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RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/17/2013 7:25:22 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Once again I would ask... where would you have us direct these people? (HNG or however they are percieved)
If not a munch do you have a viable alternative? And if you do, why not offer it when it is asked?
Because as far as I know, apart from joining sites that specifically offer the potential to meet people online (the other side) or other kink places, all places I have been require that the other party also be interested. Something NO site can gaurantee.
So what is your suggestion?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
Not to say you are, but, to me such an attitude looks and feels very snobby to me.
people looking for help and they are looked at as HNG's. In fact even if they are HNG's why should that matter? Maybe they don't know any better or different? Why should they be looked down at? Perhaps they could, or would be willing to change or learn?

Though perhaps I'm the nieve foolish one as I'm the kind of guy who gives everyone a chance, no matter what they first say or how they look or what they do. I judge people by who they are, not first impressions.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 41

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/17/2013 7:29:09 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm one of the people who disagrees with "go to a munch" and all that. Personally, I have zero interest in them. I've been to them more than once and each and every time they were nothing like the type of people I would hang out with.

I don't think going to a munch or party or whatever is very helpful to most people. My suggestions are simply to find a person who you click with and date and get to know each other....ya know, the old fashioned way. Take your time, continue getting to know one another and don't rush. The rest will fall into place.

ETA: As to why not go to a munch, my personal experience with one in particular made me cringe and shudder to even think about. Basically after I went, I did some research on the people involved and the group only to find out that basically they've all fucked each other or played with each other at one time or another and most of them had herpes. I guess for me, I just found munches to be just a little too intimate for me since I'm completely monogamous and have no interest in playing with others.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 5/17/2013 7:38:06 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 42

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/17/2013 9:00:07 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you go to a munch expecting to meet your soul mate then expect to be disappointed. But a male sub with zero experience is going to learn a lot more by meeting dominant women already in relationships and seeing what their partners are like compared to what he's doing.

You won't see the guy begging her to pee on him, allow him to suck her toes etc. You will see him summoning the waitress to get her more coffee before she has to ask for it, passing her a tissue when she sneezes and generally being an attentive partner.

A well written article could do that, but not nearly as clearly as seeing it in person.

Besides, if you're on here for three days, then you should have figured that out from reading the Ask a Mistress forum. Did you bother to read several pages of threads in order to find out what most dominant women here are looking for? Have you changed your behavior?

Meeting a compatible partner online is hard. Meeting a compatible partner at a kink only real life event is hard. Meeting a compatible partner at a real life non-kink event is hard. There are no guarantees in life.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 43

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/17/2013 11:15:34 PM

lostnlooking9

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Once again I would ask... where would you have us direct these people? (HNG or however they are percieved)
If not a munch do you have a viable alternative? And if you do, why not offer it when it is asked?
Because as far as I know, apart from joining sites that specifically offer the potential to meet people online (the other side) or other kink places, all places I have been require that the other party also be interested. Something NO site can gaurantee.
So what is your suggestion?

I think you misunderstand my point there. My point with HNG was more of a tangent than anything. I said I don't feel we should label "newbies" or those who may be confused or not know any better as a HNG. Or if we did not not look down at them like the previous poster implied he did.
I'm not against sending them to munches. In fact if you do so in a way like Rochsub did toward the end, great!
But the point and topic of the thread is that, Where do you send them? Be it a HNG or just someone lonely looking for love.
If you send them to a munch giving them the hope they could or might meet someone there, what would happen? They go with expectations and leave disappointed and a negative view and experience.

*shrugs*

Like I said before, I believe Munches are not a place to go to meet a partner. It is a place to go to meet likeminded people and have a good time. If such is true, which I believe it is, why would you send people looking to meet a partner to one? Especially not even knowing if they have an interest in anything else a munch may offer or not.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 44

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/17/2013 11:27:03 PM

lostnlooking9

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you go to a munch expecting to meet your soul mate then expect to be disappointed. But a male sub with zero experience is going to learn a lot more by meeting dominant women already in relationships and seeing what their partners are like compared to what he's doing.

You won't see the guy begging her to pee on him, allow him to suck her toes etc. You will see him summoning the waitress to get her more coffee before she has to ask for it, passing her a tissue when she sneezes and generally being an attentive partner.

A well written article could do that, but not nearly as clearly as seeing it in person.

Besides, if you're on here for three days, then you should have figured that out from reading the Ask a Mistress forum. Did you bother to read several pages of threads in order to find out what most dominant women here are looking for? Have you changed your behavior?

