/2013 7:30:36 AM >

(in reply to kai38)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 3:40:17 AM

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I agree completely that attitude is the most important thing - but I'm attracted to experience. OsideGirl makes a good point, that experience shows someone has realistic expectations. But I'd go a bit further, I think.

I don't see it as having anything to do with teaching anyone "new tricks". I don't see this as about techniques, and I'm not talking about experience of "play", or doing particular things. But if someone has experience of a relationship based on dominance and submission, and wants another one, then it shows me she's serious about wanting that, just as I'm serious. That's exactly the sort of woman I want to know.

I also think it'd be pathetic of me, and wrong, and silly, to be looking for someone who "didn't know better" or simply to go for looks or youth. First, that seems to me the way that the worst sort of man behaves - kinky or vanilla. I'm trying to be better than that. Second, I think it's really unfair to women who are not new to this, and who I honestly think deserve better of men who call themselves dominant than just to be excluded from the "dating pool". Third, avoiding experienced submissive women would mean not coming into contact with some of the most interesting and exciting women out there. If other men prefer not to meet those women, in a way that suits me fine! But I think they're crazy.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 8:55:07 AM

absolutchocolat

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FR

Also, having previous "experience" with being owned doesn't necessarily make a good submissive or slave. If your previous owner was an asshat that didn't teach you anything, it wasn't exactly time well spent, was it? Add that to the fact that no two Dominants have the same leadership style, tastes or desires, and I think that its okay to be inexperienced at eighteen. The desire to learn, I think, is the better quality to have.

(in reply to EligibleOwner)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 10:15:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

FR

Also, having previous "experience" with being owned doesn't necessarily make a good submissive or slave. If your previous owner was an asshat that didn't teach you anything, it wasn't exactly time well spent, was it?

Even if the Dominant wasn't an asshat, an experienced submissive can still have unrealistic expectations. I've seen a lot of women that go from relationship to relationship thinking he wasn't a real Dom because real life didn't match her fantasies.

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(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 12:30:19 PM

absolutchocolat

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Yep, we're talking about that in the femDomme thread.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 1:31:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EligibleOwner

I agree completely that attitude is the most important thing - but I'm attracted to experience. OsideGirl makes a good point, that experience shows someone has realistic expectations. But I'd go a bit further, I think.

I don't see it as having anything to do with teaching anyone "new tricks". I don't see this as about techniques, and I'm not talking about experience of "play", or doing particular things. But if someone has experience of a relationship based on dominance and submission, and wants another one, then it shows me she's serious about wanting that, just as I'm serious. That's exactly the sort of woman I want to know.

I also think it'd be pathetic of me, and wrong, and silly, to be looking for someone who "didn't know better" or simply to go for looks or youth. First, that seems to me the way that the worst sort of man behaves - kinky or vanilla. I'm trying to be better than that. Second, I think it's really unfair to women who are not new to this, and who I honestly think deserve better of men who call themselves dominant than just to be excluded from the "dating pool". Third, avoiding experienced submissive women would mean not coming into contact with some of the most interesting and exciting women out there. If other men prefer not to meet those women, in a way that suits me fine! But I think they're crazy.

Everyone is entitled to their preferences on age/experience, but your attitude says it best. You are open to all. There are many men out there who say that, but their idea of a D/s relationship is based mostly on porn, where you will never see experienced, older women as that is not the right type for marketing to those porn consumers. (except for the MILF or cougar porn).

I also find that many men say they like experience and brains but when faced with any type of intellectual challenge (ie. a question), they assume the sub is challenging them. I think those men prefer inexperience and they couch that in the words (want to mold you, break you to my specifications, etc.)

In my own life, I have never let experience or inexperience guide my choices with men. If we had chemistry and compatibility, most things can be learned together.

(in reply to EligibleOwner)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 3:33:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I'm surprise that's your experience. Because in my experience, I think most doms, at least where I'm located prefer inexperience subs, as they like it that they get to set all the rules however they want, and the sub wouldn't know better. It's like a clean swipe of a mind to mess with. Your lack of experience and exposure will mean that, they get to paint you their version of what being a submissive should be and hope you will subscribe to that version.

I've given my reasons why I'd also prefer a novice sub over an experienced sub. And as you say, the clean slate to mould etc. But I'd take some exception to how she apparently "wouldn't know better". It implies the dom is out to deceive, to take advantage etc, and I certainly don't advocate that.

Besides, the age bracket I'd prefer, a mature but novice sub still has life experience and honed instincts to guide her and the choices she makes, anyway.

Focus.

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(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 3:36:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I'm surprise that's your experience. Because in my experience, I think most doms, at least where I'm located prefer inexperience subs, as they like it that they get to set all the rules however they want, and the sub wouldn't know better. It's like a clean swipe of a mind to mess with. Your lack of experience and exposure will mean that, they get to paint you their version of what being a submissive should be and hope you will subscribe to that version.

This whole thought pattern would make sense to me if I was looking for a fuck buddy. But when I'm looking for a woman it's more like "a life partner" so I'm way more interested in how she is as a human being than how she is as a "sub". I've seen lots and lots of very "good" subs that I wouldn't allow in my living room unsupervised. I have never seen a good human I'd reject on the basis of not being submissive enough.

