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RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 12/1/2004 9:33:30 AM

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Like many dichotomies, it's hard to understand the middle. Vegetarians can't imagine being a meat eater; meat eaters don't understand the why's of vegetarianism. Straights don't get gays --gays don't want to be straight.

A switch is like an omnivore or a bi-sexual -- in the middle, the best of both worlds. But don't worry if you don't 'get' it. That's okay , too.

wes

(in reply to karmaslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 12/1/2004 6:40:46 PM

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Joined: 11/19/2004
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quote:

usually a switch is someone just starting out in the lifestye that has not as of yet decided which way they want to go in the lifestyle

.
while I don't necessarily totally agree with this: I have always been a sub (15+ yrs), until recently...I have found that I like to be dom with other women, i.e. beta slave. I was told that I am a switch...it was not necessarily a conceious decision on my part. However my norm is sub/slave/bottom with men. So see it does sometimes *just happen*
~Tressa~

(in reply to DanWind)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 12/23/2004 9:23:51 PM

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Joined: 12/6/2004
From: England
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I love to switch! It's the only way to get the best of both worlds!!!! Beside which as my thing is bondage... the person tied has to be the sub/slave/captive....

(in reply to karmaslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 12/30/2004 5:39:12 PM

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Joined: 12/30/2004
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I get this question all the time. There is no easy answer its diffrent for each person. Usually I get the ones that dont believe in it and try to argue to me about it.

But to me its fairly simple . Im super good at the creativity of being a domme. And like taking charge become very strict usually not my normal personality. It gives me the opportunity to live out fantasy's.And gives the challange of pushing my own limits.
The other side I like to have someone with a nice deep voice try and get me to do what he wants. More like my personality the shy, vulnerable angel type that wants to be pampered.

_____________________________

quote:

"What one has not experienced, one will never understand in print."...

quote:

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" Albert Einstein..

(in reply to Maamsslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 12/31/2004 7:22:20 AM

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Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
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I had difficulty defining myself. None of the categories seemed to quite fit. I love pleasing women, and I'm somewhat submissive.
I see that many fem-subs like getting serviced orally. I love doing that, so in that case I'm a switch!
And I've got a caring but strong personality, so in some respects I'm also somewhat dominant. Although I can't picture myself as intentionally causing someone pain.

So I ended up calling myself a switch. Maybe I'm just indecisive.

But really I think two people need to get together and see what happens.

_____________________________

Friendly, kind, cheerful, and oral.

~smile~

(in reply to Maamsslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 12/31/2004 5:08:02 PM

rainbowhealer200

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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I was a collared sub for 23 years and then my master died. rather than have a new Master I deceided to switch. I am Now a Domme and pride my self on knowing what my sub feels..... so it does not mean you go back and forth it just means you grew into something else .

(in reply to karmaslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/1/2005 12:22:02 PM

phillyalexander

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Joined: 1/1/2005
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So i have to ask. What is this test you have to take. I am a switch and i never took at test. I just new it. I would

(in reply to rainbowhealer200)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/1/2005 3:11:26 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2005
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exactly, a friend of mine and I love to try to get each other to break but as we're both very resilient sometimes it takes all day. Basically we start off wrestling with a few punches thrown in. Once one of us is pinned down the cuffs come out and the rest is history. And don't think boy vs. girl is unfair this girl is strong!

(in reply to karmaslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/3/2005 2:01:08 PM

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Joined: 1/2/2005
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I have to agree with pAn...I started out exploring my sub side and met someone online who naturally brought out the domme side of me....I think it all has to do with who you are with and the connection between you...

Shy

Just my two cents :)

(in reply to pAn)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/11/2005 2:55:48 PM

RosaB

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Joined: 1/10/2005
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What a great topic and timely for myself. I've been thinking of exploring bottoming to a dom, mainly because I am very curious to just let go once and a while and let someone else take the reigns even if just for one day. I find the comments here very encouraging. I'm not looking to submit to anyone, just have an experience and see where that leads. I may end up joining the ranks of the proud switches, one never knows. I'm open to finding out.

Rosa

(in reply to shybutwilling2)

Why? Why not! - 1/11/2005 7:04:53 PM

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I suppose the opposite question could be asked: How can anyone not be a switch?

I find the sheer obstinancy of monosexuals absolutely unfathomable at times. If a switch is confused or afraid to commit, why not a dom, sub, top, or bottom being confused or afraid to experiment? Are they afraid that if they try the other side of things they might like it? Does it make them less of a person?

Now, I understand that most folks really don't go both ways. What astounds me is the number of people who refuse to even try. How do you really know you're a certian way, if that's the only way you've ever allowed yourself to be? These are the folks who usually become prejudicial in their attitudes. Their confortable cubbyhole pattern of social division is being threatened. This strange newcomer must be put in his or her place! Are you submissive, or are you dominant? A dominant would never submit, so you must be a submissive but too afraid to fully explore your submission! A submissive would never take up dominance, so you must be a dominant, but insecure and so hiding behind the safety of submissive behavior! You couldn't possibly be both...

Any way, I'm just griping. Bumped into one of these people on another site, and it wasn't worth the callouses on my fingers to argue with him, so I thought I'd share my thoughs with a more enlightened audience.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to RosaB)

RE: Why? Why not! - 1/16/2005 12:44:14 PM

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I can be standing there feeling the wonderful weight of a flogger in my hand...then have a hot Dom come up to me, yank my hair back and I melt.

