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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 10:53:45 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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That was a kind and useful post, but I'm not questioning my submission to my husband.

What we have is a highly functional and happy relationship. I don't consider it any way inferior to others who do things differently, and after seven years of working out the kinks in the whole Dom/sub aspect I think we've found a way that works for us.

It's more a personal growth thing - that I think it would be interesting to test my own boundaries and assumptions and see how that would affect our dynamic. So not so much that I'm questioning my submission, more that I'm always looking at things we can learn about ourselves and whether we can polish things up and make them shinier.

I do have issues, but they're not a reflection of the dynamic, rather they're residual issues from a pretty horrific bout of post-natal depression, hence the self-esteem problems. I'm confident that we're solid, and would continue to be solid if we ditched D/s altogether.

High protocol is so far away from what we do I've still not entirely got my head around how it works and how it makes people feel, which is perhaps why my questions seem a little odd.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 11:18:24 AM

directiveerror

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"high protocol" is just a step up from regular protocol. i'm all about trying new things and think if you want to flirt around with it you should some protocol a go. you may already have some things established and not even realize it completely: do you get up at the same time every day? does your significant other have a specific way he likes his coffee? ...even most vanilla people have some things in their life which can be called protocol, its more about trying to establish a routine to make things more orderly and functional. a good way to try it out is to make a really strict schedule for yourself for a couple of days(down to the minute) and stick to it, after a few days if you are absolutely hating yourself its probably not a good idea to keep going, but if you are feeling more energized and like you are accomplishing more than try implementing some of the aspects into day to day. the schedule can be everything from what you eat to a work out routine to time spent on hobbies, sometimes its fun just to enter a few silly things to just to break up the monotony of the day(i.e. every other day i will stand on my head for 2 minutes at 2:30, or on wednesdays i will skip everywhere i go on foot)

it doesn't have to be strenuous it can be fun too, especially if that works in your dynamic. hope that makes sense and that you continue to have a flourishing relationship and live life to its fullest.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 11:32:16 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Thank you all so much for your responses. I'm going to answer in fairly general terms because you've all given such good input, I don't want to offend anyone by not answering their post specifically.

(I know that not everyone was keen on the phrase 'high protocol' but I'm going to keep using it for simplicity in typing, hope no one minds)

I have to admit that the mental picture I had of 'high protocol' was similar to what Des talked about. Those of you that have high-protocol interactions seem to paint a different picture. The internet-tainted idea I had of it heavily features speech and eye-contact restrictions, lots of kneeling and/or holding of set positions, ritualistic greetings etc. To what extent do these types of things happen? Are these a 'just on special occasions' type of behaviour or a little-and-often sort of thing?

This is for My household only.

I'm not big on eye contact restrictions, except for one specific ritual or unless it is a specific command. Kneeling is for specific times, too. It's not something that's done all day, every day. With the person that I'm working with now, he has some experience regarding certain positions, but those are more for special occasions or events.

For Me, the idea of having protocols and rituals isn't to make life more difficult or impossible to handle day to day life. Most people have more protocols and rituals than they think they do. They just don't call them that. If you know anyone that asks anyone to take off their shoes before entering the house, that's a protocol. Do you and your husband *always* kiss each other and say "I love you" before leaving the house? That's a ritual.

quote:

Would you consider someone high protocol if they had a lot of clear expectations but none of those classic/stereotypical things? Could we be high protocol and never once ask permission to speak or leave the room? Or are they certain core behaviours that mean 'high protocol' to you?

I might consider somebody to be high protocol without certain standards, but I probably wouldn't call them leather protocol. It's the more formal stuff where I draw the line between high and low. (Very much personal opinion on My part, so don't take it as gospel.)

quote:

I'm somewhat fascinated by the concept because I think it would feel very unnatural to me. I feel the flush of embarrassment very easily when told to do things like kneel, crawl, hold a position, or say a certain line during play, because it feels like I am taking on an artificial role (and to be honest, I'm self-conscious because of cripplingly low self-esteem). I would have a hard time conducting a whole relationship where these things featured highly because of that. Undoubtedly I'd also have a hard time exercising that degree of self control. The very fact that it makes me uncomfortable also makes me think that it's something I should explore and challenge myself with, to see if I could focus entirely on obedience and turn off the inner critic.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall at a high-protocol event and see how different people behave and handle it.

Part of that is because you're not used to it and it's not always been a part of your relationship.

When it's a part of the normal routine, it becomes second nature. It works that way for both sides of the slash, btw.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 11:47:40 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

That was a kind and useful post,

Wooooooo back this train up... Talk like that is going to ruin my rep!

quote:

but I'm not questioning my submission to my husband.

Fantastic....

