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help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 8:39:25 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

Hi Everyone,
This is a journal entry I made tonight,
"
i'm not about that life i'm a young dude who wants servitude, but is afraid of the consequences. afraid of whats the feelings i'll have. will i feel badly? or maybe some type of guilt for allowing this humiliation that i really do at a core, sexually and nonsexually like. its something i go through, i'll be a big boy and take it but i hope i find someone who understands and tolerates, and maybe even loves at least the process..it doesn't mean i'm fake, it means i'm human, i'm trying understanding a social construct thats really vague to me..hope i get messages on this..maybe some local people can give me some hints, some help..add some hours to real life experience, lol.."

So, to turn into terms of an Ask A Mistress..What do You all think of it, does it appear a well natured, polite question? Because that's my honest opinion on this servitude, submission thing, its way different doing it on a webcam..Maybe i have the wrong idea..Maybe i shouldn't even be attempting this if its percieved i'm not honest or just not ready..seems like the only people interested in the young and unexperienced have a creepy vibe..Reminds of the time a Mistress from around my area messaged me and automatically after several messages wanted me to come to her house, to her apartment..Just a very suspect thing..maybe its just me..thanks for help, and for reading..

< Message edited by circasurvive -- 10/27/2013 8:40:32 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:06:21 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

First things first - proper punctuation, grammar, and spelling are your friends. This journal entry is a wall of text. There's no cohesive structure to it and there's no question, per se, to answer. It may make perfect sense to you, but stream of consciousness writing is best left to writers like James Joyce or kept private.

However, if I'm understanding you correctly, what you're saying is that you want to bottom and possibly even submit, but you're young, you have no experience, and you're looking for a safe way to explore at your own pace without feeling pressured by the top/dominant. Does that sound about right? If not, feel free to clarify.

If so, then the best advice anyone can give you is to go out into your local kink community and meet people face to face. Go to some demonstrations, especially if there's a "BDSM 101" presentation. Learn all you can so you have an idea of what you can realistically expect (as opposed to watching porn, which is about as realistic as the movie "Avatar"). Go to some munches - that's where kinky people get together in a vanilla setting and have a meal together. Talk to people, make friends, establish trust. You don't have to dive head-first into fire and needle play or full-time TPE slavery. You can volunteer as a demo bottom for everything from shibari to flogging. If you make friends with people, someone might offer to play with you at a party or on a casual basis just so you can have fun and gain experience. In addition, you'll be networking, and that could lead to meeting the right person for a long-term D/s relationship.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 2

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:10:16 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Fella, you're all over the place. It sounds like you think that a female led relationship is something bizarre and unique. It's not - it's nothing more than a variant of a relationship. If you do well with vanilla relationships, you'll do fine here. If your vanilla relationships suck, so will your kink ones.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 3

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:10:49 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

wait..isn't that what a journal is for? a wall of text..i'm gonna have to disagree with you that only James Joyce can write stream of consciousness..to be fair, i think my ramblings are conscience and to the point, and if i can't vent on my journal and show my feelings as they grow and evolve where else should i do that? i'm here for constructive criticism, but to insult my journal and dismiss it isn't what i'm here for. thanks for responding though, your time is appreciated nonetheless.

_________
DarkSteven. Thanks, I feel that the only thing that allows me to grow is things like what you just said..Discussion is encouraged, 100%..thanks for responding

< Message edited by circasurvive -- 10/27/2013 9:15:35 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 4

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:13:55 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

Don't let your emotions overwhelm you. What's the worst that could happen? Everyone started at a beginning. Good luck.

You Learn http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFW-WfuX2Dk

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 5

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:14:23 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

So you're wondering whether you'll feel guilty for allowing yourself to be humiliated? That you'll feel ashamed of yourself? If you know you are craving humiliation, then you shouldn't feel guilty about it. It doesn't make you a deficient person. Get thee into a kinky relationship, perhaps with another bisexual switch. Better yet, become friends with this person before becoming play partners and develop a level of trust where you can feel comfortable and not anxious about engaging in play.

quote:

ORIGINAL: circasurvive

i'm a young dude who wants servitude.... will i feel badly? or maybe some type of guilt for allowing this humiliation that i really do at a core, sexually and nonsexually like.
<snip>
Reminds of the time a Mistress from around my area messaged me and automatically after several messages wanted me to come to her house, to her apartment.