I agree with a number of things said already. I went through a similar process when exploring my sexual identity: heterosexual to lesbian to bisexual. In the lifestyle I started as submissive and then met someone who I enjoy topping and now I'm most comfortable "advertising" myself as a switch. I truly believe its the chemistry with the person that touches my sub or domme tendencies. That and wanting to beat the crap out of a dom after torturing me for hours :)

I'm too rebellious to be a consistent submissive!

< Message edited by Shayna -- 1/16/2005 12:48:02 PM >

(in reply to Suleiman)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/17/2005 1:17:03 PM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I aced the test. :P

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to karmaslave)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/18/2005 4:28:21 AM

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Joined: 1/2/2005
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For me, being a Dom is hard work as I try to mix my desires with those of my sub. It seems that I always have to be in character not just letting myself go. When I switch to a sub role I can just sit back and enjoy the ride. I strongly agree with the notion that being a good bottom enhances my abilities as a top. I also really enjoy both sides of the equation and feel I would be missing something if I confined myself to one or the other. I hope one person's opinion helps....

(in reply to westside)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/19/2005 5:37:01 PM

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Joined: 1/15/2005
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I love being a switch. It just seems as natural to me as bring female. Though I do understand the confusion to some.
I mean to say I love the control of being dominate and how erotic it can be and then turn around and say how turned on I get but releasing my control to my Dom and having little to think of does seem confusing. BUT.. its true, I love both and don't really have a problem with taking either role.
I know it is not something everyone can do or something that everyone would want to do. Just because I can get equally aroused from both sides is not true for all. Like some others have said it is like being bi (which I am also)... It is a matter of finding yourself attracted to the qualities of both Dominate and submissive just like male and female for bifemales/males.

:::grin::: but it is the best of both worlds for sure

(in reply to bluedogg7000)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/24/2005 9:27:46 PM

ProtagonistLily

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Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

However there are some (Me for one) that have remained switches our whole lives. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for over 30 years and to this day still love both being a Dominant (my norm) and at times bottoming to Dommes, but not just any Domme. The energy connection must be there. The experience as well. To be a switch you must be able to completely change your mindset. Stay in that changed mindset throughout a scene, and able to deal with which ever kind of drop you may or may not get afterwards. Some can, some can`t. Many fool themselves. Some destroy the whole concept by trying to take control or Top from the bottom. Which in my opinion defeats the whole purpose.

Hi,

I usually don't post here, but I thought DanWind's comments were excellent.

I started in the lifestyle 7 years ago as a bottom, and I was the collard submissive of a Male Dom for 2 years. When that relationship ended 3 years ago, I stepped back and took stock, sort of a personal inventory, of where I was in the lifestyle.

As a bottom, I was always very strong and very confident. I generally bottomed to edgier players, who I had great chemistry with. I was selective, and because of that I formed great play relationships with a few Male and Female Dominants. Through this stock taking, I realized that my head was much more Top than my body was bottom, if that makes any sense, and began to explore the other side of the whip so to speak.

I haven't bottomed in over 2 years. I have very little desire to bottom again, although there is a particular Male Dom that I would session under at the drop of a hat, though he and his submissive (who is my best friend) have moved away and that option isn't regularly available.

One of the things I think makes me enjoyable to bottom to is the fact that I've experienced just about everything I do to a bottom (with the exception of CBT). I know what it's like to hit sub space, I know how to fuck with someone's mind in a scene because I've been on the receiving end. I embrace the fact that I've been on the other side, and am greatful to have the knowledge and the experiences that I have felt have enhanced my skills as a Top.

I hope this is helpful,

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to DanWind)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 1/25/2005 2:57:16 PM

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Joined: 10/13/2004
From: Wheaton, IL
Status: offline

There are also different degrees of being a switch, I believe.
and it all depends on the person you are playing with.

For instance, a scene I would enjoy would be a kidnapping/rape scene, after which I turn the tables on my captor and flog the shit out of him, and make him service me.

most of the time I feel very much submissive, but on occasion, and with certain subs that I've met, I want to see them tied up and at my command.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 2/10/2005 3:08:32 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pAn

allow me to pipe in for a minute, I have been doing this for a bit of time now, and had a couple partners. I have found that my personality just happens to be incredibly flexible. I automatically switch when I meet people. For some reason, depending on my relationship with people, how I readthem, or even my personal whim of the day I can just switch. Does that make sense?

I have found that to be the case with me, it depends on the person, my mood, how the relationship plays out. Some people I want to submit to and other's I want to dominate and some people bring out both traits in me. Most of the time, I'm submissive.

_____________________________

fire2heart

(in reply to pAn)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 2/10/2005 3:45:58 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iiinterstate
There are also different degrees of being a switch, I believe.

My understanding is that Switches, that is, those who inherently need to Switch, ...are 'wired' that way. (- and are not switching to please someone else) generally fall somewhere in the middle of the BDSM spectrum, with some leaning toward a preference for Dominance, while others toward submission.
In the very center is what I've heard called the "Neutral" Switch.

I am one of these, and can go from being dominant to submissive just by having my S.O. (also a Switch) pull me by my hair. (However, if someone else I was topping tried that he would be in big trouble!)
I have also 'turned the tables' and gone from being submissive in a scene, to dominating him that same night. I don't need much, if any, 'adjustment' time to Switch.
I 'bottom' or 'top', whenever the mood strikes and I have a willing playmate. I'm only submissive to my S.O., but I do have others who I 'Domme'.

~ Bette

(in reply to iiinterstate)

RE: how can someone be a swiych i dont understand - 2/10/2005 11:09:57 PM

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For me it's literally like having your cake and eating it too (but not all of it!), and it gives a nice balance, as well as i keep learning more about myself and others. Seriously, it's the best of both worlds.

(in reply to Maamsslave)

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