RE: Need Adivice ASAP

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NuevaVida -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 8:53:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK I love when you post Dusky. As do I. Re: "Well respected posters" ...I personally don't like that term at all. I don't associate it with "clique" but I think it sends a very strong message of "You're an outsider here" which is not very welcoming. Just my personal take.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 8:57:00 AM)
quote: You're not the only one. Frequent posters don't seem to notice phrases like "well respected poster" make it clear that there is a group of regulars (a clique, or at least a group of insiders). quote: Here's one: acknowledge that bluntness isn't "tough love" when directed at strangers, it's a nod to ones internet friends Funny. Now I have to be "internet friends" with someone because I acknowledge their ability/intelligence on certain topics. Or could it be that there are some who have the ability to stand back, realize someone's knowledge base or expertise in a certain area, and consider that someone to respect simply based upon that fact alone? I, for one, have no problem giving credit where its due based upon what I see and know about that person, and stating my opinion. I have even said things like... while I dont like the person, they are extremely knowledgeable in their field. (Used to kill me to say that about a certain poster, but there ya go.)

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:01:31 AM)
quote: No, my dear, you are not the only one. I've been on here a year and a half, and tend not to ever post anything of personal importance, as I do not wish to become the recipient of, or embroiled in, the liberal, prolonged attacks and misunderstandings, willful or otherwise, I've seen others, often unfairly, receive and endure. My life is hard enough, my health and hold on life is actually fragile and somewhat tenuous at times, and I do not wish to become the main dish in a feeding frenzy. I feel so sad about it at times for I have much to offer, but too often think/feel it unsafe to do so. One never knows what goes on behind the public persona of another. It never hurts to tread gently, and extend oneself for the sake and understanding of another. I have no doubt some will find reason to attack, lambast or blame me for even for this opinion, in attempts to make me wrong, and them right, and prove my point. Such is life in the big city. And yet, when I needed information regarding my Binxie, you were there, lending an ear, and considerable knowledge, to my problems. For that alone, dear lady, I will be eternally grateful.

NuevaVida -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:06:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Or could it be that there are some who have the ability to stand back, realize someone's knowledge base or expertise in a certain area, and consider that someone to respect simply based upon that fact alone? Hope you don't mind me chiming in on this. For me it's just the term I don't like. Saying something like, "hey this guy has shared some really great views - you might want to consider what he (she) has to say" would have more merit and open a door rather than close it. "He's a well respected poster" - Honestly I don't know why it rubs me so wrong, and I'll think about that. But it does.

JeffBC -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:38:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida For me it's just the term I don't like. Saying something like, "hey this guy has shared some really great views - you might want to consider what he (she) has to say" would have more merit and open a door rather than close it. "He's a well respected poster" - Honestly I don't know why it rubs me so wrong, and I'll think about that. But it does. It rubs me the wrong way too. Here's my guess... A) It implies that the other person ought to respect this "well respected poster" also... which they probably do not given the situation. B) It implies that the other person is less well respected than the "well respected poster"... which is true but need not be held up with a neon sign.

NuevaVida -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:47:47 AM)
Jeff I think you hit on it for me, thank you. I keep seeing "respect must be earned" and yet we seem to expect newbies to respect "well respected posters" even though that "well respected poster" may have just taken a snipe at them for being...well..newbie'ish lol. I guess I just don't see it as something said with good intention. And I'm probably wrong about that, but it's how it always looks to me.

MsEloquence -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 10:23:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: Here's one: acknowledge that bluntness isn't "tough love" when directed at strangers, it's a nod to ones internet friends Funny. Now I have to be "internet friends" with someone because I acknowledge their ability/intelligence on certain topics. their field. (Used to kill me to say that about a certain poster, but there ya go.) You've misunderstood me, I was referring to posts which critcise, not praise, and I should have written "acquaintances". My point is that when people point out flaws to strangers "bluntly" they don't come across as trying to help, instead they come across as writing for the amusement of their internet acquaintances.

MsEloquence -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 10:32:32 AM)
Nueva Vida, Yes, the regulars in general give the impression that new posters ought to offer respect (not civility) to the regulars. People don't really enjoy hearing that their behavior is, well, boorish. But most places I've joined or observed, in real life and online, aren't very welcoming to new comers. I'm as guilty of cliquishness as anyone else, even though I have tried not to be.

Focus50 -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 2:38:49 PM)
Look at everyone getting along here! Seems kinda.... dull. lol Focus.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 5:43:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsEloquence Here's one: acknowledge that bluntness isn't "tough love" when directed at strangers, it's a nod to ones internet friends You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Of course, you are dead wrong, but it is your opinion. "Telling it like it is" is a form of tough love. It is also blunt. They are not mutually exclusive.

