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Too Polite - 6/29/2006 12:23:35 PM

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I used to consider myself a "switch" but then I realized I don't really like being submissive in the bedroom. The problem is, I feel uncomfortable not being polite; and this often occurs in situations where politeness is really unnecessary and often a distraction. "Excuse me, could you please....." just isn't the behavior most subs seem to seek from a Dom. Should I even try to overcome this? Should I just call myself a switch even though I don't like being dominated by others and trust the label to explain? Maybe I just really need a mentor to help show me the way to express my Dom side. (sigh) Any suggestion will be much appreciated. Thanks.

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RE: Too Polite - 6/29/2006 12:30:35 PM

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I think the issue is more with your conflict that "Being polite" means "Not being dominant." Or that being polite somehow needs a conscious effort and interrupts the flow of things.

Once you realize there really is not conflict between those two concepts, you will be much reconciled. Once you let go of worrying about how you are acting and simply doing what feels right to you- then you'll be able to enjoy it.

It doesn't really matter what you do with who, as long as everyone is where they want to be.

As to what you label yourself, that can only be your choice. I use the word switch just because no better word is available for me.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 6/29/2006 4:59:54 PM

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       There is nothing submissive about being polite, if you feel you are a Dom in this life then say so proudly. If it isn't what the wankers are looking for, so much the better. IMO, a "Would you please (insert favorite activity here), slave?" would put a very interesting erotic spin on the game.

      Ask yourself this; what is your reaction when a polite request is ignored?

      Be yourself and everything will fall in place. Best of luck to you.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 6/29/2006 5:55:14 PM

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I understand where you are coming from, OP. As a Domme, I also use "please" and "thank you." I actually find that doing so enhances the experience, adding sophistication to your role. When you look out at the rest of the world, it is often the stronger people who are polite, even in the face of overwhelming rudeness.

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Cheers,
--- Hana

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RE: Too Polite - 6/29/2006 6:04:31 PM

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Oh,it's not really so hard to be elegant-yet nasty.

I very seldom raise my voice, or bark like a doggie. While it fails to come across in this medium,the use of voice is very important to cultivate.

For instance,if I simply take a firm grasp in the hair..You know the place,back of the head,just above the nape of the neck.......And just sort of sidle up, and growl into an ear........"Off with the panties and bend over..I'm going to hurt you,little bitch." But my voice is smiling......

See, I have made a polite request-no need to be crude!

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 6/29/2006 6:06:41 PM >

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 6/30/2006 12:15:39 AM

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Caretakr... sometimes you are just too funny... Great post!

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(in reply to Caretakr)

RE: Too Polite - 6/30/2006 2:49:26 AM

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*Yikes* Lovely post! LOL

Well Wishes,
~mate'~ AKA ~Passion~

(in reply to Caretakr)

RE: Too Polite - 6/30/2006 8:23:31 AM

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Thanks you guys :) This really helped! Especially Caretakr- you are too funny! I'm going to have to try that....

I have to say it's sometimes weird hearing the things I used to keep inside my head come out of my mouth. Some part of me always goes..."No, I can't believe you said that...how shocking!" LOL

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I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

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RE: Too Polite - 6/30/2006 9:21:42 AM

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You know,respect and common courtesy can be manifested in any number of ways.

Such as making yet another polite statement.

"Would you please be so kind as to strip, lock yourself in the cage in the back room, and throw the key out into the hallway?

" I'm just TOO tired to swing the tawse for more than 20 minutes today, thank you SO much!"

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 6/30/2006 11:44:44 AM

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Echoing others...

Express yourself as you feel comfortable. It's unnecessary to change yourself and your demeanor to suit anyone else! Only by being yourself will you be able to find the dynamic and chemistry with someone that works for you anyhow...

I'm not loud or vulgar with submissives, and there are some who have told Me I came across as surprisingly 'nice'. *wicked grin*. They ceased saying this when playtime activities proceeded...

;)

~Thea

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 7/2/2006 9:50:40 AM

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I find that I'm in the same boat. I was raised to be polite if it killed me (damn I hate wooden spoons to this day! LOL). So, I find that it will come out of my mouth unconciously. Add to that the fact that I apologise for EVERYTHING! My friends even try to stop me in regular life. If someone bumps into me....whether it's my fault or not....out comes the "Oops, sorry." I do "I'm sorry" so much I sound like Sophetia in that stupid video game....and until I played it for a while, couldn't figure out why everyone was so upset at me trying to be "polite". Add, even more to that, I was in a 10 year marriage that was verbally and mentally abusive. He was one of those "dom's" everyone warns you about staying away from. It wasn't a healthy thing.
So, what have I learned from all this? That I can find other ways to make it sound polite without the obligatory "please" and "thank you" if I don't want to. There's other ways to say please....expand the horizons. "Mmmmm oh.......I think it would feel sooo nice to have you do (insert sexual favor) right there now." "Yes....that's what is wonderful. You do that so well."
There ya go....a nice asking and a courteous response to said thing being done.....which is all "please" and "thank you" are for! *chuckle*
Enjoy......Take care.
Yours,
~WindAssassin

