RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (Full Version)

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SeekingTrinity -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 9:30:08 PM)

~FRing it~

I'm still trying to figure out why you two feel the need to target a group of people who are interested in a dynamic you two are not interested in. Don't like findommes...it's simple. Move on to someone who fits your criteria. Everyone, findommes and fin subs too, deserve a place to find the other they are looking for. One kink is not superior to another. If its not your thing, cool. Just move on.



LoyalBlackSub -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 9:45:09 PM)

Are you that dense? The problem is that most of these folks aren't findoms. This to them is a business venture, a way to support their family or pay their bills without working. Then there's the kicker :-) Most of the "findoms" on this site are just some MAN that wants you to sign up for a completely different website. Screw that and screw anyone who thinks that I'm going to be in any way apologetic for anything I've written here. You guys are some true assholes. Than you ;)



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 9:53:50 PM)

~FRing it~

Again...who died and made you the dictatorial soul who gets to decide what kinks deserve to be here and which ones don't? Don't like it, click your back button on your browser and keep looking for one who DOES embody what YOU personally are looking for.

See, and I can do all this without making snide and condescending remarks designed to try to insult or demean either you or your intelligence. Nor have I felt the need to call you names. I may not agree with your point of view, but Im going to be courteous to you regardless. That's how grown folks handle their business. I'm giving you this lesson in decency free of charge. You're welcome.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 10:03:03 PM)

LoyalBlackSub and Czarski,
Yes, some financial Dommes can be a problem. We get it. But they're not going anywhere. Believe it or not, there are actually subs who specifically seek them out. So it wouldn't be fair to them, or to the findoms to weed them out. And the owners of the site aren't changing it. So your suggestions are in vain. But I completely understand where your frustration comes from.

Now that I've acknowledged your beef, can the two of you acknowledge the wisdom of what I (and many others) have been telling you? Get off of the computer and go to a LIVE event. Your luck should improve drastically. And more importantly, nobody is going to ask you to pay tribute at a munch.

As far as your behavior, telling random people to "suck a dick" was bad form. No excuse for that. But I think you know that. Similarly, calling the ladies fat and implying that they have underdeveloped social skills wasn't necessary either.

No need for name calling. We're all adults around here. Lets act like it.
-Roch



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 10:31:46 PM)

They think we don't know they're still here, but both LoyalBlackSub and Czarski are still here lurking. Their names are up at the top of the page, where the people are listed who're viewing this topic. hahahahaha

NBMG



absolutchocolat -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 11:18:19 PM)

FR

Also, any chances of attracting a decent Mistress might be harmed when she clicks "view form posted" on either of their profiles. I always try to see how a potential sub interacts with others before investing my time with him or her. Posting history is so educational sometimes! [;)]



DarkSteven -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/13/2013 11:55:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

Are you that dense? The problem is that most of these folks aren't findoms. This to them is a business venture, a way to support their family or pay their bills without working. Then there's the kicker :-) Most of the "findoms" on this site are just some MAN that wants you to sign up for a completely different website. Screw that and screw anyone who thinks that I'm going to be in any way apologetic for anything I've written here. You guys are some true assholes. Than you ;)


I am totally confused. I'm a straight male Dom living in Colorado. That means that the following are off limits to me: men, lesbians, Dommes, women not willing to relocate to Colorado, etc. Not to mention women that don't mesh with my personality, sense of humor, etc.

I'd estimate this rules out 99+% of the site. Them's the breaks.

The fact that so many are incompatible isn't a source of anger.

In your case, you've got the exact same groups incompatible with you, except you're incompatible with subs instead of Dommes. And you're additionally incompatible with finDommes. Out of that huge sea of incompatible groups, you pick finDommes to be angry about.

Why? The site was made to meet a lot of people's needs, including those looking for finDommes. So they're here.

Look, I hope you decide to stick around. You've got a lot going for you (if you want to trade physiques with me, let's talk!), and I think you'll make a good match for a Domme some day. That said, you need to make the site work for you, and complaining because some of the site doesn't work for you won't help.

