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Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train ... - 4/6/2013 9:17:23 PM   
korata


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/6/2013
Status: offline 		Reading the profiles here I see that most Mistresses seem to want experience.
Why would that be?

What would an experienced submissive be or do that an inexperienced submissive can't learn?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/6/2013 9:27:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Are you familiar with leather care? High protocol? Do you know how to oil a whip or change the cracker? Are you proficient at definitions associated with kink so that I don't have to explain everything I say? Do you know how to properly represent a leather household or what kind of commitment is required to participate in the leather community? Do I have to teach you how to black My boots or tend to My corsets? When I dress for a community gig, do you know how to tie one?

For some of us, there's a lot more to wiitwd than the obvious.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to korata)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/6/2013 11:09:26 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		One reason could be that despite common conceptions, in real life we are not fetish delivery systems. That is a radical difference from the porn-contaminated expectations inexperienced people have gotten their fantasies from. Of course we can trot out all the tricks (and a lot more) just like they do on camera. But if we do not feel connected to you (general 'you') as a person and know you feel the same about us, we see no reason to accommodate you. Prodommes are available to try stuff out, but many of us here would view that type of experience as a negative.

So what is a new person who would like to explore the lifestyle to do?

1) Read ALL of the Ask A Mistress FAQ and make your profile more inviting before contacting a dominant. That you've been fantasizing for a while is just lovely for you, but until we know you and love you, we do not give a flying fig about your fantasies.

2) Find groups close to your area and get involved. Get to know everybody. Do stuff with them socially. Wow them with your personality. Make yourself useful and be the first to volunteer when something needs to be done.

3) Accept that life does not imitate porn. $$ will buy you a session with a pro, but there are no shortcuts to the real thing. You still have to jump through the same hoops as you would in vanilla relationships.

Best of luck to you, and welcome to the boards!

ETA: A discussion pertinent to your topic: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4416241/tm.htm

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 4/6/2013 11:21:14 PM >

(in reply to korata)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 4:59:04 AM   
SadisticMs2


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline 		The problem with most newbies is that with very few exceptions, they're going to remain newbies. In part is that the newbie himself isn't going to be willing to take actual steps to learn about the lifestyle, to get out to local munches and meet people, and progress. In part if he DOES get lucky enough to meet a Domme online who agrees to meet him, most likely he will chicken out and not meet because it's TOO real.

Any Domme of experience can tell you that the chances of actually meeting someone who is completely new to the scene in an online setting such as this and have that turn into a mutually satisfying long term real time BDSM based relationship is more unlikely than hitting Powerball. Or maybe equally likely.

I personally would see even attempting that as an utter waste of my time.

Now. That said - you are actually in control of your own destiny. You do not have to wait around online hoping to meet a Domme who will not only give you a chance but will be a good fit for you. You can take an active hand in your own education by reading books about the lifestyle, asking intelligent questions here and engaging in conversation on the message boards here and elsewhere, by getting yourself out to local munches and workshops and make friends with others in the scene. That whole learning process will bring you miles closer to meeting someone, and you may even meet someone along the way.
'
In other words....take charge of becoming the one WITH experience.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 6:44:41 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		For what it's worth, I think something like this would get good results.

"I don't have any experience serving a Mistress, but I'd really like to. I have taken massage classes and cooking classes. My favorite dish to prepare is ____. I also own a lawn mower and am not afraid to use it."

If you demonstrate you're able to learn skills, and have the discipline to follow through with them, you will appear attractive in somebody's eyes.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SadisticMs2)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 6:54:04 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

For what it's worth, I think something like this would get good results.

"I don't have any experience serving a Mistress, but I'd really like to. I have taken massage classes and cooking classes. My favorite dish to prepare is ____. I also own a lawn mower and am not afraid to use it."

If you demonstrate you're able to learn skills, and have the discipline to follow through with them, you will appear attractive in somebody's eyes.


Why do Dominant men consistently seem to have a better understanding -by a LOT- than most male subs do, of what precisely it takes to be the kind of male sub that Dominant women actually would be interested in?



_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 7:02:51 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		Because dominant men don't watch femdom porn?

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 7:08:44 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Experience isn't always necessary, though there are great exceptions Lady Pact outlined where experience is important. The biggest problem I personally have with completely inexperienced submissives is if they are caught up in the porn-based fantasy world of what they think BDSM is and they start looking at me like I'm a fetish delivery system designed to cater to them.

