RE: insecurities eating me alive (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/6/2013 5:58:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I personally find it humbling when Master has an insecure moment.


No wonder you talk so proud :-)


Because I'm proud of you Master. [;)]



UllrsIshtar -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/6/2013 6:17:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I personally find it humbling when Master has an insecure moment.


No wonder you talk so proud :-)


Because I'm proud of you Master. [;)]


Displays of pride from a slave? Blasphemous!

*grumbles*

This whole board is going to hell with all these softy, gentle touch, new-age Masters, not even keeping their pets in check...



JeffBC -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/6/2013 6:26:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
This whole board is going to hell with all these softy, gentle touch, new-age Masters, not even keeping their pets in check...

Yeah. What ever happened to the good old days when the women glowed and the men plundered?



subrose77 -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/19/2013 8:22:36 AM)

@ Oside I totally agree with what you said.

biting you should find yourself a Female Sub mentor. I am fairly new to my sub side and am lucky that I have an amazing woman who I consider my Lifestyle mom. She's a Domme but has helped me immensely in my journey as a sub. You really have to be careful. Unfortunately a lot of people use the Lifestyle to prey on the weak and innocent. I have dodged huge bullets because I don't just play with anybody. Unless my mentor says you are going to treat me well and I also get the same from several other people I talk to you and I can't even sit down and negotiate. I always stress the importance of negotiation and communication.

I really do hope and wish the best for you on this journey of discovery because that's what you are doing. You will make mistakes and realize that certain things that sounded cool are not your thing. You will learn what your limits and they will change over the course of your life. One day you will find a Dom/Master that is a good match for you. Be patient. Get involved in your local Lifestyle community. The experience of those who have been around longer will help you. Research. Think safety first.

subrose77


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: bitingmylip

Im new to bdsm i first started about a year ago met a master agreed to train with him i screwed up got punished... I got a little scared then i got drunk away from master and made a huge error i got scared of what was gunna happen so i ran away six months ago i went back beggin on my knees he took me back all sins forgiven but now i feel like hes going easy on me and i dont want him to i get very little play time even though i serve him well i guess i just need to know is this normal for my master to not be playing much or is it related to my past freakout


You probably won't like my assessment of your situation very much.

Training.....let me guess, he trains you by tying you up, beating you and then fucking you?

He's a guy. You're young, cute and new. Of course he took you back.

There's no communication going on, at all.

And if I had to state my own opinion, he's not a Master in this relationship. For a couple of reasons, he's not making the efforts to make you feel secure and the whole "training" thing which gets used to manipulate new submissives.

I don't see a lot of hope for your "relationship".

I'm going to say that you should probably find yourself a submissive female mentor. I'm also going to suggest that rather getting into a relationship where you consider yourself the property of someone else, that you get out into the community and learn.




MsEloquence -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/20/2013 8:08:07 AM)

Fast reply.

You're 21. You're pretty. If you're feeling fat, don't worry, you're young enough to drop the weight fairly easily with exercise.

Your description of your guy and your relationship sounds like both scare you. Maybe that's your instincts warning you off.

If you're saying you want punishment because you're unworthy, you might be better off working on yourself and your schooling or job rather than involving yourself in a relationship you've already run from once.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/20/2013 9:27:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bitingmylip

Wow that was alot to take in none of that matters.now anyway... But thank you for the help everyone



Wait! Why does none of it matter now? What changed?



sexyred1 -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/20/2013 9:30:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


All Do's must be secure in themselves before controling others.
Most subs I know are smart, capable and self aware.


So by YOUR definition if a man or woman has a moment of insecurity they are not capable of controlling or dominating someone else?

Again, since when do YOU get to decide what ALL dominant must be or not be?



Why do you say "moment of insecurity"?
I don't get to decide. Do you know any insecure Doms and how does one submit to an weak Dom, is it easier?


Sure, I have met a bunch of insecure men who thought trying to be Dominant would make up for the lack of self esteem and/or they thought it was an easy way to get women since their own basic personality did not work. So they tried the Dom persona.

You seem to think things are black and white as opposed to grey.



SimplyMichael -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/20/2013 10:57:49 AM)

Broadly speaking, there are two motivations for control.

Attempts to negate negative outcomes.
Attempts to ensure positive outcomes.

Insecurities tend to be more common with people who seek control over negative outcomes. This is the most common motive the need to control exhibited by submissives. It stems from internalized patterns that create bad outcomes.

Wanting to ensure positive outcomes SEEMS like what everyone wants but the other element for this to be positive is proven ability to actually do this AND have internalized this understanding at their core.



SwitchNSpanky -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/21/2013 9:58:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bitingmylip

Im new to bdsm i first started about a year ago met a master agreed to train with him i screwed up got punished... I got a little scared then i got drunk away from master and made a huge error i got scared of what was gunna happen so i ran away six months ago i went back beggin on my knees he took me back all sins forgiven but now i feel like hes going easy on me and i dont want him to i get very little play time even though i serve him well i guess i just need to know is this normal for my master to not be playing much or is it related to my past freakout



Point number one. None of us know you or your master. Any advice we give here will be colored by our own experiances. None of us are very likely to hit this spot on. Forums are tough like that. Even telling someone what they are doing wrong in an archery forum can be tough. This... It's really almost impossible.

But what the hell. I'll give it a shot.

What I see from just your Original Post is ... Your master punished you (possibly just a harsh funishment). Then you ran, got wasted and made a mistake. Now, after taking you back, master us acting different.