And, in case I never said it before, welcome to collarme.



MasterCaneman -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 12:19:03 AM)

I believe the young man has already flounced, unfortunately. Odd, I didn't detect any overt hostility towards him, it seemed to come solely from him. Oh well.



stef -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 12:53:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

They don't want us to speak our minds but we are and we will.

Oh, that's your mind that you've been speaking? I think we've discovered why your search has been less than successful.



TNDommeK -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 1:03:26 AM)

Anyone have the flounce bingo card? I think I might win this time.



VoluptuousVenus -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 2:08:01 AM)

I would like to whine, rant, and make a general ass of myself regarding men who contact me, expecting me to be a kink dispenser. Rather than create my own thread, I would like to hijack this one and alter the original post as such:

It seems that 8/10 submissive males here are all about being horny douche bags. There's nothing wrong with being a bottom, as that can be part of submitting. I feel, however, that horny douche bags take away the integrity of our lifestyle and attracts the wrong people. If I read 30 messages right now, 25 will say something along the lines of: "Give me pain and have sex with me", "I'm normally Dominant, but I've always secretly wanted to submit to a woman", etc. They don't care who you are, or if you're even dominant, as long as they get sex. It's like being a male without being a submissive which attracts any horny douche bag to make a profile and demand kinky sex, as if they're clients and we're prostitutes (but then they get really mad if we tell them to pay us). Being a "submissive guy" is turning more into a scam than a lifestyle and that's not good for ANY of the dominant women, regardless of whether or not we're just entering the lifestyle. I'm not bashing Collerme, Collarme, or even horny guys. Horny guys used correctly, can be lots of sexy fun times which I believe in. But the effect it's had: fakes, liars, and men looking for a gullible girl (They're different, really!) is not good for those of us looking for something more specific.

Ah, thank you, OP. You provided me with a perfect template to throw a temper tantrum.

(edited to note that this was accidentally in reply to TNDommeK, but I don't really use the forum enough to know how to correct that!)



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 3:57:41 AM)

Venus - I like it. I think we should edit it down to a fill-in-the-blanks rant and make it a sticky thread. Then we can complain about any topic we like without having to worry about making it even remotely original. Let's see - fakes, fat people, old people, picky people, clueless people, beautiful people, people who aren't into my kink, people who don't want to join my relationship, poly people taking up more than their fair share of womens....



searching4mysir -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 4:59:12 AM)

quote:

Many decided to criticize your personality (of which they actually know nothing) rather than discuss your comment


We didn't really criticize his personality. We criticized his ACTIONS and behavior. There is a difference.



Zonie63 -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 5:12:17 AM)

I think everyone has the right to complain about anything they want. I think it's unrealistic to expect that there wouldn't be posts/threads about findommes, since they do abound in great numbers here. I think that makes it fair game for commentary, if nothing else.

And it doesn't even have to do with whether or not it's a legitimate fetish or not. Too much of any kind of profile might make some people wonder. If 8 out of 10 profiles said that they were only into scat - and absolutely nothing else - then some people might think "Hey, what's the deal here?" It wouldn't mean that anyone is criticizing the fetish, but they might wonder why there would be so many people only into that one specific thing and why there wouldn't be more of a variety where different people would be into different things.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 5:36:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

I think everyone has the right to complain about anything they want. I think it's unrealistic to expect that there wouldn't be posts/threads about findommes, since they do abound in great numbers here. I think that makes it fair game for commentary, if nothing else.

And it doesn't even have to do with whether or not it's a legitimate fetish or not. Too much of any kind of profile might make some people wonder. If 8 out of 10 profiles said that they were only into scat - and absolutely nothing else - then some people might think "Hey, what's the deal here?" It wouldn't mean that anyone is criticizing the fetish, but they might wonder why there would be so many people only into that one specific thing and why there wouldn't be more of a variety where different people would be into different things.


