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Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:25:03 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

It seems that 8/10 dommes here are all about money. There's nothing wrong with serving your Mistress with your wallet amongst other things, as a true sub seeks to please his domme any way possible. I feel,however, that Findom takes away the integrity of our lifestyle and attracts the wrong women/scammers. If I message 30 dommes right now, 25 will say something along the lines of: tribute me, send me amazon giftcards, etc. They don't care who you are, or if you're even submissive, as long as you tribute. It's like prostitution without having sex which attracts any attractive girl to make a profile and demand money as if they're dominant. Femdom is turning more into a business venture than a lifestyle and that's not good for young subs just entering the lifestlye. I'm not bashing Collerme, or even Findom. Findom used correctly, gives the Mistress ultimate control which I believe in. But the effect its had: fakes, scammers, picture stealing, and women looking for a quick payday is not good for us true subs and dommes.

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:32:05 AM

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I don't believe in some kind of "community" so for me it just doesn't bother me whatsoever. It's not a part of my life so why would I care?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:41:04 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

If you're concerned about scammers and people out for a quick buck, you should really be speaking to your fellow male subs who keep them in business. By definition, a person looking for easy money will go where it's easy to get. People stop paying, they go away. There's lots of low-effort findommes here, so I can only assume they're getting what they seek.

Other than that, 'findomme' and 'true domme' are not mutually exclusive, and even if every single findomme went away, it wouldn't make more lifestyle dommes appear. It would still be hard for 'true subs' because there are still not many of them around and a lot of male subs looking for them.

If anything, findommes help your cause. A lot of the guys who are just looking for a quick fantasy will approach them and get exactly what they want, rather than all of them competing with you for the few lifestyle dommes. So you could say 'findomme makes it easier for subs'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:43:29 AM

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

It seems that 8/10 dommes here are all about money

Yeah, they're called finDommes. It's a legitimate kink. It may not be YOUR kink, but it rings the bells for others.

quote:

There's nothing wrong with serving your Mistress with your wallet amongst other things, as a true sub seeks to please his domme any way possible.

True sub? Who defines the trueness of submission? There is no handbook laying out the rules and definitions. There's a key for every lock, and saying that one key is 'truer' than another is just plain silly.

quote:

I feel,however, that Findom takes away the integrity of our lifestyle and attracts the wrong women/scammers.

There is no 'integrity' in this 'lifestyle'. There are people who want to meet other people to do compatible things with. It's not a lifestyle. It just is what it is. And as such, there's no more or less integrity in what we do compared to what other people do.

quote:

If I message 30 dommes right now, 25 will say something along the lines of: tribute me, send me amazon giftcards, etc. They don't care who you are, or if you're even submissive, as long as you tribute.

So they're not what you're looking for. Great, your filter is working. Just move on and keep on trying. Again, just because it's not YOUR kink does not make it wrong. You're just incompatible.

quote:

It's like prostitution without having sex which attracts any attractive girl to make a profile and demand money as if they're dominant.

Prostitution without sex?? Do you see how silly that is? Really?

quote:

Femdom is turning more into a business venture than a lifestyle and that's not good for young subs just entering the lifestlye.

Why shouldn't people make money out kink? You have to buy your toys from somewhere, don't you? That's making money out of kink. Some people use proDom/mes. You think that's wrong too? Others enjoy having subs buy them things. They're both happy, what's the problem with that?

Any 'young sub' coming onto a site like collarme is inundated with advice about avoiding people who ask for money. Starting with the email advice which tells you not to send money to anyone for any reason. And there are dozens and dozens of threads on this side which endlessly debate the finDomme thing. So if any newbie is dumb enough to ignore the advice and too lazy to check the message boards, then maybe they deserve to get what they pay for.

quote:

I'm not bashing Collerme, or even Findom. Findom used correctly, gives the Mistress ultimate control which I believe in. But the effect its had: fakes, scammers, picture stealing, and women looking for a quick payday is not good for us true subs and dommes.

