Meeting First

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Meeting First

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> Meeting First

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Meeting First - 4/22/2013 5:44:22 PM

alexglass73

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/17/2012
Status: offline

So this may seem like a very stupid question but it that a common practice for a dom and sub to meet in a public place before going to either person's residence? It seems to me if the dom is saying that they're in charge and you'll do as they say something is probably up.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Meeting First - 4/22/2013 7:15:03 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Ok, your post is a little confusing. Are you saying that you believe it is normal to meet in a public place first? If so, I wouldn't say "normal" but I would say "advised."

If someone is claiming to be a dominant and is telling you that you will do what they say before you even meet, tell them you aren't going to meet. You have no agreement with a stranger, and submissives don't (or shouldn't) be willing to fall to their knees in obedience of anyone who claims they are dominant. That's just stupid.

(in reply to alexglass73)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Meeting First - 4/22/2013 7:17:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, it's a common practice to meet in a public place before going to either person's home. Would you want a complete stranger coming into your house if you hadn't even been in the same room before?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 6:32:05 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexglass73

So this may seem like a very stupid question but it that a common practice for a dom and sub to meet in a public place before going to either person's residence? It seems to me if the dom is saying that they're in charge and you'll do as they say something is probably up.

1) Yes, meeting in public is common.

2) If the "dom" is saying that they are taking liberties they have no right to.
One does not submit to complete strangers, unless a lack of regard for your personal safety is your kink.
(And until you have spent time with them, in person, they are a stranger, no matter how many hours you have spent with them on-line.)

3) Having a provocative picture is a good way to find the insta-doms.
Is that what you really want?

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to alexglass73)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 6:54:09 AM

kookycreature

Posts: 67
Joined: 4/18/2013
From: UK
Status: offline

Meeting a dominant should be no different than meeting any other stranger from online for the first time. Somewhere neutral, somewhere in public and always keep a friend or two aware of where you are, who you are with, how to contact you and a roughly estimated time of when you will be back and what to do if you are late. It's advised a lot because there is no harm in taking precautions. Someone who has no ill intentions would have no issues with any of those pre-requisites.

_____________________________

"Though I am slave," she said, " yet for the first time in my life I am free" - Nomads of Gor, pg 303

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 8:02:40 AM

Posts: 699
Status: offline

Yes.

(in reply to alexglass73)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 8:59:45 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

Without question. Even though I'm a big, bad, scary-looking guy who is fully capable of taking care of myself, there are too many variables at play when meeting someone face-to-face in real life. That pretty little lady might turn out to be a couple of ugly-ass punks looking for an easy score. Very important to have a safety contact who can raise the alarm if you don't call in at a certain time. And definitely keep a record of your conversations leading up to the meet, just in case the worst-case scenario happens.

(in reply to YN)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 9:14:24 AM

thezeppo

Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

Absolutely, definitely, a thousand times yes, meet in public first. If the guy is interested and genuine he shouldn't have a problem with that.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 10:54:38 AM

Thaz

Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline

And I would advise NOT going back to theirs or getting in their car/suspicious van on first meet.

(in reply to thezeppo)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 11:53:26 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

As well as the usual 'watch your drink' and other common sense things when meeting a new person. If they're decent, they won't mind you doing these things, because chances are they're taking the same precautions as you are. It's a sad commentary on how people treat each other, but it's just how it is. Best of luck, sincerely.

(in reply to Thaz)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 8:57:22 PM

Determinist

Posts: 38
Joined: 4/20/2013
Status: offline

If he's demanding that you come over to his place or he come over to yours for the first meet - RUN. He obviously doesn't have your safety in mind. He might be harmless, but do you want to be with someone that's insisting you engage in dangerous behaviour? Expect the best, prepare for the worst (good rule for just about any undertaking).

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Meeting First - 4/23/2013 9:10:39 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexglass73

So this may seem like a very stupid question but it that a common practice for a dom and sub to meet in a public place before going to either person's residence? It seems to me if the dom is saying that they're in charge and you'll do as they say something is probably up.

It's safer to meet in public. That said, some of my best experiences have occurred when I went directly to her place, or she went directly to mine. In one case, I picked up a lady at the airport, drove her to my home, and she made a safe call before walking in the front door.

So really, it depends on the vibe between the two of you. Also, I'm pretty good at avoiding people with boundary issues. Are you? Because that's really what will keep you safe, more than anything else.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to alexglass73)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Meeting First - 4/24/2013 6:53:52 AM

Rasciallymisty

Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

I have done both, the first time we went to his place but I felt I knew him really well, it was also the only time I ever did so. Any other time I have always meet in public and would suggest that is the best way to go. No matter each time I made sure someone knew where I was.

(in reply to alexglass73)

Profile

Post #: 13