I don't disagree with that, but to then go around saying those advertising for that kink are taking away the integrity of our lifestyle would be just as silly as to say that about findommes.

They do abound in great numbers, and I have no doubt that a chunk of those profiles are actually people cashing in on what they think is an easy and lucrative scheme. And I understand the frustration. There are people attempting to profit from the desperation of others, which is scummy. You (general you) are looking for something which is very important to you and the odds are stacked against you. It feels like an added insult that people are trying to make money from that, and since this desire is so intimate and personal I could see how for some people it feels like they are being judged as inferior - your need for intimacy will only be fulfilled at a price and not because of your value as a human being. I am not unsympathetic to the feelings at play here.

Nevertheless, it's a futile anger. Even if the findommes went away, there are not enough non-financial lifestyle dommes to go around. They might be a little easier to find if they were the only domme profiles, but at the same time they'd still be a minority and they'd probably be getting more messages, since all the attention would be focused on them. Chances of getting noticed then, remain low.

Secondly, there are people who are into this, and have every right to be into this, and so there will always be findommes out there - both the 'genuine' type who dig it as a kink, and those who see it as an opportunity because, hey, they might stumble onto one of those dudes who wants to give away money and then everybody wins. Some of those findommes are serving a useful function - much like prodommes - because there are a large number of male subs out there who are looking only for their kink and nothing else, and the transactional nature of the arrangement means they can get it without having to forge relationships. These dudes would not vanish if findommes went away, they'd just have to try their luck with the other dominant women.

Then there is the whole 'it's a free site' issue. Ultimately the site has to generate money to keep itself afloat. I have no idea whether it is profitable or if it just pays for itself, but like any business, costs must be balanced with benefits. I guess someone somewhere has done the maths and decided filtering out findommes won't increase the income to the site and so isn't worth doing it. Not to mention, they are sending a message that 'your kink is not ok' to a chunk of the users.

Ultimately that's what a lot of these rants come down to - your kink is not OK, especially since yours is everywhere and I can't seem to get mine. I understand the frustration. I just think that unfortunately they often come across as just lashing out like a toddler instead of taking a grown up attitude. These rants are often posted very soon after someone joins (so arguably couldn't have expected to find a partner so soon anyway) and so have little understanding of the culture of the boards and the fact that their ideas have been regularly discussed. Kind of like walking into a social club and not taking some time to figure out how things work before starting on a rant. Often they then descend into name calling, accusations of being intolerant, and flouncing.

Yes they can complain about what they want, just as other posters can complain about their complaint.



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 6:04:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VoluptuousVenus

I would like to whine, rant, and make a general ass of myself regarding men who contact me, expecting me to be a kink dispenser. Rather than create my own thread, I would like to hijack this one and alter the original post as such:

It seems that 8/10 submissive males here are all about being horny douche bags. There's nothing wrong with being a bottom, as that can be part of submitting. I feel, however, that horny douche bags take away the integrity of our lifestyle and attracts the wrong people. If I read 30 messages right now, 25 will say something along the lines of: "Give me pain and have sex with me", "I'm normally Dominant, but I've always secretly wanted to submit to a woman", etc. They don't care who you are, or if you're even dominant, as long as they get sex. It's like being a male without being a submissive which attracts any horny douche bag to make a profile and demand kinky sex, as if they're clients and we're prostitutes (but then they get really mad if we tell them to pay us). Being a "submissive guy" is turning more into a scam than a lifestyle and that's not good for ANY of the dominant women, regardless of whether or not we're just entering the lifestyle. I'm not bashing Collerme, Collarme, or even horny guys. Horny guys used correctly, can be lots of sexy fun times which I believe in. But the effect it's had: fakes, liars, and men looking for a gullible girl (They're different, really!) is not good for those of us looking for something more specific.

Ah, thank you, OP. You provided me with a perfect template to throw a temper tantrum.