Chances are you hurt him or he blaims himself. Now he is unsure how to interact with you. You guys need to sit down and talk honestly and openly. About what happened. And why.

For me... Running or cheating would mean the end of our relationship. I would never have taken you back. Not ever. Just to save myself from the insecurity issues your master is suffering from. He might have not just lost confidence in you.. But he may be lacking confidence in himself as well. He may not trust his judgment etc.. This could be affecting the relationship he has with all his slaves. Not just u.

I say..cowgirl up and get that talk started. Then go from there.





SwitchNSpanky -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/21/2013 11:19:32 AM)

I also Vhemenanty disagree with those posters who say "he is not your Master". He obviously still cares for you. He took you back. His manhood or Masterhood is not in question here. What I do question is your willingness to serve him. I also question your willingness to serve anyone.

I see you getting tanked and cheating (no condemnation. I've been there). When I get tanked I'm kinda (or very mean). I have zero tolerance for people or there bullshit. That's the "inner me" coming forward. Getting tanked releases inhibitions. It shows you the ugly and raw parts of your personality. It does not "make you a different person" as people try to claim. You cheated cuz you wanted to. Booze only made the option more black and white. While drunk you answered a very basic need. In order to fix that. You need to come to terms with why you did that. And you should ask yourself the hard questions about your relationship.



Kana -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/21/2013 3:20:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I personally find it humbling when Master has an insecure moment.


No wonder you talk so proud :-)


Because I'm proud of you Master. [;)]


Displays of pride from a slave? Blasphemous!

*grumbles*

This whole board is going to hell with all these softy, gentle touch, new-age Masters, not even keeping their pets in check...

Awww, c/mon Ishi-she's allowed to be proud of me, just not proud of herself.
(Chortles-that's my job, and I'm damn good at it.)



subcj44 -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/22/2013 12:04:44 PM)

Just like many of the other responders I agree 'You need to have an adult conversation about what happened and how each of you are feeling." You need to work on the whole relationship, not just the D/s part.

If either of you is unwilling to do this regardless of the reason, the relationship is over. Move on. Talk to more experienced subs or Doms. Go to local munches, etc. Learn, read & do your research before you get involved with another.



MasterSignusNova -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (6/23/2013 8:53:40 AM)

Hmmm. I think this a trust issue. You broke the trust he deposited in you. Trust is a curious thing. Its hard to gain and easy to loose. Learn from this and move on. Dont cheat. Its a trust breaker



LuneRune -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/15/2013 8:40:43 PM)

quote:

You probably won't like my assessment of your situation very much.

Training.....let me guess, he trains you by tying you up, beating you and then fucking you?

He's a guy. You're young, cute and new. Of course he took you back.

There's no communication going on, at all.

And if I had to state my own opinion, he's not a Master in this relationship. For a couple of reasons, he's not making the efforts to make you feel secure and the whole "training" thing which gets used to manipulate new submissives.

I don't see a lot of hope for your "relationship".

I'm going to say that you should probably find yourself a submissive female mentor. I'm also going to suggest that rather getting into a relationship where you consider yourself the property of someone else, that you get out into the community and learn.


I absolutely agree. There should have been a very frank and open discussion BEFORE he allowed you to come back because there are still MANY unresolved questions hanging between you. It bugs me that there is such a huge absence of input and that you are going along with it. If he SCARES you, that's a problem and you need to listen to what your instincts are telling you.



hrxxx -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/16/2013 7:52:47 AM)

Well girl. I don´t think you should talk to him, about he gives you to little play time and punishment.
Your relationship you can quickly be over analyzed and you can quickly get destroyed your roles as Dominant and submissive, if everything all the time must be talk through.

I would suggest you a technique that I have used several times with great success, you have to take a role more in addition to being submissive, and I call the role Impossible Teen School Girl / Slut the key word here is that you should begin to tease your Dominant to punish you.
You must act like a tease teen girl / slut, you do not need to buy school uniform, just put your hair like a school girl, it should be enough. and then you begin to tease him for fun.
One thing could be to hide / lie his BDSM equipment like whips collar and cuffs places you know he will find it during the day (maybe in the fridge), you can row tongue of him, tie his shoelaces together on all his shoes, it's only your imagination sets the limits for this role, just remember that your teasing should be fun and a little provocative, without having to go over the limit so he feels stupid.

If you use this role, there should not be a long time before he learned when you need to play and get punishment.
Once you've got. punishment and play then you take your role of, and do not use it before you need to punishment and play again.
It should not take long to train your Dominant to learn when you need punishment and play



OsideGirl -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/16/2013 8:06:16 AM)

So, basically, you suggest ignoring the situation and acting like a child.



hrxxx -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/16/2013 8:53:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, basically, you suggest ignoring the situation and acting like a child.


From my real life experience, I actually know it works quite well.
And this is not to ignore the situation, but to solve the problem by talking together without saying a word, but to put it in action.
And it's fun at the same time, solve the problem and have fun.



graceadieu -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/16/2013 9:19:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, basically, you suggest ignoring the situation and acting like a child.


And trying to manipulate the dominant partner. Awesome strategy.



hrxxx -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/16/2013 10:03:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, basically, you suggest ignoring the situation and acting like a child.


And trying to manipulate the dominant partner. Awesome strategy.


End justifies the means



TNDommeK -> RE: insecurities eating me alive (7/16/2013 10:06:19 AM)

I wish a slave ever would attempt to train me.
Hrxxx, not sure how you run our house, but over here, that's a definite no no.



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