Right, so you think finDommes are ok, but only if they fit your own personal definition of finDomme? Again, just because it's not what you want does not make it wrong. And just because people don't fit the definitions you have in your head does not make them 'untrue'. It just makes you appear judgmental.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:44:46 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

Go to a play party or munch, and this problem goes away. Short term fixes include blocking, ignoring or skipping profiles that ask for money.

Also, putting up a picture of yourself with more clothing may make you less of a scammer target.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:51:37 AM

Posts: 23
Joined: 8/31/2012
Status: offline

A true findomme never seeks to make a quick buck...there are indeed scammers and fakes and an abundance of girls who think "give me your money now" is domination. I feel ALL women deserve to be spoiled and pampered. Also quick fantasy might be the case of many however I seek longterm subs and slaves and findom is a fetish of many fetishes that I enjoy. I dont expect every sub to be a finsub but I do expect to be worshipped as I demand. I have a lot of fun with MY boys and they love ME:) Thats what its about, enjoyment, kink, being satisfied. Dont send money to someone who has no type of online standing or proof of existence, if youre skeptical...just dont do it:)

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:52:17 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

Yeah, 99 Findoms for every one lifestyle domme is still not attractive and there's many who agree with this. Maybe if there were a better verification system cause every message I get is about skype or aim and then paying for a site, or just paying them flatout. You have your opinions and I have mine, I'd just rather not have to use my credit card to have a damn conversation with a domme.

(in reply to myotherself)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:55:38 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

If you have to work to find someone compatible with you, what's the problem? Nothing truly good comes without effort.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:57:29 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChocletDomme

A true findomme never seeks to make a quick buck...there are indeed scammers and fakes and an abundance of girls who think "give me your money now" is domination. I feel ALL women deserve to be spoiled and pampered. Also quick fantasy might be the case of many however I seek longterm subs and slaves and findom is a fetish of many fetishes that I enjoy. I dont expect every sub to be a finsub but I do expect to be worshipped as I demand. I have a lot of fun with MY boys and they love ME:) Thats what its about, enjoyment, kink, being satisfied. Dont send money to someone who has no type of online standing or proof of existence, if youre skeptical...just dont do it:)

I dislike this 'true' word that keeps cropping up. I don't think there is any sort of official standard of measuring findommes, or subs by. I think there are people out there who may well get off on taking money AND also be seeking a quick buck. The point I was trying to make was not that all findommes are just a fantasy-for-cash exchange, but rather that some of those people the OP objects to are actually helping him out by removing some of his competition.

Also I disagree that all women deserve to be pampered and spoiled, but perhaps that's a conversation for another day and another thread.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ChocletDomme)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:02:04 AM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

It seems that 8/10 dommes here are all about money.

Stop mailing every 18 year old chick with a supermodel body.

If you target real women, that ratio will go down drastically.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

There's nothing wrong with serving your Mistress with your wallet amongst other things, as a true sub seeks to please his domme any way possible. I feel,however, that Findom takes away the integrity of our lifestyle and attracts the wrong women/scammers.

How exactly is it ok to serve a woman with your wallet, but findommes take away integrity. Are you saying it's only ok to serve with your wallet from a certain point on, and not before? From what point? Who decided that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

If I message 30 dommes right now, 25 will say something along the lines of: tribute me, send me amazon giftcards, etc. They don't care who you are, or if you're even submissive, as long as you tribute.

You're targeting findommes then, by the selection you make with which women you mail.

I will tell you, when a woman is set on a findomme relationship, the best thing for her to do is to request tribute before getting to know you. That is because she's only interested in men who WILL tribute, and she's getting 30 mails an hour when online, and there is no way for her to weed through and find which guys are actually interested in the same things she is, and which ones aren't.

So a initial request for tribute it nothing more than a matter of getting you selected of as somebody whom it worth for her to spend some time on. Considering the overwhelming amount of mail these girls get, they need to do something to make that selection.

Would you prefer if it was based on some other, random, arbitrary trait?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

I'm not bashing Collerme, or even Findom. Findom used correctly, gives the Mistress ultimate control which I believe in. But the effect its had: fakes, scammers, picture stealing, and women looking for a quick payday is not good for us true subs and dommes.

Where people talk about sex, there will always be those looking to offer sex for money... even if the form of sex they offer doesn't involve physical contact or penetration.