(edited to note that this was accidentally in reply to TNDommeK, but I don't really use the forum enough to know how to correct that!)


[sm=line.gif][sm=cheerleader.gif]



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 6:15:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

Yeah, 99 Findoms for every one lifestyle domme is still not attractive and there's many who agree with this. Maybe if there were a better verification system cause every message I get is about skype or aim and then paying for a site, or just paying them flatout. You have your opinions and I have mine, I'd just rather not have to use my credit card to have a damn conversation with a domme.



Exactly how would you suggest that verification system work? People tend to be paranoid enough about being outed, frankly I can't see any real verification system working beyond confirming an email account. And you know, scammers *can* figure that out. So can pro domme wannabes (not scammers, just girlies with a crop and no experience trying to make a quick buck).

It's my impression admin does try to deal with the bots.

My serious suggestion, get yourself to a munch, involve yourself with the local community, and be willing to SERVE. As in help out with cleaning or cooking or fetching or serving food or giving pedicures -- you know, all that boring stuff 90% of male 'subs' can't be bothered with. If you are willing to do this stuff, guess what? That automatically puts you in the top 10%.

Add a pleasing personality, a great sense of humor, good etiquette, and a willingness to see a fem domme as a person, and you rise to the top 2%.

Male subs in the top 2% have minimal issues finding a fem domme.








TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 6:57:07 AM)

Ok, I couldn't resist saying this any longer....I THINK you men are getting a little taste of what we women must endure when looking for "love", "dates", "partners"... You don't like having to question the motives of everyone who you are interested in or who is nice to you... You hate that, you are looking for something real & something you really want, but you have to keep your guard up because there is a good chance the other person has ulterior motives. You have gotten burned in the past by falling for a Domme...only to have her request tribute after you are interested & want to get to know this person... I would feel sorry for you except...I have had to do this since I was 16 and found out some guys were nice because they wanted sex, some guys are on dating sites and they forget to mention their wife & 2 kids, some guys are using me to make someone jealous, some guys are "sexually confused " but need a girl to show their friends and family.... Men are just not used to having to be on guard, not trust what is "too good to be true"... Welcome to my world.

BTW-this is not at all related to the validity of the fin Domme/fin sub kink but to the people who get upset when they realize that the person they are interested in is looking for something different then what they thought.



thishereboi -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 7:08:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

I'm not! Rock on Czarski. They don't want us to speak our minds but we are and we will. If they want to call it whining and complaining, who cares? They're whining and complaining about us whining and complaining so really, they're looking a lot more childish than we ever did. And that sense of self-entitlement they carry in their posts is just mind blowing. Not all of you, but some of you should be ashamed of yourselves.


That's right. You two stand your ground and don't let all these posters tell you different. Never mind that you have already admitted that you can't find anyone and they might have a suggestion that will help. Never mind that they have more experience in the community and might know what they are talking about. You have a right to come across as a whiney little boy if you want and no one can take that away from you. You go boys and don't let anyone stop you. Just don't come back in 6 months bitching because you are still single because I doubt you will get a lot of sympathy.



thishereboi -> RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. (5/14/2013 7:13:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: czarski

So you are leaving, LoyalBlackSub. I perfectly understand why. Note one thing, though. Many decided to criticize your personality (of which they actually know nothing) rather than discuss your comment - your very moderate, very polite, very sincere, understandably frustrated, entirely legitimate comment. Every single word you said - was true. And I know what you mean when you say findommes don't care who you are (and don't read your profile sometimes) as long as monies change hands. Every single word - true, and yet they bashed your character rather than responded to your concern (some did respond, yes). Same with me - and some of them misrepresented my words. The thing is, bro, - they need this mentor position talking down on someone, so expect to hear how inadequate you are.

You look good enough and sound smart enough to get what you want. Best of luck.



Well not every single word. that was the third time he flounced out of this thread threatening never to come back and I would bet money that I will read his name again before I hit the end of it now.





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