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 11:48:48 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Sorry Knight, I mistyped. I actually meant to say 'Oooh you are one scary and ferocious beast'

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 11:52:14 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Sorry Knight, I mistyped. I actually meant to say 'Oooh you are one scary and ferocious beast'

Actually... I am trying to go for the cute and cuddling bunny rabbit look! ;)

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 4:43:12 PM

sunshinemiss

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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
AthenaSurrenders
for
I mistyped.
I actually meant to say
'Oooh you are
one scary and ferocious beast'

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4589133/mpage_2/tm.htm

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 6:38:58 PM

DanielleofMists

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I can kind of answer the "how it feels" part. Well sort of… I haven't been in a formal protocol situation yet and to be perfectly honest I'm nervous of messing up, especially the "not initiating conversation with anyone" part. I LOVE to talk in general and interactions and conversations with people feed me. I know I will have to be particularly mindful, especially since I'm dealing with the scary and ferocious beast

.

Some of the other protocols were easy to adapt to and almost seamless, especially since I saw Alandra and Kyra model them for months before I became his. Some were kind of awkward in the very beginning because I was changing *cough* 29 years of habits, especially if I was daydreaming and multi tasking and not being mindful, deliberate and considerate. Setting makes a difference too, at my home where I live alone and am used to coming and going as I please, I can be forgetful if he's here. At the other house it's much easier because it's more routine. I feel it strengths my bond with the girls, we are working as a team to serve our Lord. Nine times out of ten I catch myself almost immediately if I forget something or make a mistake, that frustrates me especially if I've been doing really well with something, I'm harder on myself than he is by a long shot. I enjoy the consistency and makes me feel closer to everyone and it feeds my desire to serve and please him.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/20/2013 7:53:36 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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One of the great things about this lifestyle is if it works for you it is right. I held my breath around others at munches and get togethers waiting for someone to say you are doing it wrong. No one ever has.

quote:

Most people have more protocols and rituals than they think they do.

yes. A close friend of mine that is in a M/s relationship told me once that my husband and myself had more of a M/s then a D/s relationship. I kinda laughed and said no way. My husband said he controlled me way more then I realized and she was shaking her head up and down. Shrugs ok well it is just a name anyways and doesn't change anything.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/21/2013 5:07:32 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists
Nine times out of ten I catch myself almost immediately if I forget something or make a mistake....

You're really catching yourself 9 out of 3 bazillion times... you just don't recognize the other 2 bazillion 999 kajjillion 999 times. ;)

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/21/2013 6:11:01 AM

DanielleofMists

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Math never was my strong suit

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists
Nine times out of ten I catch myself almost immediately if I forget something or make a mistake....

You're really catching yourself 9 out of 3 bazillion times... you just don't recognize the other 2 bazillion 999 kajjillion 999 times. ;)

< Message edited by DanielleofMists -- 11/21/2013 6:12:40 AM >

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 11/21/2013 7:56:06 AM

OttersSwim

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An interesting side note I call - Observations on a High-Protocol Dinner

My Lady and I attended a high-protocol dinner a few years back. There were seven male Dom/female sub/slave couples...and us. The host had proposed a group of protocols for the dinner that included eye and speech restrictions, and had generously asked how each Dominant would like to handle their s-type for the evening - would they like them at the table, on the floor, or in the kitchen? Would they have their own plate, etc?

The evening was an interesting view for everyone into differing dynamics. All but two of the male Doms selected to have their subs/slaves in the kitchen. The other two wanted their girls on the floor next to them. My Lady selected to have me sitting at the table with her which made for a very interesting evening for me.

All of the male Doms chose to feed themselves and the two who had subs next to them on the floor fed their girls from their own plate. The other girls simply ate in the kitchen. My Lady had me feed her (interesting contrast), and we made it a game with a shocky toy where she would press a button and I had to guess whether she wanted food or drink based on how intense the shock was. It was a fun game and it was fun watching all the male Doms watch us. It was also great for us to see the interactions they had with their s-types.

Overall a very positive experience and very much an event that contrasted (at least in that group) marked differences in interaction types between male vs. female led relationships.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 12/4/2013 11:28:00 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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I don't have much experience with high protocal, but the one time i did have a dom who expected protocal, in how i was to adress him an wait to speak an do certain things when he called before i could speak freely, yes it stiffled me.

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RE: Educate me about High Protocol - 12/8/2013 12:26:41 PM

HntersToy

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Protocol does not get in the way of my self expression or expressions of affection, it rather enhances my affection and more so my respect of my Master. We don't have any hard line rules of protocol, nor do I believe we have ever discussed the matter. But I do enjoy obedience, and demonstrating my respect for Him in a public manor. If someone were to demand high protocol constantly, and be rigid, they are not for me. Now if we were to be out and about in a play scene, I'd entertain and own the whole high protocol for the evening!

Respect is earned and should be rewarded with obedience and grace, and that goes both ways.

We do have times of "equality" but even in those times, I feel the need to remain in a submissive state for the most part.

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