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RE: needs help - 9/13/2013 6:41:59 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
The best rule here I can think of is that she is absolutely forbidden to say, "I want a spanking." The punishment for breaking this rule is, of course, a spanking.

ROFL, Oh that is SOOOooooo devious.

+1


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 4:52:37 AM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		Since you're the dominant, you could say "I'll spank you when I want, for no other reason than I enjoy it."

(in reply to StephenSpanks56)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 8:04:11 AM   
Mylittledream


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/14/2013
Status: offline 		It seems to me that you have to conduct the game. If you accept everything she wants, you'll be only her "giver of orders", but you'll only help her to make her fantasies come true, you won't dominate really her. I think that you must talk with her, listen what she wants, decide a safeword, but then you must decide how to dominate her. I had a very bad experience, one year ago, with a slave like these(it was my first time... so young :) )...

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 8:39:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So because she says she isn't submissive and doesn't want a power relationship, you think he should nonconsensually force her to submit? It appears that he isn't so much dominant as a spanko and wants a good, mutually satisfying spanking relationship with him as top and her as bottom.

And why shouldn't they do that, when it's what they both want?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Mylittledream)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 8:46:57 AM   
Mylittledream


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/14/2013
Status: offline 		I didn't say he should do it nonconsensually. I only said that he must have the control of what's going on, he should not leave it to her. Or she'll only use him for her fantasies and he won't be satisfied.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 9:12:46 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StephenSpanks56

Hello, I have recently been talking with a bottom, claims not to be submissive,need some help on establishing some good rules. Stephen

Bottoms don't need rules. Only bedroom play.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to StephenSpanks56)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 9:22:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mylittledream
I didn't say he should do it nonconsensually. I only said that he must have the control of what's going on, he should not leave it to her. Or she'll only use him for her fantasies and he won't be satisfied.

How do you know that? If it's a case where the bottom line is that she wants to be spanked (even though there's some game playing mixed in) and his reason for wanting to play with her is so that he gets to spank, where's the part that he's not going to be satisfied? A lot of people can have mutually beneficial play, Myself included, where we can negotiate what that play is going to be so that we are both getting what we want out of it. When I top people in casual play, it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I happen to be Dominant. It's just because I'm doing it for My own enjoyment.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Mylittledream)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 10:36:04 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StephenSpanks56

Hello, I have recently been talking with a bottom, claims not to be submissive,need some help on establishing some good rules. Stephen

Well first, you too need to have a conversation.

And second, understand that in this relationship, you are serving her, not vice versa. Just so you know.

(in reply to StephenSpanks56)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 1:09:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mylittledream

I didn't say he should do it nonconsensually. I only said that he must have the control of what's going on, he should not leave it to her. Or she'll only use him for her fantasies and he won't be satisfied.



Where did he say that?

Where does he say he doesn't want to fulfill her fantasies as well as his? And that fulfilling her will automatically leave him unfulfilled?

And where does he say he must have control?

Because apparently I read a very different post.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Mylittledream)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 1:33:23 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I've told this story before, but it might clear up some misconceptions a few posters have about whether the spanker always has to be in control.

I used to date a femdom who loved to be spanked. The more her ass stung, the wetter she got. So we would get naked, and she would get on top of me and do stuff, while I beat her bare ass. It fed both of us, and was a lot of fun.

Was she in charge even though her ass was red? You know what? Neither of us cared, as long as we enjoyed it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 2:34:50 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline 		I see bottoms in control as often as tops. D/s and topping and bottoming are two different things.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 6:15:42 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
mnottertail
for

good girls get spanked,
bad girls get ignored, massively.
and
to
LadyPact
for
the bottom line is that
she wants to be spanked






http://www.collarchat.com/m_4545068/mpage_2/tm.htm

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 9/14/2013 6:18:12 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: needs help - 9/14/2013 11:43:54 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

It can literally begin and end with, "Were you a good girl or a bad girl today?" Don't make things overly complex, especially if you're just starting out.


Yeah I can vouch for this.

My take was to look her in the eyes and say "Do you need to be punished?"


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: needs help - 9/15/2013 7:30:19 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

It can literally begin and end with, "Were you a good girl or a bad girl today?" Don't make things overly complex, especially if you're just starting out.


Yeah I can vouch for this.

My take was to look her in the eyes and say "Do you need to be punished?"


Oooh,they don't like that. They get all blushing and twisty and squirmy, start staring at their shoes cuz they don't wanna say the words,make the self admission. it's so much easier when he's"making" her do something she "doesn't like"

Which, of course, is why I adore doing it

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: needs help - 9/15/2013 8:14:17 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		<tips hat>

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: needs help - 9/16/2013 6:41:24 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
quote:

My take was to look her in the eyes and say "Do you need to be punished?"



_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: needs help - 9/16/2013 7:14:54 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
The best rule here I can think of is that she is absolutely forbidden to say, "I want a spanking." The punishment for breaking this rule is, of course, a spanking.

ROFL, Oh that is SOOOooooo devious.

+1



I'm never devious. But, I will never cease to be deviant.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: needs help - 9/16/2013 11:25:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
Well first, you too need to have a conversation.

And second, understand that in this relationship, you are serving her, not vice versa. Just so you know.

Hello, MM. Always a pleasure.

For what it's worth, I never feel like I'm "serving" the casual bottoms that I play with. I wouldn't be engaging in activities if I wasn't getting something out of it and having fun. If anything, I'm serving Myself and doing the things that I enjoy.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 38
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