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NewB girl - 6/23/2006 7:35:58 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		I was talking to a sub and she is feeling very new and overwhelmed by the BDSM world. I asked her to write me her personal views on how she would submit in a BDSM relation as a sub as well as a slave. I was sitting here on pins and needles wondering if their was anyway I could contribute to what she is looking for. As most of you know I am not sadistic and am here for 24/7 TPE and all the wonderfully magical things that go along with it. So I am thinking, how can I help a girl who is pursuing BDSM for it’s many facets. The answer of course was networking through all the good people here and asking for them to contribute in all the area’s I lack. Of course benji is not on my good people list, he is on the awesome subby boy list and would be a credit to most submissives here. He has quite a talent for engaging the boards, regardless of topic, and always maintains respect even when he is telling someone to go to hell. So I requested the girl write this out and it just blew my mind. She is quite clear in what she is looking for and represents that very well. I am going to post what she gave me and I would appreciate the community feedback on her statements. I am posting this anonymously and leaving for her to contact you on the other side if she feels compelled.
Thank you all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The way I would like to experience life as a submissive I’m not totally sure I could put words too.
         I want to give the control of my mind and body to another let them take me over and do as they wish to me knowing that I am safe and that they would never go past the limits that we had agreed on.
       To know I’m safe in letting go... for the Master to do as he pleases to my body cause me as much pain and pleasure as pleases him giving and taking what he wants from me, but I want to be respected and treated as a human not as a possession... I’m not sure if that make. I want to be tied up and helpless to the Masters wishes.... I want to experience everything at least ones to learn all I can and please as best I can. I have very few limits but other then those limits I want to try everything I want to expand myself and become the best I can.
                    How I would like my life as a slave to be... I want rules and consequences restrictions that will stay through all aspects of my life but at the same time I don’t want to be seen as a sub outside the home... i want to have some times at which I am seen as an equal listened to and not just ordered. I’m in school and working very hard towards my Masters and I do wish to have a professional life I do not wish to be a sub at all times... I don’t think I have it in me to always be in sub mode maybe I do but at the moment I don’t see it. I want to be dominated but i want to be treated with respect (the way I see it is if you want respect from me you have to have respect for me)


_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 7:44:23 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Typical swaddling cloth sub.  I am not going to write a opus on this but she wants days off. But she will be a person with her own self in there too.

Never mind.......you get the gimmick.

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 7:45:14 PM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I think what she wrote is great.  It is very similar to things that I had had on my profile before I became SacreDom's.  With every email that I received and every chat or phone call that I had, I was able to get more specific about what I wanted and my profile reflected that.  That would be my advice to her...be fluid in your search.  As you learn more about yourself and your wants and desires, be specific about what you need in a Master.  Do not settle.  Find the fit that is right for you and make sure to choose someone that you can grow with. 

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
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RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 7:52:36 PM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  i want to have some times at which I am seen as an equal listened to and not just ordered.


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Typical swaddling cloth sub.  I am not going to write a opus on this but she wants days off.  


I disagree with this statement, Ron.  I am respected and listened to by my Master.  I do not have "days off".  We are equals, we are partners...I just happen to put His needs before my own.

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 8:00:26 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Oh, Darling.....is this our FIRST fight?  I din't mean it as you took it, love.  I meant that she sees this really tight grip with a loose pinkie.....choke with breathe.....I am not good at explaining this in allegory.




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to angelface183)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 8:06:59 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Smiles.............I recognize these self same thoughts when I first discovered WIITWD..and as with anything she is softly slowly feeling her way into what it is she desires,her thoughts and understandings and desires will change as time goes on,but all in all she is honest,and eager...she needs more information , she needs to research more..she needs to expand her education even in subjects she may or may not be interested in simply for the knowledge and understanding of others..She is lucky thus far to have gotten an experienced,sincere Dominant who imparts fairly wise advice and suggestions...wish her well for me Wulf...Tempting

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 8:32:38 PM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong with what she wrote.  Don't we all want to be seen and cared about for what we are not just what needs we fulfill for someone?  I can also see that she wants to be a professional woman and unless the dominant has a very thick wallet thats a plus in my book.  Looks to me like she has her head screwed on pretty straight in terms of what she wants from this. 

Disclaimer...my opinions are from a subs prospective not a slaves. 