As for your near-encounter, you were scared, and she was probably going to have you do some work around the apt. for her, considering your emphasis on servitude and wanting (non-sexual) humiliation. Unless you made any indication of willingness to pay her monetary tribute or trading your services for BDSM, I don't think she had sinister designs on you of a non-consensual nature. You should have asked her point blank what the deal was. I get offers from slaves frequently which are supposedly "no strings attached," but it's obvious they are just offering their non-sexual services in the hopes of getting rewarded with some bondage or whatnot for having done a satisfactory job. I never take anyone up on their offer because I'm not looking for free slave service, but I hear it happens all the time.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 6

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:21:50 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

Yeah, that's what i really wanted with the person i mentioned..as soon as i said all these key words with this particular Dominant, she said she loved it..and that she was looking for a relationship to start out on a sexual nature, she had submissives already cleaning her apartment.. But i found myself feeling anxious by how interested this Woman was and then Her demanding i come over directly to her house..And this was about a year and a half two years ago..And frankly, i was scared..And i said so, and cut it off because i can't do that, i refuse to put myself into a situation with someone who is willing to bring me into their house after briefly talking with me, regardless of sinister ideas or just this Dominant plotting on a young guy who was willing and interested to serve..All in all, i was spooked by her interest in me..was i wrong about being worried about either this sinister plot, or the personality of someone willing to do that only after a week of conversation.

< Message edited by circasurvive -- 10/27/2013 9:22:37 PM >

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 7

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:22:41 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: circasurvive

wait..isn't that what a journal is for? a wall of text..i'm gonna have to disagree with you that only James Joyce can write stream of consciousness..to be fair, i think my ramblings are conscience and to the point, and if i can't vent on my journal and show my feelings as they grow and evolve where else should i do that? i'm here for constructive criticism, but to insult my journal and dismiss it isn't what i'm here for. thanks for responding though, your time is appreciated nonetheless.

She just made some suggestions to make your journal easier to read. Since you didn't keep it private, it's assumed you intended for it to be read by others.

I've got an engineering degree and have been trained to write cleanly and concisely. Trust me, your writing does ramble and it's sometimes difficult to read.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 8

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 9:25:08 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

Haha. i understand, your feeling of concise is direct and clear language. agree with you on that..But i guess my feelings on direct language need some fixing..

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 10:20:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Would you mind if I asked you a question, OP? Exactly what is greater for you now than anybody who grabbed their nose and jumped into the deep end of the pool a decade or more ago?

For all of the advances of the electronic age, the experiences, emotions, and trepidations aren't any different now than they were years ago when everybody didn't feel the need to publicize them on the web.

Yes, that is what your journal is for, which isn't what the forums are for. Once you bring it to the forums, you open yourself to criticism in writing style, grammar, punctuation. When you do, you open yourself to all comments.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/27/2013 10:27:02 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 10

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 10:33:21 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

i feel people who have the opportunity should indeed take it. There is a way out there for someone who, takes their ideas and thoughts and puts them on some sort of forum, be it the cavemen who drew on the walls of their caves or the kid in some urban jungle 25 years ago who decided to put a bit of themselves out there on that wall in an individual statement. it's human, and we've been doing it either on the internet or something else. I open myself to comments,yes i agree, but i should have the right to say to someone, i appreciate the statement, but i don't agree with it. Please don't take this as disrespect, thanks..

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 11:10:51 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

We'll have to disagree. When I went out and had My first year of experiences, I didn't feel the need to be a pussy about it and whine to anybody who would listen. I didn't take out articles in the local paper or the NYT. I guess I didn't feel that I was so self important that I was making chronically significant expressions for the ages. And, that's saying a lot. I have a hell of a lot of ego.

I don't take this as disrespect. I take it as debate. It's new to you and I've heard it a thousand times. Which of us is right?

OP, do you play "tic, tac, toe?" You probably don't. Do you know why? It's because the game was fascinating when you first started out, but as you matured, it was boring and simplistic. I can only imagine the sophisticated games that you play. You strike Me as a chess player. If you should happen to play chess, how boring is it to hear the thousandth person who comes along excited to learn how to tie their shoes?

Do not take this personally, OP. You are on the brink of learning fascinating things. It's just...... Well, they bore the shit out of folks like Me. While the 101 class is new and inventive to you, to folks like Me........ It's an old record.

I'm glad you are embarking on this new world. It's just not new to everyone.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 12

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 11:15:48 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

i take it as You taking this conversation to a real dirty spot when You essentially say i'm a pussy, by the way.. Don't say "I didn't say that" because we share a commonality in language and theres such a thing as implication. Anyway, there are different ways to this path of happiness..And don't qualify my way of explaining my feelings and seeing if theres help out there as something negative, i dont want to be like anyone else. and i want to be different and be myself so i can look myself in the mirror and say at least i was honest, and attempted to change.. Don't take this to an accusatory thing because i just want help, i dont want to be talked down to. i didnt ask You to respond you could have kept Your nasty opinions to Yourself, but You had to take this to a place of insulting me when i'm doing the right thing and asking for opinions from the community. thanks for responding..

