RE: Need Adivice ASAP

RE: Need Adivice ASAP (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/10/2013 7:27:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder respect is earned. The people I respect are the people I can count on one hand. Why the fuck would I want to be respectable to complete strangers who don't deserve it? It would make my respect worthless for those who DO deserve it. I think being respectful is different than actually respecting someone. Being respectful is a reflection of who I am. Earning my respect is a reflection of who you (generic) are. I prefer to be respectful, even if I don't respect someone. I don't feel good about myself when I am disrespectful. I don't call that being respectful. I call that giving common courtesy. Being respectful is in line with earning respect for me. common courtesy is just that...common. It's just being polite for the sake of keeping the peace.

Duskypearls -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/10/2013 7:52:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: No, my dear, you are not the only one. I've been on here a year and a half, and tend not to ever post anything of personal importance, as I do not wish to become the recipient of, or embroiled in, the liberal, prolonged attacks and misunderstandings, willful or otherwise, I've seen others, often unfairly, receive and endure. My life is hard enough, my health and hold on life is actually fragile and somewhat tenuous at times, and I do not wish to become the main dish in a feeding frenzy. I feel so sad about it at times for I have much to offer, but too often think/feel it unsafe to do so. I've really enjoyed when you offer suggestions about helping animals and think you and I share some beliefs when it comes to care for humans as well. I wish you felt safe to post freely, but agree with your assessment of the possible outcome. How kind you are, Kali. Animals and human...I like them both...some closer than others, some others not all the time, and I am sure I'm noy alone in these sentiments. Humans...we're such a funny lot, aren't we, though?!

MsEloquence -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 4:58:14 AM)
LafayetteLady, What "personal agenda?" For the rest of what you wrote, I will continue to believe that the choice of harsh language has nothing to do with love for strangers, but instead reflects a desire to vent frustration at common obtuseness

NuevaVida -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 6:51:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady I know we disagree with the entire "approach," but "tough love" is a legitimate one and you must admit that it is not simply for people we love. You don't need to use it and you don't need to like it, but you can't claim it is not a legitimate way of responding. You might think it is inappropriate, but it is considered a legitimate therapeutic approach. Certainly, a counselor using it with a client doesn't "love" their client, yet it can be useful. OK I'll agree with you about a therapist/counselor...but a therapist is someone you pay for that. Someone you trust. Not a stranger or an acquaintance. And a therapist is careful with what words are chosen to communicate. I know we look at things differently, and I do understand there's a time & place, but overall, I save tough love for those I care about.

NuevaVida -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 6:53:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I don't call that being respectful. I call that giving common courtesy. Being respectful is in line with earning respect for me. common courtesy is just that...common. It's just being polite for the sake of keeping the peace. We definitely look at it differently. My purpose isn't to keep the peace, it's to be true to the kind of person I wish to be. Being respectful, and giving common courtesy, is my way of respecting myself.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 7:21:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsEloquence LafayetteLady, What "personal agenda?" For the rest of what you wrote, I will continue to believe that the choice of harsh language has nothing to do with love for strangers, but instead reflects a desire to vent frustration at common obtuseness And again, that is your opinion. I don't need to "vent frustration" about anything to anyone. I will also reiterate that the term "tough love" isn't reserved for people you love, not to me, and not to many people here. So again, while you call it "boorish," that is your opinion, which you are welcome to have. I said I had your number, not that you have a personal agenda. Your thinly veiled insults to me and to others on one of the FD threads are quite clear, and there is really nothing "eloquent" about it. If you don't like it, just consider it a little bit of "tough love," and trust me, very little "love" is there, just a whole lot of truth.

MsEloquence -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 9:34:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady I also get that you don't like all us "boorish" folk pointing out to you that we might be on to your personal little agenda ... What personal agenda?