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 8:41:08 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Tell her to never again read any tripe from Castlerealm, buy her a copy of "The Bottoming book" and send her to a few play parties.  Nice fantasy though, hell if it was that good I would do it.

(in reply to sharainks)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 9:29:10 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Ron and Crappy Dom.  I guess I don't relate to her - Very few limits, one of them being to not submit outside the home?  Odd.  Unless of course she means not submitting to anyone but her Dom.  Maybe I misunderstood.  Another - she wants to be helpless to Master's wishes but not his possession?   I don't relate to being an equal either, but there are other threads on that subject.  I am not equal yet I am listened to more than I have ever been listened to before.  I think she has this notion that subs are just ordered around all the time and nothing more.  There is life within submission.  I am a slave with a career, with a mind, with a heart and spirit, and expected to use them.  In fact part of what I am ordered to do - to think, analyze, critique, explore, be creative, dream, share insight, etc.

My guess is she has received confusing and conflicting advise so far.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 9:36:25 PM   
MasterCurios


Posts: 156
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		very well put   my slave is that my slave but she also has a brain/mind and i expect her to use it albeit with respect and protocol...i will listen to her and than make my decision or even change my decision based on the merits she presents.

Master Curios

(in reply to angelface183)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 9:37:07 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		One daughter I had was a walkthru kid, one daughter had colic........

I could see where this one got colic.

LOL.

But there ain't nothin wrong with that either.


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 9:42:34 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		To me she sounds like a "bottom" with few limits when scening but then wants to turn off the sub mode at other times, which is fine, there are a lot of subs like that. She may want to think more about how she will please her dom than how he can do her. JMHO

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 9:47:24 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		proudsub---  you just humble me with your social and political skills, and retired.  I aspire to your fluent and pleasant tongue, but not in the same vein, obviously.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 10:01:10 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

proudsub---  you just humble me with your social and political skills, and retired.  I aspire to your fluent and pleasant tongue, but not in the same vein, obviously.


Thanks for making me smile.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 10:10:32 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

To me she sounds like a "bottom" with few limits when scening but then wants to turn off the sub mode at other times, which is fine, there are a lot of subs like that. She may want to think more about how she will please her dom than how he can do her. JMHO


I had that exact thought myself.  As I was reading the OP, I was wondering where Wulf was getting blown away.  Came across to me as someone that only wanted to be a submissive in the bedroom but nowhere else anyone could see her interact with her Dom.


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 11:10:18 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Oddly enough, I completely understand where this gal is coming from.
 
While it may not be exactly PC within this community to use the term "Equal" when discussing relationships that have a ds dynamic - there IS still a place for equality, even in wiitwd.  Equal importance within the relationship.  Equal amounts of responcibility towards caring about each other.  Certainly Equal respect for each other as unique individuals with wants, needs, abilities, and weaknesses.  Distinctly different job descriptions and roles within the relationship - but equally necessary for the whole,  or it's not a relationship, because relationships require a minimum of 2 people working Together towards a common goal.
 
Several of you have said she comes across as a "bedroom submissive" to you, because she states a desire to have what amounts to "time off."  Personally, I have never felt that anyone - dominant, submissive, vanilla, martian, whatever - can be "on stage" all the time.  Expecting someone else to be On Stage for us 24/7 is setting them up for failure, and overlooking the fact that our partner is HUMAN FIRST - with human failings and foibles, and a Human capacity for having a bad (or "off") day and therefore making "mistakes."  Expecting a partner to keep that HUMAN factor in mind is not relegating ourselves to being "just in the bedroom."  It's an admission (at least subconsciously) that we know we aren't perfect - and a sort of plea for understanding when those very human moments happen.
(I use the term "we" in this context very loosely - as I don't consider myself to be particularly Submissive at this point in my life, yet I DO consider myself very much a bottom with submissive tendencies.)
 
There are times and places for everything in life.  Out in public - public public, amongst the rest of vanilla society, not local dungeon public amongst our peers within the bdsm scene - is not the place for certain aspects of BDSM.  If she is still in the closet about her choices, where her friends, school collegues, and potential business aquaintances are concerned - she has a RIGHT to expect that to be respected AND MAINTAINED by any potential partner until SHE is ready to out herself.  It is not at all unreasonable to say "Don't expect high protocol while we're at the grocery store" even if it's the rule at home.  It's not unreasonable to expect to be spoken to as a peer and partner, rather than a toy or piece of property, under those circumstances as well.
 
