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Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:11:49 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/10/2013
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Hi.

I've run into couple of profiles and had talks with mistresses and masters who referred to themselves in third person. For example "you will do what master tells you" not "you will do what I tell you".
In my online conversation/chat/message experience I had/have with people when someone talks in that indirect way it's ussualy some kind of dodging going on. Either person is uncomfortable in direct conversation with me, hides something, feeling insecure, character or his/her role not fully developed(and I can sometimes be too much of a straight to the point piercing arrow going for what I see not what I'm suppose to see) and things like that. But I saw few ones that are very secure about what they are saying, have clear conversation with no un-neded words included, not quoting something, not doing daddy talk like "daddy will show you good time" not any kind of roleplay going on at that moment, no reason I can sense why is that so.. But they still use some form of 3rd person from time
to time and it apperas to me that it's somehow easier for them to explain/talk something if they refer to their actions, roles, situations etc. in 3rd person. For example "if you don't do as you are told master will punish you" or similar "if slave doesn't do as told master will punish it"

Any ideas Why is that?
I'm interested in finding out what triggers that talking (and/or switching) to 3rd person so any insight would help, thank you.

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:14:31 PM

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Hi there, pretty girl! Welcome to collarme.

My assumption is that someone who uses third person speak is someone who is a rank newcomer and has read that third person speak is the way to go. Some articles state that it is.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:16:24 PM

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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Mistress K welcomes you to the forums. Mistress K suggests you have fun!

Just kidding, that gave me a headache to talk like that,lol.
I'm with DS on this one.
Just have fun and go with what feels right.

Mistress K says have a good day!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:19:44 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Agreed. I wouldn't read anything into this except that they are without any experience and think this is how it has to be done. Probably comes from reading/watching too much porn.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:30:25 PM

Posts: 32566
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This sounds a bit like making something out of nothing at all. If it's something that's on a person's profile, why not let them express themselves the way they want? It doesn't effect anybody else and if it's disliked so much, you can use it as an instant screening tool of somebody that you're not compatible with.

Geez. There have been times, for example, that a joke that I told bombed and say "remember, Mistress is always funny." I highly doubt that's going to take away any experience points on the BDSM score card.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:36:53 PM

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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Psychologically speaking: it's a way of creating distance between two personas and enlarging yourself to fit into a role.

I typically view it as an insecurity thing. ie: A submissive who speaks in third person to prove submissiveness or a Dominant that speaks in third person to put forth the royal "we" to prove superiority. When in fact neither instance proves anything. Actions will actually speak far louder than words or speech patterns.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:39:19 PM

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Joined: 10/10/2013
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Thanks Steven, Mistress K.

Didn't thought about that at all.
But there is one profile which I can't call newcomer because everything is so nicely/neatly written and displayed and while I don't have much experience in/about BDSM world I can see this person is very secure about itself, has very calm way of writing and in no way someone who needs assuring about it's dominant role but it still switches to 3rd person back and forth.

Please don't ask me about who it is because I don't think it would be apropriate of me to do that or ask permission for it.

Don't worry it doesn't bothers me at all but just makes me curious... and I adore exploring and digging to the core. You know like, why are leaves green. Because chlorophyll makes them green, but why is chlorophyll green? Yes I'm nerdish.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:42:06 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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Just because he's self aware doesn't mean he is experienced. Perhaps he just got out of a marriage where he was faithful and although knowledgeable about what he needs, hasn't had much interaction.

However, since his profile appeals to you, why not write him and ask.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:48:32 PM

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Joined: 5/12/2005
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I always viewed it as a way to separate the day to day reality from the relationship. Never mind the rest of the world, here and now, this is what we are type of thing.

I have never encountered it myself, but then i am not exactly a fountain of experience

_____________________________

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Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 12:56:38 PM

Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline

Girl finds it fucking annoying.
Girl deletes any mail that contains it as it it the first sign of major douchebaggery.

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(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 1:06:55 PM

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˙ƃuᴉʎouuɐ ƃuᴉʞɔnɟ ʎllɐǝɹ s,ʇI

4nD i7 M4K35 M3H w4N7 70 r35P0nD Lik3 7Hi5 70 5H0W 7h47 r3DuCiN9 R34d48IlI7y i5 N07 4 900D 7hiN9.

Pagh tlhIngan baQa' jang chIm'e'.

_____________________________

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Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to petitespot)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 1:09:26 PM

ante

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Joined: 7/23/2007
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I'm not a fan of third person speak or capitalisation for that matter. But there are those who see this as the standard which ought to be adhered to, some protocol. And then I think those people are right for each other. I'm not going to adapt it to please some Dom.
To me it's a sign of insecurity in many ways, although to some, it's deemed as the respectful thing.

Each to their own. I prefer to show my respect through other means.

(in reply to petitespot)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 1:19:56 PM

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Joined: 10/10/2013
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I figured it out.

