RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM

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RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM - 6/30/2006 9:10:14 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing
"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.

Not true.

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is: "Well, why don't we just use my attorney?"

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

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RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM - 7/2/2006 8:13:24 AM

planomaid

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
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Hmm, interesting question. Sometimes its difficult to espouse one's own philosphy because we simply take for granted the way we feel rather than going back to understand why we feel that way. Self-analysis is sometimes lacking, but that's why we have therapists! :)

I would say that my philosphy of BDSM is one of learning, expanding, and enjoying. I definitely consider myself submissive, but I could never be a mindless sycophant that did anything and everything for my dominant. I have standards, thoughts, feelings, and even desires! In all, I'm a person, a submissive, and someone who just happens to possess a penis! :)

I don't believe that one gender is supreme over the other. Both have their strengths and weaknesses, and both have individuals that make good dominants and good submissives. My PERSONAL opinion is if one wishes to be submissive, its best to be of the female persuasion. I say that for a variety of reasons that I don't need to mention here. And I can easily say that even though that is my opinion, I have no problem reconciling with the increased joy of serving a female dominant over a male one.

I dislike the over-sexualization that seems to have pervaded the lifestyle. Every scene you do does not have to end in orgasm for one or both parties. There can be true joy and pleasure in simply serving someone. Sure, there may be accoutrements attached to it (maid uniforms when being a ladies maid, naked, chained and collared while scrubbing the kitchen floor, etc). And that's okay because the individuals involved are okay with that. But what it doesn't have to be is a vagina tongued out or a cock taken in your mouth. I realize that some dominants just see submissives as convenient sex toys, but I don't think that way.

I also prefer the relationship between dom/me and sub to be one of equals, even though their roles are different. The fact that I am submissive does not mean I am not better at something(s) than my dominant, and that she should not follow my lead in certain areas. There is no reason why we cannot have interesting and stimulating conversations about whatever we choose to discuss. The fact that she is the dominant one should not enter into my forming an independent opinion. I absolutely abhor the person who says "If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you". Those types of people are usually quite insecure of their ownself, and are ones that I will choose not to associate with.

I suppose what it really boils down to is that, for me, I will only truly submit to one that is worthy of my submission. I will play/scene with someone that I don't totally suspect, but that's not submission. Submission is something that is freely given by the submissive and cherished by the dominant. At least for me it is.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

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RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM - 7/3/2006 5:59:29 PM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
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phi·los·o·phy

( P ) Pronunciation Key (f

-l

-f

)
n. pl. phi·los·o·phies

Love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means and moral self-discipline.
Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods.
A system of thought based on or involving such inquiry: the philosophy of Hume.
The critical analysis of fundamental assumptions or beliefs.
The disciplines presented in university curriculums of science and the liberal arts, except medicine, law, and theology.
The discipline comprising logic, ethics, aesthetics, metaphysics, and epistemology.
A set of ideas or beliefs relating to a particular field or activity; an underlying theory: an original philosophy of advertising.
A system of values by which one lives: has an unusual philosophy of life.

Not trying to be a smart ass...just keeping myself focused on what the topic is supposed to be about. You know me.... rambling off on something and losing sight of the original question.
I'm guessing example 8 is the one You were thinking of when You assigned this so..... on that path I would have to say:
I do not believe there is any one/true way to live/practice BDSM. Every relationship is and should be different from the next. Just because I do not follow/practice the same rules/guidelines as the next person doesn't make my relationship less real or valid then theirs...it's just different. I do however believe there are rules that should apply to every relationship; those being no involvement of minors or the dead and that the relationship be based on consent of both/all parties involved. Outside of those two things anything is open to discussion and if agreed upon, included in the relationship. Frequent open communication is a must for the relationship to thrive and grow.
My thoughts on the Dominants responsiblity to the slave:
To not only listen to thoughts/concerns of the slave but to clarify anything that may not be fully understood. There is a big difference between listening and understanding what is being said.
To be clear in setting rules/expectations, notice if they are being followed and reward/punish as necessary to enforce them.
To frequently sit the slave down for discussions giving the slave permission to speak freely without concern of punishment if they should say something that may be upsetting to the Dominant.
To understand the occasional need for the slave to have down time.
To read/research new thoughts/ideas/methods to expand play and day to day relationship dynamics.
To push the slave to learn and grow both personally and in their service. Challenge them to overcome soft limits, present new tasks to prevent the relationship from falling into a "rut".
To understand not just the physical needs (food, water...) but the emotional needs as well and make certain those needs are being met.

Thoughts on a slaves responsibilitys to their Dominant:
To openly communicate concerns/problems to the Dominant in a timely fashion. Communication must be respectful and clear for the Dominant to understand.
To follow rules/expectations without being constantly reminded or "micromanaged".
To care for them in all ways, not just the "fun stuff". To cheerfully accept any task and perform it to the best of my ability. To me this is the difference between a sub and a slave. A sub is there for the fun stuff, a slave goes beyond the fun and smiles knowing what they are doing pleases their Mistress and that is where their own smile comes from.
To read/research new ideas/methods to enhance their service to their Mistress. To see the "little things" and take care of them even if it isn't noticed right away. To take pride in knowing that when Mistress does notice it will give Her a smile.
To understand that Dominants need down time as well. To embrace the oppurtunity to pamper their Dominant without regard to what they may get out of it.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

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Post #: 23