Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/10/2013 10:57:52 AM)

Alright, if you have a workable solution to the present problem in Congress, be it logical, illogical or down right cruel and unusual, please put it here.

My solution is simple:

1) Remove all the toilet paper from all the bathrooms in the capital.

2) Lock all the doors in the capital so that no member of congress can leave.

3) Feed them nothing but tex-mex and prune juice.

4) Inform them that they cannot get toilet paper or leave until they come up with a solution.

As for the President.

1) Lock him in a room with a toilet and feed him the same diet.

2) Pipe in a mixture of music by One Direction, Weird Al, and the chipmunks sing Britney spears.

3) inform him he will only be released when he signs the plan put forth by congress.



RacerJim -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/10/2013 11:10:44 AM)

Since the usurper himself recently emphatically proclaimed "It's the law" my suggestion is that he agree to sign a CR which funds the entire government including "the law" as passed by both houses of Congress and he himself signed -- i.e., sans any delays or exceptions. Alternatively, he should agree to sign a CR which funds the entire government including "the law" with all the existing delays and exceptions plus, in the interest of fairness, a delay for the individual mandate and exceptions for conservative and Christian organizations.



mnottertail -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/10/2013 11:11:44 AM)

Where is that fairy tale from?



Moonhead -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/10/2013 12:18:34 PM)

Decimation.
Shoot 10% of the Republicans who are refusing to pass the budget through the head, then restage the vote.
Repeat until it works.



mnottertail -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/10/2013 12:22:46 PM)

Or do a Darth Vader on Boehner, and tell Eric Cantor, you are commander of the teabaggers now. Don't fail me.



NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/10/2013 10:12:53 PM)

cut all $$ going to any 'performance art' or 'conceptual art' from people who basically have started out by breaking the law ala taggers, like that talentless piece of shit "Banksy".

Do what Brits do and open up parliament Discussion Time and charge tickets and add a silent auction where the biggest bid gets to ask three questions of all the elected folk with the right to KEEP THEM ON TOPIC and toss them in gaol for a day if they fillerbuster.



DarkSteven -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/11/2013 3:24:29 AM)

IMO, this shutdown is the latest example of the evils of a two party system. A Republican knows that he need only make his Democratic opponent look bad, and there is no alternative. A Dem knows the same thing about the GOP opposition. So they will do all sorts of things that make themselves look bad, as long as the other side looks worse. Even worse, the gerrymandered districts are one-party places where politicians are responsive only to voices within their own party.

A viable third party would force candidates to run on their own merits, because if the Dems and GOP look ridiculous, the third party candidate will collect their votes.



ShaharThorne -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/11/2013 3:31:19 AM)

Which is why I'm Green Party...an Independent or Liberation Party might straighten this mess out



MasterCaneman -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/11/2013 7:40:24 AM)

I agree. A viable third party would force a vote. And term limits.



theshytype -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/11/2013 7:44:22 AM)

I'd like the ability to vote members of congress off the island.
Or vote them to a deserted island.



angelikaJ -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/11/2013 8:19:44 AM)

Chuck Lorre's thought:
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #425

Perhaps I've read too much science fiction, but I can't help thinking that the way out of this protracted battle over universal health care is a good ol' Edgar Allan Poe/Michael Crichton-style plague. Who's going to bicker over access to medical care or insurance deductibles if one wet cough from a busboy kills all the rack o' lamb-eating small government advocates in the restaurant? Who's going to fight against pre-existing condition coverage when it becomes frighteningly clear that we are all, rich and poor, smart and stupid, cute and inbred, swimming in the exact same bacterial soup? I'm betting no one. Because when that day happens, helping a sick person get well will not be an act of mercy or generosity. It will be the very definition of selfishness. And if history has taught us anything, selfishness rocks the casbah. Of course, there is plenty of sci-fi literature that takes this story down an even darker path. It involves everyone with a wet cough getting rounded up at gunpoint and trucked into "rehabilitation camps" in North Dakota. A privileged young man, raised on rack o' lamb, sees their suffering and sacrifices himself in order to lead them to a free clinic in Canada. When things are looking particularly grim in their march out of viral bondage, a small government advocate smiles cruelly and says to the young man, "Where's your health insurance now, Moses?"



jlf1961 -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/11/2013 12:26:27 PM)

Plague? Yeah that would get both sides working together...