Bulb flash in my head reminded me that I sometimes talk/switch (even in selftalks) in third person and it's ussualy when I'm thinking about or explaining some situation, action, happening, developing idea etc. that goes above/beyond my personality/ego and at this point I turn into faceless object/subject in a bigger cause/thing.
And this is exactly what I saw in that few sentences in that particular profile. Not as "I" and "others" but my role as "leader" in a bigger thing that includes all parties. It may sound very similar to "insecure 3rd person" way of talking but it's totaly different.

Anyway, I've found what I was looking for so this thread is kinda done.
Thanks all for insights and participation in my quest.

(in reply to Apocalypso)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 1:25:05 PM

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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This girl thinks that third person use is too stilted for effective communication between two human beings who barely know each other.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 1:52:15 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

lol You all are funny!

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RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 2:04:08 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdoraDonna

Hi.

I've run into couple of profiles and had talks with mistresses and masters who referred to themselves in third person. For example "you will do what master tells you" not "you will do what I tell you".
In my online conversation/chat/message experience I had/have with people when someone talks in that indirect way it's ussualy some kind of dodging going on. Either person is uncomfortable in direct conversation with me, hides something, feeling insecure, character or his/her role not fully developed(and I can sometimes be too much of a straight to the point piercing arrow going for what I see not what I'm suppose to see) and things like that. But I saw few ones that are very secure about what they are saying, have clear conversation with no un-neded words included, not quoting something, not doing daddy talk like "daddy will show you good time" not any kind of roleplay going on at that moment, no reason I can sense why is that so.. But they still use some form of 3rd person from time
to time and it apperas to me that it's somehow easier for them to explain/talk something if they refer to their actions, roles, situations etc. in 3rd person. For example "if you don't do as you are told master will punish you" or similar "if slave doesn't do as told master will punish it"

Any ideas Why is that?
I'm interested in finding out what triggers that talking (and/or switching) to 3rd person so any insight would help, thank you.

It's likely something simple.. perhaps just a way to separate out the parts of a complex personality of a standard human when you are exploring things that aren't exactly mainstream or might squick a folk or two including yourself or maybe just because someone is embarrassed by the activity/life choices they enjoy. As I've grown older and more and more comfortable in my own skin, it has become easier to accept and embrace all the different facets of my personality and character, both good and bad so I don't have much of a need to keep things separate but I can certainly see why people would and do.

If it were me, I would guess it would be something along these lines:

Master can beat me, hurt me and I can curse him and hate him for what is going on in the moment.. and when that moment is done, the crying is over and pain has stopped, Michael can hold me, love me and comfort me because 'he' didn't do all those terrible/wonderful things.. "Master" did them. If there is any guilt for the hurt/pain caused, "Master" holds it.. Michael gets to let it go. The 3rd person could just be something to help keep things separate and .. unequal.

The other thing is, some folks just like to do it so, cool for them and I would say go for it if it makes you happy.

eta: Opps.. should have read to the end of the thread. I see you found your answer.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 10/20/2013 2:09:02 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 2:10:31 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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I find it to be an effective screening tool. If anyone uses it, I block and delete them. It grates on me like nails on a chalkboard. People use it I think because they think they're supposed to, which to me says rank newcomer as DS brought up. The end result is that whenever a man uses it in an interaction with me, I view him from then on as a childish poser who needs artifice to be Dominant or is concerned with fitting in.

(in reply to AdoraDonna)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 2:36:23 PM

sansa

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

If it's not your kink...

Seriously, why does everyone have to put others down for the way they dress, act, speak, flog, cane, fist, whatever? What if a person just uses it because that's their kink??? Who are you to say they're inexperienced, a newb, whatever? If it's not your kink, then perhaps it's best to make note that it isn't your kink, but that it is someone else's, then have respect for their speaking in third person being their choice, and just move on. Perhaps one day they'll come to a point where it isn't as attractive to them as it once was. Perhaps it'll stay just as attractive as it was when they first started using it. Who knows, but why do you care? It's not your kink. It's theirs.

Edited to add: used quick reply, so this was not necessarily aimed at any one individual, but at the topic as a whole. sansa wishes you well. ;)

< Message edited by sansa -- 10/20/2013 2:37:31 PM >

(in reply to lizi)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 2:41:25 PM

Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline

Having an opinion that differs from yours doesn't mean it's a putdown.
I find it idiotic and therefore it factors into my weeding out process.

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(in reply to sansa)

RE: Third person talk - 10/20/2013 2:54:37 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/10/2013
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Can this topic be closed since it's kinda derailing from it's original intention and I'm partialy to blame because I wasn't clear enough with my question where I should have specified:
"I'm interested in finding out what triggers that talking (and/or switching) to 3rd person in people that are not insecure etc so any insight would help, thank you."

But I have already found answer to my question so there is no point in having it anymore unless people want to have it to express themselves on that subject...

(in reply to petitespot)

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