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)

RE: Too Polite - 7/2/2006 10:20:01 AM

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I was raised with the "Please" and "Thank you" drilled into me as well as Mr. or Sir, Ms or Ma'am. Just because I use them doesn't take from my edge. Its how it all comes across too, tone, vib and so on. Personally I don't like to raise my voice, if you whisper they do have to listen a lot closer

.
I also tend to think that even if a Dominant uses a "please" and "thank you" it gives a submissive a better feeling then just being commanded all the time. IMHO anyways.
- Smokey

(in reply to WindAssassin)

RE: Too Polite - 7/9/2006 5:53:32 PM

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Ah Artemis :) I'm VERY polite with Slave. My orders are presented as "requests".. and he indeed knows they are orders no matter how they are delivered. Nothing is classier than a woman who knows her power and delivers it like a Woman. There is no need to change who you are.

Lotus

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(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 7/9/2006 7:59:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Ah Artemis :) I'm VERY polite with Slave. My orders are presented as "requests".. and he indeed knows they are orders no matter how they are delivered. Nothing is classier than a woman who knows her power and delivers it like a Woman. There is no need to change who you are.

Lotus

I am exactly the same way and I think some slaves/subs appreciate the politeness. Mine says it makes him feel warm n fuzzy inside, of course I still call him a slut, but that part he enjoys too

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: Too Polite - 7/9/2006 9:08:00 PM

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A person can never be too polite. I try to remain civil even when I am angry. It shows my self control. Please don't equate rudeness with dominance. They aren't the same things. If politeness is part of your true nature then don't abandon it for some porno movie notion that doms don't have manners. If you have them and use them they are part of your nature and dominance comes from your nature.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 7/9/2006 9:33:56 PM

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There is much to be said for good manners, aka politeness!

In everyday life, nothing wrong with opening doors, offering chairs, saying thank you/please, particularly with oldsters, women and children and generally "being nice". Added advantage: to those who insist on being jerks, politeness tends to throw them off (there are, of course, the terminally intractable, in which case avoid them or be ready to go to the mat).

In the D/s dynamic/BDSM relationship/ plain old Scene & Play, there are ways of being polite and still also be deliciously Dominant -- "Be good enough to (whatever)", implying that if the sub is not 'good enough' there will be severe consequences; or "Would you be good etc."; Might you consider...", and so on... A lot of it is in how you intone the question: at times matter of factly, other times sarcastically, perhaps in some accented manner (pick your region), or snidely, as if doubting the sub has the wits and capacity to do as asked; and then, there is always that wonderfully haughty and patronizing Oxford English!

As for the tired old "Kneel etc. etc", it's OK on defined and select scenes, every once in a while (like having a hot dog); but generally I leave it to the rednecks and the great unwashed...

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 7/13/2006 7:32:04 AM

Curiossdragnlily

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i am a little lost here. i feel it is a good trait in a Dominant when They are well mannered and polite. But that doesn't mean that They are any means a switch. Where is it written that to be a Dominant One has to be rude. i have far greater admiration and respect when They are. Just a small opinion of my. Thank Y/you.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 7/13/2006 3:46:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack
The problem is, I feel uncomfortable not being polite; and this often occurs in situations where politeness is really unnecessary and often a distraction.

Do you feel uncomfortable being polite as well? That is to say, do you feel you're really being pressured into being polite, in order not to offend anyone? Or are you polite just because it's how you always act by reflex?

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

RE: Too Polite - 7/31/2006 9:51:10 AM

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I think some of the earlier posters have it completely right when they said that being polite is a virtue, in any aspect of vanilla or kink life. Personally, I'm very softspoken, having been raised a gentleman before all else. But at the same time, partners know that my quiet requests, if unmet, can have much more harsh penalties.

Do what feels natural... the "touch of sophistication" adds a little spice to it, and can help a sub feel better handled. Think of every doctor you've ever met. Has one ever shouted "TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND PUT ON THE DAMN ROBE"?

not likely....

(in reply to Damocles809)

RE: Too Polite - 7/31/2006 11:16:53 AM

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quote:

For instance,if I simply take a firm grasp in the hair..You know the place,back of the head,just above the nape of the neck.......And just sort of sidle up, and growl into an ear........"Off with the panties and bend over..I'm going to hurt you,little bitch." But my voice is smiling......

See, I have made a polite request-no need to be crude!

Oh my it's warm in here. *fanning self*

(in reply to Caretakr)

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