CollarMe is no different than any other sexually tinted dating site in this regard. Whether or not they allow findommes or not doesn't matter.
As long as people come here looking for a date and/or sex, there will be people offering it for money.

It's the way of the world.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:06:03 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

@Athena, I have no gripe with any truly dominant woman no matter how she dominates, my issue is that it's caused the domme area to become extremely saturated. I can try all day and maybe possibly have a chance of meeting a domme next week(no problem btw), but I can pay maybe 100 Findoms in five minutes if I so chose to because they are EVERYWHERE.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:07:10 AM

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

If you want better verification then you'd need to pay for it. This is a free site. You're getting all this for nothing. Not one penny. All you have to spend is your time.

For me, it took 8 years to find Master. I waded through the lying married men, the lying horn-dogs, the delusional '50 shades' wankers, the nice-but-incompatibles and everything else in between. I also went out and made friends in the scene. Eventually, when I thought I'd never find my 'one', he turned up.

Hopefully you'll find your 'one' sooner than that, but you're going to have to put in the work. And spend the time. Starting threads to complain about having to put in the effort is not putting you in a very positive light, unfortunately.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:26:04 AM

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

As you've discovered, there's a scarcity of potential partners. It is what it is, and you've got to figure out your own strategy to move ahead.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:44:50 AM

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I've always believed personally that the downfall of people is a lack of tolerance for the interests of others when those interests do not correspond to our own interests. Financial dominance just isn't my thing, but it doesn't mean that a financial dominant is any less legitimate than I am. Im not a sadist either. Does that make sadism and masochism illegitimate as well? I think not. To each their own. Everyone deserves to find their counterpart.

I too invested many years into my search to find my counterpart. Many, many, many years. But I put in the work. I invested the patience. And I was finally rewarded for my effort. I did it all without looking down my nose at anyone else.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 5/12/2013 9:45:23 AM >

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:48:49 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Yes, there's a ton of findommes out there. They're serving a market that wants their services. There aren't so many lifestyle Dommes - there never were. Even before the findomme concept took off like a house on fire, there were never as many Dominant women around compared to the amount of submissive men. The imbalanced ratio has always been there, taking away the findommes don't make more lifestyle Dommes magically appear, although I grant that it might be easier to see them.

If you don't want to talk and pay money to findommes then don't. That's your choice. It's great that you know what you want and are looking for it. So you have to look a bit harder because so many other men want findommes....oh well. Suck it up. I have the same problems when I look for shoes, my needs in shoes is not mainstream for fit and style- I have to wade through a lot of shoe shopping, and mostly am left empty handed at the end of the day. It tires me and I am constantly frustrated. However, I can't go around shoeless so I take up the search again another day.

What else can you do? Can you whisk away findommes from existence on this site? Should you be able to take away the choice of so many other people?

You've had threads on this concept before, why is it so hard for you to understand that you can't really do anything about dictating what others wish to do? So a Domme isn't coming into your life the way you wanted her to, what can you do about that? Signing up on this site never guaranteed you a partner, that's on you. You certainly can't change the system, what can you do yourself to obtain a goal that you have for your life?

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:52:31 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

As you've discovered, there's a scarcity of potential partners. It is what it is, and you've got to figure out your own strategy to move ahead.

Nicely put in about 1/10th of the space that I took, lol.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 10:35:36 AM

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Go to a play party or munch, and this problem goes away.

Exactly! I've never had anyone ask me for tribute or give me their Amazon Wish List at a live event. That crap only seems to take place on-line.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 11:12:49 AM

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I never understood the findomme who "hunts" people anyway. It may just be me but my inbox always has mail. I would never EVER email a sub first. But, you got a lot of great advice here. I'd go to a munch, or party.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 11:22:45 AM

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub
It seems that 8/10 dommes here are all about money....

It's 9/10 which makes this site 100 times better than all the other adult sites in which the membership is 99/100 are professional sex workers, no matter which side of the kneel you're on.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 12:14:10 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Have you ever considered the possibility that you might end up to being grateful to the fin dommes because they just might be the inspiration to get you to go to events in your area where you might meet the Domme of your dreams?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

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