I like what Red Magic had to say. Very straightforward and to the point. It isn't so much what an experienced sub knows that an inexperienced one doesn't. It's what the inexperienced one does to become knowledgeable and their willingness to take initiative to learn skills that will enhance their attractiveness to a dominant female.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 7:13:43 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hahaha! I watch some femdom porn. Those ladies are hot.

Not sure I'm "dominant" by everyone's definition, but I will say this: most dom guys know what it means to serve someone else, because almost no one is their own boss 100% of the time. So it's not really a question of being dom or sub; it's a question of being able to produce results, to be responsible.

That, and, somewhere along the way, I figured out how to pick up chicks.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to thezeppo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 7:50:29 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		Haha, fair enough. They are pretty hot, I'm not going to argue with you there!

I think a lot of people have a tendency to forget there are people behind the kink. If you have had kinky desires your entire life and then you join a site like this, which is full of people with the same desires as you, it's only natural to want to talk about the kinky stuff that you haven't been open about before. I try and approach from the other direction - if I am talking to a Domme I already know we have that in common, she wants to be dominant and I want to be submissive. That's a big step compared to just talking to a woman I think is attractive, but why go on about the thing I already know we have in common? Far better to see what else we have in common and proceed from there.

The other thing is that a lot of people label themselves as submissive as an umbrella term when in fact there are such a wide variety of different terms that would fit better. When I first joined here I thought I had submissive experience because my ex enjoyed foot worship and rough sex. I was quickly disabused of that notion! I was advised to consider whether or not I was actually submissive, and that has been a constant consideration since. I suppose ultimately that depends on the other person, so all the more reason I should get to know the person behind the Domme!

ETA: Wait, you worked out how to pick up chicks? Do go on! :D

< Message edited by thezeppo -- 4/7/2013 7:52:29 AM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 8:21:03 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thezeppo

ETA: Wait, you worked out how to pick up chicks? Do go on! :D


Picking up chicks is so much easier than most guys would think.

Remember, we're surrounded by morons whose only goal is to get in our pants all day, every day, from since we're about 12 years old.

All a guy needs to really do to pick up chicks easily is give some sort of solid indication that he's not like that and considers other things more important in life that how much he's going to get laid... and women will fawn over him.


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to thezeppo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 8:29:28 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hmmm... nothing wrong with caring more about a woman as a person, rather than as a semen receptacle (sp?), but there better be more than that.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 8:46:08 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		Oh I'm not saying that that's all there's got to be to a guy to interest a women...

It's just that it seems that in 99% of the cases, the kind of guys capable of doing that are also the kind of guys who got the whole rest of the package going on. So the main, and first thing as far as picking up chicks goes is showing her that you don't fall into the "morons" category. After she's actually willing to drop her guard a little cause you convinced her of that, she'll figure out fast enough what the rest of the package entails.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 8:59:40 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

So the main, and first thing as far as picking up chicks goes is showing her that you don't fall into the "morons" category.


You're right, that's pretty important.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 9:42:31 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: thezeppo

ETA: Wait, you worked out how to pick up chicks? Do go on! :D


Picking up chicks is so much easier than most guys would think.

Remember, we're surrounded by morons whose only goal is to get in our pants all day, every day, from since we're about 12 years old.

All a guy needs to really do to pick up chicks easily is give some sort of solid indication that he's not like that and considers other things more important in life that how much he's going to get laid... and women will fawn over him.



It probably helps if you don't dance like the super bendy flexy arms wavy man when you drink too much whiskey as well ;-)

Good advice though. I was kind of joking - I'm not the smoothest guy in the world but I have learned how to hold a conversation at least!

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 9:58:16 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Don't #1




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to thezeppo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 10:08:51 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thezeppo
I was kind of joking


Me too.

Hell, I'm the Goddess of logic... if I make a black and white assertion regarding human nature, you're pretty safe to bet there's some form of humor intended in there.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to thezeppo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 11:01:19 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Don't #1





I can't believe you've just outed me Level. Isn't this a TOS violation? ;-)

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 11:20:10 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Purely accidental!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to thezeppo)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any tr... - 4/7/2013 11:21:41 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		Oh no, so there actually is more to it than that?

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 20
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