TNDommeK -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 7:02:58 PM)
Then how do you explain the people that one here and act as if they have common sense, and fit in? Speaking for myself, I always welcome new comers. I go on my journals and invite people to join in. If we were clique-y like everyone suggests, we wouldn't want newbs here. Now Jeff is right, of course we have made bonds and alliances..but that doesn't mean we put a wall up against new comers, we just do that or the idiots. Lol

littlewonder -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 7:50:31 PM)
Yup, we've had a handful of newbies come in who were using common sense, knew how to acknowledge someone's views because they had experience in that area and were just generally friendly. It's easy to spot the newbies who come in and you just KNOW they are gonna start shit. It's not hard at all to pick them out. Usually they have a photo against the TOS, or a photo showing off their muscles with a camera held in front of their face or the girl with her tits hanging out or showing her ass off and speaking in textspeak or with every other word spelled incorrectly. And many of us also read the newbie's profile on the other side and that right there will tell you absolutely everything before you even read what they are asking.

ARIES83 -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 8:45:51 PM)
I remember you being one of my welcomers when I was new here K.[sm=hearts.gif]

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:37:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida For me it's just the term I don't like. Saying something like, "hey this guy has shared some really great views - you might want to consider what he (she) has to say" would have more merit and open a door rather than close it. "He's a well respected poster" - Honestly I don't know why it rubs me so wrong, and I'll think about that. But it does. It rubs me the wrong way too. Here's my guess... A) It implies that the other person ought to respect this "well respected poster" also... which they probably do not given the situation. B) It implies that the other person is less well respected than the "well respected poster"... which is true but need not be held up with a neon sign. Pft... there are posters you get along well with, going by your interactions with them on the boards, that I wouldnt give the time of day too. Im sorry, but if people cant figure that out, its pretty damn silly. I dont allow anyone else to determine who I respect and who I do not. I would expect most adults would also follow that system.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:40:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsEloquence quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: Here's one: acknowledge that bluntness isn't "tough love" when directed at strangers, it's a nod to ones internet friends Funny. Now I have to be "internet friends" with someone because I acknowledge their ability/intelligence on certain topics. their field. (Used to kill me to say that about a certain poster, but there ya go.) You've misunderstood me, I was referring to posts which critcise, not praise, and I should have written "acquaintances". My point is that when people point out flaws to strangers "bluntly" they don't come across as trying to help, instead they come across as writing for the amusement of their internet acquaintances. Ah ok. I do that sometimes.. more for my own amusement than for others. I dont expect everyone to get my little jokes.... such as saying on the Texas prostitute thread "They wouldnt have killed Dolly!" .. a reference to the Best Little Whore House in Texas. Some get me, some dont. I just refuse to sugar coat my words. From past experiences, that leads to a load of misunderstandings, especially among new people.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/7/2013 9:41:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsEloquence Nueva Vida, Yes, the regulars in general give the impression that new posters ought to offer respect (not civility) to the regulars. People don't really enjoy hearing that their behavior is, well, boorish. But most places I've joined or observed, in real life and online, aren't very welcoming to new comers. I'm as guilty of cliquishness as anyone else, even though I have tried not to be. I dont consider it "civil" to proclaim someone a fake simply because they disagreed with someone. But, hey, thats just me!

TNDommeK -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/8/2013 3:51:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 I remember you being one of my welcomers when I was new here K.[sm=hearts.gif] Awwwww shucks. [sm=hearts.gif]

Kana -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/8/2013 5:17:56 AM)
quote: You've misunderstood me, I was referring to posts which critcise, not praise, and I should have written "acquaintances". My point is that when people point out flaws to strangers "bluntly" they don't come across as trying to help, instead they come across as writing for the amusement of their internet acquaintances. But this involves the rather vast assumption that people are supposed to be on forums to offer help. Me-I come here because I find it amusing to do so.When I post,it's to amuse/satisfy me. I might offer a helpful comment.I might not. Neither of which matters to me.I write about and on what strikes my interest, nothing more,nothing less. I don't write for others (Though I do edit for them, strange huh? I tone shit down on a regular basis,to the point that I think it's fair to say that I pull my shots more here than in RL), I write for my own pleasure. And where in the world is the rule that we can't criticize people. WTF is this,one of those grade schools where you can't say anything negative about anyone because we might hurt their feelings? Fuck that shit. I believe in accountability.I believe in responsibility.I believe that pain is the touchstone of much of the growth that occurs in life. But I don't lie or betray my own internal values to baby another. Besides,once again,what do I owe anyone on here?Much less a newbie,or anyone else, who asks idiotic questions or makes inane asinine comments.If they disrespect us enough to post drivel, it's perfectly acceptable to call em on it. Fuck,what the hell happened to the world.

theshytype -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/8/2013 12:39:06 PM)
Warning labels. That's what has happened. At least, that's what I believe. Sometimes it seems that some people walk through life not knowing something carries a risk unless they're forewarned. Maybe there should be a warning label posted at the top since everything these days requires one. I think this was suggested before in another thread with a similar discussion. Something along the lines of: WARNING: This forum contains sadists. Post at your own risk. Honestly, I'm kidding about needing a warning label and, to be fair, I've seen subs or slaves just as blunt, if not moreso. I knew there was a risk that someone wouldn't agree with me, or have a different way of communicating, as soon as I started posting. I proceed with caution.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/8/2013 4:20:28 PM)
Im extremely blunt.. and I enjoy being so. That doesnt equate to being mean. Its just a form of honesty. I dont believe in sugar coating things... never have.

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