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indigo302 -> RE: Overweight bdsm women (8/9/2006 4:14:26 PM)
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I've watched this thread quietly from the beginning, as it exploded, regrouped, exploded again and so on. I've remained quiet because I did not wish to answer with defensiveness and emotion, however, even now, it may be that way.
I've been overweight to greater and lesser degrees from about age 7. I do not know what prompted the weight gain from the beginning, other than heredity. I can however tell you what doesn't help...and perhaps within that explanation, we can find what does help.
1. It does not help an overweight person lose find the motivation to lose weight by others imposing their own form of humiliation and degradation on them. We know we are bigger than you, we don't need you to grind it into our heads. We do not need for you to sneer at us, and laugh as though we are some sort of freak show, and not a human being.
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Take in more than you burn and Doh ! loosen that belt or stay with the elastic waistband pants because your cottage cheese dimples are about to multiply.
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You know the ones who have just given up and proudly wear the BBW or BBM (yes men are guilty too) acronym along with Omar the tent makers latest design in Moo-Moo.
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real life things, even simple ones like walking down the street, put a higher entry barrier in front of idiots, fatties and so forth than the most demanding internet forum
Comments such as those above do nothing to help support or encourage someone who is overwieght to lost the unhealthy portion. It does little but push us further into the hole we've dug for ourselves, knowing that we are not accepted as viable human beings because we dare to be weak to food, (or any other way of stating the obvious). Do people who make these kinds of comments actually feel this is helpful? If not, then what would be the motivation for making such cutting comments?
2. Many of those who've taken the acronyms of BBW or BBM, have done so, to help regain a sense of dignity. Not what was lost when we became overweight, but what is taken from us each time someone who is uncomfortable with our size, feels a need to cut us down, so they can feel more comfortable. this happens whereever we are, be it in church, the supermarket, walking down the street, exercizing in the gym.
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He said that; "women are now looking at me like I'm desirable and not like I'm a freak like last year." He told me he's down to "228" lbs now from 350 last year when he started!
Before I comment on this quote, please understand - I applaud this man's effort. He has struggled and managed to win the battle of his weight for now. Congrats to him!
But my question is: Why did they look at him like he is a freak last year? Because he has extra weight doesn't make him a freak. He is still a human being with thoughts, feelings, and desires.
It has been proven time and again, by talk shows and news programs - overweight people are treated differently! They are treated with less respect, less compassion, and at times as less intelligent individuals, all because they carry around extra pounds. Does society in general, and some persons imparticular, not see how treating overwieght people in this manner is not only NOT helping the situation, but it is most likely adding to the problem? (Do not take this as shifting blame, as I take responsibility for my own actions - I'd simply like those who can't encourage, and in fact discourage with their disrespect, lack of compassion, and degradation to take responsibility for their actions as well)
4. The gym - Those of you who have advocated the gym, I'm sure you realize, there are those people at the gym, as there are in all of society, who have decided fat people are somehow lesser than they are. So to go to a gym, while the concept is a good one, may in fact put those who are already overweight and suffering from the snips, quips, and degradation of society's thinner ccrowd in a postion for more of the same. I'm not saying going to the gym is a bad thing, but just as many think church is for saints rather than sinners - there are a great number who think the gym is for those who are already thin.
Now lest you think I'm picking on the males of society, let me share with you a little scenario -
While out shopping, I needed to use the restroom. (the ladies room of course with the long line). There were three stalls. One stall was filthy - excrement in the toilet, the seat dribbled on, toiletpaper every where. One stall was occupied. I (the obese woman) opened the door to the stall as I was exiting. The thin woman waiting in line, took a couple of steps toward the stall I was exiting - turned, looked in the filthy stall, looked at me, and silently slipped into the filthy stall to take care of her business.
To me, it says something very sad about that woman, the woman who would prefer to risk the filthy stall, rather than to use a very clean stall with an obese woman exiting. And you wonder why - obese women have self esteem issues? Though in all honesty, I laughed and shook my head as I washed my hands and left the restroom. I felt sorry for the woman.
And to my last point -
Many have commented on the cost of a gym and how to pay for it. There are many in this world, who have to put their priorities on making sure they have housing, enough food to be nourished(btw, I don't think fat people eat more and spend more on food - I think they may in fact spend less - box macaroni and cheese, while it adds on the pounds because of fat and carbs, etc - is so much cheaper than lean chicken, fish, and fruits and veggies. But I've digressed again -
I put this challenge out to those of you who feel we should all be able to lose weight if we simply make our priorities right -
I challenge you to put your money where your mouth is -
1. Find someone who is overwight and wants to lose, but can't financially afford to pay for a gym membership - and pay for one years membership for them.
2. Call them weekly - not to put them down, or to degrade them - but to encourage them, to cheer them on, whether they lost weight that week or not.
If you actually want the world to be a better place - then stop making it worse by your sputtering, and take action to help MAKE it a better place.
BTW - I'm putting my name first on the list. If there is one person out there, who would like to support, encourage, and finance my weightloss - then please step forward. You can email me here on CM, and we will form a goal plan from there.
Sorry this is so long - there is so much more that I could say, but I wanted to hit the more important points.
Thanks
indigo
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