Meeting a compatible partner online is hard. Meeting a compatible partner at a kink only real life event is hard. Meeting a compatible partner at a real life non-kink event is hard. There are no guarantees in life.

From my previous experience, I found that not to be the case usually. For the most part the people at the munches I attended acted... normal. Vanilla. Just like any other group of people hanging out and having lunch.
Not all mind you or not always, but more often than not. Every group and every person is different so perhaps my experiences were and are unique to such.

As for me, I know what Dominant woman seek for the most part and I have read some threads posted. I have little time or desire to read through a ton, and I find little need to. My post is less about me complaining or having an issue, and more about asking an abstract question and formulating a topic of conversation and defending my opinion and thought on such.
So thus my behavior hasn't changed because I see nothing wrong with such. Perhaps being a sub with an opinion and willingness to speak my mind? but eh. I like being like this. :)

I'm content to wait and be patient and have little need for ideas or thoughts or suggestions on how to find my partner

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 45

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/17/2013 11:44:32 PM

MizzSpitfire

Posts: 70
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

Every single partner I've had in the last 15 years of my BDSM journey has met me through a munch (or a play party that going to a munch got me invited to), or through the reputation attending such events regularly has given me.
However, munches are generally NOT the place to pick up immediate "hook up" partners, and if you have zero luck finding dates in the vanilla world, you're unlikely to find one in the BDSM world.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 46

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 7:24:00 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

FR to the OP:

Here's what you will learn at a munch: All submissive women are broken victims, all submissive men are jokes. Dominant men are evil criminals and Dommes are self-acutalized strong women,

Wait. Sorry. That's what the media tells you. If you go to a munch you might actually see them as people.

(in reply to MizzSpitfire)

Post #: 47

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 7:34:14 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

FR to the OP:

Here's what you will learn at a munch: All submissive women are broken victims, all submissive men are jokes. Dominant men are evil criminals and Dommes are self-actualized strong women,

Wait. Sorry. That's what the media tells you. If you go to a munch you might actually see them as people.

I have been told at times that I resemble that remark...

. Seriously, it can't hurt, and in the past, I've found long road trips are good for the soul. Gives you time to think and see things. When I was driving hotshots into Wyoming, I'd go into what I call "Highway Zen" to pass the time. And look at it this way, if you don't like what you find there, you have a 200 mile buffer zone for your own protection.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 48

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 7:35:33 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Master does the "highway zen" thing lol. But instead of highways he'll take scenic routes and just drive no place in particular. It helps to calm his soul which I find endearing.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 49

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 7:53:50 AM

lostnlooking9

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

FR to the OP:

Here's what you will learn at a munch: All submissive women are broken victims, all submissive men are jokes. Dominant men are evil criminals and Dommes are self-acutalized strong women,

Wait. Sorry. That's what the media tells you. If you go to a munch you might actually see them as people.

Thanks for the comment. So for someone who has no interest in meeting lifestyle friends, or any more friends at all, who is just looking for a good way to meet someone to date, a Munch would be a good thing then? Going to talk to only the singles?

IF you had read my reply 2 above you would understand that I see them as people. Just normal people.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 50

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 9:01:05 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Why? Because there is no real alternative.
Unless they want to do the work of finding a regular relationship and introducing someone to kinky desires, or discovering them together. That is how I did it. For the most part I have noticed people on kink sites don't tend to want to put in the time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
Like I said before, I believe Munches are not a place to go to meet a partner. It is a place to go to meet likeminded people and have a good time. If such is true, which I believe it is, why would you send people looking to meet a partner to one? Especially not even knowing if they have an interest in anything else a munch may offer or not.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 51

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 9:02:25 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

This needs to be a signature. It cannot be said enough times!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire
if you have zero luck finding dates in the vanilla world, you're unlikely to find one in the BDSM world.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to MizzSpitfire)

Post #: 52

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 10:05:12 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

It is. Look at littlewonder's sig line.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 53

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 10:13:51 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
So for someone who has no interest in meeting lifestyle friends, or any more friends at all, who is just looking for a good way to meet someone to date, a Munch would be a good thing then? Going to talk to only the singles?

Nope. The munch is good place to meet people. Get to know them, have them get to know you. If you see a man who is with a woman that is exactly like what you want, approach them and ask how they met. Jokingly say that is she had a sister, you'd be interested.