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(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 8:34:51 PM

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My experience has been the exact opposite! I am over 40 but new...when I joined here last year I had NO experience & found that, like some have mentioned, there were "Doms" (& a couple of Dommes...) who were beating a path to my door...not because I was anything special but because of the whole "shaping the lump of clay" fantasy.

I read your profile & you indicate that you are NOT owned but not available either so maybe it is the ambiguity. The one thing about young people is the fickleness & maybe the message that you are "with" someone but looking gives a bad vibe & they are just using the experience thing as an excuse?

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/3/2013 9:53:49 PM

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I feel you on this one. I’m looking at it from the other end. I’m a new Dom looking for a lady to work with. I’m exploring my likes and dislikes trying to get a feel for everything. I can’t get half the emails I send out even opened much less a replay. I make an effort to send out friendly polite and individual emails to ladies only after I have read there whole page. I’m not sending out emails to just supper young girls ether. I try to send out emails to ladies who are within six years of my age. Most of the supper young girls go eu gross if I try to talk to them being that I’m 33 years old. Most off the ladies with experience know what they want an don’t want to fool with an inexperienced Dom. Ladies who don’t have experience want a Dom that knows what he is doing so he can show her the ropes. Then there’s the fact that it’s like 3 to 1 men to women. Ok so I’ll get off my soap box and quite bitching now. I just saying I understand when you say it’s hard to find people who will work with you when you are new.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/4/2013 6:00:55 AM

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Probably will depend on how much of a challenge the dom wants. If there is alot of chemistry, I think youth or experience doesnt really matter to alot of people.

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RE: Youth versus experience - 4/4/2013 8:42:29 AM

kai38

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And at the end of the day, everybody's got to start _somewhere_. If nobody out there gives newcomers a chance, where are the experienced/less youthful people going to pop out from?

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/4/2013 8:46:49 AM

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I don't owe anyone a pity fuck. If you can't find a girlfriend willing to explore mild fantasies with you, that's your problem.
Most of us started with other inexperienced people when we were younger than you are.

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(in reply to kai38)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/4/2013 9:01:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I don't owe anyone a pity fuck. If you can't find a girlfriend willing to explore mild fantasies with you, that's your problem.

... or just a friend. I mean seriously... I'm a male dom. Yet I could find stunt bottoms to play with me if I wanted to learn or experience something for which Carol is unsuited. In at least one case the master in question would be well disposed (as would the slave) largely due to shit like "I was the guy humping their furniture up and down stairs on moving day". You'd think a female bottom would have better luck.

So if I'm looking at this with relationship glasses then the obvious answer is, "She needs a relationship and that's unlikely to be formed on the basis of her sub experience". If I'm looking at it with "learn about SM" glasses then all that's required is friends of the right persuasion.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Youth versus experience - 4/11/2013 1:20:27 AM

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I will have to agree with Focus' take on things for the most part.

Experience really doesn't mean anything as far as the lifestyle is concerned. Someone that comes to me and says they have all this training is trained for someone else, not me.

However, there is one type of experience that I find good: Someone who has experienced the joy of that special bond to their master and has lost them through no fault of anyone involved (ie. Death, disease, etc.). They have a special understanding that can't really be taught only discovered by someone that hasn't experienced it. So they know what they are looking for.

That's not to say that it is preferable to someone new that hasn't. It is just nice to see that.

But it is also nice to bring someone who hasn't on the path of discovery as well.

Something also to be said about a seasoned woman (substitute your gender preference when I refer to females) is just plain life experience. When dealing with a younger person, you tend to forget the world through their eyes and make assumptions about life experience that they don't have. What you might think of as common sense, they haven't seen or learned yet. You send you slave off to perform some errand or task and you find it completed with enthusiasm and a smile but in a way that you never expected that probably defeated the intended purpose. You can only blame yourself for not seeing the lack of life experience.

Again, it isn't that a lack of life experience is bad, you just have to take it into account.

I enjoy sitting back and sharing the world with an older woman where we have common experiences....but I also enjoy teaching someone younger about the world especially when they are eager to learn.

So much for the experience of a submissive.

As far as looking for a Dominant, I would suggest you look at anyone over 25. What's magic about 25?
No one will trust someones judgement until they are 25. There is even legal precedent for it.
If you inherit a trust, it is usual and customary to not have access to the full value of it until you are 25.
They've even found scientifically that the brain doesn't stop developing until then.

Before I was 25, my parents were the stupidest people on earth. After I was 25 they suddenly became the smartest.
I was amazed at how much they learned in 1 year.

If you are under 25, even for the most mature people, one really hasn't lived enough to know what one wants out of life or other people. And the one important thing a Dominant must know is what he wants.

This is my opinion, but those that REQUIRE a sub to be experienced and will accept nothing else don't really know what they want so depend on someone else to figure it out for them.

Find someone that has the patience to lead you and guide you.

I just spilled my brains out on the page at 1am so I hope this cam out coherent in some way.

(in reply to JeffBC)

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