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When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/29/2013 8:55:56 PM

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Recently i found my Keeper had been having a d/s relationship with a sub while training me(new to the lifestyle), we discussed me being the only one in play and now I struggle with the knowledge of the truth and don't know how not to feel hurt by it. Any thoughts fellow subs

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/29/2013 9:13:53 PM

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Are you two in a relationship, and did he agree to be monogamous with you? If yes, then find someone else. If no, then you need to think about what you're expecting from this guy, and whether you're happy with the arrangement.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/29/2013 9:17:51 PM

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What is your gut telling you about this?

Why do you need to not feel hurt by it?
If he made you a promise, and has a relationship on the side, why wouldn't you feel hurt by it?

I think he has a lot to make up to you in (as they say say) words, actions and deeds.

And I can't tell you how he should make it up to you.

All I can say is watch whether his words and actions match from now on.

And if they don't, ask yourself if you would put up with this in a vanilla relationship?

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(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/29/2013 9:50:11 PM

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You joined yesterday, you know nothing about bdsm.

Have you met this idiot?

You are 39!!!

BDSM does not meaning throwing common sense out the window.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/29/2013 10:06:53 PM

lizi

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You say you were supposed to be the only one in play, does that mean monogamy? It sounds as though there's a back door built in there with the specification of "play" so I'm not exactly sure what that means. If the two of you were supposed to be monogamous, then he cheated on you, and broke your agreement, and stomped all over your trust of him. If the two of you were supposed to be with just each other, why are you thinking that your struggle not to be hurt isn't supposed to be happening? It's just a regular relationship if you take away the D/s, what is acceptable to you in a vanilla relationship? Let that be your guide.

I am monogamous. Anyone I would be with would have to be monogamous as well. If he was with another woman and broke our agreement, then I'd kick his nasty ass to the curb and not look back.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 4:49:14 AM

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(Youthinkso) ouch.. Don't be rude. Please.
To the rest: yes we were supposed to be monogamous

(in reply to youthinkso121)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 4:57:30 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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OK. So you were supposed to be monogamous and he broke that agreement. He cheated on you. Would you stand for this in a vanilla relationship?

It sounds to me like he hasn't made you a high priority in his life- his fun comes above your trust. I would walk away. You're now always going to be wondering whether he's up to something behind your back, and whether he's being honest with you.

Do you want to hand over control to someone untrustworthy? Do you want decisions about your life to be made by someone who has treated you badly?

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(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 5:13:12 AM

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If you were supposed to be monogamous and he broke your trust, that's a huge deal breaker.

Either walk away from the relationship, or back up to the point it can be re-structured. Trust is not easily built, but can be easily broken. Rebuilding trust takes a great deal of hard work for both parties. Is your 'keeper' up to the job?

Are you up for sharing him? B/c I'm guessing he's poly.

Talk to him and try to figure that out. And as someone else suggested, go by what he does, not what he says.

You can't trust what the says, he's made that clear.

If his attitude is that you should suck it up and behave b/c he's the 'master' -- kick him to the curb fast.

'Masters' don't break your trust and lie and cheat and then call it BDSM.

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RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 5:30:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

(Youthinkso) ouch.. Don't be rude. Please.
To the rest: yes we were supposed to be monogamous

They weren't being rude - just straight and honest and to the point.

And like the others have said, if he has already broken that monogamy promise, I would seriously wonder what other promises he is going to break in the future.

As CP said, trust is not something easily rebuilt and for many, it is absolutely a deal-breaker.

Personally, I would be out of there PDQ and don't look back.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 5:47:06 AM

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Just because you're a submissive doesn't mean you aren't a human being. Therefore the fact that you came on the forum to ask what we think about your situation let's me know you already have a pretty good idea how YOU feel about it. The real question you need to be asking is what to do about the dude who has played you. There are several options: 1) Stay and be insecure 2) Stay and get use to it 3) Go and be bitter 4) Go and be hurt for awhile, heal, and find someone new. 5) Or do absolutely nothing.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 6:24:12 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youthinkso121

You joined yesterday, you know nothing about bdsm.

Have you met this idiot?

You are 39!!!

BDSM does not meaning throwing common sense out the window.

Why does her join date equate experience???

(in reply to youthinkso121)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 6:27:09 AM

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You were supposed to be mono, and he cheated.

He broke it, he needs to fix it. See what he does to repair things. If he doesn't do anything, he's not owning the relationship or the situation, and he's no Dom.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to lizi)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 6:31:11 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

(Youthinkso) ouch.. Don't be rude. Please.
To the rest: yes we were supposed to be monogamous

Ok then, you had agreement of being exclusive with each other. What have you done in the past when your SO broke that agreement? Did you try not to be hurt by it and carry on with things, did you discuss it and work things out, or did you break off the relationship? For the record, I would be hurt and it probably would end the relationship as far as I was concerned because i would no longer trust or respect my partner. D/s has nothing to do with you having to accept relationship arrangements that you don't wish to be in.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 6:32:05 AM

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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
ChatteParfaitt
for

'Masters' don't break your trust
and lie and cheat
and then call it
BDSM.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4576183/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4576435

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 7:00:14 AM

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Of course you feel hurt! As you should.
You don't say whether He came to you and came clean about the other sub, or if you found out on your own.
That may have some bearing as to whether it is worth talking it out before walking or not.

If you caught him.....I'd walk.

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I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 7:18:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: youthinkso121

You joined yesterday, you know nothing about bdsm.

Have you met this idiot?

You are 39!!!

BDSM does not meaning throwing common sense out the window.

Why does her join date equate experience???

agreed!

Although the irony is that the poster of this comment only joined 11 days before the OP

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There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to lizi)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 7:33:52 AM

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Thank you Sunny.

The statement seems obvious to many of us, but may not be to a newbie. So thanks for giving it more visibility.

_____________________________

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 8:13:14 AM

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I do have to ask though: Was this real life?

I do agree with everyone else. You had an agreement. He broke that agreement. As a submissive you are lierally putting your life into the hands of this man. If you cannot trust him to honor his agreements, how can you trust him not to harm you?

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 12:54:22 PM

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Do you have the right to feel hurt? Of course being a sub does not mean you on't have feelings. From what you say i get you ere supposed to be monogamous, and he broke the rules and cheated. You thonk you can trust this guy not to do it again, i think he got away with it once he will do it again. I would just walk away.

My Master and i are monogamous. If i ever found out he was cheating even though i love him with all that i am i would haet to leave. he knows for me that is a hard limit and aa dral breaker. If it is the same for you walk away befor it gets too sticky.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 1:16:49 PM

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Thank you for the welcome responses.. i do appreciate the help

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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