I have my biowar... biobenefits division working on a virus that causes all women to have nymphomaniac tendencies and find guys like me irresistible. That what you talking about?



hlen5 -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 11:19:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

Decimation.
Shoot 10% of the Republicans who are refusing to pass the budget through the head, then restage the vote.
Repeat until it works.


You radical, you!! I like it!!

Extra points for correctly using decimation!!



hlen5 -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 11:23:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Chuck Lorre's thought:
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #425

Perhaps I've read too much science fiction, but I can't help thinking that the way out of this protracted battle over universal health care is a good ol' Edgar Allan Poe/Michael Crichton-style plague. Who's going to bicker over access to medical care or insurance deductibles if one wet cough from a busboy kills all the rack o' lamb-eating small government advocates in the restaurant? Who's going to fight against pre-existing condition coverage when it becomes frighteningly clear that we are all, rich and poor, smart and stupid, cute and inbred, swimming in the exact same bacterial soup? I'm betting no one. Because when that day happens, helping a sick person get well will not be an act of mercy or generosity. It will be the very definition of selfishness. And if history has taught us anything, selfishness rocks the casbah. Of course, there is plenty of sci-fi literature that takes this story down an even darker path. It involves everyone with a wet cough getting rounded up at gunpoint and trucked into "rehabilitation camps" in North Dakota. A privileged young man, raised on rack o' lamb, sees their suffering and sacrifices himself in order to lead them to a free clinic in Canada. When things are looking particularly grim in their march out of viral bondage, a small government advocate smiles cruelly and says to the young man, "Where's your health insurance now, Moses?"


Aka "the Stephen King Superflu Solution (The Stand) ".



eulero83 -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 11:34:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

Alright, if you have a workable solution to the present problem in Congress, be it logical, illogical or down right cruel and unusual, please put it here.

My solution is simple:

1) Remove all the toilet paper from all the bathrooms in the capital.

2) Lock all the doors in the capital so that no member of congress can leave.

3) Feed them nothing but tex-mex and prune juice.

4) Inform them that they cannot get toilet paper or leave until they come up with a solution.

As for the President.

1) Lock him in a room with a toilet and feed him the same diet.

2) Pipe in a mixture of music by One Direction, Weird Al, and the chipmunks sing Britney spears.

3) inform him he will only be released when he signs the plan put forth by congress.


I think that option was used during the Council of Trent with good resoults, but I have no source to cite now.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 11:56:14 AM)

I think a kindergarten class should be randomly selected to take over the decision making. Everyone is behaving like children anyway.



hlen5 -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 1:22:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

........2) Lock all the doors in the capital so that no member of congress can leave.
spears.



......Give them a 3 day deadline and threaten to replay the War of 1812.



slavekate80 -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 1:26:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I think a kindergarten class should be randomly selected to take over the decision making. Everyone is behaving like children anyway.


Or we could make a rule that if they can't come to a decision on a proposed budget within 7 days, a team of three Magic 8 Balls will decide whether or not it passes. Majority rules, "cannot predict now" counts as an abstention and must be re-shaken until it produces a yes or no.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 2:40:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead
Decimation.
Shoot 10% of the Republicans who are refusing to pass the budget through the head, then restage the vote.
Repeat until it works.

Black out the cameras, bolt the doors and arm the democrats.



MasterCaneman -> RE: Collarme users suggestions to end the Budget shutdown. (10/14/2013 2:43:26 PM)

I have a solution, but I can't post it. I'd get a knock on the door from some alphabet agency for sure. And probably a gold letter to boot.



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