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 11:32:14 AM)
quote: Links? I generally don't do links. I'm here for the discussion moreso than other people's links to often specious and convenient "facts". A certain 'K' on this site (who isn't Kana) comes to mind straight up. In this thread, the OP called Kana a "fake" - yes or no? Pft.. links to other discussions. Yes, I expected you to ignore those. But they are there none-the-less. quote: And as I said before, I like you and still do. Trouble here is that if your particular obsession with "fake" was only about you, you get to fob it off as a personal idiosyncrasy. But that's not what's happening; you keep making the newbie OP the bad guy for her right to defend herself with what's a "nothing" defence to almost anyone else. That's what's unfair and plain nasty. Your idiosyncrasy is not her fault. I have the same reaction towards a regular. ~shrugs~ That makes it my idiosyncrasy. You have your own. Riding in like a White Knight to defend the newbies. Congrats. Welcome to the world of idiosyncrasies. Oh, and, pst... the topic keeps coming up because you decide to try and tell me what I can and cant discuss, how I can or cant discuss it, and in what context it can or cannot be said. Last I checked, it wasnt your name on my lease, you dont pay my internet access, nor did you purchase my pc for me. Ahem....

Focus50 -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 3:08:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Riding in like a White Knight to defend the newbies. Congrats. Welcome to the world of idiosyncrasies. Well if you wanna look at it that way, yeah, I'm the kinda bloke who gets involved when someone is being unduly picked on. If you're advocating the "right way" is to look the other way or turn back or cross the street etc so as not to be disturbed at such cowardly images/behaviour, yeah, we each have our idiosyncrasies. quote: Oh, and, pst... the topic keeps coming up because you decide to try and tell me what I can and cant discuss, how I can or cant discuss it, and in what context it can or cannot be said. Last I checked, it wasnt your name on my lease, you dont pay my internet access, nor did you purchase my pc for me. Ahem.... And pst back at ya - looks like your armour's begun cracking here and without me even trying for that outcome. Just sayin'. Focus.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 3:28:38 PM)
Oh hell, I dont wear armour. I can agree with someone on one thread and disagree hotly with them on another. (with the exception of Lucy.. we just think too damn much alike!) I dont let anyone cloud my thought processes when it comes to posting here. I post on what I want, when I want, and, within the allowance of the TOS, how I want. Now, if you have an objection to someone who speaks their mind, then the problem is all yours. However, that problem is also hypocritical.

Focus50 -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 4:40:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Oh hell, I dont wear armour. I can agree with someone on one thread and disagree hotly with them on another. (with the exception of Lucy.. we just think too damn much alike!) I dont let anyone cloud my thought processes when it comes to posting here. I post on what I want, when I want, and, within the allowance of the TOS, how I want. Now, if you have an objection to someone who speaks their mind, then the problem is all yours. However, that problem is also hypocritical. Lol, see, this is why I like you. I think it was the old days at Alt.com where there was a profile box for subs to tick whether they're of a passive or assertive demeanour. Not her fault but I think the worst, most frustrating D/s relationship I ever had was with a passive sub. Ask her for an opinion on something (you know, as in seeking a female or another adult's perspective) and to constantly get back "whatever you want/say/think".... ARRGGGHHHH!!!!! Nup, only "assertive" fem/subs need apply. You certainly seem to be one of those.... [;)] Of course, "unattached" would help, too! And then there's that geography bizzo.... Focus.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 4:54:55 PM)
LOL Im bad for saying "Whatever makes you happy, Master". [:D] If I am saying them.... they are dangerous words.

littlewonder -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 8:49:51 PM)
heh....passive? I don't consider myself passive just because I say to Master "whatever you want Master". I consider it being respectful of him and allowing him to make that choice if he so wishes and putting him first. Plus I sincerely, DON'T care which restaurant we go to or where we go. I'm good with pretty much anything he wants to do or go. I'm just not a particularly choosey person. I think what many call "passive" are simply misunderstood as for their reasons and purposes.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 8:51:54 PM)
I wouldnt call you passive. lol... i merely meant thats not a phrase that is good coming from my lips. Its usually followed with a slight tip to my head, a small smirk lingering on my lips, and a wicked gleam in my eyes.

shiftyw -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 11:24:37 PM)
As a twentysomething newbie (on this board, in BDSM, and admittedly general life experience) this has been a really great discussion. I have been a lurker for a while now, and I also prefer to lurk and not comment or start discussions, mostly out of shyness and knowing how personally (or not) I will take the responses. This discussion has given me a bit more insight, confidence to post, as well as helped shaped my expectations of responses. Just wanted to thank you all for this informative discussion.

tazzygirl -> RE: Need Adivice ASAP (6/11/2013 11:26:52 PM)
I have said before... often its not what you say... its how you say it. [:D] Welcome!

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