You're asking how to walk into a situation and find a partner with the minimum of time ad effort. Instead, try for the method that will be effective, even thought you WILL have to invest time and effort.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 54

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 5:20:34 PM

lostnlooking9

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline

So the end conclusion then is that a munch is the best place to find your one and true lifestyle partner then? Correct? It just takes time and effort, but as long as you are a good person, be yourself, and attend every munch you will sooner or later find the one?

Interesting...

Sucks for the person if his one true partner has no interest or care for munches, for whatever reason.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 55

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 5:27:02 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9

So the end conclusion then is that a munch is the best place to find your one and true lifestyle partner then? Correct? It just takes time and effort, but as long as you are a good person, be yourself, and attend every munch you will sooner or later find the one?

You're being facetious, right?

If there were a specific formula for finding your "one true lifestyle partner", then everyone would have that partner already. Moreover, the person who came up with that formula would be richer than Bill Gates.

There is no specific way that is going to work for everybody. What works for some won't work for others. So munches will work for some, while they won't work for others. But the one thing that definitely won't work for ANYBODY is not trying. If you sit at home being a recluse, your odds of ever finding your life partner are 0%. So go to a munch, or search on-line, or hang out at Starbucks, or got to a nightclub, or go to a speed dating event. But do SOMETHING. Doing nothing doesn't work.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 56

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 6:02:59 PM

lostnlooking9

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

You're being facetious, right?

If there were a specific formula for finding your "one true lifestyle partner", then everyone would have that partner already. Moreover, the person who came up with that formula would be richer than Bill Gates.

There is no specific way that is going to work for everybody. What works for some won't work for others. So munches will work for some, while they won't work for others. But the one thing that definitely won't work for ANYBODY is not trying. If you sit at home being a recluse, your odds of ever finding your life partner are 0%. So go to a munch, or search on-line, or hang out at Starbucks, or got to a nightclub, or go to a speed dating event. But do SOMETHING. Doing nothing doesn't work.

Well written and I agree wholeheartedly.

My post was directed more the a couple of the above posts that say or imply that munches are the only real choice there is. "Why? Because there is no real alternative."

Some people seem to think and say and feel that Munches are the end all solution for finding someone, and I disagree. Like you said, it could be, but maybe not for everyone and it may not be easy(though I never really meant to imply having or needing an easy button for the search.

in any case, wouldn't posting here asking how to find a Domme or sub be something? even if only a first step?

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 57

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 6:57:22 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

I've never been to a "munch" or "play party" in my life and, frankly, I wouldn't cross the street to attend most of the ones I've heard about. I met my Master/husband here on CM. We wrote, spoke on the phone, visited each other and generally just got to know each other like any two people in any new relationship would. We've been together 7 years, lived together 6 and been married for just over 5. We're super happy and neither of us could care less about the usual advice given to go to "munches" (gak, I hate that word). Dressing up in leather and trotting out to them may be great for some but it wasn't how we got together. Our relationship has lasted successfully and happily for years while others who met that way have crashed and burned. So, I'd say "munching" isn't the formula needed for everyone. Do what YOU feel comfortable with and leave the rest......luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 58

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 7:03:14 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9

So the end conclusion then is that a munch is the best place to find your one and true lifestyle partner then? Correct? It just takes time and effort, but as long as you are a good person, be yourself, and attend every munch you will sooner or later find the one?

Interesting...

Sucks for the person if his one true partner has no interest or care for munches, for whatever reason.

I've never met someone at a munch and never expected to. I met all my previous Doms either online or they were just guys who were friends of friends.

I met Master right here through late night chats over two year's time.
Personally the idea of meeting someone at a munch would leave me kinda hesitant of wanting to be with them for some of the reasons I stated earlier.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 59

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? - 5/18/2013 9:14:52 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't recall ever saying that. I simply said it is ONE place to meet people, to make connections, or to broaden your circle.
Time and effort is something that people tend to overlook.
I have met people at munches, and people in the regular world.. AS a regular person, not one seeking kink. Kink found me, over and over.

Why do you continue to avoid make suggestions of your own?
This is typical of what I find wrong with the world, complain, moan, bitch and offer no solution.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9

So the end conclusion then is that a munch is the best place to find your one and true lifestyle partner then? Correct? It just takes time and effort, but as long as you are a good person, be yourself, and attend every munch you will sooner or later find the one?

Interesting...

Sucks for the person if his one true partner has no interest or care for munches, for whatever reason.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to lostnlooking9)

Post #: 60

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