She wants to explore - both the physical and emotional/mental aspects of being owned and used - without the various negative connotations that she is Probably still learning to overcome from standard social conditioning.  She wants, from what I'm seeing, to be treated as what she IS - an intelligent, well educated, capable, compitant, unique individual who happens to have desires that standard society considers a bit "odd."
 
Now, all that being said, I WILL second what Crappy mentioned about advising her to stay away from fantasy motivated sites like *gags* Castlerealm.  Such give a rather nauseatingly romanticised and completely unrealistic picture that will go far to create delussions destined to cause her pain in the long run.  Get involved in the local groups - OFF LINE groups - and get to know the people involved in the area.  Get involved in some of the better discussion groups online, like here in the CM forums - while they can't substitute for face to face interaction, they can go a long way towards teaching her a wide variety of perspectives and outlooks.  She needs to keep her safety in mind, without letting paranoia over the various horror stories put her off - and taking her time, both in learning herself and her needs, and in getting to know others on a deeply personal level, will go a long way towards helping to accomplish that.  She needs to take every bit of advice offered with a hefty dose of salt, weigh it for common sense and in the light of her own life and needs, and then either keep it or discard it as she sees fit - Without being overly concerned that she's going to wound someone's feelings if she doesn't feel like something applies to her specific situation.  She needs to keep in mind that she will ALWAYS retain the right to simply walk away from whatever situation she's in, if she finds that it isn't for her, and go on learning about herself and what SHE needs as an individual to be happy.
 
I could probably go on for days and days, but I'm gonna cut myself off NOW rather that ramble further....

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 11:29:04 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		It seems to me she's starting from a good place.  She's defining what she wants and how to fit it into the life she has now.  I think that's better than launching herself into the scene with no idea how to protect herself.

She's got the rest of her life to work through the levels and degrees until she finally finds what's best for her.  Right now she's taking it slowly, she wants the fun and stimulation but she doesn't want to risk her nilla life, which is a good thing. 

Also, since she's so new, I don't think she's sure of some of the terms she's using, or how they're defined by the kink community.  Possibly "...I don't want to be seen as a sub outside the home..." could mean she doesn't want anyone else to know about her kink life (hardly unique, even here), or that she doesn't want multiple partners.

It's great to see someone finding her way, and wonderful for her to have safe help to get started.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 11:39:01 PM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		well said hizgeorgiapeach,

in fact, considering she is new and only defining where she is now, plus stating she may change some of these 'limitations' in the future, I think she has her head screwed on the right way.  I would be far more critical of a newbie that hadn't thought this thru and was ready to commit to converting fantasy into a 24/7 reality without any experience whatsoever.

She did say she didn't want to be a sub outside the home (and some should note she said 'home', not the bedroom) and surely that is understandable from someone new.  She didn't want something that would affect her career - again, what is wrong with that?

She wanted to be an partner in the relationship - sounds like she should be very appealing to all except for control freaks.

Everyone has limits, yes, even slaves.  She has stated hers as soft limits that may change as she grows in the lifestyle.

I wish her the best as she pursues her dreams, and because she has thought it through, will probably need less disasters than most to find her happiness.

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: NewB girl - 6/23/2006 11:55:51 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Loki, I'm not certain what blows you away about this.  I also don't know how much this girl knows.  What I see, from her words, is someone that really doesn't know what she wants.  She has some cloudy ideas, but she doesn't understand what she's talking about.

What I get from her post, is that she wants 24/7 D/s, but she doesn't understand that it can and does include being allowed to offer opinions, to not be overt about her relationship in public, to have her limits respected.  I certainly hope that she finds someone who will not take advantage of her naivete.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Brosco)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: NewB girl - 6/24/2006 12:08:07 AM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		We found what was writen well thought out and showed undersanding of what the life style can offer untill we came to the part about "very few limits",here we found it a littel odd in being new or rather new and overwhelemd in this BDSM world she may have done better besides saying she has limits that would not be crossed or even explored there were other limits she wold want to explore in the future with the right Dom only.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to Brosco)
Profile   Post #: 20
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