< Message edited by circasurvive -- 10/27/2013 11:19:05 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 11:32:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Once you put a thing on the forum, you take what you get. (As long as it's within ToS.)

I don't know. I took Myself to the first munch I attended. I didn't think it was a big deal.

It's not dirty. It's simple.

Do you happen to attend your book club?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 14

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 11:46:17 PM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

Can and Admin or a Mod close this thread, please. This thread has gone to shit, i'm not here to be talked down to, i'm here for constructive criticism this does nothing but cause fights. Thanks to everyone else who helped.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 11:53:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, hurry, Mods. The OP of the thread doesn't like that the forum participants didn't pat him on the head,

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 16

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/27/2013 11:54:41 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

This thread is a shining example of regulars being deliberately obtuse with a new poster just to make him feel stupid. It's really sad, and said posters should be ashamed.

When people are new to bdsm, they have a lot of conflicting emotions and thought processes. They are difficult to articulate. Coming to message boards with a wall of text, or rambling, or sharing of information that might come across as a little disjointed - a lot of us have been there.

Feelings of guilt, confusion, uncertainty, or just generally being unsure how you might feel after your first bonafide experience with x,y or z are not uncommon.

It was turning out to be a semi decent discussion.

OP, sorry it got derailed.

Hope you decide to stick around and participate in some other threads.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 17

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/28/2013 12:06:18 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Hello circa, good to see you posting. Usually I stick to politics for the most part. but I do venture out of there.

You have gotten some good comments. Its just like the other place. Take the good, forget about the bad, and learn from the whole experience.

Personally, I hope they dont close it, circa. You and I have known one another for a while now (as well as anyone can know each other on line that is). And this side of you is refreshing. I dont want you backing away from this. I hope you stay and learn more.

Im sorta confused. Are you saying in your OP that you are looking to start out as a service sub to see if it progresses into more? I am not trying to put words into your mouth. Thats just how it read to me. So if I am off, and you know me circa, you can surely tell me I am wrong. LOL

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to circasurvive)

Post #: 18

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/28/2013 12:38:31 AM

circasurvive

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Hello circa, good to see you posting. Usually I stick to politics for the most part. but I do venture out of there.

You have gotten some good comments. Its just like the other place. Take the good, forget about the bad, and learn from the whole experience.

Personally, I hope they dont close it, circa. You and I have known one another for a while now (as well as anyone can know each other on line that is). And this side of you is refreshing. I dont want you backing away from this. I hope you stay and learn more.

Im sorta confused. Are you saying in your OP that you are looking to start out as a service sub to see if it progresses into more? I am not trying to put words into your mouth. Thats just how it read to me. So if I am off, and you know me circa, you can surely tell me I am wrong. LOL

Hey weird to see you. lol nice to see you on here though. thanks for the support. But onto the topic, yeah you're right. That's something i find myself leading most towards in, the sex is ok and can happen, but thats not exactly where the magic d/s things really start for me, its when it isnt a sexual thing, its when its the nonsexual thing where you doing it just for that other persons will. thats the testament of d/s and i want to experience it in a true and honest way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

This thread is a shining example of regulars being deliberately obtuse with a new poster just to make him feel stupid. It's really sad, and said posters should be ashamed.

When people are new to bdsm, they have a lot of conflicting emotions and thought processes. They are difficult to articulate. Coming to message boards with a wall of text, or rambling, or sharing of information that might come across as a little disjointed - a lot of us have been there.

Feelings of guilt, confusion, uncertainty, or just generally being unsure how you might feel after your first bonafide experience with x,y or z are not uncommon.

It was turning out to be a semi decent discussion.

OP, sorry it got derailed.

Hope you decide to stick around and participate in some other threads.

Akasha

Thanks for the support!

< Message edited by circasurvive -- 10/28/2013 12:39:08 AM >

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 19

RE: help for "newbie" - 10/28/2013 12:44:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

When I first came into BDSM, I went to a munch......

During that munch, I was given book recommendations. I wasn't asked to join websites or subscribe to "private" links. Nobody was looking to make a buck off of Me. Nobody said the regulars at the munch were "big, bad, meanies" and there was a kindlier, gentler way.....for a price.

You may not like what I have to say, OP, but I'll never charge you $9.95 to listen to it.

I won't pat you on the head for a subscription rate. I'll treat you in the same way that I will any other new person who comes to a munch. I'll try to give you education instead of erotica and teach you that you're not a special snowflake instead to trying to teach you that you don't need to be a fellow sheep to the flock.

Today, OP, there are a lot of options. I'd rather push you to get into the real world than to sit at home and read the net. You feel singular and there is no better way to show you that you are not than to get you out into the real world. Even if I piss you off in the process.

No. I'm not ashamed for My approach. It may not be orthodox but nobody can accuse Me of an ulterior motive.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 20

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