A question

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

A question

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> A question

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A question - 6/30/2006 3:20:20 PM

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

Hopefully I will word this so it can be understood. As a switch, do you when in submissive mode, look for a dominant that matches you when you are in dominant mode? Or do you look for someone with a totally different dominant style than your own?

For me, I never thought I would play with someone who would be as strict and controlling as I was. Until I met Him>>> LOL>. then I was lost.

Any takers?

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

RE: A question - 6/30/2006 3:43:24 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline

I tend to like the same things as a submissive that I like as a Dominant. This includes the S&M aspects and the D/s aspects. I need to have a strong sense of control on either side. And I like cuddling and kneeling during quiet personal time.

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: A question - 6/30/2006 6:14:29 PM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

Ok, I'm medicated here, so if this reads incoherently, blame my dentist....

As a bottom, I'm looking for a completely different experience than what I dish out from the top.

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: A question - 6/30/2006 6:52:24 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I don't look. But I find someone who I connect with. In some ways we're alike and in some ways we're different.

Switches can enjoy vastly different things as subs versus as doms (or masochists vs sadists), or they can enjoy very similar things, or some mix of both.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: A question - 7/1/2006 8:55:28 PM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

As a bottom, I'm looking for a completely different experience than what I dish out from the top.

Me too! As a bottom, I'm a bit of a wuss, in that I really don't like pain (but I love where it takes me), and I need a rather lengthy warmup before I can handle full force blows.

As a Top, however, I'm mean. I taunt the bottoms I play with, and they don't always get a warmup, unless I'm feeling particularly benevolent. I'll use things on them that I HATE having used on me - like the lexan paddle with the holes in it - simply because I can.

Maybe that's why most of the dominants I know in person are afraid to play with me... they've seen me top.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to WyrdRich)

RE: A question - 7/2/2006 9:21:08 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

Ok.....trying to get some of the "lingo" worked out here......In most books on this subject of BDSM or simillar lifestyle the terms "Top" and "Bottom" are a bit different than what everyone is associating them with in these discussion boards. "Top" is the person who is.....here, let me quote so it's understandable....since I can screw things up...lol....: "A 'top' applies physical stimulation to the bottom without requiring a complementary submission on the bottom's part." (taken from 'The Loving Dominant' by John Warren Ph.D.) This is also different than the other terms such as Submissive and Dominant. And again different from Sadism and Masochism. Sorry.......didn't mean to upset anyone out there. I just have a few friends that are new in this scene and keep mailing me confused as hell by the termonology!*chuckle* It is all a bit overwhelming.
On to the actual question (so I don't get yelled at for posting something that wasn't related to the topic...lol)
Funny thing is, I don't "look" for them....him.....whatever..lol..... When I'm attracted to someone I would like to be with on a long term basis....it seems to just fall into place. Just like when you date someone a few times, and you just don't seem to mesh. Something tells you it's just not right. My regular "public" self seems to reflect enough that I do attract guys.......well...after weeding out the obvious dorks.... that we have more of a chance of connecting on the more "unique" sexual level (this lifestyle). If we sit down and talk about it (if we've made it that far....I definately don't start a first date with BDSM lifestyle chat) we find out what the other likes.....that goes a long way.
Don't know if that quite helped....My brain has decided to start shutting down...it just realized it's a holiday weekend! LOL
Take care all!
Yours,
~WindAssassin

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: A question - 7/2/2006 1:58:04 PM

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

The things that I like as a Top and the things that I like as a bottom are totally different. As a bottom, I am not very submissive, but I sure as hell want to get the crap beat out of me. (I'm a painslut) As a top, I am much more into the D/s side of things than the S/M. I am not very sadistic at all, and prefer to use pain as punishment, not as pleasure. In a Top, I look for experience and similar kinks.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to WindAssassin)

RE: A question - 7/2/2006 3:14:00 PM

NikoB

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline

I like quite different things as a top than as a bottom. As a top I am a LOT more sadistic then I am moschoistic as a bottom. However the control factor is a major factor for me both as Dom and a sub, as I Dom I want a lot of it, and as a sub I want to lose a lot of it...

_____________________________

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

(in reply to fyrekittyn)

RE: A question - 7/3/2006 1:55:58 PM

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

If I get to switch, it is usually with someone who is much stronger than I am. It is not that I am trying to fight them, but rather in awe of their skill level. I am always wanting to improve my skills, and the best way to do it is to work with someone more knowledgeable than yourself.
At the same time, I can spot Dom's trying to play for sex in a heartbeat. I just tell them I am not interested in the sexual side of the life and they go away.
The goal that my slave and I have is to find a strong Domme to let us serve her. When the time comes, we will be ready.

Respectfully,
Mistress_Jan

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: A question - 7/3/2006 3:43:48 PM

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I tend to like the same things as both a Dominant and a submissive. It really is all to the persons own likings.
~Smokey

(in reply to MistressJan)

RE: A question - 7/4/2006 10:30:02 AM

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

I've only had one ongoing switch playmate in recent years, and count it fairly lucky that We have similar enough interests to keep one another moving forward while still having a great time. It helps to share a grounding in sadomasochistic leanings. That said, I tend to think the actual activities mean less than the desired feeling - that place you want to get to and experience under the Top - since interests grow and change when the play gets mentally provocative.

I had a playmate some years ago - My first switch playmate I ever liked to any point - and We did not share the element of Sadistic Top/Masochistic Bottom. He enjoyed more corporal, 'punishment'-oriented play, and while I was open to this, the progression was lacking.While intriguing from the jump, it fizzled after some time and became somewhat stale without being able to tap into a shared wavelength and 'feel' where and how to push those buttons.

;)

Best,

~Thea

(in reply to SmokeyM)

RE: A question - 7/5/2006 8:02:10 AM

Eir

Posts: 118
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline

There are VERY few that I can submit to... it's rather hard for me to find a dom that I would be able to submit to because the personality has to so intiminating... thank the Gods that I have at least one man like that in my life.
The reason why I like it when I am feeling submissive and I go to him is that I know that he is more then I am, I can't fight back but I do that alot... If I try to fight back I will be punished.

I am more of a dom and I am also glad that I have someone that I love and adore in my life that is a total masochist and he is also so submissive...

Care. Eir

_____________________________

With best regards from the dark corners of my twisted mind

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: A question - 7/5/2006 9:52:16 PM

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Speaking as a potential 'newbie' to Switching, I'd have to think feeling a personal connection would be the most important thing (for me) first. I really have to like somebody's personality or I have a hard time doing anything (I might be a terrible Top if someone just ordered me to "do someone" as part of a scene. I'd probably blow it.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 9:53:19 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: A question - 7/6/2006 2:00:39 PM

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Susan hit the nail on the head, at least for me. The connection with the other person comes first. Usually, regardless of which role I will br taking on, there has been some conversation on experiences, expectations, physical limitations, and psychological limits (altho the actual conversation doesn't sound sl clinical).

As for what I like, I tend to morph at least a little towards what my partner at the time enjoys. I guess if I boil it down tho...
For Ds I like em more Dominant than I am, and for SM I like to get it harder than I give it. But those are generalizations.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: A question - 7/6/2006 8:55:22 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

When I am with a Dom.. I submit totally to him..I want and crave the pain. I am finding though when I am Dom myself... I am more into the sexual dominance..maybe some humiliation that type of thing. I am not much a physical pain person in giving.

~Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Nuke718)

RE: A question - 7/6/2006 9:16:19 PM

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

I tend to stick to the same things as a top or bottom, but being a pain slut I do feel let down when I can't play as hard when the roles are reversed. Meh, it's just a matter of time.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> A question

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.063